KISSES & BEYOND (The Damned Series #1)

Kabanata 7

CAELIAN leaned his back against the cold wall outside of Thana’s room. Hindi niya na napapansin kung gaanong katagal na siyang nakatayo lang dito, nag-iisip, nakatitig sa madilim na kawalan. He wanted to light a stick of cigarette. Sa tuwing may gumugulo sa isipan nito, iyon ang nagpapakalma sa kaniya. But he didn’t do it even if he wanted to, even that also bothered him because he’s unsure whether or not Thana would like the smell of it.

Pang-ilang beses niya na itong napapatingin sa pinto sa kwarto ng dalaga. Gusto niya itong kausapin. If Cicely is right, then he should really clear what has happened to Thana. Hindi nga ito nakangiti kanina kagaya na lamang ng palagi niyang ginagawa sa tuwing kaharap siya kaya mas lalong lumakas ang kutob ni Caelian na tama nga ang doktor, that Thana hated seeing her with him, that Thana was jealous.

Hindi na naman niya maiwasang mapangisi sa kaisipang iyon.

But he knew that if he wouldn’t talk to her, he wouldn’t be able to sleep too. Magdamag siyang guguluhin nito sa isipan. Kaya naman ay kumatok na ito.

Sandali siyang naghintay subalit walang nagbukas ng pinto. He tried to call her name too but there was no response. Is she really mad? Does she hate me for what happened? Caelian couldn’t help but ask himself.

As he slowly opens the door, the empty bed was the first thing that he noticed. Panic filled him at once. Binuksan nito ang ilaw at iginala pa ang tingin sa kabuuan ng kwarto ngunit hindi niya rito makita si Thana. He hurriedly rushed to the bathroom but she wasn’t there too. Where could she has gone? Buong oras itong nagbantay sa labas at hindi niya nakitang lumabas ang dalaga.

Napatitig ito sa malaking closet na nasa kwarto. He knows it’s still empty dahil hindi pa iyon nalalagyan ng mga pinabili niyang damit para kay Thana. That’s the only space he has yet to check too.

And his hunch is right. Parang piniga ang puso niya nang makitang mahimbing na natutulog sa loob ang dalaga. Yakap-yakap nito ang mga binti at halatang nilalamig.

Nagbuntong-hininga si Caelian, piniling pakalmahin muna ang sarili. He can only think of one reason why Thana is sleeping here, marahil ay dahil sa cabinet din siya pinapatulog ng nanay niya. And that infuriated him. Wala na ang ina nito, wala nang makakapanakit pa sa kaniya, but he still can’t help but become even more furious.

Just when did he started being this protective to her? He doesn’t know. But all he wants right now is just to give Thana everything that she never had, everything that will be best for her, everything that can make her safe and happy.

He is not sure why he wants that for her too. But by just thinking about Thana being harmed, he can quickly find himself furious.

Yumuko ito upang pangkuin sana ang dalaga. Ngunit nang maghibla na lamang ang layo ng malaking kamay nito sa balingkinitang binti ni Thana, napahinto siya. He could feel that sudden inhibition again, creeping through his veins everytime he gets this close to her. Para bang may humihila sa kaniya, may yumayapos kung kaya’t hindi siya makagalaw.

But he remembered what Cicely told him, little by little, start from touching her.

Mabigat man sa pakiramdam ang kamay, halos manginig man ito, nanlalamig man ito sa kaba ay pilit niya pa ring sinusunod ang bugso ng damdamin niya. Tama si Cicely. He just needs to try and see what happens next. Hindi siya maliliwanagan, hindi magbubukas ang isip at loob niya kay Thana kung hindi niya tatapangan ang sarili para harapin ito.

Halos mapapitlag naman siya nang mahagkan ng mga daliri niya ang balat nito. Warm, that’s how he felt as he brings her closer to him. Warmth that doesn’t burn. Like the warmth from the first glimpse of the sun in the morning.

Hindi niya na naman napigilan ang pagngiti.

Maingat siya sa galaw para hindi ito magising. She is really light that he feared the he might end up hurting her by just his mere touch. Dahan-dahan niya itong inihiga sa kama habang hindi inaalis sa mukha nito ang tingin.

Maybe he was wrong when he thought that one last glance at Thana, that that kind of closure was all he needed to be at peace again or to get her off of his mind. It was rather the opposite. All he needed was just to see her again, not for the last time but every time, always, and he will be at peace from that moment onwards.

He wondered if he had ever tasted this kind of peace before? Kung aalahanin niya, iyon ay ang unang nakita niya si Thana. Only she has the power to make him both lose and keep his sanity. Kakaibang kapayapaan ang binibigay nito sa kaniya. If only he could, he would never take his eyes off of her again.

Pero ang pagbubukas ng mga mata ni Thana ay siyang mabilis na nagpalayo rin sa kaniya. Umahon ito at naupo sa gilid ng kama. Thana, on the other hand, was confused. Naguguluhan ito kung bakit nasa kama na siya nakahiga ngayon.

“Simula ngayon dito ka na matutulog. Okay?”

Napanguso ang dalaga habang bumabangon. Sumilip ito sa gawi ng pinto na tila may hinahanap.

“Hinahanap mo ba si Cicely? Umalis na siya.”

Muli itong napanguso ngunit ngayon ay sinamahan na ito ng bahagyang pagkunot ng noo niya. Caelian chuckled at how cute she looked. Napapangisi rin ito dahil nakumpirma niyang mukhang tama nga si Cicely sa sinabi.

“Madalas ba siyang pumupunta rito?”

Caelian licked his lower lip before answering. “Hindi naman.”

“Anong ginawa niyo?”

Sandaling umawang ang bibig niya bago nakasagot. “May pinag-usapan lang.”

Nanatiling nakatitig sa kaniya si Thana, pawang sinusukat ang kalalaliman ng kaniyang mga mata. He could not look away from the way she stares at him. Ngunit sa huli ay muli na namang napasimangot ang dalaga at ginulat siya ng sunod nitong sinabi.

“Nobya mo ba siya?”

He stopped himself from letting out a laugh. Ngumisi lamang ito.

“No. Hindi ko siya nobya. May asawa na siya. Magkaibigan lang kami.”

Iyon ang gusto niyang linawin kay Thana dahil ayaw niyang mag-isip ito ng kung ano-ano tungkol sa kanila ni Cicely. Subalit kabaliktaran ng inaasahan niya, dismaya lamang ang lumitaw sa mukha ng dalaga. She looks disappointed with his answer.

“May problema ba?”

Her forehead wrinkled once again. Caelian knew something is wrong, that she is bothered about something. But she only shook her head, turned her back to him, and said, “Gusto ko nang matulog.”

Her eyes didn’t sparkle unlike how they always look when she looks at him. Tumitig lamang si Caelian sa likuran nito, hinihintay na humiga na ito at matulog kagaya ng sinabi niya. But Thana seemed like she was also waiting for him to make the first move.

And so he got up. Tahimik itong napabuntong-hininga. Alam niya mang gumugulo kay Thana ang nangyari, he still couldn’t help but smile. Because now he’s sure that Cicely was right. That Thana might have been jealous. And that was enough for him to sleep at peace that night.