PS: Don't Love Me

Chapter 3

YANA

Day 4

"Anong amoy yon? May nasusunog ba? What the hell, Yana. Are you trying to burn this house?!" an early morning nag. Yeah, just what I need.

"Chill, Ate Yumi. I'm just baking." I told her while checking my cupcakes in the oven. Damn! I didn't know that baking's not that easy. Pero if you'll watch a video online, parang ang dali lang.

I tried to do it pero ang hirap. Ang hirap-hirap!

"Baking what? Burnt cupcakes?" tanong pa nya dahil malamang, nakita nya yung itsura ng cupcakes nung inopen ko yung oven.

"Pfft. No! It's just some kind of trial. The real cupcakes are--uhm." nasaan na nga ba?

"Do you even know how to bake?" tanong pa nya.

"I'm just following the steps in this freaking video. Pero hindi ko alam kung bakit ganito yung kinalabasan!" it's so frustrating. Why can't I perfect this shitty cupcakes! This Betty Crocker video said that this is the easiest way to bake this goddamn cupcakes but she's lying. This ain't easy.

"Hindi ka mahilig sa cupcakes." she said while looking at me. Napa-oh naman sya and napasmile when I glared at her. Do I even have to say kung bakit ko ginagawa 'to?

"Are you really sure that you don't like her? As in like-like her? Na you're doing this to impress her and not because of the dare?" she asked me and she's still smiling. Ugh!

"I don't like her. This is for my baby Lamborg." told her while rolling my eyes.

Nakakainis kasi. Why does she keep on insisting na I have feelings for that girl? Ang kulit. Pag sinabing wala, wala!

"So, favorite nya din yung cupcakes?" she asked again.

"Yeah. I saw her tweet last night. She's craving for this mint-chocolate chip cupcakes." I told her while trying to make another batch. I followed the instructions more careful this time. Please be perfect, please be perfect. I prayed.

"Bakit hindi ka na lang bumili? Bakit kailangang ikaw yung magbake?" and there's that playful smile again. Sige lang, tukso lang. I'll have that last laugh kapag nasa akin na si Lamborg.

"Because I want it to be more personal." I answered.

"And that is because?" ayaw pang tumigil.

"Because I want her to feel that she's special." I tried to hide my smile pero mukhang nakita nya dahil mas lalong lumapad yung ngiti nya.

"She is special. She's changing you."

I shook my head.

"Of course not. Gusto ko lang na magfall sya sa akin agad para matapos ko agad yung dare." I told her.

"I think you're the one who's actually falling in love with---" I glared at her. Don't dare finish that sentence.

"No. I am not. I can assure you. I don't fall in love. I'll never fall for someone. At lalong hindi sa Sofia Ilustre na yan." how dare she! Bakit nya naiisip na pwede akong magmahal? Sya dapat yung pinakanakakaalam na kahit kailan, hinding-hindi ko mararanasan na magmahal.

"Fine. Wala naman akong magagawa if that's what you want to believe." she sighed. "By the way, did you call her?" oo nga pala, nasabi ko nga pala na Sofia gave me her number.

I shook my head.

"And why is that?" she asked again.

"I didn't know what to say. Wala din naman kaming pag-uusapan. And I was--" truth is, kagabi ko pa tinitigan yung number nya. Ilang beses din akong nag-attempt na magsend ng message or tawagan sya pero hindi ko magawa. I don't know, hindi ko alam kung papa'no makipag-usap sa kanya.

"Nervous? Shy? Didn't know what to say?" and she's back to teasing. Seriously? I just want her to leave me alone and stop teasing me.

"No. I just don't want to talk to her, that's all." I am not being defensive or anything ha.

"Wait. So you're telling me na gusto mong ma-fall sya agad sa'yo pero ayaw mo naman syang kausapin. Don't you think it's contradicting?

"I--well--I'm just, I--" ugh! Why can't I think of something. What the hell, Yana, what's happening to you?

Well, blame it to Sofi's stupid eyes. Her freaking intense gaze that can make me feel this f*cking feeling that I don't want to even think about.

"What?"

"Nothing, Ate Yumi. Pinagpaplanuhan kasi yan." told her instead.

"Yeah. Sure." yeah, halatang naniniwala sya eh no?

"I want to be alone." I told her. I know na hindi nya ako titigilan kapag hindi ko pa sya pinaalis. And I don't want any distractions right now.

"Really?" ayaw pang tumigil.

I nodded.

"Yeah. So, scoot. I need to focus on this cupcakes and I don't want to hear your early morning nags." and thank God dahil sumunod na lang sya. Umiiling na lumabas sya ng kitchen.

Pero bago pa sya tuluyang lumabas, narinig ko pa syang nagsalita.

"You have to ask her out. Kailangan nyong mag-usap para magkaroon ng progress yang 'panliligaw' mo."

Nailing lang ako sa sinabi nya. Baka kasi masyadong mabilisan si Sofia if ever. At hindi ko alam kung papa'no sya kausapin.

So yeah. Bahala na. Hindi ko na lang muna iisipin.

Now, kailangan kong kausapin ng mabuti 'tong mga cupcakes na 'to para umayos sila. Please.

***

DAY 5

"Is that for your lover?" I glared at Steve. Seriously? Lover? I don't even know how to love.

"Hey, chill. It was just a joke. Yeah, I know. You can't be in love because yada yada yada." he said playfully. "But I know that I am right. That CD is for Sofia." I nodded.

"Her favorite songs." I told him. And I had to ask her friends if they know the songs that she listens to every day.

"Know what, as your best friend, I'm really loving this dare. Like what I've said, it's the first time that you're putting efforts in getting your girl." I scrunched my forehead as if I was asking for him to explain what he's talking about.

"You're not like that with Nadia." he said.

"She's a slut. She sleeps with every girl or guy who flirts with her." it's true.

"What about Aimee?"

"Aimee?"

"The red-hair cheerleader. The one who screamed your name when you were doing her inside the janitor's closet." oh, that one. Yeah, I remember her. She's a freaking screamer.

"She's easy." I shrugged.

"Dianne?"

"I didn't like her. I just had to like her because I wanted to win the bet." I saw him smirk after I said that and my eyes widen comically when I realized what I just said. What the hell, Yana? Where did that come from?

"W-what I meant was. I didn't--I'm not. I--I--"

"Yana, Babe, it's okay. I won't judge you." he softly said.

I shook my head. This can't be happening. No, it can't be.

"No. You're wrong. I don't like her. I can't like her." I don't know if I was talking to him or I was convincing myself.

"We'll talk about this later, okay? I need to go to class. And your girl's here." he gave me a quick hug and then walked away.

And just like what he said, Sofia's on her way here. She automatically smiled when she saw me standing near her locker.

"Hey." she said.

"Hello." I greeted back.

"Thanks for the cupcakes yesterday. I saw the box inside my locker but you were nowhere to find so I assumed that you went home." she said, still smiling.

I gave her a shy smile. C'mon Yana, kelan ka pa naging mahiyain? That's not so you!

"I'm sorry if it didn't taste well. I am not really good in baking stuff. I just tried to make you some cupcakes because I was able to read your tweet the other night that you were craving for those." again, a shy smile. I even scratched my head because I really didn't know what to say.

"That's sweet. Actually, I liked it. Thank you." I beamed. I didn't know pero parang ang saya ko dahil nagustuhan nya yung bi-nake ko. At least, hindi nasayang yung pagod ko.

"You're very much welcome. Anything for you." I told her while smiling.

She eyed the CD that I was holding so I gave it to her.

"What's this?" she asked me while examining the CD.

I smiled nervously. What if isipin nya kasi na I'm a stalker kapag sinabi ko kung ano yung laman ng CD diba? At kung papa'no ko nalaman.

"I-I--" again, I scratched my head kahit hindi naman makati. This is so frustrating!

"Go on." she said. Encouraging me to finish what I was going to say.

"First of all, I just want you to know that I am not some kind of stalker or something." I explained first and as I can see, she finds this conversation, amusing.

"You're too pretty to be stalker." she commented and for the first time, I can feel that all my blood's in my face. Why am I blushing?

"Smooth." I said after ko makarecover sa pagbablush. "So there, I'm not a stalker. I just found out that you love to listen to some music whenever you're reading or studying, so I tried to ask some of your friends about your favorite songs and I-I compiled them and I was thinking if that'll help you uhm, regarding--" and before I knew it, I felt her lips on my cheek.

"Thank you, Lopez. You're so sweet." I heard her say but I knew na hindi ko na alam kung ano pa yung iba nyang sinasabi dahil hindi ko maalis sa isip ko na hinalikan nya ako sa pisngi.

"Y-you're welcome. Well, I have to, I-I have to go to class." at yun na lang yung nasabi ko dahil wala pa rin ako sa tamang wisyo.

"Yeah. Me too." and tumalikod na sya sa akin.

Pero bago pa sya tuluyang makalayo, narinig ko na lang yung sarili ko na nagsalita.

"Yeah. But can I ask you something?" hey, saan nanggaling yon, Yana? Anong itatanong mo?

Oh no, bakit ko biglang naisip yung sinabi ni Ate Yumi kahapon. Stop Yana, no. Stop. Don't do this.

"Hmm?"

"Uhm."

She arched her perfect eyebrow because napansin nya na I was too shy to voice out my question.

"I-"

"You what?" she asked me with a hint of amusement in her voice.

"D-do you want to--you know, there's this new restaurant that I wanted to try but my friends were--I mean, but if you're busy--it's you know. But I think you'll like it there because you love Mexican food and I was able to check that--you know, uhm." wow Yana. Ang galing mo. Ang galing mong pagmukhaing tanga yung sarili mo sa harap ng isang babae. Ganyan nga. Ganyan nga para ma-turn off agad sya.

"You're rambling." she said while smiling.

"I-I'm sorry. I just want to ask you if you're, you know, if you want to, you know, tomorrow, if you're not busy--" o c'mon, this is social suicide. Kapag nakita ako ng mga friends ko, bagsak ang reputasyon ko.

"Are you asking me out?" natigilan naman ako sa tanong nya. Nakakahiya, sobrang nakakahiya. Malamang hindi sya papayag dahil mukha akong tanga.

"I-uh-yeah." I really feel na nagbblush pa rin ako hanggang ngayon. What the hell is happening to you, Alyana Lopez?

Ayan na. Marereject ka na. Ungas ka eh!

"Okay." she nodded.

"No it's okay. You don't need to answer me--" at ngayon lang nag-sink in sa akin yung sinagot nya kaya natigil ako sa pagsasalita. Did she say--like seriously?

"O-okay?" I asked her. I need to confirm her answer eh.

"Yeah. Okay. Yes. I would like to accompany you tomorrow night to that new restaurant that you're talking about." she said smiling and this time, I was not able to control my happiness so I gave her a genuine smile.

"Thank you." I sincerely told her.

"So, I'll see you tomorrow?" I nodded. She nodded. "I have to go to class so, yeah, bye. And thank you for this CD." and then she walked away.

And ako? Naiwan na nakatulala at nakasmile

pa rin. Pero agad ding nanlaki yung mga mata ko nung ma-process na ng utak ko yung mga pangyayari.

Oh My God. Magde-date kami ni Sofia Katrina Ilustre bukas. OMG! Anong gagawin ko?! s**t!