The Lifetimes I Remembered

Chapter Twelve: Hannah

Time had never been this slow to Hannah but it was today. She had been planning on asking Emerson to bring her to the nursing home where her grandmother was at; making sure that she was on the good side of the red-headed girl so that she could come to the home with her. She knew she was practically using Emerson to get what she wanted, which was finding answers for her brother, but she did also want to earn the girl’s friendship. It was a win-win.

Except, she didn’t know what to think of Ivan asking to come along. She tried in vain to erase the memory of sleeping right next to him on the couch, listening to his rhythmic heartbeat along with the pattering of the rain on the roof and the thunder rumbling. She didn’t fall asleep until she felt his steady breathing that indicated he was sleeping.

She remembered staring up at his face that night, thinking of the dreams she had of him, of the familiarity that her heartfelt every time he was around. And the nightmares. Always the nightmares. The jealous rage, the painful arguments, the knife in his heart.

She had to stay away from him to avoid that ending.

But how could she when there he was, in all his gorgeous glory, making his way to her in the middle of a crowded hallway? “Emerson told me where the home is. She’s already there. Bolted right out of our last class to get there.”

Hannah’s eyebrows rose. That was fast. But at least she gave Ivan directions. As much as she wanted to avoid Ivan still, it was clear that it was almost impossible. She desperately wanted answers for Dominic. She always felt extra protective of her older brother, even when she was closest to Mitch and Dom had ignored her for quite some time.

“I guess it’s you and the motorcycle again,” Hannah muttered, fixing her bag and smiling slightly at Ivan. As much as a part of her screamed to stay away from him, she knew that she’ll end up drawn to him. If her memories served her right, that was always where it ended. Her in his arms.

Sometimes the thought was comforting, to know that you wouldn’t end up alone in this world. But then, she would remember the nightmares and the thought would end up terrifying her.

The ride to the nursing home wasn’t that far but she still clung tightly to Ivan as he zooms his motorcycle to their destination. The curves of the road scared her and she thought she would fall off the single transport. When they finally arrived, her knees were wobbling and Ivan had to wrap his arm around her waist to steady her.

Ivan quirked a smile at her. “You weren’t this shaken the first time you rode with me.”

Hannah shrugged off her arm around her and rolled her eyes. “You weren’t speeding that much that time. I thought I was going to fall off any second.”

Ivan snickered. “Don’t you trust me?”

The question made her pause and Ivan suddenly looked away. He cleared his throat and nodded to the nursing home. “Emerson’s waiting for us.”

Hannah nodded and followed him inside. The smell of bleach and old people filled her nostrils the moment she stepped in. Elderlies were milling around, chatting with each other as they knitted or played chess. There were some men cheering on a football game. The sight warmed her heart and then broke it the same time. Almost everyone in this room raised someone, and that someone left them here in return.

“Hannah, Ivan!” She heard Emerson calling the both of them and spotted her in the corner with her grandmother. When they approached, Emmy gently shook her grandmother awake. “Gran, wake up, I want you to meet my friends.”

Bleary eyes opened and blinked in confusion at Emerson. It took her more than a minute to figure out who was shaking her awake. The short moment was enough for Hannah to catch sight of the heartbreak flashing in Emmy’s eyes. “Friends? You have friends?”

Emerson chuckled and nodded towards the two. “This is Hannah and Ivan. Friends from school.”

The moment the older woman turned her attention to Hannah and their gazes locked, a tidal wave of memories hit her that she almost stumbled back. Her heart ached, memories of two girls chatting, preparing for a date, having fun at a carnival, filled her mind. She didn’t need to hear from Emerson the name of her grandmother. She already knew.

Juliet Rose aged well and Hannah would too if she didn’t die young in that previous lifetime. And in that lifetime, Juliet was her best friend. Hannah wanted to hug her tight, ask her about everything she had missed in her friend’s life but she knew in her heart that was impossible. She was a different person leading a different life albeit almost the same with the last one.

“This is my grandma Julie,” Emerson said with a grin, “Gran, this is Hannah and Ivan.”

“Hannah and Ivan,” Juliet repeated and then her eyes suddenly widened and she grasped Hannah’s hand tightly, the longing in her eyes clear as day, “Hannah, I’ve missed you. It’s been so long. So, so long.”

Hannah discreetly squeezed her hand, wanting to let her know that she missed her as terribly too but she knew that everyone else would think of her crazy and she wasn’t here for a reunion. She was here to find someone who had biological relation with Dominic, not reuniting with a dear old friend.

“Gran,” Emerson said, gently prying the tight clasp of Juliet’s hand on Hannah’s, “gran, she’s not the Hannah you tell me about. She’s my classmate and co-worker at the café. Remember? I told you some things about her last night.”

But Juliet refused to believe her granddaughter and it broke Hannah’s heart even more because she knew that Emerson would think that Juliet’s condition was just simply worsening. Ivan hasn’t spoken beside her but he suddenly cleared her throat and smiled at Juliet, putting as much of his charisma into it as he can.

“Hi Grandma Rose, I’m Ivan Daniels. It’s nice to meet you,” he said, shaking Juliet’s hand slowly, “we’re here to meet you and also, we were wondering if you could help us.”

Ivan was all business and Hannah was thankful that at least, one of them was. She was too caught up with seeing Juliet that she couldn’t focus on her real task at hand. She turned to Juliet and offered her a small smile, “Grandma Rose, I was wondering if you remember Stephen Monroe?”

Juliet didn’t respond and Emerson sighed and looked at me apologetically. “You might have a better chance if you ask someone else. Gran’s memory is getting worse.”

But Juliet replied, after a while, and turned to Hannah with a small smile and eyes far away, remembering the days that had come to pass, “Yes. I remember Stephen. Fine lad. Charming, like his father. The last time I saw him, he was with a pretty blonde lady that reminded me of you, Hannah. ”

Juliet regarded her as if more than a decade never occurred and she didn’t die in that lifetime. But Hannah let it slide. “Do you remember his father? Do you know where he is?”

“Kelvin. Kelvin’s here,” Juliet murmured, her eyes scanning the crowd. “He chats with me sometimes but most of the time; he feeds the fishes in the pond.”

“I know him!” Emerson said, grinning. She kissed Juliet’s cheek, “We’ll be right back, Gran.”

Emerson grabbed Hannah’s hand and tugged her along. She dragged him outside, where there were trees around and a pathway that led to a gazebo and a pond. There were fewer elderlies here, tended by their nurses. Hannah spotted a stout man near the pond, a bag of bread beside him.

“Kelvin!” Emerson called, grinning ear to ear. It seems like she really did know him.

Kelvin turned around and waved at Emerson and gave her a brief hug when they arrived in front of him. “Emmy, it’s nice to see you. Visiting Julie?”

Emmy nodded. “Yea. These are my friends, Hannah and Ivan.”

Kelvin smiled and nodded at the two in acknowledgment. Hannah couldn’t waste any more time, she wanted to go directly to the point. “Kelvin, sir, I’m Hannah Pearce. I was wondering if you remember a woman named Camilla, introduced to you by your son?”

His green eyes widened at the mention of his son and a flash of sorrow in his eyes. “I’m not sure how you know my son. But yes, he did bring Camilla here. That was twenty years ago.”

A bubble of hope burst in Hannah’s heart. Kelvin must still have some kind of communication with Stephen even if his son did leave him in a nursing home. “Is it okay if I ask where Stephen is, sir? Is he still here?”

Kelvin avoided her gaze and turned back to the pond. He sighed. “Stephen’s gone, dear. He died five years ago.”

Hannah’s heart sank. Dominic will never know his father. He already lost their Dad, and now he lost his real one. “Oh. I’m…I’m so sorry for your loss.”

Kelvin smiled softly and said, “How did you know about Stephen?”

Hannah didn’t know if she would just tell Kelvin outright that he had a grandson but she was afraid that he might have a heart attack with the news. “Camilla. She’s a friend of my mom and she told me she had an old friend here. I thought it’d be nice to meet someone that she knew.”

“He would’ve been pleased to meet you.”

Not as pleased as Dominic would’ve been.

~

“I thought you had the day off.”

Hannah was surprised to see that Dominic was lounging on the couch. She barely saw her brother because she knew how busy he had been. He worked long hours and more than one job. But she remembered that he rescued her the morning after she was trapped in the café with Ivan and the worry in his eyes then was so evident it warmed her heart.

Their relationship had been rocky in the recent years, things got worse when Mitch died because he blamed it on her. But before the accident, she never figured out why Dominic distanced himself from her. She always wanted to ask but felt like everything would just veer into a much worse direction and she would rather have what little of relationship they had than none at all.

“So Camilla called. Remember her? Mom’s best friend?”

Hannah stopped what she was doing. She had been contacting Camilla since she found out about Dom’s adoption and she had rather been persuasive to know the truth about her brother’s life. Camilla promised she’d get in touch with her when she had the opportunity. She had one today but it was Dominic that she ended up talking to.

She turned to face her brother. Dominic stood up from the couch and crossed his arms. He was leaner and more sinewy than Mitch had been, but it didn’t mean that he had less muscle. “Really? Did she ask for Mom?”

"She asked for you,” Dom answered and let a lingering moment pass before sighing and motioning for the couch, “I know what you’re doing, Hannah.”

“I..I’m not doing anything.”

“You’re trying to find out about my parents,” His reply froze her on the spot. He knew. Dom sighed and ran a hand through his tousled hair. “I’ve known before Dad died. I was ten or nine. Mitch and I found the papers when we were looking for something in their room. He told me everything he knew. I wanted to ask them, but Dad had cancer and then he died and I knew that asking about the truth of who I was would break Mom even more.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Dom looked at her levelly. “Because you lost your Dad. I didn’t want you to lose a brother too.”

“But rather you push me away?” She couldn’t stop the hurt from leaching in her voice. She remembered the days when they were close, closer than she and Mitch had been, remembered the protectiveness and the thoughtfulness of Dominic. He used to be her favorite brother and then he just suddenly distanced himself from her.

Dom looked away. “I had…issues. I thought it would be better to distance myself from you because there were things that I thought I could do that could potentially hurt you. I’d rather you be hurt because we weren’t close any more than being hurt by something else.”

Hannah reached out and touched his hand, closing hers on his tightly. The action sent a jolt through her body. It was achingly familiar. Dom squeezed her hand. “I’m sorry, Han.”

He reached out and pulled her in a hug. She breathed in his scent. She hasn’t hugged him in a long time. Not when Dad died. Not when Mitch. But now they were wrapped in each other’s warm embrace, and Hannah wouldn’t be anywhere in the world than in his arms.