How Deep is Your Love?

21 - Natalie

It’s been a day ever since that incident and until now, Brian never showed his face to me again. I tried calling and texting him yesterday for our appointment but he never answered. And so that same day, I went wedding shopping without my groom. I just made Bernard promise me that he’ll keep it a secret and never tell Tita Lorie that Brian didn’t even got out with me. Though it was just a civil wedding, Tita Lorie still planned it well and got a wedding planner to arrange appointments on a known boutique for my wedding dress and his suit. Luckily, the dress was my taste and it did fit me perfectly. I wasn’t so sure about Brian’s, so I took a pair of his suit in his closet and brought it with me to the boutique so they can just adjust it using the ones I brought.

I sighed after staring at the mirror for a long time. Funny how everything came so fast. I was supposed to be back in LA yesterday and checking on my own boutiques now. Instead, I am now seated here, nervously waiting for what’s gonna happen tomorrow. Our wedding day. My phone buzzed and saw that it was my father who just landed his plane. He was so angry at first and flustered as well since everything was just so sudden. But when he asked me if I’m happy and I told him that I am, he finally agreed. I am just so thankful of how supportive he is to me. Now, I am just waiting for some time before I get to meet Arya and Belle. They’d been asking a lot of questions ever since I broke out the news but I haven’t answered a single one yet. I’m sure they’d be asking more once I meet them later.

It’s not too late to back out. My mind yelled inside and I breathed in deeply.

Can I?

Can I still back out? I asked myself.

‘Please, iha. I know what I’m asking from you is selfish and wrong. But still, please help me save my son.’ Tita Lorie’s voice suddenly echoed through me which made me shook my head.

“You gave her your word, Natalie.” I finally said and sighed. “I can do this. I can do this.”

I tried to encouraged myself and repeated those words like a mantra. I stared at my reflection in front of the mirror, hearing my own heartbeat and breathing. I obviously anxious and nervous. However, deep inside, I know that I’m also feeling happy. I’m marrying the only man I have ever loved tomorrow.

Yes, that’s what I should be thinking about.

Think about how much you love him and why you’re doing this.

You’re doing this for him.

I convinced myself. Ultimately, I closed my eyes tightly and as I opened them, I stood up and sighed.

“I will do my best. I will take this chance to make him fall in love with me. I will try everything to make our marriage work.” I said and smiled this time. “Because I love him. That’s how much I love him.”

***

“OMG!! I can’t believe you’re really getting married!” Belle said out loud before engulfing me again with another big hug.

“Me too.” I said as I hugged her back.

“Congratulations!” Arya also said and pulled me over for a tight hug. “You’re so fast gurl!!!”

“Yeah. Things happened.” I said and hesitantly smiled. I haven’t really told them what happened and why we’re getting married. I mean, it’s something that I am not proud of. I know they’re like my sisters but still, I am not yet ready to tell them about it. Maybe soon, but not today. Not yet.

“I knew it! I knew he wouldn’t let you go just like that!” Arya teased as she excitedly pinched my cheek and I just blushed. “The kiss, the way he picked you up from our place, the lunch date…everything. I just knew he liked you too. Geez, I’m so happy for you.”

“Thanks.” I just answered and tried not to look awkward. I felt guilty hearing that from her. Because now, I’m pretty sure Brian hates me. And I’m just hoping and praying that he doesn’t show it to everyone during the wedding tomorrow. Or else, Belle and Arya would never stop asking questions. It will be easier to make them believe that he likes me too for now. Just until I’m ready to face what I’ve done and tell them the whole truth.

“Are you sure about this, Natz?” Belle asked on the other hand, her eyes full of concern and I know she’s a bit skeptical because everything was just so sudden. “I mean, believe me, I’m very happy for you. But then, I still can’t help think that he once hurt you. I don’t want you to end up hurting again, Natz.”

My eyes immediately got teary hearing that from her. She was my comfort during those years where I tried to survive without even seeing Brian, when I was trying to move on and live my life. This is also one of the reasons why I don’t have to tell them about the truth yet. That I actually trapped Brian into this marriage thing. It is because I know for sure that Belle will try her best to convince me to back out.

“Don’t worry. I’ll be okay.” I said and smiled.

“Belle is just so paranoid about you getting hurt because she’s hurting too.” Arya said and pouted for some reason. “That jerk of a brother is really getting into my nerves these days.”

“Belle?” I asked immediately. I felt guilty about not knowing how she’s truly feeling right now. I didn’t know.

“I’m okay. Arya’s just being over protective. And I’m not hurting. Like before, her brother never promised me anything so I don’t even have the right to feel hurt.” She explained but I know that she really is hurting.

“You keep telling that to yourself.” Arya interjected and sighed in frustration. “I just really don’t get man sometimes. Tsk!”

We kept talking for a while then I suddenly had the urge to use the toilet so I excused myself. On my way, I saw two familiar figures seated at the corner across from where I was standing. They’re not quite far and so I immediately hid myself from the wall of the alley beside me. From there I saw how Brian looked at the woman in front of him. She was smiling sweetly at him and he leaned a little closer when she said something to him and he chuckled. And I saw something in his eyes, something warm and emotional. The look that I’ve always wished to see whenever he looks at me. A pang of pain pierced me once more as I stepped back and made my way to the toilet before I let my tears fall freely. Like always, I cried for a while.

He is still in love with her, right?

That look says it all.

But he’s marrying me tomorrow.

I sighed and wiped my tears. I shouldn’t be stressing myself out. Because starting tomorrow, he will be my husband and I will do everything to make him look at me that way too.

“I’ll make you fall in love with me, Brian.”

***

“I now pronounce you husband and wife.” The judge said and I hesitantly smiled at the serious man in front of me. He’s demeanor has turned so cold to me ever since he came this afternoon. And I know, by then, we’re no longer friends and back to where we were before. The times when he didn’t like me at all. The times when I thought he hated me. “You may now seal it with a kiss.”

He then pulled my chin up as he slowly leaned down. I closed my eyes in anticipation but the kiss on my lips never came. Instead, his kiss landed on the corner of my lips as he angled his head away from the audience and made them think that he was really kissing me. A flood of disappointment run through me but I held myself as he stood back up and smiled as he turned to the people witnessing our wedding.

Everyone clapped as we held our hands. It was a simple wedding in the estate with only few of our close friends, our parents and our house helps. I’m just glad that at least he is pretending to be happy about it.

In the end, we all end up in a private family dinner also set up in the estate. Tito Philip just finished his brief and heartfelt speech which led everyone in the long table to raise their cups and made some noise after toasting to each other. I then turned to the man beside me who kept drinking his glass of wine which I think is a little too much. I began to get worried that he might end up drunk anytime soon. And so I placed a hand on his arm to his attention. It somehow worked when he finally turned to me and blinked his eyes several times before raising his brows, his look was demanding an explanation.

“Please don’t drink too much.” I whispered softly to his ear as I leaned in towards him.

For some strange reason, he suddenly turned red before backing away from me, taking my hand off his arm. “Excuse me.”

Everyone turned to him but without barely looking at anyone, he got up and walked away. Awkward silence filled the table as we all watched him go. I knew then that the happy atmosphere a while back was ruined. And so I immediately tried to salvage the situation or should I say, escape too while I can? I then gulped down my glass of wine and got up on my feet.

“Thanks all for coming again. But please excuse me too. I have agreed to meet my husband somewhere there.” I said and blushed profusely as everyone started laughing and looked at me teasingly.

Geez. That was bold and embarrassing.

I was almost running as I did my best to escape that place and not trip. I sighed after making sure that I was out of sight and stretched my neck in search of where he might be. After walking for some time, I finally saw him seated at the edge of stairs, overlooking at the trees across it.

Was he looking at the trees?

Or should I say, he’s staring out into space?

I stood there and stared at him for a while before finally deciding to approach him, takings slow and quiet steps towards him.

“So, you’re here.” I said, trying to sound as positive as I can be before sitting beside him, making my presence known. I looked at him and he didn’t even move nor acknowledged me, he just kept staring into space. I then took the chance and draw myself a bit closer, hooking my arm of his and putting my head on his shoulder, staring into space just like him. “This feels nice. Being married and all.”

“What are you trying to do?” He blurted out suddenly as he removed my head and hand on his and turned to me. His gaze was sharp and cold.

“I…I was just…” I started but nothing came out after those words.

“You seemed to have forgotten why we’re here in this situation in the first place. So maybe I should remind you.” He said calmly, but his voice was dangerous and he looked like he was just controlling his anger. “I didn’t want this. This was just all arranged and I was only forced to comply because I don’t want to be disowned by my parents. I worked so hard for our company and I don’t ever wanna throw that away. Those were my only reasons as to why I agreed and married you. The moment that happened, I lost interest in having any kind of relationship with you. I don’t know why you did it and trapped me in this but I swear I now loathe you. Seeing you makes me sick. So please do me a favor and don’t try showing your face to me as much as possible. Don’t even try to get close to me. I don’t love you and I definitely wouldn’t learn to love you even after months or years. So you don’t really need to act like my wife because believe me, I will make sure you’ll regret this day that you made me your husband.”

With that, he walked away and left me flabbergasted and hurt. Tears streamed down immediately. I bit my lower lip in order to control them but they were too stubborn and just kept falling.

I definitely should have stayed away in the first place.

I should have just visited here and avoided him at all cost.

I shouldn’t have opened myself and my heart to him once more.

I maybe shouldn’t have trapped him into marrying me too.

I caused this.

I brought this all to myself.

It was all my fault.

And now, I have to live with it.

***