How Deep is Your Love?

22 - Natalie

We were both quiet as he drove the car out of the estate that same night. I thought after the wedding, we’d still be staying in the estate. What I didn’t know is that, Brian actually has his own house and we’re going there right now. That’s where we’ll stay and start our life as a married couple. I felt nervous and at the same time, a bit excited. Whatever happens in our marriage now, it’ll just be the two of us. We’ll do things together. After a few hours, the car rode into what seemed like an endless compound which was enchanted by the glowing of yellow lights which were prettily arranged at almost all corners of the way. I could barely see what the surroundings really looked like because it was almost midnight when he reached it. Only one thing is for sure, I am now looking at a huge mansion in front of me as soon as I stepped out of the car. But even before making out what the mansion looked like, I saw my husband immediately made his way towards the entrance without looking back.

“Welcome home, Mrs. O’Donnell.” A voice said beside me which made me jolt a little since I haven’t noticed anyone there earlier.

“I’m Rita, your personal maid and your general assistant in this house.” She introduced herself and I smiled at her after blinking for a few times, a bit recovering from my surprise. “O gosh, you’re even prettier up close.”

“Hi, Rita. Nice to meet you. And thank you. But please just call me Natalie.” I said and held out my hand.

She hesitated for a while if she’ll accept it or not. I just nodded at her smilingly and she shyly wiped her hand on her uniform before taking it. I smiled wider when she finally shook my hand afterwards. She looked a bit older than me, around 40 years or so.

“Let’s go in, Ma’am Natalie. I’ll show you around quickly and then bring you to the master’s bedroom.” She then said and I just followed her.

As soon as I stepped in, I was left in awe to see how beautiful it is on the inside. It was a vintage styled indoor design and I loved it. It was totally my style. Everything I laid my eyes on made my smile broader. I bet every porcelain and furniture in here has some kind of history in them. What I like most is that even though it was all vintage styled, it still looked minimalist which made it all refreshing to look at. She brought me to the kitchen, the powder rooms and toilets, the living room and all that. And everything was so beautiful. I heard the sound of my own heels as we stepped on the wooden stair case.

“This is it, Ma’am Natalie. Everything you need should be inside. As for your things, I already brought it up and fixed it inside your walk in closet. All of your things came in this morning.” She said as we stopped in front of a large door and I smiled.

“Thank you.” I answered.

“I’ll be going home now, ma’am. If you need anything, my phone number is on the bedside table. You can just call me anytime.” She continued which made me a little confused.

“You don’t live here?” I asked.

“No, ma’am. I just come here for cleaning and maintenance since no one really stays in the house before. But now, I will be working here from 7am to 6pm. Our house is not too far from here. Sir Brian built it for us. We preferred staying out so he decided to make a house for us nearby. My husband also works for him her. He usually runs his errands, helps me out in the kitchen and he’s also the driver.” Rita explained and I nodded. “I will just prepare something for breakfast tomorrow and leave it in the fridge. You can take it out to reheat once you get up. I’m sure you will have a long night. I also told Sir Brian about it earlier and he just nodded.”

I blushed right away and Rita giggled. “Have a good night to both of you, Ma’am Natalie. And congratulations on your wedding.”

“Thank you.” I responded before she left.

I then entered and saw a very spacious room with a huge balcony at the side of the queen sized bed.

Beautiful. I thought.

I looked at the wooden bed with cream colored sheets and I just found myself walking towards it. I immediately sat on it and bounced a little as I laid on it, stretching my whole upper body as I did. There’s a lot that was done for the rush wedding and it’s only now that I started to feel all the tiredness in me. This bed was just so soft, comfortable and inviting. So I decided to close my eyes for a bit, finally relaxing myself. My eyes are so heavy and I almost fell asleep.

The sound of someone clearing their throat made me jolt up and stand straight, instantly turning to the direction of the sound. There I saw Brian, standing by the entrance of the bathroom. I automatically bit my lower lip as I saw how coldly he looked at me and I felt a bit embarrassed. Maybe he’s annoyed seeing how easily I became comfortable in his own bed.

“Sorry…I was…uhm…” I stuttered.

“You can use it. I will be using the couch anyway.” He said coldly and continued to towel dry his hair.

It was obvious that he was just done showering.

“The bed is big enough for both of us. No need for you to- “ I started when he slowly walked towards me.

“And I will sleep on the same bed with you? Do you really think you can handle it???” He interrupted as he towered over me. “You know me very well, Natalie. Can you really handle it?”

“I just don’t want you to feel uncomfortable.” I reasoned and tried to meet his gaze.

If I really want him to fall for me, then I should show him. I wouldn’t be weak and easily intimidated.

You’re doing great, Natalie.

He’s just trying to intimidate you.

“Hah?” He blurted out with a mocking expression. “Do I need to remind you again? Or you’re just stupid enough to remember what I told you earlier?”

My eyes widened a bit upon him mentioning his heart piercing words earlier.

“You seemed to have forgotten why we’re here in this situation in the first place. So maybe I should remind you.” He said calmly, but his voice was dangerous and he looked like he was just controlling his anger. “I didn’t want this. This was just all arranged and I was only forced to comply because I don’t want to be disowned by my parents. I worked so hard for our company and I don’t ever wanna throw that away. Those were my only reasons as to why I agreed and married you. The moment that happened, I lost interest in having any kind of relationship with you. I don’t know why you did it and trapped me in this but I swear I now loathe you. Seeing you makes me sick. So please do me a favor and don’t try showing your face to me as much as possible. Don’t even try to get close to me. I don’t love you and I definitely wouldn’t learn to love you even after months or years. So you don’t really need to act like my wife because believe me, I will make sure you’ll regret this day that you made me your husband.”

But then even though his words hurt a lot, I’d still want this marriage to work out.

“Maybe I’m just stupid enough.” I answered and faced him squarely. “Look, Brian. I know that you’re maybe mad at me because you were forced to marry me. But still, I want to give it a try. I want to give this marriage, our marriage, a chance. I want to give us a chance. So please, don’t push me away?”

“Chance?” He spatted bitterly and glared at me sharply. “You ruined that chance the moment I woke up with you naked beside me. I still wonder how you ended up naked in my arms, Natalie. Because I clearly don’t remember you that same night when I decided to get drunk.”

I was shocked. I gulped and looked down. I felt so guilty right away. That part was really my fault.

“Did we really do it? Because if so I should remember it too, right?” He continued.

I bit my lower lip as guilt started to eat me slowly.

“See? You couldn’t even say something. Because it’s true. You planned all this, right? I thought you’ve already changed. I thought you are no longer that immature girl who would always follow me around. We even became friends. And I even…” He continued which made me look at him once more, this time, I knew my eyes were teary. “Don’t you ever give me that look. Don’t you ever show me that you’re hurting. Because it was you who wanted this. It was you who wanted me. You ruined all my plans, Natalie. You ruined everything!”

“Sorry.” I finally said before letting my tears fall.

I thought I can be strong and not show weakness. But I just felt so guilty because I know what he’s saying is true.

“I was so wrong about you. I still think you planned everything just so you can trap me and force me to marry you!” He yelled angrily. “Why? Is this your revenge??? Are you getting back at me for hurting you four years ago??? Or was it because I annoyed you and badly treated you???”

“N-no…” I answered honestly. I know I don’t even have the right to get hurt before because he made it so clear that it was only me who wanted him. So I would never think about revenge or anything like that no matter how hurt I was.

“I told you so many times before that we have nothing to do with each other. So you really wouldn’t blame me for wanting to marry a different girl, right?” He asked, trying to catch my eyes but I looked away.

“No…I’m not getting back at you.” I replied softly.

“Then why? Why did you do this, Natalie?!” He suddenly demanded, gripping both of my shoulders. “No matter how hard I think; I still can’t think of anything that would make you do this to me!”

“I love you!” I blurted out as I looked straight into his eyes. “I still do. Very much. That’s why. That’s the reason, Brian.”

He looked surprised at my sudden confession. Then there was a strange mixture of emotions in his eyes before he blinked and it was all gone. Now, all that’s left in it was anger.

“Then you don’t know what love is. Because this is not love.” He commented bitterly before dropping his hands off me.

“Brian-“ I started but he cut me off.

“Like I said, don’t you ever try to get close to me. Because I will make sure that whatever your plans are, it will never ever happen.” He added and started walking past me. “So don’t ever talk anything about chances again. Because it will never happen now.”

I just closed my eyes painfully and let my tears fall. I know I did something wrong and I deserve this. I just thought that maybe it wouldn’t be this worse.

What a wedding night.

***