How Deep is Your Love?

30 - Natalie

I was swirling the pasta with my fork, barely eating at all. My mind was fully out of my body, wandering around helplessly.

“Finally found you.” A baritone voice startled me, pulling me out of my reverie.

My eyes shut up almost immediately to see who owns that familiar voice and my eyes widened when I saw the very man who I crashed my car with more than a week ago.

“Z-zac?” I asked out loudly, not believing my own eyes.

“I’m glad you still remember me.” Zac replied with a smirk before sitting down in front of her without asking her permission.

“What are you doing here? This is too much for a coincidence,” I said and he grinned meaningfully at me.

“Well, what if it’s destiny?” He suddenly asked. “It’s fate.”

I laughed quite loudly at his response, not expecting a big and intimidating man like him to be talking about destiny and fate.

“What’s funny?” He asked, looking all amused.

“You.” I replied after my laughter died. “Geez. I can’t believe a man as big as you still believes in destiny and fate.”

“Well. It can happen. Don’t girls like destiny and fate stuff?” He casually asked and I shook my head right away.

“Not me though,” I said confidently.

“Then?” He asked with his brow raised.

“I believe that you have your own future. You decide on the things you want and shape your own path. Whatever is waiting ahead of you is all in your hands. If you want it, you make it happen.” I answered and smiled and he just nodded.

“That’s what I thought,” he said and smiled back.

“So, how did you, of all people, find me here?” I asked straightforwardly once more and he scratched the back of his head quite timidly.

“Agents.” He answered shortly before calling in a waiter. “Please give us your best wine.”

As soon as the waiter left, my eyes squinted kiddingly and I stared at him. “Agents?”

“Yes. I asked agents to track you and find out where you were. And now I have finally found you.” He replied and smirked.

“Huh. So you basically followed me all the way here,” I said while nodding.

“Right. Fine. I admit that.” He replied and raised both of his hands in surrender.

“Tsk. I knew it.” I said, and he chuckled.

The wine came in and he graciously poured a glass for me.

“Cheers to our second meeting.” He said, raising his glass for a toast.

I smiled and clinked my glass on his before finally sipping on my wine. I thought of his timing and inwardly thanked him for finding me at the right time. Deep in my mind, I tried to reason.

At least now I don’t have to think about Brian?

At least now I will have time to talk about other stuff?

“So tell me. Why are you really here, Zac?” I asked a little more seriously. I am not dumb and I knew for sure why he made his agents find me. I am not the assuming type, but if a guy somehow tries to find you and follows you across countries, then, that means he is seriously into you. Even so, I still wanted to hear his confirmation. Plus, I have to make things clear as early as now. Though I am having problems with Brian, he’s still my husband and we’re legally married. So, making Zac hope for the impossible would be totally unfair to him.

He sighed before his face also turned serious. He looked at me straight in the eyes and said, “Because I like you. I like you so damn much that I came all the way here just to see you.”

Bingo.

I was not surprised by his sudden confession and I did not say anything for a couple of minutes. The atmosphere suddenly turned awkward. I just continued to drink my wine and stayed quiet. Though I had already expected his answer, actually, I didn’t know how to answer or what to answer or how to respond.

“You asked and I just answered honestly.” Zac said afterwards, breaking the awkward silence.

“Zac.” I started and sighed. “I’m sure your agents also told you about my relationship status, right? I’m already-“

“Married.” He finished my sentence and sighed roughly. “Yes. I know.”

Then he poured more wine into his glass and gulped it down in one go.

“I know. And I know that what I’m doing is absolutely ridiculous and crazy, but I just can’t help it. I had just gone for business for a couple of weeks and thought that I would still have a chance to find you afterwards. Then, only to find out that you suddenly got married and that you slipped and I’m out of chance.” He continued.

“Zac. It’s better off to just be acquaintances. Or maybe friends.” I replied sincerely.

He sighed as he looked at me once more. His eyes were filled with questioning, confusion and so much curiosity. “Tell me, Lee. Were you just forced into this marriage? Is it a sham? Did you have any family problems that led you to marrying that guy? You can tell me, Lee. I can help you. Whatever made you marry right away, I can solve it for you. There’s no need for you to keep your marriage.”

My eyes widened upon hearing his antics. “Zac! I didn’t think you’re the type to have so much speculations about other people’s relationships. Plus, I barely even know you. My personal life is none of your concern.”

“Right. I’m sorry. I crossed the line.” Zac replied and looked down. “I was just agitated knowing that you’re already taken and that I was too late to even stop you.”

“I’m sorry, Zac.” I responded and he nodded. “I really do appreciate your concern. But my sudden marriage is my choice and I do love my husband very much.”

There was a silence which I believe lasted for a minute.

Afterwards, I saw Zac close his eyes for a bit before he nodded once more and smirked shyly. “Right. So, congratulations then.”

I felt relieved. Looking at him, I know that he’s sincere about it.

“Thank you.” I finally said and gave him a small smile.

“Are you happy?” He suddenly asked after some time.

Am I happy?

Am I happy?

The question echoed inside my head over and over again until it slowly sunk in. He was asking if I was happy with my marriage and my relationship with Brian.

So, am I really happy?

I don’t know.

For many years, I have truly loved Brian. Despite his obvious dislike of me, that didn’t stop my growing feelings and attachment to him. I love him. And so, marrying Brian was like a dream come true for me. I have always prayed for it to come true and that I’d be the happiest woman in the whole world if it ever happened. But then, with our current situation and with how cold he treats me now, I am no longer sure if I am still happy that I am married to him. I still do love him, so very much. And so far, that love balances all the pain I have been feeling ever since our wedding day. But that is a different question.

But if I cry myself to sleep almost every night, am I still happy?

“Lee?” Zac asked to get my attention back and pull me out of my thoughts.

That’s when I realized that I was actually already crying.

“ Hey, are you okay?” Zac immediately asked. His voice was full of concern.

“Yes. I’m okay. Just recalled something sad.” I replied right away after instantly wiping my tears. Then I smiled at him. “I’m good, Zac. Thank you.”

He just sighed once more, but the look in his eyes was a bit complicated. I then thought of Brian and his ice-cold stare.

If only Brian didn’t give me a blank stare all the time and his eyes were as expressive as Zac’s, then maybe it would be easier for me to read him and know what he was really thinking about.

“I’m good. Zac. Really. No need to look like that.” I reiterated and smiled. Zac just nodded and held up his glass for a toast.

“For your happy marriage,” Zac declared and smiled.

“For my happy marriage,” I replied and forced another smile on my face as I clinked my own glass with his.

We then talked about other stuff after that and I’m glad that he didn’t mention anything about his feelings again. That made the conversation friendlier and it no longer felt that awkward. Zac was then telling a joke and I was laughing when, suddenly, I saw Brian standing not too far from us. He was just wearing his plain shirt and pants, still looking extremely handsome but a bit perplexed, his eyes locking with mine. Then his eyes travelled and looked at the back of the man sitting in front of me. Before I could even react, his eyes rolled, giving me a sharp look. That was it and he left.

***

“So, how was your date?” A firm and dangerous tone of voice immediately inquired as soon as I entered our hotel room. Brian’s gazes were sharp and scrutinizing. His overall features are cold and stern.

I sighed as I took off my coat and carefully placed it on the side.

“It wasn’t a date. It just so happened that he saw me eating there. And he came and we talked. That’s all,” I replied.

“Hah. Do you take me for an i***t, Natalie?” He suddenly asked with annoyance in his voice. “I perfectly remember that guy and don’t tell me it’s just a coincidence that he saw you eating there. What a small world for that to be a ‘just so happened’ situation, right? Unless you, of course, told him where you’d meet, right? How far will you take your lies this time?”

“I wasn’t lying.” I responded and was supposed to explain myself when he stood up and walked straight to the bedroom, shutting the door with a loud bang. After all his accusations, he just backed off, not even wanting to listen to my explanations.

I slowly sat down to calm my nerves. I suddenly felt so mad about not being able to explain myself. I am so angry that, even in these moments, I couldn’t get myself to really get mad at him nor hate him.

What is wrong with me?

Do I have to cry my eyes out again?

Why do I even care so much about what he thinks of me if I knew the truth?

I was not doing something wrong and that should be enough.

I closed my eyes because I was feeling so tired of everything, also, a bit drowsy. I think I drank a bit too much wine than usual. Then, memories of the past began flooding in.

“Come on, Natalie. It will be fun.” Paul urged, and slightly bumped his shoulders on mine. My classmates are currently trying to convince me to join them in a birthday celebration this evening.

“Sorry. I am not really fond of parties.” I declined politely and adjusted the rim of my huge glasses.

“Hey. People also need to have fun. Studying is a part of our life as students but we’re also entitled to have a social life.” Paul urged more and I shrugged my shoulders.

They actually have a point, but I don’t think I will really enjoy myself. As an introvert since birth, all I really wanted was just to study and go home and stay mostly alone. I never really got the chance to have close friends while at school.

“O-“ I started when a loud honk not too far from us echoed through the grounds.

Then there he is, the man of my dreams, Brian. He got out of the car and suddenly, everything blurred around him. All I see now is him. Butterflies started jumbling in my stomach and the mere sight of him made me so happy and excited and surprised.

Am I dreaming?

Is he really here?

“Brian?” I blurted out of surprise.

Everything happened so fast and I didn’t even notice that he had already walked towards me and dragged me back to his car. I even forgot about my classmates and wasn’t even able to say a proper goodbye.

“Get inside.” Brian immediately commanded as soon as we reached his car.

I am absolutely surprised to see him at my school. Never would I have expected him to come here to pick me up. A lot of my classmates and other girls my age were all looking at me with envy while giggling and whispering with each other as he directed me towards his car. For sure, I will totally be bombarded with questions about what happened today when classes resume this Monday. Since I was totally in a state of shock, it took me a moment to realize that he was actually already in the driver’s seat waiting for me to get in. A loud honk broke my trance and made me scram inside, putting the seatbelt around me right away.

“Thank you so much for picking me up today. This really really made my day, Brian.” I said with happiness overflowing inside me.

I smiled sweetly at him but he just gave me a sharp look before looking ahead and started driving.

“Did anything happen to Bernard?” I asked curiously. I just thought that maybe Bernard had an emergency and couldn’t fetch me and so Tita Lorie asked him to do so instead. I did not even know that he was coming home to the estate today.

“Why? Are you disappointed that it was me who picked you up instead?” He asked sharply, his voice mixed with annoyance.

“Of course not. It’s the other way around actually. I’m really so happy that you are the one who came to fetch me today.” I said as my cheeks slightly blushed.

Ever since Tita Lorie announced that I would soon be her daughter-in-law, I began to openly show him my feelings and affection. He was truly against it and would frankly tell me that it will never ever happen in this lifetime and that he will surely make sure it never happens. With that, he also started pranking me more in order to show how much he dislikes me. It is painful and I felt hurt, but there’s just an undying hope within me that someday, he will soon concede and realize that I am really the one for him. That we are truly meant to be. So whatever he does, I totally don’t mind. Just then, this past week before he went with Tito Philip for a business trip, he actually became a bit more tolerant of me. He even went all the way out to buy me my favorite dessert from town, which was really sweet. His small actions like this from time to time gave me the seed of hope inside that maybe, his chance of liking me is not really impossible and that I just have to be more patient until he realizes that.

“Thanks, Brian.” I blurted out and flashed him another smile. He just ignored me as usual and continued driving.

I really thought that what happened before he left last week was the start of something different between us, but I guess I’m wrong. It seems like he’s back once again to being cold.

Did I say or do something wrong?

“How was the business trip?” I asked after some moments of silence.

To my dismay, he kept his silence and never bothered to answer my question. He just kept driving. I then stared at him for a while and realized that he really didn’t have any plan to talk to me. So then, I sighed and looked outside. Looking at him and judging his aura, it looked like he wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone.

I really don’t understand his mood swings sometimes.

And that was the last thing I remembered before I drifted away to sleep.

***