Resilient Hope

Chapter 6

Her mother and best friends came to the hospital when they found out what had happened to her. Alam ni Astrid sa sarili niya na sinisisi na naman ng ina ang sarili nito kung bakit siya naospital ulit kahit na wala naman talaga itong kasalanan. This is the reason why she doesn't want to be taken to the hospital again. It makes her mother sad. And she’s guilty for it.

"I'm really, really sorry, Astrid," her mother let out.

Astrid took a deep breath. Walang kasalanan ang ina niya pero, eto ang ina niya humihinga ng tawad sa kanya dahil nakaratay na naman siya sa hospital.

Simula ng dumating ang Mommy niya ay wala na itong tigil sa paghingi sa kanya ng tawad. Kahit na wala naman itong kasalanan kung bakit siya nadala muli sa hospital.

"How many times must I remind you, Mom, that it's not your fault?" Astrid reiterated, gently squeezing her mother's hand to offer comfort. "Please stop apologizing. It pains me to see you like this. Nobody wishes for me to be ill. Nobody, Mom."

Her mother's eyes welled up, and a solitary tear escaped. "But anak... if I hadn't sent you that folder, you wouldn't be in this state. I know how much you despise being here. And yet, look at you..."

"It's not your fault that I'm sick, Mom. Nobody wants this."

Despite her own aversion to hospitals, Astrid's mother remained steadfast by her side. "Ikaw rin. It's not just me who dislikes hospitals, but you as well. Yet here you are, Mom, staying by my side even though I know how much you hate being here and seeing me like this."

Every time they find themselves in the hospital, painful memories come flooding back to Astrid and her mother. Consequently, Astrid strongly prefers not to return to the hospital for any reason whatsoever. The environment is triggering for her. Despite her aversion, Astrid has no choice but to endure hospital stays due to her illness and the necessity of treatment.

Astrid managed a smile. "You're right, I hate being here, but it's not your fault that I'm lying in this bed. I love you, Mom, and always remember, it's not your fault that I'm sick." Both of them detest hospitals, yet here her mother is, faithfully by her side.

Her mother returned her smile and gently stroked her hair. Astrid lifted her hand and embraced her mother, giving her a tight hug and softly patting her back.

After a moment of silence and a warm embrace, her mother posed another question.

"Anak, who's that guy?" her mother inquired, releasing her from the hug and scrutinizing her closely.

"Ahm... His name is Aillard. I met him two days ago in Vigan. He's the person I mentioned in the call," she replied tentatively.

Her mother smiled broadly. "I thought he was your boyfriend."

Umiling siya, "Hindi ko pa siya boyfriend, Mom, magiging boyfriend pa lang." Natawa ang Mommy niya sa sinabi niya.

Sabay na napalingon silang mag-ina nang may kumatok sa pintuan at sumilip doon ang lalaki na kanina lang ay pinag-uusapan nilang mag-ina. Pinapasok ito ng Mom niya. Gayunpaman, tulad ng dati, may dala ulit itong paper bag na tingin niya ay may pagkain.

"Good evening, Aillard," bati ni Avalon kay Aillard.

"Good evening, Ma'am," Aillard answered back. Halata sa mukha ng binata na nahihiya ito sa Mom niya pero bakas pa rin sa mukha nito ang pagkaseryoso.

Her mother chuckled. "Don't call me ma'am anymore, Tita Avalon will do." Tumango si Aillard, then her mother faced him and kissed her cheek, "Maiwan ko muna kayo ng magiging boyfriend mo."

"Mom!!" namula ang pisngi niya, "gosh… grr.." hindi makuhang tumingin ni Astrid sa lalaki. Ang mom talaga niya, panira ng diskarte sa future boyfriend niya..

"Alright, I'll leave you two alone," sabi niya, ngunit hindi siya nito pinansin at sa halip ay si Aillard ang kinakausap nito. Napakamot na lang si Astrid ng ulo dahil sa pinagsasabi ng ina niya.

Kitang-kita ni Astrid ang ginawang pagkindat sa kanya ng Mom niya bago ito lumabas ng pinto. She shook her head. Ang kulit din ng Mom niya, ano?

Nang sila na lang ni Aillard ang naiwan sa loob ng silid, nagawi ang tingin niya sa lalaki na titig na titig sa kanya.

"Ahm... a-ano.. huwag mong pansinin ang pinagsasabi ni Mom. Nagbibiro lang siya." Nahihiyang sabi niya habang tinatapik siya ng lalaki. The way he looks at her is different, hindi niya maintindihan. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

Aillard leaned back against the door as her mother came out. "Like what?"

"Just stop staring at me like that... like you want to eat me," calmly said ni Astrid. Proud siya sa sarili niya na nasabi niya iyon nang maayos at hindi siya nauutal.

Umangat ang isang sulok ng labi nito subalit nanatili pa rin itong nakasandal. "I'm taking you out when you get better. You can’t say no. And I do not accept no as an answer," pang-iiba nito sa usapan.

Did... did he smile at me right now?

Astrid struggled to avert her gaze from Aillard, though her efforts proved futile. She nibbled nervously at her lip, attempting to rein in her burgeoning romantic excitement, yet her resolve faltered. She nearly forgot that Aillard had invited her on a date, so captivated was she by his smile.

"What's happening to me? Just a smile from him and I'm acting like I'm head over heels.

"But you can take me out now. Like, right now! I'm feeling much better! See, I don't look sick anymore," Astrid exclaimed eagerly, almost springing from the bed in her enthusiasm.

Lumapit sa kanya si Aillard, gusto na niyang umusog pero hindi niya magawa dahil baka mahulog siya mula sa kama sa ospital. Ayos sana kung kay Aillard siya mahulog pero sa sahig tiyak na masakit iyon.

What the hell? I am being corny because of him. I like empanada more than mais.

Aillard laughed, but after a second, he went serious. "Damn it!"

"Huh? Hey! Minumura mo ba ako?" Hindi makapaniwala ang tanong niya sa katabi.

"No, baby," he murmured, his voice a gentle plea. "Shut up so I can kiss you." She complied, hoping this might be the moment she kissed her future boyfriend.

Aillard leaned in, his lips grazing her cheek with a feather-light touch that sent shivers down her spine, causing her whole body to tremble.

"If you want me to stop," he whispered, his breath warm against her skin, "tell me now." Astrid remained silent as he moved to brush his lips against the hollow of her temple. "Or now," he murmured, tracing the curve of her cheekbone. "Or now." And then his lips met hers.

Before he could continue, Astrid reached up, pulling him down towards her, silencing his words with a kiss.

He kissed her gently, carefully, yet it wasn't the tenderness she craved—not now, not after all this time. She clenched her fists in his shirt, pulling him closer.

He groaned softly, deep in his throat, and his arms enveloped her, drawing her near. They entwined, lost in each other's embrace and the fervor of their kiss.

They kissed with an urgency that seemed to defy reason, as if their very lives depended on it. Her veins pulsed with desire, her heart ready to burst. She had never yearned for anyone like this before.

Astrid couldn't suppress a groan.

"Oh..." Aillard's lips tasted of mint. He gently nibbled her lower lip, causing Astrid to moan softly.

"Anak- jusko po!!!" Mabilis na naghiwalay ang mga labi nila nang may sumigaw.

"f**k!"

Mabilis pa sa kidlat ang pagtulak ni Astrid kay Aillard, palayo sa kanya. Nakita ni Astrid na muntik nang malaglag si Aillard at mabuwal dahil sa pagtulak niya, ngunit wala siyang pakialam sa mga oras na iyon.

Nakakahiya, nahuli sila ni Mommy na nasa gano'ng posisyon sila ni Aillard. Pulang-pula ang mukha niya sa sobrang kahihiyan. Samantalang ang lalaki ay umasta lang na parang walang nangyari.

Dapat ba ganun din ang asta niya para hindi sila mahalata? Pero huli na silang nahuli e - bahala na nga.

"Alright, kids, just keep doing what you were doing earlier," Mom teased, eliciting an embarrassed reaction. Oh, God! Mom, please stop. She's already embarrassed, so let's not add to her future boyfriend's humiliation.

"Thanks, Tita," Aillard said, startled as she turned to his side. She hadn't expected those words to come from him; she had assumed he would apologize for catching them doing what they were doing, but why did the opposite happen? This guy is unbelievable.

"You're welcome, my future son-in-law," Mom quipped.

"Mom!" Astrid exclaimed in frustration. Bakit parang siya lang ang may pakiramdam ng kahihiyan sa nangyayari?

"What?" her mother asked, incredulous. Oh God... she couldn't believe what was happening to her mother.

"Stop it, will you?"

But her mother smiled widely at her. "Ikaw naman anak, nahiya ka pa sa akin. Ako lang 'yan, ang iyong magandang ina na tinutulungan ka." Halip na maasar siya, natawa pa siya. Paano siya magagalit sa ina kung ganito ito kasweet sa kanya.

"Mana po ako sa'yo, Mom," sagot ni Astrid. Tumawa silang mag-ina at nakalimutan niyang nasa loob din pala si Aillard na kanina pa sila pinapanood.

"Aba... Syempre naman, kanino ka pa ba magmamana kung hindi sa akin," pagmamayabang ng ina.

"But you look much better..." Aillard whispered to her. Napalingon si Astrid sa lalaki, ngumiti ito sa kanya habang titig na titig pa rin ito sa kanya. Bakit ba sobrang pinapakilig siya nito?

"Yeah... you're right, we look better together," bulong niya sa kanya. Ang gilid ng mga labi ni Aillard ay umangat. "Your smile can kill me. Well, not literally."

Astrid met Aillard's gaze directly after complimenting his smile, even playfully winking at him, causing a blush to spread across his face. It seemed true: she could make Aillard blush. He quickly averted his eyes, as if embarrassed, his cheeks turning a deep shade of red. Astrid had intended to approach him further, but he unexpectedly moved away, as if recoiling from her presence.

"I'm leaving..." Paalam ng lalaki. Aillard faced her and kissed her forehead. "I'll be back tomorrow when you’re ready to go home so I can drive you and Tita Avalon home."

"Okay... Be careful." Tumango ito at kinausap ang Mommy niya.

Umayos ng higa si Astrid sa hospital bed. Gaya nga ng sabi ni Aillard, bukas ay makakalabas na siya ng ospital.

Nagtataka siya dahil walang tinatanong sa kanya ang lalaki tungkol sa sakit niya. Nor did she know how to tell him what kind of illness she had. Natatakot siya sa posibleng reaksyon nito. Napakaraming what if's ang pumapasok sa isip niya. Gayunpaman, tanging si Aillard lamang ang makakasagot ng mga iyon.

Her mother approached and settled beside her. Astrid allowed her mother to grasp her hands and stroke them gently—an act her mother often resorted to whenever she sensed Astrid was troubled.

"Why are you so quiet? Is something wrong? Do you feel unwell? Should I call Dr. Velasquez?" Her mother started to rise, but Astrid intervened, stopping her.

She sighed softly. "Don't worry, Mom. I'm okay. I've just been thinking about Aillard. I thought he might ask me why I passed out that day. What I really mean is... what illness I might have. But he didn't ask, Mom. I was waiting for him to ask, but it never happened..."

Restless, Astrid couldn't stay still. She wished Aillard would ask about her condition. Taking a deep breath, she glanced at her mother, whose reassuring smile was always there for her in times of distress.

"Maybe he didn't ask because he was waiting for you to tell him," her mother said softly.

Siguro nga, tama ang Mom niya. Siguro ay ayaw ni Aillard na manghimasok. At hinihintay lang siya nito na sa kanya manggaling. Bukas... bukas sasabihin na niya kay Aillard ang tungkol sa sakit niya. Kung iiwan siya nito dahil sa sakit niya, tatanggapin niya ng buong-buo. At kung mananatili naman ito sa tabi niya, pinagpapasalamat niya iyon.

Astrid is definitely lying when she says that she doesn't like Aillard on her side. She can't understand this feeling she felt towards Aillard but she likes it. She likes the comfort she feels when Aillard is by her side.

Seeing his face, his smile, especially his presence, makes her feel alive and helps her forget that she's dying. This is the first time she has felt this kind of feeling towards someone she just met.

Marami pa silang pinag-usapan ng Mommy niya gaya na lang ng kung ano raw ang naabutan nito kanina at bakit may pa-kissing scene na nangyari nung paglabas nito. Tinanong rin niya kung bakit ito bumalik agad, na pinagsisihan niya na tinanong pa iyon sa ina dahil akala nito na bitin siya sa kiss nila ni Aillard.

But the truth is yes, medyo bitin nga siya. Aillard's kiss can make her fly on cloud nine.

Gad!

Really, Astrid?

Is what she was feeling now in Aillard so wrong? There was the possibility that she might not survive, leaving Aillard alone and shattered because of her.

After their conversation, her mom urged her to rest. Meanwhile, she tidied up her belongings in her hospital room. She was eager to go home, especially since Aillard would be the one to bring them back tomorrow.

She couldn't wait to see him.