Torn Between Two

Two

We are hitting half way through the new year and time has flown by so fast. Halloween for starters was a sight to be seen. The whole town decorated like it would be the last time it was to ever be celebrated. No house in our vicinity was without decorations and I wound up hanging out with the double trouble brothers.

Yeah, that is my infamous nickname for them.

Justin dressed up as Batman, while Cole was the Joker and I was Harley Quinn. We are and have been the triple threat no matter where we go. I feel like I have actual brothers. Very overprotective, possessive, dominating Alpha male brothers. They crowd me wherever I go even at school. Nobody messes with me without wanting to mess with them which I appreciate, to some extent.

Mom, to my dismay, appreciates the extra protection, and loves them to death, already. Never thought she'd accept our friendship as fast as she has. She keeps saying she could easily see me be more to one of them and I have pushed that thought to the back of my mind immediately. I will not become the girl that comes between brothers. That's just wrong on so many levels. I shall remain the sister they never wanted just like they are the brothers I never wanted. See, works perfectly.

Since that fateful first day of school where I wound up punching Cole in the face, word spread like wild fire that the new girl was not to be messed with. Of course some didn't hesitate to bother me but that's only because I had gained the attention of the brothers. They were solely my friends, nothing more, but the girls of the school that tried so hard to gain their attention either saw me as a great big threat or a way in. Especially the girl who warned me to stay away from Justin the first day of school. Turns out her name is Mandy. The stupid plastic Barbie looking girl. It is completely disgusting how all these girls, including Mandy, think I would ever put in a good word for them. Cole and Justin are free to be with anyone they so choose but for f**k sakes just keep me out of it.

After Halloween came Thanksgiving which I spent with my mom, just the two of us for the first time, since, ever. It was bittersweet you can say. We didn't go all out but had the basics, until the double trouble brothers came by with desserts galore. I told them that they didn't have to do all that but they insisted. They wouldn't have it any other way and even offered to help clean up. Having them both there made the day even better for me and my mom.

Once again, she failed to hesitate saying her peace about one or both vying for my affection. If it were to ever come down to me seeing myself with one of them, it would be Justin more than Cole. Cole is playful, funny, and outgoing but there is barely any chemistry between us like there is with Justin. Cole is like my bestest friend and always there for me but, I don't think he could see me as anything more.

However, that is only a dream that could come to fruition in an alternate universe. I'm me and they are them. Even though they have accepted me into their world, I could never be with them. I can see Justin winding up with a model, just hopefully not Barbie girl, and Cole I can see being with someone more on his level. Ugh. Why am I even thinking about this?

Then came Christmas time before we knew it and the little tree that my mom and I picked out was so simple compared to the monstrosities we had since I was a little girl. Dad would get the tallest tree and it looked like the NYC Rockefeller Christmas tree with all its lights and stuff. I know he only did it to give me a good Christmas but he should have just been there instead of up his clients skirt. That's all I ever wanted.

A family.

Going simple is sometimes all you need to make the moment perfect. Mom and I started our own tradition of wearing Christmas pj's to bed and waking up to the deliciousness of hot chocolate with a shitload of whip cream on top. We then opened the small gifts that we bought each other and binged every Christmas movie together from morning to afternoon until we decided to begin cooking. Before we even took out the ingredients to start cooking, the doorbell rang and we both looked at each other baffled.

"Were you expecting anyone sweetheart?" My mom asks me while moving towards the door to peak through the peephole.

"Not that I was aware of. I hope it's not dad mom. He shouldn't be here. Don't let him in. He doesn't deserve our time today, not that he even bothered to wish us a Happy Thanksgiving while he was vacationing in the Bahamas. He doesn't get to waltz back into our lives. Not now." I say following right behind her.

"It is definitely not dad sweetheart." She chuckles and I am utterly confused.

"I'll give you three some privacy." She says before she walks back into the kitchen leaving me dumbfounded. I open the door to see Cole and Justin dressed in Santa suits, one holding a bag of presents while the other seemingly holds a bag of what I am assuming is leftovers from their Christmas dinner because I can see their mothers tubberware in all its various colors.

"What are you guys doing here? It's Christmas! You two should be with your family." I say while they waltz into my apartment.

"We were with our family. Now we are with our other family. You do know you are our family too right?" Justin says with such sincerity that I feel the tears forming in my eyes. There is a moment where I just want to jump into his arms but I hold myself back.

"Merry Christmas sweet cheeks." Cole says pushing Justin aside and kisses the top of my head while he grips me into a hug. I catch Justin eyeing us with more than just friendly eyes, and if I am not mistaken, a bit peeved. I catch a glimpse of something else before it goes away and I break my hug with Cole to go and hug him. I inhale his scent and it makes me feel the warm and fuzzies all throughout my body. I break away and look from Justin to Cole not believing how lucky I am to have them in my life.

"You two didn't have to do this but I appreciate it with all my heart. You both are like the brothers that I never wanted." I smile and they both roll their eyes at me.

"Way to kill the moment sweet cheeks." Cole says and we begin to break through the food they brought in the kitchen where my mother is looking shocked beyond belief. She just fell more in love with the double trouble brothers.

Good grief.

Now that it is a brand new year, mom and I have decided to release the past and only live for the future. Even though dad left us with more than enough money for the both of us to survive, we are all about being thrifty. Mom could have bought a house with the money given to her in the settlement but she chose a cozy two bedroom apartment.

I grew up wanting for nothing but now it was time to face reality and the reality is that we are no longer filthy rich. There is a budget we need to follow. We have decided to cut down on extravagant items and are bracing a life living comfortably which I love. I will be graduating soon and heading off to the next chapter in my life in high school and the money mom has for me is being held for all college expenses and for that I am eternally grateful.

We are now in the month of February already and if the girls of this school weren't flocking to the double trouble brothers like vultures before, now it is even crazier because Valentine's Day is a week away. The day where all girls dreams come true where their crushes come out of the woodwork and confess their undying love. Cue the eye roll please. These vultures come from every corner, c***k and crevice to just get a minute of their time. I silently gag when any of them approach while I am with the boys.

My boys.

"You know jealousy isn't a good shade on you sweet cheeks." Cole whispers into my ear, making goosebumps rise on my skin, while I watch as Mandy openly flirts with Justin by his locker. He looks at her like he is bored but I can't help but feel something stir inside me when she is blatantly all over him. Laughing that horrendous laugh when he is talking and her staring at him like he is her knight in shining armor.

"I'm not jealous." I say as I slam my locker just a little bit too hard making everyone glance my way.

Ugh.

Kill me now.

"Sure sweet cheeks. Whatever you say." He says while walking behind me throwing his arm over my shoulders and pulling me into him while we pass Lovers Lane. I notice Justin's jaw tick but he immediately glances back at Mandy. Does he feel the same thing I feel whenever he sees me with Cole?

"Don't let it get to you. He doesn't like her." Cole says before kissing the top of my head, leaving to go to his next class. It nags at me that of all the girls in this school, Mandy has to be the one to grow a pair and gain Justin's attention. As you already know, I don't like her.

"Hannah, wait up!" I hear Justin's voice echoing in the hall and turn to see him running to catch up with me. We both share the same lunch period so I guess he'll be non stop talking about his chat with Mandy.

Yay me.

You are like a sister to him Hannah.

Relax yourself.

"Why are you avoiding me?" He asks while grabbing my hand in his and moving us towards the exit instead of the lunchroom.

"Where are we going J? Lunch room is that way." He just keeps walking and pulling me to follow him until we are under the bleachers on the field.

"J what are we doing here when we could be inside warm? I don't have my jacket and it is freezing out here." He looks down at me and brings both his hands to my face and cups it.

"I can keep you warm." He says softly and before I know it, his lips are brushing against mine until they are fully on mine.

What the hell is happening right now?

That is the only thing I can ask myself while feeling like my body is floating up into the sky, past the clouds, and into space with the way he is kissing me. This feels so, right? I can't even explain how I am feeling right now. This is perfect. This is everything. This is....

He breaks the kiss and immediately backs away running his fingers through his hair.

"I'm sorry. That. I. s**t. That was a mistake. This was a mistake. Fuck." He says so much in a rush to get away from me that my heart literally shatters in my body. He just leaves me standing there freezing my a*s off and by the time I snap out of it, I become filled with anger.

I storm out from under the bleachers, my hands and arms numb, my teeth chattering, my nose frozen, and my heart shattering into a million pieces as I blast my way back into the school barreling into the lunchroom and seeking Justin out. There is so much I have to say to him. So much I need to yell at him for. How dare he do that to me. I scan the lunchroom and find him back with Mandy where he probably most likely belongs and I just simply freeze. I can feel everyones eyes on me like I am a freak of nature until arms close in on me and I am led out of there.

Cole wraps his jacket around me and takes me to the library which always blasts heat and leads me to the table in the back and starts rubbing my arms up and down to get me warm.

"I am here if you want to talk okay sweet cheeks?" He says softly but I don't say anything. I am too numb. I am too wrapped up in my own mind trying to figure out what the hell happened for Justin to come at me like that and kiss me like I was his reason for breathing until he just up and leaves and basically calls me a mistake. A damn regret. I can't keep questioning it. I told myself that I didn't want drama in my life and I just had drama handed to me on a golden platter. I knew embracing feelings for him would be my demise. I never should have stayed his friend. I wish I had never come here. I blame my dad. I blame him for everything.

We sit there for what feels like hours until the bell rings and he leads me to my final class of the day promising to walk me home.

"Don't leave without me sweet cheeks. Okay?" He says and I nod needing him to leave. The class drags on without me knowing what the hell is being said by the teachers and when the bell rings for dismissal, I slowly rise and walk out of the school without waiting for Cole to walk me home. I am on auto pilot and I don't know how I wind up back at my building by the time the sun has set until I see Cole standing outside of it, pacing back and forth, yelling at someone on his phone.

"Whatever you did f*****g messed her up and she isn't home yet. You better give a damn Justin! Get your head out of your a*s and help me find her!" He says before shoving his phone back into his pocket and locking eyes with me. He runs towards me and wraps me in his arms and I can feel his heart racing heavily in his chest. I don't think I've ever felt his heartbeat that fast before. God, he looks panicked.

"Where the hell have you been sweet cheeks? You had me worrying out of my mind. Please do not do that to me ever again. I told you to wait for me. I don't give a s**t what is going on. You got me okay? I can't lose you. I won't lose you." He says and I just begin to break down and cry.

"f**k. Don't cry. I didn't mean to yell at you." He says and I just continue to cry and soak his jacket. His scent fills my nose and it makes me feel safe. He has always made me feel safe. Eventually he pulls me inside the building and I bring him upstairs. Mom wouldn't mind if he were here. She trusts us, well me more than him. I remove my coat and hang it up watching as Cole does the same and I head to the living room and plop down onto the couch.

"Please tell me what's wrong sweet cheeks. I hate to see you like this and I have never seen you freeze before like that. You are the one to fight, not cower away from something. I have the f****d up nose to prove it." He says and I begin to laugh a little while he comes to sit next to me.

"I have been called a lot of things in my life but a mistake or regret was never one of them, Cole. Do you think I am a regret? Should I have never inserted myself into your lives?" I ask softly while wrapping myself in the blanket that is on the couch. Cole just eyes me with confusion and part of me never wants to divulge in a situation that involves his brother but the other part of me needs a friend right now. For some reason, I need him right now.

"Your brother pulled me outside after you left me to stand under the bleachers and then he kissed me, like out of nowhere." I say while his mouth forms into a straight line.

"Fucker finally found his balls I see." He says and my eyes widen. I must look insane because he just rolls his eyes and laughs at my words. Damn jerk.

"Come on sweet cheeks. You must have known just a little about how he has been feeling about you. If I could see it then I surely thought you could." He says so matter of factly that I don't know whether to punch him or laugh at him.

"Ok so there have been moments here and there that I catch him looking at me differently but I never imagined he would have liked me like that. We are all friends. I would never come between you two like that." He chuckles and yet again I don't know whether to laugh with him or punch him.

"Sweet cheeks, you don't have to worry about that. I have my sights set on someone else. You are like my sister and will always be like a sister to me. As for my brother, that hopeless sap has been into you since day one. Why do you think I love to egg him on with you? Haven't you noticed the excessive hugging, pulling you into my arms in front of him? I have told him multiple times to tell you how he really feels but does he listen to me? Nope. I am just the i***t brother with a temper problem." He says and I sigh. I throw my head back onto the couch and sigh loudly.

"Well he told me and now here we are. I am the mistake. The regret. The sole reason for him to be running back to Mandy. Maybe they do belong together." I watch as his nose scrunches in disgust.

"No. Absolutely not. He'll come around. Give him time. How much time to stop being so clueless I don't know. If he doesn't then I know there will be somebody to tell you that you mean the world to them." I give him a less then enthusiastic smile and we remain by each others side, Netflix and chilling, until my mom comes home and he sees himself out.

A long tedious week has passed and there is still tension between Justin and I but we become something on the lines of normal when Cole comes around. We don't mention anything that happened but I guess he just doesn't want to. He wants me to remain the regret.

Today is Valentines Day and what do I walk into when I go to school? A highly decorated school that has vomited pink and red hearts all over its walls and cherubs floating from the ceilings. The drama kids even set up a table to sell flowers, chocolate hearts and stupid damn adorable teddy bears and I feel like fleeing. Before I can make a run for it, Cole stops me and turns me back around.

I might clock him again.

"Sorry sweet cheeks. No escaping the land of love today." He says and I roll my eyes. I decide to give him a punch to his arm to which he says ow.

"That was a love tap." I smile and turn to head for my locker. When I get there, there is a single rose taped to it. I take it off and smell it and it smells divine. I smile and place it in my locker and I only assume that it was from Justin until my heart falls into my stomach and I watch as he gives Mandy two roses along with a teddy bear. She screeches like a banshee which makes my ears ring and she gives him a kiss on the lips and pulls him in for a hug. Watching all this unfold is making my head spin. I swear to god I feel like puking up the contents of my breakfast right here and now. Cole comes up from behind me and stops short witnessing what I am watching.

"You've got to be f*****g kidding me." He mumbles and I can see his hands ball into fists. I turn to look at him and place my hand on his chest.

"Don't. If I'm not worth it then he isn't either. Just forget it. Friends it is." I walk away from him and walk past the little love fest without even looking at them.

I'm not going to cry.

I'm not going to cry.

I'm not going to cry.

I run into the girls bathroom and throw myself into one of the stalls and the waterworks begin. Why am I so stupid to think that he actually cared to give me a rose? Was it even him that left that rose there for me? Why am I so stupid to think that maybe, just maybe, I could have been more to him. I am such a damn fool. I will myself to stop crying and leave the stall and stare at myself in the mirror. I look hideous. My damn face is red and my eyes burn immensely. I throw water on my face but it does nothing to take away from the fact that I was ugly crying like a basket case in here.

As I head to leave and brace the sea of vultures, Mandy comes barreling in with such a glow on her face that it makes me sick. She sees me and just snickers.

"Told you he'd me mine." Is all she says before I leave and head for class not needing to wind up being expelled for punching her smug a*s in the face. The day drags on and when it is done, I up and leave not giving a damn about anything or anybody. I have never felt like this before. Not even when my dad was balls deep in a woman that wasn't his wife. Maybe this is the way things are going to be for me. Suffer the sins of my father. I might be thinking to harshly but the way I feel right now is beyond heartbroken. I feel defeated. Helpless. Sad. My phone dings and I look to see who it is.

C: Where are you sweet cheeks?

Me: Not now.

C: Get home. We are going to Netflix and chill.

Me: Bite me.

C: Talk dirty to me baby. Nah come on! I am not leaving you to be alone and cry on Valentines Day.

Me: I know I am not the one you want to be with tonight. Didn't you say you had your sights on someone? Don't worry about me. I'll see you tomorrow.

No response. Perfect. I head home and to my dismay, Cole is standing right outside, with a box of pizza and a bag of snacks.

"Like I told you a million times before sweet cheeks, you are family. I care about you. I am not leaving you to wallow in self pity alone. You deserve so much better than my i***t brother. I hope you know that." He says and makes his way to my door and I follow, with a small smile that can be felt forming on my face.

"Thank you Cole. Really." I say as I open my door and we walk up to my apartment and do just as he says. We eat, binge every show we could find, and drown in junk food galore. We must have passed out because when I am woken up, it is by my mom nudging me and looking at me with the ultimate "what the hell is going on here" face. She then gives me a small smile and I get up to go to my room but first I throw a blanket on Cole and place his head on an extra pillow. I stare at him for a minute and think to myself how peaceful he looks. I feel bad that he had to give up his Valentine's Day night to be with me and promise to make it up to him somehow. I send a text to Justin because he is his brother and he might be worried.

Me: Your brother is crashing on my couch just FYI. Please let your mom know.

Bubbles pop up then disappear repeatedly until he texts back.

J: OK

I shut my phone and climb into bed feeling slightly better than I was before. Cole really did come through for me today. I owe him big time I think to myself before I drift off to sleep.