Love Me, Not My Body

CHAPTER 17

I dropped my hands to my sides but stayed on my knees. I stared down at the dirt beneath me, feeling like I was nothing more than that. I had deceived him into wasting his time and money on a day with me when I knew I was unable to give him what he was paying for.

He knelt down upon his knees in front of me and I drew in a shaky breath.

“Kendra,” he said again. “Look at me.”

I closed my eyes, a tear escaping my eye and I quickly wiped it away before lifting my face to his. I tried to look strong, but it was hard when I was quivering inside.

As my eyes met his, I was surprised by the compassion they held. There wasn’t a hint of anger or disappointment within them. Instead, I found concern.

“It’s okay.” His words were slow and gentle. “I’m not mad. Disappointed perhaps, but not mad.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” I said quickly. “I should have told you before I agreed. I should have given you a heads up so you could decide if you still…”

“I’d still want to,” he interrupted me.

I stared at him, unsure if I believed him or not. It didn’t seem plausible. Why would he pay when he couldn’t get the goods?

“If I just wanted to have s*x with you, I wouldn’t need all day.” He ran his hand through his hair as he spoke.

I nodded slowly, deciding to take his words at face value. He stood up and put his hand down to me.

“Come on,” he coaxed gently.

I drew in a deep, calming breath as I put my hand into his. I felt that familiar shock from whenever we touched spark through my body. He easily pulled me to my feet as he held onto my hand as we began walking through our tropical paradise once again.

We hiked and enjoyed the rest of our day. He pointed out some wildlife and trees that he knew the names of. He told me a bit about what it was like growing up in London, and how much life differed here in the States. He told more of his lame, silly jokes.

As the evening began to approach, he led us back to his car. He took me back to his place, stopping to pick up a pizza from his favorite place along the way. He set the pizza out on the coffee table in the living room, instructing me to have a seat on the couch as he grabbed us drinks.

“I feel bad,” I lamented as he walked into the kitchen. “I feel like I should be the one waiting on you.”

“You’re fine,” he called back.

I sighed as I crossed my arms over my chest. My eyes caught sight of a frame with a collage of photos hanging on the wall. I curiously walked over to it and scanned over the photographs. A smile tugged at my lips of a little Preston with curly hair and a huge smile that seemed larger than his face. An older woman was in several photos, I’m assuming his mother. She was beautiful with long, brown hair and the same green eyes as Preston. There were a couple more recent pictures of Preston with men and women around the same age as him. In a couple photos they were bungee jumping, and in one they were on dirt bikes.

Hands suddenly wrapped around me from behind and I startled and dropped my arms. Preston’s lips pressed against my neck as his hands tightened around my waist. The pressure shot a sudden, sharp pain from my bruised and aching abdomen.

I cried out as my eyes watered from the shock of extreme pain from his touch. My knees folded for a split second and I fell forward and down.

Preston’s hand quickly shot to my arms, attempting to catch me from my crumble toward the floor.

“Are you alright?” he asked worriedly.

“I’m fine,” I choked out in a shaky voice as I regained the strength in my legs. “Just a stupid cramp.”

I turned around to face him and his eyes glared down at me unhappily.

“It looks like you have some thrill-seeking friends,” I remarked to try to change the subject as quickly as possible. I turned back around toward the photographs and could feel his gaze burning into the back of my head. “How long have you been doing all this stuff?”

He was silent a moment before responding. “A while.”

“What got you into it?” I asked, too afraid to turn around.

“It’s something I enjoy doing,” he responded, not really answering the question.

I found the courage to turn around to face him. His face still held a sharpness and perhaps a bit of sadness? It was hard to read.

“Do you want some ibuprofen?” he asked in a flat voice. “For your cramps?”

I nodded slowly, unsure of why he was suddenly upset. “That would be great. Thanks.”

His lips pulled into a straight line as he nodded and turned and headed toward the restroom. I breathed out a nervous breath in his absence and went and sat down on the oversized leather couch.

He came back a few moments later with a couple pills and handed me one of the glasses on the table. He sat down beside me as I swallowed them.

“Shall we eat?” he asked, though I’m not sure it was really a question as he simply opened the boxes and handed me a plate.

I hesitantly took the plate from him as he began talking about how great the pizza was and the different toppings he had gotten. He moved past the incident moments ago as though nothing of importance had occurred.

He flipped the television on as we sat next to each other and ate. The pizza was phenomenal and honestly the best I had ever had. I embarrassingly ate more than I should have, but Preston had a way of making me feel comfortable even in uncomfortable circumstances. He had a way of making me smile when I didn’t think I could or wasn’t sure I should. He brought out an adventurer with me and found courage deep within me I never knew I had.

He put his arm around my shoulders, holding me close against him as we cuddled after we had finished eating. He kissed the top of my head and I felt like we had brought paradise back here with us. At the same time, the reminder of what I was really here for inched its way from the recesses of my brain. I could try to push it away, or pretend it was something it wasn’t, but the fact of the matter was he had hired me to do a job, and it was time I began doing it.

I slid my hand slowly onto his thigh and ran it up. I slipped it between his legs and could feel his manhood. I rubbed my hand back and forth as he shifted, spreading his legs and giving me better access.

“Kendra,” he groaned out softly as I could feel his erection growing rapidly beneath my hand.

I sat up and slid down to the floor. I looked up at him with my best seduction look as I undid his pants. Though he looked like he wanted to tell me no, he lifted slightly off the couch so I could properly undo his pants and pull them down to gain access.

I pulled his large c**k out of his pants and began stroking it with my hand. I gave him one last, seductive look before lowering my mouth to it. I gave attention to the head before licking his entire throbbing c**k.

I took his large manhood into my mouth and was instantly gratified with a gasping groan from Preston. I worked diligently on giving him the best blow job I possibly could, using all the techniques and tricks I had learned over my time. They didn’t go unnoticed as Preston was very vocal about his enjoyment.

His hands gently slid into my hair as he held it up so he could view my face better. His moans and groans increased and grew in volume before he finally found his release.

I sat back on my feet and smiled at him.

“I have never came from a blow job,” he drew out slowly.

“Until now,” I winked at him.

He smirked, one of his dimples showing. “Until now.”

“Married,” Jessica remarked as she eyed the man sitting at one of her tables at Kiki’s. He winked at her as we glanced at him. “All the married ones hit on me.”

I turned toward her suspiciously. “How do you know he’s married?”

She turned her back to the man and leaned against the counter. She raised her left hand and pointed to her ring finger. “He’s got a tan line from his missing ring.”

My jaw dropped as I glanced back at him. “That’s disgusting.”

She shrugged. “At least I’ll get a good tip if I flirt back. It doesn’t have to go anywhere.”

“Kendra!” Becca, another waitress, called my name.

I turned toward her to find her carrying a beautiful arrangement of a dozen roses.

“You have a delivery,” she said as she handed me the flowers.

“Aw,” Jessica drew out with big eyes. “Scott is such a sweetheart.”

“He’s definitely a keeper,” Becca remarked.

Jessica sighed. “I need a Scott.”

“Don’t we all,” Becca called out as she headed off to grab some plates of food to take out to her tables.

I set the roses on the counter as I pulled the card off.

“What does it say?” Jessica asked, looking over my shoulder.

“I don’t know,” I laughed as I nudged her away.

She rolled her eyes as she walked away. “We don’t all have a guy head of heels for us.”

I watched her leave as I thought of how immensely wrong they were about my relationship. Well, somewhat wrong. Sure, Scott was an amazing boyfriend when he wasn’t high. If only that could be the Scott I had all the time. What would they be saying if they knew of what he had done to me? My hand subconsciously went to my stomach to touch the healing bruises. No one could know. He was a good man. He just made some mistakes. He was working on it. He could overcome this addiction. I knew it.

I had hidden the money Preston had paid me with the rest in my shoebox. I had such a good savings building up to send Scott to rehab. Then we could be happy again. Then we could have our fairy tale.

I opened the card and read Scott’s words.

Kendra-

I say this too often, but I’m sorry. I love you so much baby. I need you more than oxygen. You are everything to me, and I will make this right again.

Yours forever,

Scott

I re-read the card and the kind words he had written. I should have butterflies in my stomach and a fluttering heart. Instead, I had bruises and a heart that was having a hard time believing his words.

He just needed help. He would get it, and we would be fine again. I just knew it.

---

Scott was his sweet, flattering self for the next two weeks. He made me my favorite dinners. He drove me to and from work and surprised me with flowers and candies and small gifts. He insisted on taking me shopping for a new dress, and he followed it up with a fancy dinner to wear the dress to. He bought me a gorgeous heart necklace with diamonds. I questioned where the money was coming from, but he told me not to worry about it.

“My woman deserves nice things,” he told me.

Preston came in a couple times to eat at Kiki’s with some of his fellow firefighters. I greeted them with a smile and happily waited on their table, but he never asked for any time with me. I found myself extremely conflicted upon it. I was relieved I didn’t have to lie to Scott or grapple with the guilt of whether Preston was something more than a client, but it also hurt to feel brushed aside by Preston. He flattered me with plenty of attention when he came in. He even called me “love” again, but he didn’t want any more time with me and, as ridiculous as it sounds, that bothered me.

As another week came toward an end, I came home to find Scott with a beautiful new deep blue dress in his hands. He smiled giddily at me as he held it out for me to take in. It had a plunging neckline and cinched waistline and looked to be rather short.

“That will look great on you,” I remarked as I closed the apartment door behind me. “It’s definitely your color.”

“Ha ha,” he fake laughed sarcastically at me. “It’s for my beautiful woman.”

I quirked an eyebrow at him as I tossed my purse down on the table and walked over to him. “And just where am I supposed to wear this dress to?”

“Dominic invited us to a nightclub tomorrow night.”

My stomach dropped at his words. The last thing I wanted to do was spend any time with Dominic after what had occurred. The man creeped me out. “I’m not twenty-one,” I remarked, trying to find an excuse not to go. “And neither are you.”

Scott waved his hand at me as though I was being silly. “He has connections. He told me not to worry about it.”

“Why does he even want us to go?” I asked as I reached out and ran my fingers over the beautiful dress.

Scott shrugged. “I’m his friend. Why wouldn’t he invite us out? Aren’t you glad I’m moving up? I mean, he owns his own companies. This could be a huge step for me. We just need to play our cards right, and I’m in.”

“In what?” I quickly asked as I dropped my hand and looked up at him. “You said you wanted to get away from the drugs.”

Scott frowned. “He doesn’t just sell drugs, Kendra. He has legitimate business. This is a huge opportunity for me to provide for us. To give us a better life. The kind of life you deserve.”

“I’m happy with this life,” I confessed softly. “I’m happy with just you and me.”

He blew out a breath as he wrapped his arms around me for a hug. “Don’t ruin this for me, okay baby? Can’t you do this one thing for me? Please?”

I wrapped my arms around him as I leaned into his chest. “Of course.”

“That’s my girl,” Scott said as he pulled back to give me a kiss. “This will be fun. You’ll see.”

---

I had to suck in with everything I had to allow Scott to pull the zipper on the blue dress up. It was much shorter than anything I would have chosen but I plastered a smile on my face as I turned around to face him.

“What do you think?” I asked with a smile.

Scott smiled, his eyes dancing over me. “I think my girl is going to be the hottest one in the club.”

I laughed as I dropped my eyes to the floor, my cheeks heating up with his compliment.

He stepped over to me and slid his fingers under my chin to lift my face to his. He bent down, kissing me hungrily. I wrapped my arms around his neck as his hands roamed my body. When he went for the zipper, I quickly stepped back.

“I worked too hard to get into this dress!” I laughed.

He groaned as he gave me another kiss. “We need to make this an early night.”

The music in the nightclub pounded loudly, the bass taking control of my heartbeat and forcing it in rhythm with the music. The place was packed with scantily dressed woman and roving men ready to take them home. A DJ sat at the front of the dancefloor, pounding the music out of the speakers. The dancefloor was an ocean of people all moving to the beat of the music.

I sat with Scott in a reserved VIP section of the club as I watched the action below. He had his arm around my shoulders as he relaxed beside me. Dominic sat across from us with his blonde date whose large breasts were spilling out of her dress. They unfortunately seemed to have caught Scott’s attention and I caught his eyes wandering to them several times already.

“Do you want a drink?” Scott asked as he sat forward and spoke into my ear over the music.

I shook my head as I turned toward him. “No, thank you.”

He nodded as he waved for the waitress for our area. It didn’t seem to matter that neither Scott nor I were twenty-one. Whatever connection Dominic had here apparently made the fact easily overlooked.

“So Kendra,” Dominic said as his eyes wandered over me. I shuddered as he seemed to be undressing me with his eyes. “Scott and I have been discussing you taking a more central role at Blue Hades.”

I snapped to Scott in shock at the words said. He hadn’t said a word about it to me. He had only told me about his job advancement, not my own.

“Scott hasn’t told me anything about it,” I remarked dryly as I glared at him.

Scott took a long sip of his drink before turning toward me. “I just haven’t had time to tell you yet, baby.”

I turned back to Dominic as I pushed down the nervousness and replaced it with a fake calm. “I’m not really interested in more work at Blue Hades. I’m more interested in finding out what I owe you so I can get it repaid and move on to another career path.”

Dominic’s face didn’t change as he raised an eyebrow at my words. “You don’t like working my establishment?”

I sat up a little taller and spoke loud despite my insides quivering. There was something menacing and frightening about him. He just eluded fear. “No one wants to be a prostitute forever.”

He smiled, though it had more menace than humor. “I have plenty of women who would disagree with you. They enjoy being fucked.” He drew out his last word and licked his lips afterwards.

I tipped my head to the side, refusing to back down. “I’m not one of them.”

“Shame,” he said, his eyes narrowing on me. “Something as beautiful as you not being properly explored.”

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. “I just want to know how much I owe you so I can get out.”

He chuckled lightly at me as he put his arms out. “This isn’t a place to talk business. I’ll get you a number tomorrow.”

I pressed my lips together. That’s the same answer I got every time. The number was never handy, and there was always the promise of having it tomorrow. Unfortunately, it was never found tomorrow either.

“Why don’t you take her for a dance, Scott?” Dominic suggested as he turned his attention to him. “Loosen her up a bit.”

Scott quickly grabbed my hand, pulling me to my feet and toward the dance floor. I stumbled behind him to keep up on my heels.

“What are you doing?” he hissed at me as he turned toward me in the crowd of people all dancing.

“What are you talking about?” I shot back. “He’s practically undressing me with his eyes and you’re okay with that? You said this was a career advancement for you, not me.”

Scott rolled his eyes as he put his hands on my waist and began dancing with me. “You just need to roll with it, baby. If we want a better life, we need to…”

“I don’t want a better life,” I snapped as I took a step back from him. “You want a better life and apparently you want to pimp me out to achieve it.”

“Kendra,” Scott scolded as he glanced around us before stepping closer to me again. “You need to chill. This is a huge opportunity for us. Don’t blow it, okay? Please baby. Do this for me?”

I shook my head as I looked around at the people dancing all around us. Did their boyfriends try to convince them to prostitute themselves out for a better life too? “He reminds me of Paul,” I confessed so softly I doubted he could hear it over the music.

Scott raised his hands to my face, and I flinched. His hands cupped my face as he held it steady to his. “I didn’t let him have you, and I won’t let Dominic. I will keep you safe, baby. Just trust me.”

“He’s never going to let me get out,” I explained my fear to him. “He always says I still owe him money, yet he never gives me a number. I don’t want to be indebted to him for my entire life.”

“You won’t be, baby,” Scott chuckled as though I was crazy as his hands dropped from my face and went to my waist. He pulled me closer to him as he again began dancing. “You think too much.”

“He wants us to get more involved, Scott. That’s not getting out. I want out. That’s what I…”

“You need to trust me and do what I tell you to,” Scott interrupted as his hands tightened on my waist. “You don’t know what the hell is good for you.”

A chill went down my spine at his words. They sounded like my past; at what we had escaped. They weren’t supposed to be a part of our future. Scott was different. I knew he was. He wasn’t like the others. That’s why I had fallen in love with him. Had I been wrong somehow?

I shook my head, shaking away my thoughts. I needed to stop worrying so much. I knew Scott. I knew he loved me, and he only wanted what was best for us.

“Okay,” I conceded. “But if he touches me, I will throat punch him.”

Scott threw his head back and laughed. “There’s my sour girl.”

---

We danced until we were both exhausted before winding our way through the crowd back up to the VIP section. Dominic raised a cheer to his and Scott’s new business partnership, whatever it was. My eyes wandered over the dance floor as the two began talking about various drinks and cars. The conversation held no interest to me.

My breath caught the moment my eyes caught sight of him. His hair was down, wavy and glorious. He had on a black shirt, unbuttoned low as he always did. A gray fedora sat atop his head with a red stripe.

Preston leaned against the bar, laughing about something. His smile was large and wide with his dimples piercing his cheeks. I idly wondered how old he was. I had never asked, but he always appeared young. Close to my age. He had to be at least twenty-one to get in here though. Unless, I supposed, he had some connection like we had.

Two beautiful girls stepped forward, grabbing Preston’s hands and pulling him toward them and out onto the dance floor. He willingly went with them.

One of the women, a beautiful Spanish girl, grabbed the hat off his head and put it atop her own. She turned around, grinding her butt into him. He looked down at her in enjoyment as his hands slid over her waist.

The other woman pressed up against his back. She kissed his neck as her hands wandered down to his waist and slid under his shirt. She ran them up his back, raising his shirt with her. The front girl turned around, unbuttoning his shirt before running her hands up and down his tattooed chest. He learned down, kissing her neck as she grinded against him. His hands slid around her waist and to her butt.

I turned away, not wanting to see another second of it. It was only going to break my heart. Like a car crash, my eyes couldn’t stay away and I had to see the scene even if it would be a scaring image.

My heart painfully constricted as my eyes took in the image of Preston locking lips with the Spanish girl on the dance floor. He pulled back, running a hand through his hair as he smiled at her. She bounced around, giddily dancing with him and obviously drunk on his attention.

Just like I had once been. Only Preston had only paid to have s*x with me. He wasn’t freely interested in me like he obviously was with this girl. He saw me as a paid prostitute, while this woman would have his respect. She could have a relationship with him, while I had nothing but some of his money and a memory.

I turned back to Scott. He looked at me and smiled. I leaned into him as he put his arm around my shoulders and kissed my head.