A World With You

I Love You

I couldn't believe it at first when I realized I had held the door open a crack for you. The door to my heart that is. You were the last person in my mind that I would have ever thought to fall in love with. My hatred for whom I had used to love unwraps itself from me after I had enough time for your words to sink into me. Despite the mean side of you and how you do not like people from the very beginning until you get to know them for who they are, I got to see the sweet sides to you. The soft sides to you. The caring and loving side of you. I had always known there were a lot more to you than just the side you show on the surface to me - an emotionless being. But I had never known how much of an greater essence in your existence held until up to that very moment.

Before I knew it, we started a romantic bond even though we weren't couples nor did one of us ever confessed to one another. But as the bonding continues, I had felt sure enough that you were the one I felt to be most precious in my heart. I confessed to you during one of our moments together. However, you still seemed pretty confused what "love" really was. During the end of my confession, you told me not to fall in love with you. That you'll end up hurting me in the end. That you were inexperienced and how you weren't positively ready for any kind of romance. Although your romantic actions towards me spoke for itself to which I did not have the heart to bring up. During that time - of course I was sort of letdown. But I did not let it get to me too much as I knew you had two of the things confused inside your head. "Friendship" & "romance". You were incoherent about your own feelings. So I decided giving you some time to get it all sorted out in your mind was for the best.

After some time, you learned about a quarter of my past. You may have been impressed how I could have stayed the same and true to myself when I have been standing on the brink of destruction. Should I tell you how, it is probably because of my iron will and my friends that keeps me from changing for the worse. Sure, there are times when I have temporarily shifted as a whole person - and not for the good either. But it is never permanent as I somehow always barely manage to revert back to who I really am. Of course, I knew you had it bad yourself. Life is never easy. Especially when "people" are the ones who made it very uneasy. But I never pushed you for your own past life in return for some of the things I've told you. After all, I knew getting through your walls is something that you would have to decide on your own. I have absolutely no say in the matter and it is something I can patiently wait for.

My curiosity had peaked for once and I immediately regretted it as soon as it had, for you had lost control of yourself as soon as I mentioned his name. I wanted to tell you I didn't mean any harm to you. Not that that was any excuse to what I had done. I went after you in the hopes of making you feel like yourself again. I hadn't been thinking how much mentioning him and wanting to know the full story between the two of you would turn you insane. But just as I reached you, you pushed me away angrily telling me how you've always told me that the topic was taboo, and asked me why I don't ever listen. My heart sank in guilt even further realizing for the very first time how much it had hurt you to even have a proper discussion about that particular person.

I had f****d up. I felt like total s**t for the asshole I was. I had no right to go after you. I stopped what I was doing all of a sudden and let myself sink into my own shadow wishing I could just disappear in some way. But after a while, I had found that you returned back to normal. The usual cheery self that brightens everyone's day with your enthusiasm for nearly everything. I had learned it was one of our guy friends that cheered you up and made you laugh for all your worth. I was really glad that you were back to yourself. I thanked the guy myself for that. It was something I could have never done during my condition. Even though you were all good and well, I myself could never forgive myself for hurting the one I loved.

That's when you called out to me. The same guy told you the state I was in and you went after me like a bullet from a gun. I was really grateful you gave that much of care for me when all I did was hurt you for my own selfish reasons. It instantly made me feel better about myself when you apologized to me for pushing me away. Although I should be the one apologizing for being such a jerk to you in the first place. What made me felt whole enough to talk to you and apologize for my actions and your forgiveness was when your feelings poured all over me - and among those feelings, you confessed that you loved me. It made me a whole lot happier than I would have any other night, wishing you would tell me that more often as you blush in many colors possible trying to cover up your true feelings towards me.

Which brings us to the present at hand. Fast forwarding to what is now today, I now hold the door wide open for you to enter my heart. I want to be with you forever after. You still verbally abuse me at times, but those words holds no meaning to them except for the fact that you hold the same feelings I held if not more. So never plan on changing for me or anyone else. I love you just the way you are now. Everything about you. Your seemingly tough/mean side, your gentle side, your caring side, your sweet side and so much more I could name. I love your entire existence to put it simply.

Oh yes. Today's your Birthday as well and the main reason why I even bothered to write down my very own point of view in some of the events that had come to pass between us. This is a present from me. Happy B-day to you; I wish you only the best of b-days from now on~

"b***h, I'm not nice." - You 2k17

(Also, by the time you read all this, I've probably sang the song "Happy B-day" to you; where you jokingly made it sound like I'm terrible at singing)

Love, ~Somebody who loves you very much~