Love Me, Not My Body

CHAPTER 19

He looked curiously at me. “You were there?”

My cheeks flamed hot as I looked down. “I had a business meeting to attend and I happened to see you there.”

“You should have said hi.”

I raised my face to his. “You were a bit busy having s*x on the dance floor.”

He laughed as he went to run a hand through his hair but forgot about his sunglasses. He took them into his hand and ran his other hand through his hair. “It wasn’t quite that dramatic.”

I shrugged. “Close enough.”

“So you and I?” he asked, changing the subject.

I drew in a long breath as I glanced around the restaurant. It would take me months to earn that kind of money here. What would one more time hurt? Then I would be done, I’d be out. I would never do it again.

“Okay,” I breathed out.

A smile widened across his face as his eyes danced over me. “Perfect!”

“I really need to get back to work.”

“Thank you, Kendra.”

I nodded wearily, already questioning if I was making a mistake.

“I’ll text you.”

“Sure,” I replied as I turned and hurried away to get back to my job that I was neglecting. The last thing I needed was to get fired from here. A question entered my head and I stopped and turned back toward him. He had his back to me and was walking toward the exit. “Preston.”

He quickly spun around, his sunglasses halfway to his face. His green eyes studied me as though I had very single ounce of his attention.

I faltered a moment beneath his gaze before finding my voice again. “How old are you?”

He smirked slightly. “Twenty-one.”

I nodded slightly but didn’t turn away from him. It was as though he had me under a trance.

“Do I get to know yours?” he asked.

“Eighteen,” I replied, and, for reasons I couldn’t fathom, I continued. “I turn nineteen in a couple weeks.”

His eyes traveled up and down my body as he wet his lips. “I look forward to celebrating it with you.”

Heat burned in my cheeks as common sense slammed back into me and I quickly turned away and returned to work.

---

As soon as I got off work, my phone rang.

“Okay, who is drop dead gorgeous Preston?” Tricia quickly asked.

I smiled at her description of him as I walked to the bus stop. “He’s the firefighter I told you about. The one who rescued me a while back.”

“And why did you leave out the information that you’re still in contact with him?”

I pondered the question myself. I had never made any mention to her of Preston. He was like a secret that only I knew. “I don’t know. It just never came up.”

“Oh,” she laughed in her Southern accent, “it has definitely come up now.”

I sighed as I began to tell her the basics of my relationship with Preston, and his new offer.

“Are you going?” she immediately asked when I finished speaking. By this time, I was seated on the air conditioned bus as it weaved through traffic.

“I told him I would,” I explained. “That money could really help Scott with a rehab program. Or I could pay off Blue Hades and be free of that place.”

“Okay honey. First, Scott can pay for his own damn rehab. Second, you will always owe Blue Hades money. That’s how it works. You need to take that money and run the hell out of here. Skedaddle out of town as fast you can with that cash, girl.”

I stared out the window and dreamt of actually being able to do that. Even Tricia didn’t know all my secrets. “Sure,” I said softly. “That sounds great.”

She began to ramble about the perfect places to start anew but I zoned out, dreaming of a life that could only be that easy.

---

“Hey baby,” Scott greeted me as I walked in the door.

“Hi,” I smiled wearily at him as he hopped up from the futon and gave me a kiss.

“I was thinking of making spaghetti for dinner. What do you think?”

I nodded. “Sure, that sounds great.”

“You alright?” he asked as he rubbed his hands up and down my arms. “You look tired?”

I looked at him as my heart clenched as it felt like I was betraying him as the words slipped from my lips. “I am tired. I really need a little time away. Away from Blue Hades and Kiki’s and everything else. I’m going to take a breather and leave this weekend.”

Scott’s hands stopped moving as his eyebrows furrowed down. “A breather? A breather where?”

“I don’t know,” I replied with the only honest words so far. “I just need some space, Scott. I need some time to think. I’ll just take a bus up the coast and stay at a hotel for the weekend.”

He stood silent a moment before speaking. “Are we okay?”

“Yeah,” I quickly assured him. “We’re fine. I just need a little me time, you know?”

He seemed hesitant as he spoke. “Maybe some me time at a spa or something?”

“A spa sounds nice. Really nice.”

“Okay,” he blew out as he rubbed the back of his neck. “We could probably swing that. I mean, I want to give my girl everything she wants.”

“You don’t have to pay,” I explained without thinking.

His face quickly flashed anger as he shifted on his feet. “Well who is paying for it then?”

“I just meant I can repay you for it,” I quickly covered. “That’s all I meant.”

He nodded as his face relaxed again. “I’m sure I can get Dominic to give you another weekend off, but you’ll have to work some weekdays to make up for it.”

My stomach dropped at the idea of going back to work at Blue Hades. “Sure,” I lied.

I would fight that battle another day. Or maybe the money I made from Preston would pay for my escape, like Tricia said. One thing was certain. I wasn’t going to live this life anymore.

I sat atop my suitcase outside my apartment waiting for Preston to pick me up. Scott was still inside asleep. He had been snoring soundly when I left, but nerves still made my legs bounce and my hands tremble. I had to get out of here before he woke up. I told him Tricia was driving me to the bus stop for my private getaway. He couldn't find out the truth.

I stood up as my eyes caught sight of Preston's black sports car heading toward me. I grabbed my suitcase and started toward the car before he was even fully parked. He quickly jumped out and ran over to me. He swept the suitcase out of my hand as I took in the sight of him in his skinny blue jeans and an old tour shirt from a rock band. Sunglasses sat atop his head as he smiled at me with his shining green eyes which traveled up and down my body with a simple, yellow sundress on.

"Are you in a rush?" he chuckled in his British accent.

"Sure," I breathed out in reply as he walked with me over to the passenger door. He opened it for me and I quickly got in. He swung the door shut and deposited my suitcase in the trunk before getting in himself.

"Ready?" he asked as he put his sunglasses over his eyes.

"Yes," I quickly responded as I nervously peered at my apartment door. It was still empty.

As Preston backed the car up and drove away, my nerves began to dissolve. I had done it.

We drove straight to the airport. Preston, ever the gentleman, insisted on carrying my luggage and his own.

"You know," I remarked as we walked into the airport, "I can carry my own suitcase."

He simply grinned, a dimple poking into his cheek. "I know. That's not why I do it."

I didn't question him further.

He checked us in for our flight, and we made our way through security. He took my hand into his as we headed toward our terminal. We had a quick breakfast at one of the airport restaurants before boarding out flight.

He offered me the window seat and I happily took him up on his offer. I had never flown before and was excited to see the view.

As the plane prepared for takeoff, my hands began to fidget in my lap. I rotated between looking out my window and watching the safety demonstrations put on by the flight attendants. I felt Preston's hand gently lay over mine and I quickly turned toward him.

"You okay?" he asked, genuine concern apparent on his face.

I nodded. "I'm fine."

Preston's hand remained atop mine as the flight attendants took theirs seats and the plane approached the runway. The engines rumbled to life as the plane began streaking down the runway faster and faster. I moved my hands from beneath Preston's and gripped my armrests.

I could feel his eyes on me, but I didn't take my eyes off the seat in front of me, frozen in fear.

"You've never flown before, have you?"

"No," I replied. "Is it that obvious?"

I heard Preston chuckle slightly. "No, definitely not. Your death grip is totally normal. Nothing at all out of the ordinary."

My face snapped to him as I glared at him as he looked at me with amused enjoyment.

"I'm glad you're finding delight in my displeasure."

He leaned his lips close to my hair, his hair mixing with mine. "I'd be happy to help you find your own delight if you'd join me in the mile-high club."

He leaned back into his seat with a scandalous smile upon his face as though he knew exactly what he had done to my body. He was right, of course. My heart pounded and my insides tingled at his words at the reminder of what he felt like inside me. The thought quickly evaporated as my last s****l encounter with Scott barged into my mind and I sucked in a breath. Blood drained from my face as I flashed back to telling him no before laying there dead beneath him.

"You alright?"

I blinked quickly and turned toward Preston. His stunning green eyes were wide with concern.

"I'm fine," I breathed out softly as I turned toward the window. Moisture pricked at the corners of my eyes and I forced myself not to cry. This was stupid. I was overreacting. Scott hadn't meant to hurt me. He hadn't meant to force me that night. It had been a misunderstanding.

I focused on the scene outside as I felt the plane lift higher and higher into the sky. My ears popped with the change of pressure as questions began to drift into my mind. What was I doing here? Was I truly ready to be with Preston? The way he wanted to be and was paying me to be?

"I had a question for you," Preston said, interrupting my swirling thoughts.

I turned toward him, plastering a fake smile upon my face. "What's your question?" I honestly didn't even know if I could answer it at this point. I was like an out of control tornado spinning wildly and bringing destruction everywhere I went.

"There will be people I associate with, friends and such," he began. I detected a hint of nervousness that I had never noticed before as his accent thickened. "I wasn't sure how I was to introduce you."

I blew out a breath as my smile faded and brought my face down with it. I looked at my hands in my lap. "You can call me whatever you want." The burn of my worthlessness and insignificance went all the way to my core being. My soul cried out from the depths deep within me and wept with the reality of what I had allowed myself to become. I was nothing but what a man wanted to f**k in the bedroom. I had allowed this to occur and I was the one who needed to change it. Why was I incapable of doing so?

"I'd like to call you my girlfriend for the weekend," Preston suggested softly. "If that's okay," he quickly added.

I nodded at his meaningless words. I would be something else for someone once again. When would I be me?

"You don't want your family to know you hired a prostitute? Are you going to hide your true self from them?" I snipped out accidentally and quickly held my breath. I had to get over this stupid pity party before I ruined my chance at making the cash I desperately needed this weekend.

"I didn't think that would be an appropriate way to introduce you," Preston replied with an edge to his voice. He also glared at me.

My heart sank. I had made him angry. Now what? Would he dismiss me? Abandon me in Colorado? Would he get violent like Scott? I didn't truly know him that well.