My Navy Specialist

Has Someone

ALICE

Liam just asked me to sit next to him. It is like he heard the thoughts that I was thinking. I want to hold him and caress him. I want to comfort him and take away every suffering. I want to make him whole again. I look deep into his eyes and then I smile at him.

"Of course, I will..."

I can hear him audibly breathing a breath of relief. Then I walk over and sit just a view inches away from him. He smiles back at me but it does not reach his eyes.

"Thank you"

"Anytime, Liam"

He proceeds to eat the bars while we just sit in silence. I catch myself just staring at him. I wonder what it would be like to have his arm around me and feel the safety that he radiates. I see that he struggles to eat his snack bar. It is like he wants to break but all that is holding him together is his body. Then I dare to break the ice.

"How are you feeling?"

"Uhm...well...I mean-"

"Sorry, what I meant to say is, are I feeling better after eating something?"

Relief fills his face and he looks at me. The pain is not hiding anymore, it is now sitting on the surface of his eyes. He wants to open up and let me in but hesitation lingers around him.

"Much better, thank you"

I know what I should do now, but I am afraid that he will not let me in. I have to try because the deep respect that I have for him, overcomes any fear I might have not to try to help him. I move an inch closer to him.

"Liam...I would like to do something...if you do not mind?"

He looks at me and I see he wants to be cocky and say something funny but he is too depleted, he is unstable.

"Okay…"

"I know that you have gone through something and I know you can not talk about it right now but I just want to show you...you are not alone..."

I help him up from his chair and then I put my arm slowly around his board, muscled back, then pull him in for a hug. He is entire being tense up and goes stiff but then it is like he opens up to me, he pulls me up tight against him. I feel his body starting to shake. He buries his face in my hair and he gives himself over to me. His shaking becomes more and more and then I realize that he is crying. I hold on to him tighter. He does not let go.

"I am here...I am right here...just let it out"

He starts to sob uncontrollably and I see this strong, powerful man starting to crumble before me. I feel the heavy, deep pain he holds. He is unloading on me and I welcome it. I want him to let it out. He moans into my hair.

"It should have been me..."

His sobs become louder as he falls to his knees. I bend down and fall to my knees with to him. I put a hand on his back.

"Liam, tell me, what happened?"

"It should have been me and now...now Mike does not f*****g get to go back to his ...wife...ever again"

His words hit me right in the heart. Oh god, no! He had to see his friend die...dammit!

I move to sit in front of him and takes his face into my hands. His entire face is soaking wet and I force him to look into my eyes. I put my cheek next to his.

"Listen to me, Liam...Listen carefully to me now...are you listening?"

He says it with a cracked voice.

"Yeah?"

I move my cheek away from his and I put my forehead against his.

"This isn't your fault...Liam, do I hear me...this...is...not...your fault..."

I hear how he audibly breathe out a breath. I hear his sobs slowly disappearing. He curses under his breath.

"f**k"

In the distance, I hear footsteps coming closer. I stand up and quickly realize's it is Helena's footsteps. Liam looks up at me.

"I am so so sorry. I have to go..."

"No...wait!"

I turn around and disappear into the darkness. I run as fast as I can back to my tent and I fall to the ground. Everything comes crashing down on me, all Liam's pain, John, Helena, and the fact that I want to be close to Liam. I start to cry.

LIAM

I watch her leave and then I also hear someone coming closer. I turn away from the footsteps and try to wipe away all my tears. It is bad enough that Alice saw him break down, which should never have happened in the first place. I stand up and acts as if I was tying my shoe. I feel a hand around my waist and in an instant, I know it is Helena. I want to turn and hug her but my feelings for her are slowly disappearing.

"Hey, baby, what are you doing out here this time of night?"

"Oh, I…uhm, just wanted some time alone, I guess..."

"Yeah, you usually need some time alone after a mission"

...and that is where she is wrong. I never wanted to be alone after a mission. The first time we started dating, I had a mission and she just ignored me after the mission as if I was nowhere important for the past few days. I then hinted that I needed some company but she was always too busy or too tired.

I thought it was only that one time but I soon learned that she never kept me company after any mission. I am not a man that needs a lot of attention but I just need to know that there is someone that cares about me too. I care about the country and its people, someone needs to remind me why I care.

Then, Alice comes along and in a few moments, almost took away the immense pain I am going through, lifting the heavy load I am carrying and restoring me to wake up tomorrow, ready to face the world again.

"What are you doing here this time of night?"

"Oh...uhm...I...I guess I could not sleep...yeah that is it"

"Okay, well, I am exhausted. I heading back

"Yeah, that is a good idea, me too

Liam looks at her confused.

"I thought you could not sleep?"

"Uhm…I mean, I am just going to check up on my patient and then go to bed. Goodnight, babe"

She throws her arms around my neck and kisses me goodnight with a peck. She turns around and walks towards the hospital tent. I stare after her but I am just too tired to even think. I go back to my tent and fall asleep immediately.

ALICE

I sit in my dark tent and my tears have finally dried up. I just stare at the floor. I am not focusing on the floor but my thoughts are with John. I have been with him for ten years but I have never felt the feelings that I have felt when I am around Liam these past few days. I look back on my relationship and I realize that we have become comfortable with each other but now that I am away from him, I know that our love was only convenient.

He was always there but there was never a spark like there is with Liam. I was the cheerleader and he was the jock and we were the perfect couple in everyone's eyes but what about my eyes? Did I just do what was expected of me? Following the status quo?

I should let go of John. I should end it with him. It will be better for him and me. I need to do this for myself. I need to focus on my life here, right now. My attention should be here, the soldiers depend on me to keep them healthy and Liam...well, Liam has someone…