Courtney
Back when I was pregnant with Charlie, I woke up each morning with butterflies in my stomach at the thought of becoming a mother. I was told for years that I'd never have that chance, but life had other plans for me. After Charlie, Ryder and I tried for baby number two for years, but with no success. We gave up two years ago and decided it wasn't meant to be.
But then life had other plans again. Only this time, I don't feel those butterflies. I can't feel anything under the weight of guilt that I've been carrying around.
Decklan Hader passed away just days after my testing and I can't help feeling like it's my fault. If I weren't pregnant, I could've donated my bone marrow and he could've lived. Or at least had a real shot at living.
I think about his mother often
