1894 Words
||*ALOYSIUS*|| I have always considered myself the one child in the household that just wasn't desired. Mom was overprotective of Alexius, Lorrete had dad wrapped around her fingers, while Lesley and Leon were equally loved by both mom and dad. I was the odd one out. I became the odd one out shortly after Alexius' nightmares started and he moved into Paige's room. No one asked me if I was okay using a room alone, no one cared to ask if I would be fine on my own, they just assumed I'd be okay. I was the oldest of the twins, so it's only right if I was okay. Ever since that day, slowly mom and dad shifted their attention from me. I was never one to talk too much, even as a kid, and the less attention I got from my family the farther I withdrew into that darkness. If someone asked me to choose which time I'd like to go back to between the time before I had my twelfth birthday, and now I'd choose before my twelfth birthday. Although they weren't always there, it was better than after Alexius shifted. I thought I wasn't getting enough of my parents' attention before then, but it only got worse after he shifted. Paige, mom, dad, everyone doted on him, Alexius was the only friend I had, and slowly they all took him from me. He became Paige's best friend, he got all the love, while no one paid attention to me. Even as he caused trouble every day, he still was the center of attention. I had to be the one who always cleaned up after him. It was the only time anyone ever remembered that I existed. Whenever they needed to find Alexius, I was called upon. That is when they will all remember that I am still a member of the family. I don't know what changed, but at some point dad started making efforts to talk to me, but it was just too awkward and uncomfortable to deal with. I had already gotten used to the shadows, I had sunk deep into it, and each passing day simply increased my envy of every child in the house. I envied all my siblings, even Paige, an adopted son, got more affection from our parents than I did. Mom is a good mother, but I guess you can't equally love all your children. I don't blame her, I have never blamed her, despite how neglected I knew she was doing her best to keep up with everything. Despite how supporting dad was, it didn't reduce the burden on her. So, amidst all this, not once did I ever think to blame her, or hate her for not loving me the way she loved my siblings. At some point, I realised it might've been my fault, the reason everyone always forgot about my existence, like they couldn't see me. I blamed it on how I was as a kid. I was never a socialite. Alexius was the one who made friends with everybody, while I stood behind him and watched. I never liked talking, I was too content with what I had then, which was my only companion, my twin brother, but then I lost him. Since there was nothing memorable about me, it felt like I was slowly getting erased from everyone's memory. Even my younger siblings barely talk to me. Perhaps if they see me early in the morning, and they say morning big brother, or when mom tells them to call me for dinner, on days when she remembers me. Despite knowing it is my fault that my family rarely remembers my existence, it still didn't stop the feeling of envy. It only got worse when I saw Alexius and Paige getting close again. I think a part of me was okay knowing they weren't close buddies anymore after Alexius turned thirteen. I know it is wrong to find joy in that, but every day I hoped to get my twin back. Every time I tried getting close to him, all he did was snap at me, and I felt myself sinking deeper. I could only go out to hunt rogues because, as each day passed, my envy grew into something worse which continued to stir up this anger in him, that I always needed to let out. The envy grew worse and I think it became hate towards Paige. I hated him, his very existence. The only thing that stayed in the forefront of my brain was how everything changed after he came. Which was a foolish thought to hold on to, because I remember being so happy after mom announced he would be our big brother. I had fun playing so many games with him and Alexius, yet all these memories didn't stop me from hating him, and that hate made me do something that consumed my entire family. I didn't realize how deep the hate had spread until Alexius was abducted. Each day passed and I watched my family as it spiralled. Paige slowly losing himself, mom obsessing over everything she could just to get him, and dad trying his best to be there for everyone. What did I aim for when I told mom about them? I had selfishly wished they will send Paige away, and I'd use the heartbreak Alexius feels to get closer to him again, in the sense of comforting him. But boy was I wrong. I destroyed my family, Paige hated me more, and mom? At some point, I wasn't sure if she even remembered me anymore. She was far gone, too invested in finding Alexius, and this time I couldn't blame her or any one because it was my fault that the family was in that mess. That Alexius was somewhere, experiencing the goddess knows, but they found him, only for him to be brought home dead. I couldn't face the truth of what my actions had done. During those two days of mourning him, I tried several times to take my life, but my Lycan just wouldn't let me. On the day of his funeral once again, I wanted to run away. I did run away, stumbled into another realm, and somehow I had a reason to stay. I wanted to leave because I realized my family didn't need an evil like mine, they deserved better, but I returned that day against my resolve. I thought my parents wouldn't notice my absence but they did, and it shocked me. Getting back to the funeral ground to see my twin levitating in the air is a sight I'd forever thank the moon goddess for. I didn't really care for what it was, what he had become, I was just so glad that he was with us once again. Yet, despite waking up from the dead, the entire household was drowned with sadness and gloom. Nothing worked in accordance. Alexius was on about his child, mom was adamant about protecting him, dad trying to be everywhere at the same time, and Paige doing his best to be the perfect mate. Yet I know all he needed was just one person to listen to him. He just wanted a listen to hear, for someone to pay attention to him in the right place, and listen to what he had to say. I know they all meant good, but I know what it feels like to crave just one person that would pay attention to you and just listen to the pain in your eyes. I've been living with that feeling for seven years, so I became the one person that believed him in that moment. I was aware that it didn't atone for my mistakes, and the pain I'd caused him and the entire family, but I didn't want him to drown in that feeling, it would swallow him up. I had left the house again after he demonstrated to them why there are no scars on his body. The guilt just wouldn't let me stay, knowing everything he had been was my fault. If I didn't tell our parents, if I had just ignored and made peace with my non-existing existence, those people would've taken me instead. Because I was the one that was always in the woods, running that far in the woods away from the pack, it could've been me. Alexius with be home with his child and mate and I would've rather endured the pain in his place. I was on my way back home after hiding away from my guilty conscience when I caught a whiff of Alexius' scent and I began trailing it. My heart had almost sank when his scent hit me, and I had a panic thinking they got him again. Mom hasn't let him out of the house since he was brought back home from the pack hospital, and I didn't know what he'd be doing outside. I hurriedly trailed the scent, slowing down my steps when I realized it led to the cabin and I had to contemplate for five long minutes if I should continue or not. I didn't want to be another problem for the family, so I hesitated, but my wolf pushed me to continue. The sight I met before my eyes was something I never imagined I would see, if I continued on the walk. The cabin and all everything around was up in flames, and Alexius seemed transfixed in place as he stared at what he had just done. I had walked over to him, despite his warnings that I shouldn't, and I got torched up. Thankfully, Fenrir pushed forth, took out the flame, and rushed to Alexius before he collapsed. "What happened here? What happened?" Mom asked in panic as she rushed over to us, collecting Alexius from me. Dad took him from her, immediately checking if he was breathing. "He uhhh passed out." I answered, even though no one was looking at me anymore. I was minutes away from the mansion when they got to me. I had called mom through the mind-link after catching Alexius. "How? Where did you find him?" Paige asked, in a shaky voice. "I am not sure what happened. I only followed his scent to the cabin and I found it burning to the ground and Alexius fixated in his position. I called him to get his attention, and he told me to go away from claiming that his phoenix wanted him to hurt me. He passed out shortly after." I shared leaving out the part where he torched me with his fire. Because saying that would expose me. Fenrir already said Alexius wouldn't remember much when he wakes up, and I hope he forgets about ever meeting Fenrir. "Thank you for alerting us." Mom whispered, kissing my forehead, as dad continued the walk back to the mansion with Alexius in his arms, while mom and Paige followed, leaving me behind. I stared at their departing figures as they hurried towards the mansion. No one cared to turn back to even see if I was behind them. I heaved a heavy sigh as they turned to the path that led to the front of the mansion, and I turned around, walking back into the woods. Once again, I was forgotten.
Free reading for new users
Scan code to download app
  • author-avatar
  • chap_listContents
  • likeADD