About That Night

VII. so near yet so far.

Olivia

I’m a good girl. I’m a good girl. I’m a good girl.

I kept chanting that in my head as I stood in front of the closed door to my first class which was English. I just came from an emotional breakdown in the bathroom by myself. I was around fifteen minutes already and I was very hesitant to walk into the class. I was not the kind of girl to skip classes. I had been excellent in my academic performance. As a student, I was never competitive at all. I hadn’t even joined any extra-curricular activities before. I just went with the flow and excelled in my academics. I might hate school sometimes but I loved learning. I had never experienced being in third place among the academic achievers and I was happy I made my parents proud without me even thinking of it.

Yes, it was the first day of classes and it was almost everybody’s belief that there wouldn’t be important discussions. I would believe that if I was just in Australia at my previous school but I was a transferee here. I wouldn’t want my instructors to have wrong impressions about me. I wasn’t sure if the instructor was already inside, though. Even if he or she was not yet around, it would still be awkward for me to just walk in like a shy dog. It had been more than fifteen minutes since the bell rang. There was no doubt the room was occupied and that some of them might have seen the incident in the hallway.

Anxious, I breathed out deeply as I put my hand on the doorknob. It was shaking in fear. I got nervous easily. I wasn’t sure why. I wished I was confident about myself and in life. It was sad I lacked that.

“You’ll be okay, Olivia,” I whispered to myself.

However, just when I was ready to twist the doorknob and push the door open, someone just freaking tapped my right shoulder, startling the crap out of me and I almost screamed in shock and curse the person.

Shit.

Good thing I held my tongue before profanities would come flying out of my mouth. 

Does a good girl swear?

I do.

I put my fist over my heart as I tried to calm myself down and distanced myself from who seemed to be the English instructor. I moved away from the door and faced him.

“Good morning, Sir. I’m sorry for blocking the door.” I sheepishly smiled at him.

I thought he would be angry because as I studied his appearance, he had that face of a strict English teacher with those signature vintage eyeglasses. He was old. The wrinkles on his face and his greying hair could attest to that. He was not stout and wearing a brown suit with a black tie. He was carrying a black leather bag in his right hand. His aura screamed terror but it was only me who had the wrong impression about him because when he started talking, I realized he seemed kind.

“I’m surprised your morning is still good. I thought I had let your soul flee from your body.”

“Almost.” I chuckled.

That made him laugh too. I found myself smiling because he wasn’t what I thought he was. He was down to earth. From the looks of it, he might be my favorite teacher already. I liked kind and funny teachers. Strict ones stressed me out. I wonder who he was.

“So. Miss…”

“Thompson. Olivia Thompson, Sir…”

“Miss Thompson, why are you late for my class?” He didn’t sound like he was angry at all. He was just calm there, not looking disappointed at all. Maybe, today wasn’t that bad at all.

I scratched the back of my head, looking like a dear caught in the headlights.

“I’m actually new here. I had quite a hard time looking for this classroom. I’m from Australia.” I explained. It was just one of the reasons. I needed not to tell him that I was crying my heart out in the bathroom after getting bullied by a b***h and laughed at by people. I was afraid I would be just a charity case when that incident would get to the teacher and the school administration.

There are cameras everywhere.

Right.

“Oh, I see. A transferee.” He nodded his head in understanding. “What are we waiting for? Come on. You need to introduce yourself in my class.” He was more excited about it than I was.

My eyes widened in panic but before I could even protest, he already pushed the door open and walked inside his classroom, looking so mighty that it was quiet all of a sudden. I stayed outside, so nervous.

“Everyone, listen.” He paused and scanned the classroom while leaning at his desk at the front before he continued. “I know every one of you here. Your faces aren’t new to me anymore. But, we have a new face here. Be kind to her.”

Would they be kind to me?

When he said that, it made me think that they were not kind and they just have to because there was someone new and that was me. I shouldn’t think negatively and judge them easily. Maybe, what happened there in the hallways just made me have this attitude. I wasn’t normally this way. That made me even more nervous.

Sir I-didn’t-know-the-name-yet turned his head to look at me and signaled me to come in with a nod.

Taking a deep breath once more, I brought up all my courage to finally step inside and stood in front of the class. Damn. The whole classroom was packed. That was the first thing I noticed while I was looking for a vacant seat. I was just about to lose hope when I saw an uncopied table at the back near the window. I felt a rush of relief over me but that was so short when my classmates started whispering.

‘Isn’t she the girl in the hallway?’

‘She’s that nerd.’

‘How sad. She looks like she had been crying badly. Look at her eyes.’

I wasn’t deaf. Those were the words I heard from them even if they were just whispering. The reason why they were saying those things refreshed my mind. They just reminded me. It hurt to be the tea, the gossip, and the charity. I freaking hated that.

“Why is everyone noisy? Be quiet and let her talk.”

From his strong voice, they easily obliged. I guessed he was so respected as a teacher.

“Olivia, go on.” He encouraged me.

I took a deep breath one more time and cleared my throat. The looks on their faces made me want to disappear. How could they make someone less worthy by just their eyes? Standing in front was just giving them the opportunity to pity me so I spoke.

“Hi, I’m Olivia Marie Thompson. Seventeen years old from Sydney.” I started.

What else am I supposed to say?

My left hand slowly closed into a fist as I felt more anxiety creeping in. The attention was too much to bear. I hated it. It was so awkward when my eyes just my classmates’ randomly. It would be weird for me to be looking anywhere but at them. I tried my best to look composed and calm when deep inside, I wished the ground open up to swallow me. I wanted to disappear out of their sight.

“Please tell us more about yourself. What interests you, your talent and skills, your favorites? Anything.”

Sir, I thought that’s just it.

I glanced at him before I faced my classmates again. It was so damn awkward. I felt like shaking in nervousness because they were looking at me seriously. Why did they want to listen to me?

“I love to read and play the piano and the guitar. Nicholas Sparks is my favorite author. My favorite color is red and I love dogs… so much.”

“Interesting, Miss Thompson. I’m sure some here can relate to your interests and favorites. You may take a seat now. There’s a vacant one there.” He said, gesturing to the table with two vacant seats.

“Thank you so much, sir.” I threw him a small smile and was just about to walk in the middle to the back when the door just burst open with more force than normal and someone just walked in.

My head was so quick to turn and look at the other late comer but only for my heart to ache again.

Jackson Storm Collins Butler.

He walked into the class and passed me without a care in the world. He even ignored the presence of the teacher in front. He looked like that bad boy in a white shirt and black leather jacket with his long dark brown hair combed back neatly and messily at the same time. The ladies’ eyes were at him in an instant. That included me.

But before he could even take any step further, the teacher stopped him. He was standing right there in front of me, around a meter apart with his back to me.

“Mr. Butler, I’m not surprised to see you late here in my class again but you have a new classmate. Why don’t you introduce yourself to her? The rest just did.”

What the heck? Is he serious?

Storm didn’t turn around to face me yet. Would he do it? He needed not to, though. I kept my eyes on his back as my heartbeat paced up at each second that passed. It was silent and the rest of the class were just watching us, more like waiting for Storm to talk. From my peripheral vision, I could see the girls ogling and having googly eyes at him. I felt an emotion, a sudden pang in my chest but I ignored it. They could stare at him as long as they want. It wasn’t like he would melt.

He’s right in front of me but he’s far away.

“Alright.” Storm suddenly spoke after a long moment of silence. He sounded cool until he turned to face me and asked, “I know you can memorize easily. Who’s that guy at the back, last row, left side?”

Oh, s**t.

I swallowed the lump in my throat as I looked at the curly guy he was referring to and then back at him. I completely forgot how intelligent he was. He could easily come up with witty things and retort back at people. But, he just said he knew me. That exact phrase got a reaction from everyone. Some even gasped. That made me wonder if he was famous in the school. If he was, I’d be more uncomfortable and it would make me try to stay as far as I could away from him. If he had a reputation, it was better to just leave it that way and that was possible if I wouldn’t be on his side and pretend like we were strangers.

Idiot, he just gave a hint that you know each other.

“You know each other?” The instructor was surprised. “I know you I couldn’t fool you, Butler but do you actually know each other?”

Storm scoffed and looked at our teacher over his shoulder. “No, Mr. Smith. I don’t know her.” What? Then he looked at me and said, “I was just trying to make sure if the rest really introduce themselves to this new face.”

Is he freaking serious right now?

I couldn’t stop staring at him… in disbelief. I felt like crying as he looked into my eyes, saying all those painful words.

How could you just say that?

My eyes silently asked him why as my breath hitched. Tears were threatening to come out but I held them back. Did he even know how hurt I was? Couldn’t he tell? Why did he look so fine? Why did he have to lie?

Now, I realized it was so difficult to bring back what we were. I just wanted to be friends with… again. But he was making it harder for me. Did he really have to be that harsh?

“Oh, I see.” Mr. Smith said. “Then, go ahead be the first one to introduce himself to Olivia.”

“Sure.” He didn’t take his eyes off me. “Jackson Storm Butler.” He said as he extended his hand while still keeping his eyes on me.

My heart was so heavy but I had to it. He didn’t have to it so I wouldn’t have to do it.

A soft, slow, and shaky breath escaped from me as I looked away from him to his hand that was held in front of me. Almost hesitant, I lift my hand and held his for a handshake. I looked into his eyes and introduce myself by the name he didn’t want to call me because he thought it was long.

“Olivia Marie Thompson.”

Something sparked in his eyes, an emotion I couldn’t decipher. He looked so passive. I could not read him. I noticed the quick-twitch on his brow and crease on his forehead before he drew his hand away. Like I had just been electrified, I drew mine too.

“The last two seats at the back are yours.”

I walked past him and to the chair near the window. Of course, we had to seat beside each other. Just great. When we were finally settled, it was when Mr. Smith spoke.

“For Olivia, I am Drew Smith, your English instructor.”

I threw him a small smile when he looked my way.

And this for everyone,” He paused. “Same rules will apply in this class. In general, I hate disrespect. I’m old and I need you to cooperate with me. For today, I’ll send you out early so you could go to the library and read any English stories. It may be fiction or non-fiction. It's up to you.  Write a reflection, a reaction, or a review about it and pass it first thing at our next meeting which is Wednesday. Understood?”

“Yes, Sir.” The class chorused excluding me and Storm.

“Good. You may go.”

They were up and going out of the classroom and I remained seated as I waited for them. When Storm finally stood up, I did too and headed for the door. We were finally but he never stopped walking, never even looked back, and just left me behind.

So near yet so far.