Falling For My Ex

Sydney I am alone in a bar, drowning my sorrows after a rough couple of days. I caught my boyfriend of over four years cheating on me two nights with some random chick in our apartment. He thought I would be home late, but I wasn’t. And now I have no home because he wouldn’t leave. I have stayed in a hotel for the last couple of nights. Then to top it all off, I lost my job today due to a disagreement with my boss. I was tired of him treating his staff like crap, and I lost it. He fired me on the spot. I have been having a ball recently.  “Can I get another?” I call out to the barman.  I have been on the straight vodka since I came in an hour ago. I am in no rush to return to my hotel to be alone. I am still getting used to sleeping in a bed with no one next to me because it isn’t something I have had to do in four years. It will take some adjusting. I will be okay in time. I am just feeling too many emotions at once—sadness, hurt, anger, loneliness, and confusion, only to name some. I think I am still in shock too. Warren and I never had any issues with our relationship. We had a good one. We communicated well, always laughing and spending time together, and the sex was incredible. So, I don’t understand why he would cheat on me. I would never dream of it! I don’t even know if it was a one time thing or occurring.  The barman set my other drink in front of me, “Thanks. Keep them coming, please.”  I know my limits. I won’t go overboard since I need to return to my hotel and have no one there to take care of me. I sigh and down my drink, and another soon appears in front of me. A couple more will be my limit.  I get lost in my thoughts. I think I need to stay single for a while. I jumped from one relationship to another. Before Warren, I was with the same guy for six years. It is time to be alone for a little while and heal myself.  “Syd?”  I hear a familiar voice from behind me. No, please, no! This day can’t get any worse. I know who it is because there was only ever one person I allowed to call me that. I pretend like I don’t hear him and hope he does away. I do not need to see him, not tonight of all nights. I hear the barstool beside me screech across the floor and watch him sit next to me out of the corner of my eye. I will just act like I have no idea who he is.  “Syd, please don’t ignore me,” he sighs. I down my drink and swirl around to face him. My breath catches in my throat the second my eyes fall on him. Those damn ocean blue eyes! They always got me.  “What do you want, Justin? Because I have had a shitty couple of days and don’t need any more crap.” I say through gritted teeth.  Justin chuckles, “Now, now, that is no way to treat an old friend you haven’t seen in five years.” Old friend? We were way more than that. He was my first love. No, actually, he was my first everything. We got together at fourteen in high school, we were friends for a couple of years before that, and we were a couple until we were twenty. He was the love of my life until he decided I wasn’t enough. What we had wasn’t enough, and he moved to London. I haven’t seen or spoken to him since he left. He broke my damn heart! I thought he was the one, and he made me believe I was the one for him. I was devastated. I met Warren six months later, and I should have known he would have just ended up breaking my heart too. I sometimes wish I was one of those women who could just do one-night stands, random hooks ups or flings, but I can’t. I don’t have it in me. I prefer relationships, but now, I think I may just become that woman.  “Why are you even back in Scotland?” I ask.  “Because it was time to come home. I missed you.”  He flashes his charming smile at me, the one which used to make me weak to the knees, and I hate that it still does.  “Missed me? Really? You fucked off and left me, Justin, and I haven’t heard from you since.” I snarl and turn away from him, ordering another drink. “I know. I am sorry, Syd.” He sighs. “A little too late. And don’t fucking call me that!” I hiss and glare at him.  “You can’t still be mad at me. It has been five years.”  “Yes, I can be! You should go away because tonight is not the night for you to piss me off, Justin.”  I wait for him to leave. He doesn’t. I shouldn’t be surprised by his stubborn ass.  “Talk to me, Sydney. Why are you so sad and angry?”  His voice is soft, and he reaches over to place his hand over mine. I quickly yank mine away. “None of your damn business!”  I jump to my feet, pay my tab and rush out of the bar. If Justin doesn’t want to leave, then I will. Why did he need to show up tonight? Haven’t I been through enough the last few days without him appearing? It is like some sick joke.  I shudder as I step outside, as the cool air hits me. I only had a cardigan on. I should have known better, especially in Scotland in February. I hug the cardigan tightly to my body and head for my hotel. It is only ten minutes from here. My car is in the carpark. I need to find a place of my own and fast. I have the money, and now with not working, I also have the time to find somewhere. The hotel is comfortable and safe, but I would rather have my own place than continue to stay in it.  “Sydney, wait up.” I hear Justin call from behind me. “No! Go to hell!” I call back and walk quicker. It doesn’t take him long to appear in front of me, blocking my path. “Please, Sydney, can we at least talk?”  “No! Leave me alone!” I barge by him.  I don’t look back to see if he is behind me. Thankfully I arrived at my hotel in no time and ran inside and straight for my room. I need a warm shower and sleep. I wanted to forget about the world outside for the next ten hours.  I never got closure when it came to our relationship ending. I close my room door behind me and rest against it. I close my eyes, draw in a deep breath, and run my fingers through my hair. Surely things can’t get any worse from here on out, right?  I pull myself from the wall and strip down on the way to the shower. I plan on staying in there for at least half an hour. It will help relax me. And tomorrow, I plan to stay in bed until later and not leave my hotel room. Yes, I am jobless, but I have enough money in the bank to keep me going for a while, so I don’t need to find another job immediately. I loved my job at the marketing company I worked for. I just wish the boss wasn’t such an egotistic jackass. I could probably not work for a few months, but I will get bored, so I need to find another job, or I will lose my mind. I might try my hand at something new for a little while.  I can think about all of that tomorrow because I have enough on my mind tonight.