Irrevocably HIS

Chapter Five: Tatum

"Come back. Just come back. You said you wouldn't leave me. You promised me you'd stay!" I scream at Annie seemingly okay just walking away from me. She doesn't glance back at me. She keeps going. She keeps tearing the string that my heart is attached to with hers. This has to be a dream. Another dream. I can't take it anymore.

Ever since meeting her, a scrawny little girl with pig tails, a broken sad tiny tot, there was something that attached me to her. I hadn't ever believed in souls mates but when something as strong as the connection I had felt for her latches on to your heart and soul like a vice, you immediately know there is a reason for it. Maybe she was the other part of my soul in a previous life but this time, fate pulled us together cruelly. I was older than her. I could never see her as more than just a little sister to protect with everything I had, so, I made it so that I was merely an annoying older brother. I was sometimes cruel yet I despised every second of it. Apparently, I was Oscar the Grouch as she was my twerp. I'd rather have her as my annoying little sister than nothing to me at all.

"Come back!" I scream once again, thrashing, when I am abruptly pulled from my dream by a concerned Amber looking at me as if her own heart is breaking at the scene before her. She doesn't know how painful this is. Or maybe she does. Her and Hunter had a rough go at things but their love flourished and bloomed. They found each other again. Maybe that could be us?

"Oh Tatum. Did you have another dream?" Amber says so softly. I blink my eyes a a couple of times to assess that I am actually back in the world of the living. Sweat can be felt all over my body, sheets probably covered in it too.

"I guess so." I say sheepishly not wanting to connect my eyes with hers. It's been three years already. Three years void of her existence. She is off in JHS while I am slowly coming to my end in HS. She is off living the life she has always wanted while I am here selfishly wishing she had never wanted anything more than staying here with me. I run my hands over my face and rise out of my bed needing a shower.

"You can talk to me Tatum. I am here for you. Hunter is here for you. I promised Annie..." she says but I turn to finally look at her.

"Don't. Don't say her name. Don't tell me anything remotely related to her. I get you may have promised her something but I don't need your concern or pity. This is my problem to deal with. Not anyone else's. I need a shower. I'll see you later Amber." I say knowing that I am cruelly dismissing her when she has been nothing but a loving foster mother since I came here. She is the closest thing I know to a mother figure and I love her. I love Hunter as if he were my own father, and Hayden as if he were my own brother. She doesn't deserve my cruelty.

Before I leave my room, I halt at the door and say just above a whisper, "Thank you though", before I make my way to the bathroom.

The moment I laid eyes on her, I knew I couldn't allow myself to let her walk away again. I needed her close to me, even though every fiber of my being told me not to cave. I made it my mission to cast her aside from my thoughts once she left but nothing seemed to help me escape the void she left me with. Before I could even fight with myself, was shooing her out of my office. It was for the best. She chose to leave back then and she has no idea who I am so why go down this path? I'd only come to regret it, yet, she stood there with a look of such torment, heartbreak, defeat yet she stood her ground and demanded I give her a chance. How was I supposed to deny her?

Since then, she has continued to impress me, going above and beyond with the work I throw her way. I'm a moody possessive f**k now so the thought of her around anyone but me really grates on my nerves. Especially when said person is Kaden. I throw more work at her then I do with my other employees in this dreadful company that I had inherited from my adoptive father, Carlton Kennedy. At the age of sixteen, Carlton showed up wanting, more like needing, a successor to his company or it would fall into the hands of his brother and his own snotty children.

Carlton Kennedy was by all means a hard ass but he took me out of the system and molded me into the man I am today. He shoved me into boarding school and had me learn several languages, made me take social etiquette classes, and forced me to major in Business in college. He made sure I wanted for nothing, showing me love the only way he knew how. His whole life revolved around this here company. He never had a wife to bare children for him. I guess he never wanted to subject his heart to the possibility of love. He was never an emotional man who spoke about his past or feelings so I never knew the truth about why he never let anyone in. He basically lived his life which wasn't a life at all. I may have accepted to continue his legacy but I am sure as s**t not following in his footsteps of being all alone for the rest of my life.

That is why I keep Cassandra around. Although she is high maintenance, extremely spoiled, always judging others, she is the closest thing to considering a possible forever with, even though my heart is severely closed off to the idea, all because of the beautiful woman sitting at her desk typing away another one of the many jobs I threw her way.

We haven't ushered a single word to each other since the other night when I was a man possessed, stealing a kiss that blew my mind. Her lips were soft, her body made for me. Her reaction nearly floored me because here I was thinking she'd push me away, maybe even slap my face hard, yet she was clawing at my shirt beckoning for my body to get even closer to hers. I could have taken her upstairs to her apartment and worshipped her body like she so rightfully deserves because she is nothing less than a queen, perfection personified, but the moment my body pulled away, the dream had instantly ended.

My heart was beating so loudly in my body that I didn't know how to navigate the situation so I did what I am good at. I schooled my appearance and returned myself into the cold, calculated, no bullshit man. I placed my mask back on my face showing that she had no affect on me even though my whole body was drumming with need. I wanted to escape so fast that the question out of her mouth nearly made me fall to the floor.

"Why don't you ever say my name?" She says trying not to sound defeated but failing miserably. I didn't dare turn around because I would have tossed away everything I've been holding onto to not allow her to break my defenses.

"If I for even one moment ascertain that you are actually really here with me by saying your name, then it will forever sever the fact that you leaving me that day fractured my whole heart and soul turning me into this version of myself that I hate, and I need to remember that. I need to continue to hate you and keep you at a distance even though my stupidity and lack of self control hired you to be my assistant, going against everything I swore to uphold. So no Ms. Erickson, you will never hear me call you by your first name nor will I ever drop my defenses and lay my hands on you, kiss you, or even for a split second have you invade my thoughts morning, noon, or night. I regret this moment and will hereby continue to associate you as my greatest regret, forever." I said to her in such a devoid of emotion tone that even my conscience was appalled by my response. I exited the building and made my way back to my car, punching my steering wheel multiple times wanting so much to run after her and retract everything I had said.

The intercom on my phone buzzes and I press the button tearing me away from my memory.

"Mr. Kennedy, Cassandra is here to see you." She says making me roll my eyes and groan. She usually informs me of when she is coming by. What the actual f**k?

"Send her in." I say rather sternly as I look up to see her shoulders sag, yet again looking defeated. She watches as Cassandra walks towards my office with obvious distaste towards her. Was she wishing I took back my words also? For years I have wanted nothing more than to see her again, to make sure that if I had, that I would do everything in my power to ruin her like she had ruined me, but with every second that she is here, my walls are slowly crumbling down. I want to put the pieces I know her heart is in by some asshole and mend them back together. I want to be her protector, her guardian, her savior. I want it all with her. I want her to want for nothing. Every thought ceases to exist when Cassandra strolls in as if this is her domain. It could have been at one point in time but I'm rethinking everything nowadays.

"Sweetheart. I haven't heard from you. I was hoping you'd at least come by and shower me with affection yet here I am watching as you drown yourself in work. Don't you have an assistant to do that? Oh look! There she is! Have her do this meaningless work while we go out and have some fun." She says, dismissing my work as if I am not the CEO of a corporation. Who does she think she is? This job isn't menial. This is my adoptive fathers life work. Sure he was a hard man but he saved me from myself when I was grasping at straws. I owe him this much. I owe it to him to not have his company dragged in the mud and given to his brother.

"My assistant has her own work to do, which I very well gave her. I do not need assistance on my workload thank you very much, sweetheart." I say to which she thinks I sound endearing but I just loathe saying it. If she hadn't come back, Cassandra would have remained my constant. How that has done a complete 360 in my mind as of lately.

I push my chair out from behind my desk and stand to walk to where Cassandra is while I button my suit jacket. The Tatum I was before would vomit at the way I dress now. What I wouldn't give to wear normal clothes again. I would love nothing more than to walk into my office wearing jeans and a shirt. Always need to maintain appearances. Cassandra comes to stand before me, eyeing me with lust and affection. I want to reciprocate, I truly do, like I have always done, but since that kiss, I can't seem to find it in myself to be like that anymore. Cassandra cups my cheek with her hand and leans in to kiss me. I allow it when I notice her looking at us. A flash of hurt can be seen but it is soon fading away as Kaden approaches her. Cassandra's lips meet mine and I kiss her back as I watch Kaden take her away. She doesn't even look at me. She doesn't even bother telling me she is leaving. I take my aggression out on the kiss I share with Cassandra, pulling away leaving her a blushing mess.

"Always stealing my breathe away." She says and I give her a smile, albeit a fake one. I look at an empty desk and force myself not to storm downstairs and rip her away from him. We may share the same father but I will not allow him to take what is mine.

The days roll on, still silence between her and I, except for when she needs to discuss work matters. I've decided to turn the property I dragged her to come see into the community center she had envisioned. Her pitch was truly phenomenal, and she deserves to bare witness to the announcement I will be making at the board meeting today. That is why I am at the office extremely early. I am counting down the seconds to the moment she is known to arrive. I will do my usual snarky asshole banter with her that I know gets under her skin. I can't help myself. Getting a rise out of her has been the highlight of my day.

However, as time goes on, till the point she is supposed to have been here, her seat remains empty. I try calling to see what is the matter but my calls go unanswered. Beginning to get pissed, I make my way down to the only person I know who will know where she is. I step out of the elevator on the floor where everything related to IT services is located, earning shocked looks being thrown my way. One employee nearly choked in her food.

"Ah! Mr. Kennedy! Do, do you need something? I didn't see any emails requesting our assistance." A young man says shakily and I stare through him rather than at him. Am I that feared that much around here? Of course I am. I am my adoptive father apparently. Cold. Calculating. Ruthless.

Rather than change my demeanor and have them see me in a new light, I do what I always do. I speak in a tone void of any and all emotion, as is my facial expression.

"Where is Kaden?" I say to the young man who is still shaking like a leaf.

"Uh, um, he should be at his desk sir." He says with his voice raising almost an octave. I step away from him and continue my search for Kaden, until I find him pouring himself what I know to be his fourth cup of coffee. How he is not jittery baffles me.

"Kaden." I say loud enough to have him whipping his head towards me. Kaden, the child adopted before me. Father thought he could mold him to be like him, but his attempts failed. Kaden is light where I am dark. He is fun loving where I am closed off. He is everything father was not. Of course he couldn't change him. I was already broken. I was already a void of who I was once. I was the one who called to him that day. Every other child wreaked sunshine and rainbows. I wreaked of nothing but despair.

"To what do I owe the honor of your appearance on this floor, brother?" Kaden says with a raise of his eyebrow while he takes a sip of his disgusting black coffee.

"Where is she?" I say knowing he knows damn well who I am referring to.

"Are you still refusing to say her name? How childish are you?" He says as he walks away from me. I don't need him making a scene because I know undoubtedly he will for her. He has become smitten with her and it grates on my very last nerves. I shared my story with him, thanks to the whiskey I had drunk, all because of the fact that she dared to defy me for him. The same day I got a taste of how sweet she really is. I went home and stupidly drank myself almost to death, fully elaborating every memory of our history to my brother who figured only a woman could make me react that way. He just didn't realize what woman I was talking about until I told him and he got very, very mad. Never seen my brother that mad before. Once again, all because of her. You'd think he would keep his distance knowing how I feel but, no.

"That isn't the response I was looking for Kaden. Where. Is. She." I say seething, on the verge of detonation. He walks into his office and shuts the door after I walk in, needing to diffuse the ticking time bomb that is me.

"Annie came down with the flu." He says and my heart rate skyrockets. She's had the flu before. Her body doesn't handle it well. I can feel my chest constricting and I immediately loosen my tie. I can feel sweat forming on my forehead.

"Why am I just hearing of this now?!" I roar needing to somehow calm myself down but can't. Kaden looks at me with concern and confusion.

"She called her sickness in Tatum. She even emailed it. You should have been told this morning as soon as you got in. Honestly, I'm not all that surprised though." He says as if he knows something I don't.

"What do you mean by that?" I say, trying to find my composure but can't. He sighs and I just stare at him waiting for a damn answer, my patience running thin.

"Have you not realized how everyone treats her around here, especially the females? The girl at the front desk downstairs didn't even think to give her a name tag or company credit card knowing she is your assistant. I had to get everything for her. She is completely ostracized because you chose her to take the position when every other person in this company has put their resume in for it. I don't doubt the fact that everyone would rather see her fall than help her. I'm betting they thought by not telling you of her absence that you would immediately blow a gasket and fire her. I'm banking on that scenario Tatum. I'm all she has here. Why do you think I am always with her?" He says and I am instantly furious.

"She has me!" I roar back but he just c***s his head to the side, not even remotely shocked by my outburst. He thinks I'm full of s**t.

"Really Tatum? You make her life just as miserable here then wherever she was before. She may not show it but she's sad. She just puts on a brave face. Im pretty sure she has been ever since she started here. She hasn't discussed her past in full but I know some deep s**t happened before coming here. She doesn't have you. You can't even say her name. You can't even admit to yourself that you truly still love her. Until you realize that, she will never have you." He says, his words hitting their intended target. I narrow my eyes at him, fix my tie, and leave his office making sure to slam his door behind me. Every person lowers their gaze as I walk towards the elevator, probably seeing the blazing fury written on my face. I make my way back upstairs, pulling out the set of keys I had made when she wasn't looking, and make my way out of the office. I may have gone a bit too far stealing her keys and copying them but I'll forever be that person. The one that will go above and beyond for the girl who got away.

I make my way downstairs to the garage, hop in, and peel out of there and make my way to her apartment. I slide on up and pull her keys out, not knowing which is which. Once I'm in, I look at the mailboxes to see what apartment she is and then hightail up there without hesitation. I consider knocking on her door but I just test the keys until I find the right one. The minute I step inside, I am appalled at the shoe box she is subjected to live in.

There's barely any room. How is she living like this? I know her family has money. I've done my research. What could have possibly happened that she was left to this? All questions poof from my mind when I find her in a fetal position on her bed, shivering. My heart drops to my stomach as I make my way to her. I immediately put my hand to her forehead and feel her burning up. f**k. I quickly pull out my cell and immediately call my private doctor. Thankfully he answers on the second ring.

"Mr. Kennedy. How may I help you?" He says sounding extremely chipper.

"I need you to get to 2740 Beaver Street ASAP. Apartment 3B." I say hanging up and tossing my phone down. I shred myself from my suit jacket and place it on the chair by the wall. I roll my sleeves up and manage to fix her body so that she is lying down comfortably against her pillows. I need to keep her head elevated just in case she has a coughing fit or needs to puke. I rummage through some drawers in order to find a cloth, needing to somehow bring her fever down. I finally find one and douse it with cold water. I ring it out and sit down beside her and cover her forehead with it. She shifts but doesn't do anything but that. The doorbell rings and I run to the buzzer and press it so that the doctor can come up. There's a knock on the door not even two minutes later and I open it ushering the doctor inside.

"She, she, I think she has the flu and is burning up. I tried to cool her body down with a cloth but it isn't working. Help her. Help her now." I say earning a nod from him as he assesses her. He digs through his medical bag and takes out two IV bags along with a needle. He notices her standing coatrack and points to it to have me bring it to her bedside, I'm guessing to hang the bags in order for them to drip.

"I don't believe this is a bout of the flu. Between the fever and the slight swelling of her lymph nodes, she has a bacterial infection. One bag is so she doesn't dehydrate while the other is antibiotics. I am administering a fever reducer as well. She'll pull through Mr. Kennedy, just give it time." He says as he pulls out more antibiotics, but these seem to be oral, telling me to begin giving them to her as soon as she is strong enough to eat. I watch as he gives her an injection and then sets her IV's up. He advises me to keep an eye out for her temperature and all I can do is nod my head. Once he is done, he packs up to leave, advising me to call him if anything happens, squeezing my arm with his hand as if he knows how monumental this situation is to me. He leaves quietly and I make my way to place myself by her beside, sitting in the only chair she has. I take her hand in mine and remain there, watching, waiting, making sure she is comfortable.

This is how I was back when we were kids. She had gotten the flu, at least I think it was the flu, but it made her body extremely weak. Amber and Hunter were a mess for the first few hours until they were unable to sit around any longer since the fever wouldn't break and immediately brought her to the emergency room. I had wanted to go but they insisted that I stay behind. I was a complete mess until they had brought her home. She looked so pale and it looked like she had lost weight. They had given her medicine at the hospital and kept her there for a day, but without her eating, she had become thinner.

Once she returned home, I was by her side morning, noon, and night. I wouldn't leave her side for a second. I'd made sure she had everything she needed. I'd snuggled up to her providing warmth when I knew her body needed it. I made sure she got better, well, not just me, Amber and Hunter the main reasons for her recovering. The only thing that kept me going was knowing I was there and her small smiles she'd give me when she would wake up to see me next to her.

The day her parents came to the foster house, she wasn't supposed to be there. She was supposed to be in school as I was. If she hadn't been there, she still would have been with me. I blamed her sickness for taking her away from me, which ultimately had me blaming her. I watch as she begins fidgeting, clearly having a difficult dream.

"Will he be okay?" She whispers in her sleep.

"Promise me you'll look out for him Amber. He's my best friend." She says making my heart wrench. Something must shift in her dream as her nose scrunches and a lone tear falls from her eye.

"Why? Would you do this? You said you loved me. You said....you never meant it did you?" She says in a tone that makes my heart hurt, as she sniffles and the walls to my heart now completely eviscerate. I softly caress her forehead, hoping to alleviate her sadness. Who was it that broke her heart? Who was it that broke her spirit? I'll move Heaven and Earth to find the bastard and make him pay.

"I don't want to be alone anymore." She says finally before remaining silent, her soft snores are the only thing to be heard.

"You're not alone Annie. I've always been here. I'll always be here." I say as I take her hand and bring it to my lips to kiss gently.