Irrevocably HIS

Chapter Four

A sense of unease washes over me as I await my doom, knowing very well Tatum will most likely blow a gasket, while heading back up to the office. I may have finally found my spine but at what cost? The positive energy that wafted from Kaden managed to ground me at that very point but right now? I am a shivering mess. The door to the elevator opens and I step out only to see Tatum standing against my desk with his leg crossed over the other looking intimidating as hell. Why does he have to look so enticing? Why am I even thinking of my boss that way? His jaw is clenched so tight that I think he might very well c***k it. He just eyes me yet doesn't usher a word as he walks past me to call the elevator back, and if that isn't a solid indication that he is beyond pissed, I don't know what is.

He told me that we were going to check the property that was discussed during the board meeting so I quickly gather my belongings and see myself standing beside him waiting for the elevator which decides to open at the perfect time. He walks in, with me on his tail, and we ride down together with extreme tension in the small enclosed space. You could honestly cut the tension with a knife. I mentally debate myself on whether or not to initiate a conversation but I bite down on my lip and think better of it. He definitely isn't in the talking mood. I wonder how he acts when Cassandra acts snarky because that woman can be a drama queen. Guess she has him wrapped around her beautifully manicured finger.

Instead of exiting on the ground level, we come to a stop in the basement where I am pretty sure there is a garage. Unless this is where he plans to end my life. I watch too many horror movies. I should really stop. My brain is conjuring up scenarios that are making my heart rate accelerate extremely fast. I continue to remain silent as I closely follow Tatum further into the eery parking garage until we come to a stop at a beautiful, elegant Mercedes. Tatum opens the passenger side for me to enter, and I am shocked, to say the least, that he would show me chivalry after cruelly dismissing him just before. I slide in with him closing the door behind me before he walks towards the drivers side, unbuttons his suit jacket, and slides in himself.

The car immediately comes to life and I swear that this is beyond luxurious. My jaw may have hit the ground, but I come to fast enough to realize that I need to put on my seatbelt. The sound of a click from his side makes me chance a look at him but it is still the same f**k off face he is making. I sigh and sit back as he assumes control of the steering wheel and guides us outside, smoothly gliding into the street and taking off towards our destination.

The silence is killing me so I decide to converse, hoping that he will reply but not really expecting him to. He should though since we are still on working hours and I am his assistant. Shouldn't I question him as to why I need to be there? I'm a complete wreck now that I don't know what to do.

"I don't mean to offend but haven't you already assessed this property already? Why do I need to be there?" I say to which he scoffs. Guess I was right about the attitude I'd receive back.

"Don't mean to offend? Really Ms. Erickson? You were so quick to tear me a new one just before in front of a room full of my employees, with Kaden standing beside you as a knight in shining armor, yet now you believe you are asking me something that would offend me? I honestly do not know how to view you any more than I know how to handle you." He says garnering annoyance to bubble it's way throughout my system. What is his problem with Kaden? Kaden is the only one that treats me nicely.

"I was merely asking a question sir. I am your assistant after all. You make damn sure to remind me of that at every chance you get any way. Sure made me realize that I am forever just an assistant during the board meeting. I don't understand you either Tatum." I say not really giving a damn that I am calling him by his first name. He gives me a pointed look but I continue on.

"Don't even start with the that name is reserved for only friends s**t. Have you forgotten that we grew up together? I mean it may not have been for a long time but we were still one another's person. Don't you remember those days? I thought out of all people, you would consider my opinion yet you sat there without so much as a peep, allowing your board members to speak to me as if I were a nobody, and maybe I am, but for once I wanted to feel like I had a chance at being a someone. You knew how much we struggled before being dumped into the system. If we hadn't landed in Sophie's foster care, who knows where we would have been. She made her house into a home and I loved it, didn't you? She didn't treat us as pests like every other home did. Just knowing I had somewhere that was safe was more than enough for me. That's why I proposed a community center. I wanted there to be a place that was a safe haven for those in need. I just wanted a chance to give back to the community." I say as if I were vomiting the words out without a single intake of breath. Before I know it, we are pulling up along the property he acquired and Tatum kills the ignition. Of course he doesn't reply to my long remark but what did I really expect? He makes his way out of the car as I take a deep breath in and release it. My door opens as he waits for me to exit.

I look up at the building, and then take a look around, grimacing because I know with such certainty that this building would be perfect as a community center. If only Tatum shared my faith. I fall behind admiring the structure and character of the building as he just forges onward, opening the front door, standing there impatiently waiting for me to get a move on. I quickly run inside and am floored at the state it is in.

Everything about the place is perfection but I swallow my idea and turn to find Tatum standing against the wall much like he was by my desk. He looks at me with something I want to believe is acceptance and mutual respect but I know it isn't. He'll never again look at me like he did when we were kids. He always looked at me with slight fear mixed with admiration. He may have been older than me but he always made me feel like the only person in the room and I never understood it when I was younger but as time went on, I pieced it all together. Leaving him behind broke a part of my heart and soul.

"Paint me a picture." He says as he pushes himself away from the wall. I c**k my head to the side not understanding him.

"This is your chance Ms. Erickson. Convince me. Have me see your concept through your eyes without the meddlesome board of haggard old men at the ready to tear you apart piece by piece. Basically, wow me." He says as he stands behind me, the heat of his body so intense that it makes me shut my eyes and will my body to cool down.

"You're not serious." I say breathlessly to which he just smirks an irritating smirk when he comes to stand in front of me.

"Were you not serious when you disrupted my board meeting with your concept, making a mockery out of the men I have seated as my board members who should have done their part better in researching the area? Now, you can either sell me on turning this property into what you envision, or I can call my construction crew who will have a bulldozer on the ready to tear it down and we will start from scratch with an idea that is so beyond this areas element that heads will turn for lifetimes. Please, by all means, decide this buildings fate and. Erickson. Don't tell me you lost your voice so soon." He says mockingly, along with a no nonsense attitude, yet my mind is already set. I need to prove myself. I need to know that I am more than just an assistant, more than just a woman who could be cast aside and dumped by a man that didn't want to commit after years of devotion. I need to know that I am just more. Even for just a minute.

I straighten my spine and draft him up an image that is spewing out of my mouth the moment I take a look around. I point out the many possibilities, the many companies that he associates with that we could call in to enrich this area without being costly. I mentally outline every nook and cranny with what I would do and by the time I am done explaining, I am extremely drained. I poured everything into this pitch. I basically put my entire heart into it. He doesn't know just how ugh I have dedicated myself to this job, getting to know every ut hint about his company and figuring out some ways to help build it up more. He just doesn't know how much faith I have in him. He's still my person. I've never given up on him.

Honestly, I don't think I have ever spoken so much in my life. Not even when I was with he who shall not be named would I ever elaborate on anything. I was like a puppet, him pulling the strings whenever we went out with his colleagues or had company over. If I dared to say anything that could remotely paint a horrid image for him, he would bring me home only to berate me. I was so overly in love with him that I never accepted the fact that I was but a piece of arm candy for him, nothing more, nothing less. Most of the time I would make him proud, love shining through his eyes, until it didn't and he left me with nothing but the stuff I owned and my heart wrenching. He left me out in the hall of our new apartment building as he closed the door to our apartment on me without even so much as another glance at my tear filled face.

"That actually exceeded my expectations Ms. Erickson. I will sleep on it and I will have my answer come morning. I'm sure that was your first pitch and as far as first pitches go, you may have very well hit a home run" He says as he makes his way towards the exit, shock written all over my face at his positive comment. I quickly fall in line, noticing that the sun has set and we have been here far longer that I thought. Just how long was I talking for?

"Wow, I...I hadn't realized it was so late. I am incredibly sorry Mr. Kennedy. You can go ahead. I can hail a cab or request an Uber. I am sure you have anywhere else to be right about now." I say as I hang back and pull out my phone.

"What exactly are you doing Ms. Erickson?" Tatum says turning towards me having noticed I am no longer walking behind him.

"Like I said, you must be needed elsewhere and here I am rambling on with my ideas." I say as I open my Uber app only for Tatum to pry my phone from my hand, lock it, and then handing it back to me.

"Get in the car Ms. Erickson." He says and I want to argue but I don't see the point. He needs to get home as do I. Least chivalry isn't dead.

"Plug in your address please. I will drop you off at your home." He says as we peel away from the building. The nightlife is ramping up and I am honestly happy that he is taking me home. My neighborhood is safe but not safe enough, especially at night. It isn't the greatest place for a single woman to live but what were my others options? We finally come rolling up to my small building, a barely lit small building, and I watch as Tatum just takes it all in. His brows knit together in obvious confusion but the mask he wears soon slips back into place a moment later.

"Uh, thank you very much for taking me home Mr. Kennedy. I do appreciate it. I will see you tomorrow morning." I say as I begin to exit. His hand unexpectedly lands on my arm, squeezing, halting me from leaving. My breath hitches as I look at his hand on my arm and then at him questionably. He doesn't say a word which makes me uneasy. Wait. I get it now. He must be wondering how someone like me, a college graduate with a degree, could be living here. He's probably judging me in his mind right now. Great.

"I am only here temporarily. I just need to..." I say before I stop talking completely because he doesn't need to know the truth of it all. He'll just wind up judging me more. His grip on me ends as he pulls back his hand and places it back on the steering wheel. I sigh and open the door and make my exit without another word from either of us. I stand there as he drives off and begin to hang my head in shame. I went from tackling the world head on this morning, to learning that having a voice could indeed matter, to second guessing myself and then feeling victorious only to wind up feeling like a piece of crap beneath his perfectly polished shoe. I groan as I make my way into my building only to be halted by the sound of screeching tires.

I turn around to see Tatum parking his precious car and jetting out of the drivers seat like a bat out of hell. The proper businessman is long gone, suit jacket discarded, as he takes two steps at a time to open the door to find me standing there no doubt looking at him with shock and confusion.

"Mr. Kennedy, was there something you needed?" I say softly, my back against the door, trying not to have the shock be heard in my voice but that was a failed attempt. My heart is racing a million miles a minute, my breathing heavier. There is a war brewing in his eyes and I can't help but want to alleviate his torment somehow, someway. Before I can say another word, his hand wraps around the back of my neck, his grip tight but not to the point it hurts. He lifts my head making it so that I am staring directly into his eyes as his face descends and his lips fall onto mine. His kiss starts off soft, cautious, but it then takes a mind of it's own as it becomes more dominated, his tongue prying open my mouth to gain access.

He groans into the kiss making me latch onto his crisp white shirt pulling him closer. The kiss is filled with every emotion that has been fluttering between us since we found ourselves standing before one another months ago. It encompasses so much want, longing and desire that it has my knees buckling. His other hand grabs my ass making me gasp as he smiles against my lips. Our tongues are battling for dominance until his body is shocked away from me making me instantly miss his closeness. We are both a panting mess and my mind is beyond cloudy. However, that is short lived the moment I see the regret in his eyes. It is either regret for kissing me or regret for ever hiring me in the first place. My lips are numb from his, the feel of them still pretty much lingering. I watch as he runs a hand through his perfectly styled hair seemingly at war with himself. He balls his hands into fists but manages to compose himself almost instantly.

"I...I'm sorry Ms. Erickson. I...I don't know what came over me. That, that shouldn't have happened." He finally says as he backs away from me needing space, like I'm the one who jumped his bones. On the outside, I am unreadable. On the inside, I am slowly dying. I don't want to say anything but as I watch him turn to leave, I can't help but ask the one question I have wanted to ask since day one.

"Why don't you ever say my name?" I say trying not to sound defeated but failing miserably. My question makes him halt as he braces the door, his whole body seeming to tense up. He remains there without even turning around, his answer breaking the silence, making me dread ever even asking him.

"If I for even one moment ascertain that you are actually really here with me by saying your name, then it will forever sever the fact that you leaving me that day fractured my whole heart and soul turning me into this version of myself that I hate, and I need to remember that. I need to continue to hate you and keep you at a distance even though my stupidity and lack of self control hired you to be my assistant, going against everything I swore to uphold. So no Ms. Erickson, you will never hear me call you by your first name nor will I ever drop my defenses and lay my hands on you, kiss you, or even for a split second have you invade my thoughts morning, noon, or night. I regret this moment and will hereby continue to associate you as my greatest regret, forever." He says before exiting my building leaving me standing there undoubtedly shattered beyond belief.