When forever isn't enough

Frat party.

We've been here for about 30 minutes. Lexi has been trying her best to make me understand why these young men are chasing a small black puck wearing ice skates... I think she knows I don't understand a word she is saying, but she keeps trying. God bless her. The wolves are in the lead, and all I need to know.

Being here, sitting in these bleachers watching a game I know nothing about is surprisingly calming. I feel myself letting loose, enjoying myself for the first time in years... I remember the first time Lex wanted me to come and watch her brother play back when he was still in high school.

I asked Max if he would join us, but he had better things to do. I found out later what was more important than attending a game with his wife. I left earlier. I ate something that didn't sit well with my stomach. When I got home, my husband was balls deep in another woman, yet I forgave him.

He promised she meant nothing to him, that it had happened only once and that he would never do it again and even though this was the third time he had cheated like a fool in love, I believed that this would be the last time. I believe that if I changed how I looked he would love me enough to stop looking at or f*****g other woman.

I believed that if I behaved more elegantly he would see me for whom I was, so I cut and styled my hair differently. I started dressing myself more differently, wore make-up and heels. It seemed to work at first. He looked at me like he did when we first met, but that faded after a few months.

"Hey"

Lexi shook me by my shoulders... bringing me back to the present.

"Snap out of it. That is not happening tonight, okay... the game is over. We're going to celebrate with Ryan."

She knows me so well, and before I can protest she grabs my hands and pulls me up and out of the bleachers.

She shoves me in the passenger seat of a car filled with sweaty hockey players, shuts the door behind me and hops in the back. They're loud. The music in the car is even louder. Someone taps me on the shoulder from behind and when I turn I look right at Lexi's younger brother Ryan...

"Hey Ken, good to see you again. Sorry about the guys. They're always this rowdy after a win."

He says loud enough for me to hear... he filled out he used to be so thin and short. Now he's a grown young man, an extremely gorgeous grown young man.

"Hey, ah, that's okay, I don't mind."

I do mind, but I'm not going to be this old lady complaining about a bunch of rowdy hockey players.

We pulled up to a house and I shook my head, a f*****g frat party! Everyone hops out of the car while I'm still sitting there. I've never been to a frat party before. Would you believe me if I told you I've never even been to a club before? Max hated it, so I just never went. Lex opens the door for me and I step out... might as well pretend I'm happy to be here.

Ryan throws his arms around my shoulder, and we enter the house together. He smells of sweat and cologne, which, oddly, is not a bad mix. He smells manly in a good way. As we made our way through the house, people came up to him to shake his hand and congratulate him, but he doesn't take credit. All he says is team work and a great captain made us win.

"I want you to meet some of my friends, is that okay?"

He whispers...

"Uhm sure, I guess."

I say with a nervous smile... he smiles, and we continue to walk.

We end up in the kitchen where most of the hockey players are surrounding the table in the middle, each one holding a shot glass ready to down when Ryan stops them... Lexi is wrapped up in the arms of another hockey player. She always loved younger guys, so it's no surprise that she looks so damn comfortable.

"Drinking without us."

He asks them.

For a second or two, they're looking at me, then Ryan's arm that is still around my shoulder, then back at me... I shrink back, but Ryan holds my shoulder firmly. Lexi is all smiles, like she knows something I don't. What the bladdy hell is this girl up to now?

"This is Kendal, Kendal this is the guy's... She's Lexi's best friend, so be nice."

He says, then takes the shots from a guy who hands it to him.

Ryan hands me a shot, and they count down from 5. After three more rounds of shots, Ryan ditches me and so does Lexi, but I do not feel out of place, I'm not ready to make a run for it. Instead, I pour myself a beer in a red plastic cup and a shot, then find myself a spot to hang out...

I'm outside sitting on a beach chair further away from the crowd of people smoking weed, but I'm still close enough to hear and see everything... how did I miss this part of life? Was I so wrapped up in Max that I didn't realize I wasn't living my life the way I should have? I'm watching these young men and woman having the time of their lives and I feel f*****g jealous.

I downed my shot, followed by my beer. I should be taking it easy. I haven't had this much to drink in years, but I don't care. I want to enjoy the night...

"So you're the famous Kendal, huh?"

I look up, and my breath hitches... Standing behind my beach chair is a god of a man who's looking down at me, and I'm looking up at him upside down.

"Depends on who is asking."

I whisper.