His Favorite Sin

SIX

CAGED BIRD

Nine Years Ago

‘Jonah wants to come, so he will be tagging along.’ I informed Lance as I cautiously led him down the stairs, where I could see his little brother already waiting at the landing by their driver, Tim.

‘Oh, so he gets to come along, but my cat doesn’t.’ Lance grumbled, and I struggled to hide my smile. It was my first time taking him out, and I did not want his creepy pet around. So I had made up a silly excuse of how I couldn’t look after him and the cat at the same time. He wasn’t happy about it and hadn’t stopped complaining since. He seemed really attached to the animal.

‘Are you sure you’re not taking one of the cars?’ Tim, in a stiff upright posture, asked as we took the last step. Mr. Dvorak told me to take one of the cars in the garage, but I decided against it. I wanted our visit to town to be as inconspicuous as possible. A Mercedes or Bentley would stick out like a sore thumb in a small town like this.

‘Yes, Tim. Thank you.’ I politely said and took Jonah in my other hand, not before seeing the disapproving look on Tim's face. I know, carrying two precious kids of a generational wealthy family on the bus; oh, “the horror.”

Jonah, with a full head of wild curly hair, could hardly contain his excitement as he kept his face glued to the window of the bus all the way through. I couldn’t help but smile down at him. Like kids his age, he was impossibly curious, but what distinguished him most from his older brother was the presence of light in his eyes. Sometimes, I would stare at Lance and be taken aback by the quiet sadness hidden in his smile. He tries to hide it, pretend it’s not there, but his mask was made of thin glass.

‘So boys, hope you like shopping!’ I chirped as we stepped down from the bus. Jonah’s enthusiastic cheer mirrored my excitement, but Lance's silent sigh cut through the thrill.

‘You don’t like the idea, Lance?’

‘I just don’t get why we have to come out and do the shopping when we have Tim and can get him to do all that.’

‘Because sometimes, it’s good to experience things ourselves instead of getting the help to do it.’ I took him by the arm and kept Jonah close as we made our way through the street.

First, we walked into a bookstore, knowing how much Lance loved books and loved me reading to him. We strolled down the aisles of bookshelves as I read aloud the titles and summary contents of poetry collections and fictional novels for Lance in order for him to make a pick, and he was very picky. We had spent an hour in the shop, and he had only been attracted to one book.

‘We have a library filled with works of art by the greatest authors, playwrights, and poets from around the world. I think I will stick to them.’ I suspected his cat not accompanying us had something to do with his foul mood.

‘Okay. Let me find something for Jonah, too.’ Jonah had been surprisingly docile and hadn’t attempted to stray away or cause any trouble. He had just clung to my side, which I was grateful for, and soon I realized it was because he was secretly bashful. He hid behind me when anyone looked his way and turned red in his ears whenever a passerby complimented him.

No one knew the identity of the two boys, thankfully, since Lance was homeschooled and Jonah only attended a private school in a neighboring town. I made sure to avoid the bakery where Derek worked, so we wouldn’t run into him or Hannah. The town was filled with gossip, and I didn’t want to expose them to it. Eventually, they would be, but I would like to protect them as long as I could.

Jonah requested to use the bathroom, so I accompanied him while Lance was okay staying behind. By the time we returned, a girl around Lance’s age was chatting with him, looking timid and giggling at her own words as she tucked her hair behind her ear. Her cheeks were bright pink as she wrote something on a small piece of paper before pressing it into his hand. She joined her friends, who were waiting behind, and left the store with them.

‘Was that a number?’

‘Is it?’ He stretched his hand, casually holding the paper out for me to read. Sure enough, the girl had scribbled her number down for him.

‘One minute outside, and you’re already stealing the ladies’ hearts, huh?’ I teased, but his face still held that bored expression as he straightened his cane and fixed his glasses.

‘Can we go now?’

‘Sure.’ If he could see the wide smile on my face, he would hate me.

Afterward, I noticed we, or rather, Lance, got more looks from girls his age, younger, and even older. I tried calling his attention to it and teased him some more, but his mood still hadn’t improved. There were some curious stares thrown our way since this was a small town where almost everyone knew everybody, and they did not know us, especially since we were getting more attention.

After leaving the bookstore, we walked around a bit. Sometimes I noticed Lance wince, as if in pain, but when I asked, he dismissed it as nothing. Like when we were in noisier places, he instantly demanded to leave.

‘I have sensitive ears,’ was his excuse.

Later, I took the boys to get some frozen yoghurt since it was a hot day with the sun high and bright, a rare occurrence in this town. We took a small walk in the local park before Lance, and I sat on a bench while Jonah played with other kids. I made sure to keep him in my line of sight.

‘I’m sorry we didn’t bring your cat along, but you can’t always have your pet with you, you know. You certainly can’t take it to school with you,’ I pointed out as Lance’s mood didn’t seem to improve much throughout the day. It was summer, and every kid was having the time of their lives during this period, but here he was sulking because he had to leave his cat behind while he went out to have fun. His attachment to the pet made no sense.

He paused at my words and set his half-finished cup of yoghurt on the bench. ‘He’s really serious about ending my homeschooling, isn’t he?’ I seemed to have worsened his mood. ‘So that’s what this ‘day-out’ is all about.’

‘He wants you more… exposed,’ I explained. ‘He thinks mingling more with people your age will be good for you.’

He was silent, and I decided not to disturb his thoughts.

‘My cat is special.’ He finally said, ‘He helps me… in a way nobody else can.’ He rubbed behind his neck.

‘I can help you, too, Lance. That’s what I’m here for.’

He nodded. ‘Tell me what you see. I want to have a picture.’

‘Okay!’ I shifted in my seat, happy to see him warming up. ‘So the sky is partly cloudy, but it doesn’t look like it will rain anytime soon, so that's good for us. The grass is green, but there are some dead leaves littered about, and to our far right, I can see a small field of poppies and daisies. There are some trees, pine trees, birch trees, holly, apple trees; we’re underneath a scarlet oak tree. Jonah is playing with some kids on the tiled road closed by, and oh look, it's a bird. A robin!’

The little orange bird fluttered closer to us and perched on the armrest beside Jonah. ‘Oh, look how cute you are.’ I cooed at it as it chirped and wiggled its head. I loved birds, and right then, I wished I had gotten some seeds before coming to the park.

While I was having this interaction with the bird, I hadn’t realized how stiff Lance had become beside me until the bird itself unnaturally paused its quick movements. It went silent and turned rigid as a rock for a moment until Lance brought up his fingers to brush against its feathers, and then, just as if a current went through it, its feathers fluffed up and its head wiggled to the side, to me. There was a strange stillness in the air. The tiny dark circles that represented its eyes felt like they were trained solely on me, and I was hit with a familiar feeling. The hairs on my body stood, and I was reminded of the same feeling Lance’s cat gave me.

Lance stretched his palm in front of it, and the bird instantly hopped onto his fingers. Lance brought the bird closer in. The smile on my face had disappeared as I felt the sudden shift in the air.

My eyes shifted back to Lance, baffled, ‘Lance?’ It appeared as if he had established some sort of connection with the bird because the tiny creature didn’t appear skittish even though it was in the palm of a stranger much larger than it was. Also, Lance seemed to be lost in a trance as he held it close, his attention entirely on it.

‘Remember when I said my cat was special and could help me in ways nobody else could?’ Lance and the bird tilted their head to me simultaneously, causing my heart to hammer in my ribcage as I sat frozen in my seat, my eyes shifting between Lance's dark sunglasses and the robin’s pitch-black eyes. ‘I just discovered I was wrong.’

Present

There was a time I loved birds. In fact, I used to be such an animal lover, especially of smaller animals. But after a few years living in the Dvorak mansion, I avoided the sight of them because I knew that if they could see me, then he could see me.

The sparrow perched on the bench’s backrest reminded me of an orange bird I once encountered. In fact, this whole place, the garden, the trees, the bench, Lance, it all gave me a chilling sense of déjà vu. If I had been smart then, listened to the warning bells in my head and left, my life would have been a whole lot different now, a whole lot better. But I had ignored the signs, and every wrong step of mine led me to this very moment.

Every step closer to Lance left a heavy weight on my heart that made breathing hard. I was regretting putting on a turtleneck underneath because it felt suffocating now, even with the open surroundings. My eyes shifted between him and the small bird until I came to stand directly in front of him in my boots with my purse in one hand. His smile remained, unnerving me with his silence. A slight breeze blew by, picking up the unshoveled leaves around.

‘Hi.’ I didn’t know what else to say, how to navigate this. Internally, I was a nervous wreck filled with doubts and uncertainty about this meeting. All the way here, I kept thinking of telling Tammy to turn the car around, but resisted the urge, and here I was.

Lance still hadn’t said anything, didn’t reply; he just kept his smirk with his head angled up at me as the sun reflected off his shades, and I shifted nervously on my feet.

‘Are you just going to remain quiet?’

His smile broadened. ‘I was just admiring.’ He finally said, and in response, my eyes shifted to the bird perched near his shoulders, locking with those tiny brown circles that were pinned on me, evoking a familiar feeling that caused the hairs on my arm to stand erect. ‘You’ve changed.’ My gaze snapped back to him as he sat up straight.

‘I had to,’ was my curt reply. ‘Thank you for agreeing to meet me.’

‘Anything for you.’ His smile turned into a wicked grin, and he tilted his head to the seat beside him. ‘Please, sit with me.’ I didn’t want to sit, though. Just standing over him gave me some sense of power, even though I knew I had none here.

I moved and sat close to the edge, keeping enough distance between us with the sparrow remaining in its perched space on the bench’s backrest. He noticed this and his lips quirked up at the side in amusement.

‘I’m not signing the contract,’ I announced. ‘Not until my conditions are met.’

‘Go ahead,’ he surprisingly encouraged, no opposition, yet.

I cleared my throat, ‘I want to be free.’

‘I never locked you up.’

‘You know what I mean,’ I quipped back and took in a deep breath before continuing. ‘I want to be free of you and your family. I want my life back! No more running or hiding like I have done for the past seven years. You can have the book and all rights to it. You don’t even have to publish it; I don’t care. I won’t fight you for it. Just please... don’t kill me... or my friends.’ The last part came out almost as a whisper. My throat felt clogged, and my eyes were brimming with tears now, and I let out my pent-up frustration as desperation gripped me. I realized I would give up anything just to feel free again.

I searched my purse for my handkerchief to dab at my eyes, so I wouldn’t ruin my makeup, but a movement beside me halted me. By the time I looked up, Lance had closed the distance between us, startling me when I found his face so close to mine.

His hand brushed its way up to my jaw, lightly skimming over my skin to my cheek, where he wiped away a tear that had escaped while I went frozen in my seat. ‘Please, don’t cry.’ His face had lost all trace of amusement, and his palm remained on my cheek. ‘I’m not here to kill you, Miss Dahlia. You’re very important to me; I thought you already knew that. I may have been a little theatrical with the prickly rose on your kitchen counter, but it was only an act of pettiness from my broken heart to get back at you for running away from me those years ago. I hadn’t expected that of you. I thought we were friends.’

We had been friends, but he had no right to make me feel guilty for leaving after what he did. ‘You... you killed someone.’ I whispered, wide-eyed, between us so the breeze couldn’t take my words far.

‘Fair.’ He smiled, amused, and I felt the cold air on my cheeks as he took his warm hand away. My eyebrows furrowed at the lack of compassion he displayed as he leaned back into his seat, stretching one arm to rest on the backrest behind me, my attempt to keep some distance between us crushed.

‘But still, I would never hurt you. You’ve told me all you want from me; you want to be as free as a bird because you think I’ve kept you in a cage. I understand.’ He nodded. ‘Now, can I tell you what I want from you?’ My puzzlement deepened my furrow.

‘I thought it was my book you wanted?’

He chuckled, and I felt his fingers pick apart a strand from my ponytail behind, lightly tugging at it. ‘You have created an extraordinary piece that took my attention, considering what it was about, and I more than enjoyed it, but that’s not all that brought me to you.’ Dread filled my heart from his words as I turned anxious, thinking of what else I had that he thought I could possibly give. ‘I miss your curls.’ He pulled again at my strands and curled a piece around his fingers.

I couldn’t recall the last time I let myself leave the house with my hair in its natural curly afro. For years, I made sure to always use a blow-dryer and straightener till every strand appeared glossy and straight to the ends, an aim to alter my identity further. I considered bleaching or dying it, but with all the heat of straightening, that would just damage my weak, fine hair even more and turn me bald.

‘I want more from you, Dahlia.’ He declared beside my ear as he moved in so close that I could feel his breath on my skin. ‘And I will have it. Don’t worry, in time, I will let you know all I want. In the meantime, let’s go ahead with the contract.’

‘Why are you doing this? I already promised I would cause no harm.’ I couldn’t understand what more he could possibly want for me, a nobody. I had asked for this meeting with the intention of getting my freedom from him, but it turned out he was attempting to ensnare me even more.

‘I know you won’t, and I am not worried you will. I already promised you I’m not here to hurt you, but I am not letting you out of my life again, either.’ He promised.