Pregnant with Ex-husband's baby

Chapter 10

Nithila

My eyes flap open to the beige wall that is so unfamiliar to my eyes. The bed under me feels different than the one that I usually sleep on. The sheet beside me is rumpled and the scent that surges from the pillows smells sharp, manly, and harsh, nothing like me at all. 

It takes a couple of seconds for my sleepy brain to cast back to where and why I’m here.

I’m in Kavin’s room.

Not only that, I’m married to him now and that explains why I’m sleeping on his bed.

Although nothing of that sort happened between us last night, I redden at the thought of sharing the bed with a man for the first time in my life.

I can’t explain how much I fancy Kavin’s idea of taking things slow between us. Not all men in our country give that privilege to their newly wedded wives and that makes me respect Kavin a little more than I already do.

While I fill my lungs with his scent, the door to our room opens.

Our room.

I spell it in my head and I have to admit that I so much like the taste of it.

Stirring, I sit up on the bed to see Kavin drenched in his own sweat, making his grey T-shirt cling to every muscle on his stone-cut body. His rich, dark brown locks are messed up like he had plowed his hands through them a hundred times and yet he somehow manages to take my breath away.

“Good morning..” He smiles as he dumps his sports bag on the floor, making a thud sound.

“Good morning..” I say sleepily, taking a glance at the wall clock which reads six-thirty and panic starts to shoot inside me.

“Oh no.. I slept in..” I peel the sheets away and jump to my feet nervously.

This is my first day in this house, the one we live in with my in-laws and I was not supposed to sleep so long. My mom had warned me so many times to start waking up early so I wouldn’t look like a spoilt brat to Kavin and his parents.

What would they think of me?

I begin to run around like a headless chicken when Kavin grabs my elbow to stop me. “Nitihila, wait..”

“I’m late..” I mumble, not paying him a look.

“So?” He shrugs and when stares at him clueless, he steps forward with a sigh, “Nobody likes to wake up early in this house, Nithila, of course, except me. So, you don’t have to freak out for getting up a little late.”

“Ohh..” I drawl and calm down a bit.

“Yes, so you can go back to bed if you want.” He loosens his hand around my arm and tips his chin to point at the bed.

“No, it’s fine. I am up anyway..” I tell him, gathering up all the stray hair to make a high bun.

“Are you sure because I know you hate getting up early in the morning..” He says, bringing out his charming smirk, which makes my heart spin in my sternum.

“I do but I shouldn’t be sleeping late after getting married, my mom’s words not mine..” I blurt out kind of dazed by his concern for me to go back to bed.

“Hey, amma and anni both get up not before seven and so, it shouldn’t be a problem to anyone. Moreover, you don’t have to change anything about yourself just because you are married now. If you want to sleep a little extra, then no one is stopping you, got it?” His voice is stern but his eyes are hypnotizing and beautiful that I nod being mesmerized by them.

“Good..” He flashes a smile and I feel something lodged in my throat.

“You had practice?” I ask when my gaze falls onto his sports bag that’s abandoned on the floor.

“Yeah, had to go. Missed it for a couple of days..” He tells me rubbing the back of his head which is damp and in need of a shower. “Mind if I use the bathroom first. I smell like shit..”

I want to tell him that he doesn’t but instead, I chuckle and tell him to go ahead.

*

"So, Nithi and Kavin, what’s your plan?” His dad, whom I have started calling appa - asks me.

We look at each other and blink before Kavin voices out our confusion, “What plan?”  

“You two are newly married and you should go out more often. Take Nithila out, somewhere she likes, and have fun..” He enlightens us as he tears his poori into bite-size pieces, dipping it in his kurma and then stuffing it into his mouth.

“And since appa has brought this up, we..” Kavin’s big brother throws an arm over Aathira as he continues saying, “..want to give you guys your wedding gift..”

Out of nowhere, he places something on the table, something which resembles some sort of ticket and I confirm they are flight tickets when Kavin picks and brings them closer to us.

“Flight tickets.. To Manali..” He reads out, his eyes roving over it.

“Yeah..” Aathira giggles excitedly, her eyes jumping between both of us, “It was my idea. Do you like it?”

“Thanks, anni, but..” He shakes his head, “..you didn’t have to do this..”

“Of course, we had to because we know you wouldn’t move out of this city if we don’t do this, isn’t it Kathir?” Her pretty brown eyes sweep to her husband and he grins back at his brother teasingly.

“Absolutely..”

“I totally agree with you guys..” His mom piped in this time, her eyes pinning Kavin accusingly. “He’s already started going to practice. Can you all believe that he was at practice at five this morning? The very next day after his wedding?”

Her scrutinizing gaze falls on us and it makes us squirm on the chair uncomfortably, at least me if not Kavin. I don’t know want to think of what she might have figured out from that, I mean, him getting up so early right after our first night together.

Did she somehow find out that we didn’t do the deed that she’d expected us to do?

She definitely did, isn’t it?

“I already missed three days of practice so I kind of had to be there this morning..” He shrugs casually like he doesn’t care one way or another, oblivious to the conversation his mom had with me the previous night.

The one heart-pounding, palm-sweating conversation before she sent me into his bedroom.

The one where she might have hinted to me that she’s expecting a grandchild by next year around this time.

I know that it is the height of absurdity. How can two strangers make a baby? I want to throw up at that.

Anyhow, I’m so grateful to almighty that Kavin doesn’t want that. He has other plans, sweet and thoughtful plans for us.

However, why do I feel bad for disappointing her?

It seems like I disobeyed her openly and I don’t understand how I am going to face her again. That’s why I haven’t looked up from my plate for almost ten minutes now.

How crazy am I to think we shouldn’t have or shouldn’t be disappointing our parents?

But that’s how I have been my whole life, obedient, even compliant to do everything my parents expect me to do. Now I want to do everything that his parents expect us to do.

All of a sudden, I want to blame Kavin for this. Why did he have to wake up so early, by the way? I can’t believe he did that after the most tiring day of our lives. Why couldn’t he have slept a little bit longer this one day alone so I wouldn’t have looked like a culprit right now?

“Yeah, that’s exactly why your brother got you the tickets..” She retorts with a grimace. “..so that you can forget about your practice and spend some quality time with your wife..”

My heart jumps at her reference, leaving me all red and flush.

Kavin’s head turns to stare at me for a beat before he sighs, “Okay, fine. I will talk to my coach about it..”

And then he goes back to continue eating after which he disappears for the whole day and I spend my time in the kitchen with my mother-in-law and Aathira. I am not much of a help to them since they hardly let me move a thing.

“You are the new bride, Nithila. You should relax..” That’s what his mom told me.

Maybe they know how inexperienced I am when it comes to household work and they didn’t want to risk ruining the lunch. But I keep them company, offering a hand with washing and chopping vegetables and simple stuff like that.

Kavin isn’t home for lunch either and as much as I want to push away the disappointment from corrupting my brain, I fail to do so.

I don’t want to be left alone. This place is very new to me and Kavin is the only person I know. I want him to be here with me but he is not. The thought of calling him and asking where he is crossed my mind a few times but that would only make me look like a clingy wife.  

The whole afternoon, I keep myself busy so that his absence doesn’t bother me. I take a nap and after waking up I talk to my parents and siblings. Mom and dad tell me how much they missed me at breakfast this morning and that makes me cry into the phone silently. I miss them too.

Nadhiya says that she’s so happy that I am gone now and that she has the whole room to herself but I know she’s lying. She must miss me no less than I do.

Nilay doesn’t say anything about missing me but asks where Kavin is and I don’t want to tell him he’s gone out, leaving me on our first day together. I know that would piss my brother. So, I lie to him by saying that Kavin’s sleeping next to me.

When evening approaches and there is still no sign of Kavin, I decide to unpack my suitcase and arrange my clothes into the closet, another one of the things which I will be sharing with my husband.

I don’t know how long I was into it but I am almost winding up my work when Kavin comes back home. He doesn’t come to our room straight away and I guess he is having a chat with his parents in the living room, which sounds a little bit heated.

He walks in a little while later, “Hey..”  

“Hi..” I look up and flash him a smile. “You back..”

“Yeah, I went to the ground. I had to be there for today's match.." I like that he feels the need to explain to me his disappearance even when I did not ask. "But I am sorry for leaving you alone..”

Is this what they were discussing about. I am sure his parents weren't happy with him for leaving me behind.

“No problem..” I brush it lightly.

“No, I am really sorry, Nithila. I really, really am but you have to understand that I am jobless..” I sense vulnerability in his eyes, “Cricket is pretty much my whole life. There’s a big match coming up and I need to focus to make it into it.”

Now I understand, he doesn’t want to lose his focus from his game and I don’t want to be a hindrance for him in any way. “I do understand, Kavin, and don’t worry, you will make it into it. I know you will..”

“Thanks..” His lips tip up. “But I shouldn’t have left you all alone. I am sorry.”

“Don’t be and I wasn’t alone. Mom and Aathira were keeping me company..” That’s true. They were trying to not make me feel lonely until the afternoon when I decided to take a nap.  

“So, how was your day?” He inquires as he comes to perch on the edge of our bed, facing me on the floor.

“Nothing much, I had a nap after lunch and then this..” I say, waving at all the bags in front of me and that’s when I remember that I didn’t ask for his permission about sharing his closet. “I’m sorry, I didn’t ask you but do you mind if I keep my clothes in your closet?”

I blush secretly when it suddenly crosses my head that Kavin would see my clothes, all of them whenever he opens his closet. I brush my hair and I realize that my long hair is braided neatly and there’s no reason to push it back but I still do.

“Not at all, you can use it as you like and if you have seen it, I don’t have many clothes, to begin with and the closet is almost more than half empty..”

“Yeah that’s true..” I chuckle and stand up, pulling the heavy suitcase with me.

“What are you doing?” Kavin jumps to his feet and grabs the handle of it, brushing my hand with his rough ones in the process.

“I need to keep them up..” I point my finger towards the dark brown loft straight above us.

“Give me, let me do it..” He grabs it from my hand and hauls it up in the air. His effortless action leaves me gaping and dry mouthed at the sight of his muscles flexing and veins popping up in his arms. 

“Thank you..” I blush when he turns around, for a second I believed that he caught me shamelessly ogling at me but thankfully he didn’t.

“Anytime..” His lips twitch up and after a couple of seconds asks me, “Are you free?”

“Why?”

He rubs the nape of his neck, “because if you are free, I was planning to take you out for dinner..”

“Are you trying to make up for leaving me?” I raise a brow at him.

“Maybe..” His strong shoulders jerk up in a shrug.

I pretend to give it a thought when in reality my heart is bursting out of my ribcage, “I don’t have much to do anyway..”

“So, shall we go out?”

I can only bring myself to nod when he asks so sweetly.

“Okay.. We will leave in..” He moves his eyes to the wall clock hanging on behind me. “..an hour?”

“Alright, I will get ready then..”

I already look well dressed and on any other occasion I would consider myself to be ready to go out but being the new bride that I am, I need to look a bit extra shiny and bright.

“Okay.. I will be waiting for you?” He gestures to the living hall.

“Hmm..”

Kavin takes me to his favorite restaurant where we have dinner. I remember him mentioning this place when I told him that biryani’s my favorite dish. Yeah, it’s always biryani for me whenever we eat out.

He said that I should try it out in this restaurant and after that, I wouldn’t consider any other biryani as biryani. It’s a small place but I already know their chicken biryani is going to be heavenly from the authentic aroma wafting around us.

“Chicken biryani right?” He asks and I nod with an enormous smile to think that he remembers it.

He turns to the server to place our orders, “Two plates biryani, one Chettinad chicken gravy and one plate chicken 65, anna..”

It doesn’t take more than ten minutes for our order to be sprawled on the table. I giggle when I see Kavin rolling his shirt sleeves up before diving into his plate.

He laughs too, “There is a certain way to eat this biryani..”

“I am not saying anything..”

I can hardly finish my portion while Kavin devours his like he’s been starving this whole day. He even offers to finish mine when I tell him that I am done to which I happily push my plate to him.

I wonder how he’s so fit when he eats like a caveman. It reminds me of my brother who is no different than him. He’s the one we sisters seek when we can’t finish our food. He is always ready to finish them for us.

“What’s that look on your face?”

I don’t realize that I was showing my sadness on my face until Kavin mentions it.

“Nothing..”

“Come on, you can tell me..” He urges.

“It’s just..” I stumble upon my words, “I miss my brother..”

He sports a deep frown, “I am sorry for taking you away from them..”

Taking you away from them

Why do his words sound so soothing to my ears? It’s like now I belong to him.

Kavin drives us around the East coast road. There’s not as much silence between us as it used to be before but there’s still some left and to kill it, he asks me to play songs from his phone playlist.

“All your songs are AR Rahman’s hits..” I comment, swiping through his phone screen.

“Yeah, he’s god..” He rasps in almost an indulgent voice.

And before I can stop myself, I argue, “No, he’s not. Ilayaraja is..”

He snorts, “Ilayaraja is outdated, Nithila..”

I roll my eyes, “No way. He is a maestro for a reason. His music can never become outdated. Your AR Rahman was his student himself. Whatever he is today, it is because of him..”

“Yeah he was but he surpassed his teacher. AR Rahman is world-famous and he’s the pride of India..”

We go on and on like kids fighting over their favorite cartoon character but we finally settle with Ilayaraja’s melodies, because it starts raining and we are driving and the two go best with his music alone.

It's half-past ten when we go home and from all darkness of it, I guess everyone has already retired to their beds.

After taking turns to refresh ourselves, we don’t delay crashing onto the bed.

We say our goodnights to each other like we did yesterday. Kavin turns off the light and falls asleep in a second.

I am shocked at how fast he can fall asleep and here I am tossing and turning for a comfortable sleeping position. That might have caught Kavin’s attention because he turns on the night lamp. 

“Not feeling sleepy?” He asks and I feel extremely bad for waking him up.

“Yeah..” I grumble.   

The next moment he is shifting to his side and props his head on his hand, looking down at me with a wicked glint, “You shouldn’t sleep so much, Nithila?”

“What? I don’t sleep as much as you think I do..”

He laughs softly, “Keep telling that to yourself, Nithila..”

He is teasing me and I can’t even pretend to be mad at him when he is saying my name like that. It feels like honey when it comes from his mouth. All silky and sweet.

“So, what is it that you want to do now?”

My eyes whip up, “Huh? You are not going to sleep?”

“I want to but it’s hard when you keep rolling like that on the bed..”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to..”

“Hey don’t be, I understand how difficult it is for you to sleep in an unfamiliar place..” He’s looking deep into my eyes and it’s doing something to me, apart from making me all soft inside, as if I am going to melt like chocolate.

“I have an idea to pass the time..” He whispers, moving closer and that causes my heart to pick up its beats.  

“What is it?”

I whisper back like we are sharing secrets.

Without averting his eyes from me, he picks up something from the side table beside me and brings it in front of my face.

“Shall we play some games?”

“Games?” I ask, feeling slightly amused. “In mobile?”

“Yup..”

I laugh. Okay, I know it’s extremely childish, but is there anything better to do and so I agree. “Okay. So what are we playing?”

Kavin sits up straight against the headboard and starts to explain to me the rules of the games.

It’s some kind of a shooting game and the one to score points by shooting the enemy is the winner. Gah, how difficult is it going to be?

We are laughing like two maniacs in the middle of the night but we don’t stop. We play and play and keep playing until Kavin lets out a loud yawn.

A pang of guilt instantly stabs me for keeping him awake for so long. He was the first one to wake up this morning. He has to wake up early tomorrow too.

“Kavin..”

“Hmm..?” He doesn’t look at me and I laugh at how involved he is in the game

“Let’s sleep..”

“You sleepy..” He finally gives me his full attention.

“Yeah..” I lie because only then he will sleep.

“Okay, let’s sleep then..” He throws his phone under the pillow and switches off the light once again for the night.

“Goodnight Nithila..”

“Goodnight Kavin..”

This time our goodnights sound so different to my ears like it’s sweet and from the heart.