The Lifetimes I Remembered

Chapter Eleven: Ivan

The storm was gone but it still left a lingering chill and moderate rain in its wake. It was enough to cause the students of Blue Valley High to spend their lunch inside the hallowed halls of their school cafeteria. For the first time in a long time, the four corners of that part of the establishment was filled with the youth’s rambunctious laughter and hollering.

Ivan tightened his grip on his backpack, his ocean eyes searching the crowd for a place to sit. His eyes lingered to where Grace sat and their gazes lock and he could see her subtly motion for him to come to her. He saw the hope sparking in her green eyes and he knew that if he sat beside her, then the breakup last Saturday would be considered null and void.

He didn’t want that to happen. He had to stand his ground. Slowly, he shook his head and searched the crowd again, but not before he saw the flash of hurt in her eyes. A pang of guilt hit him but he knew that no matter what Grace did, he could never love her. Even in the next lifetime, he had a certainty in his heart that he would still belong to someone else. Someone his heart knew.

Finally, his eyes landed on straw blonde hair seated beside a red-head. It was surprising to see Hannah and Emerson together. He expected her to be sitting with Hazel but there she was, casually talking and laughing with the sarcastic red-head he also had spent a previous lunch with. Maybe Hannah finally won Emerson over and she agreed to finally have a friend.

“Mind if I join?”

Both girls looked up and he saw uncertainty in Hannah’s features. He always wondered why Hannah seemed to avoid him on most occasions and there was a part of him that wanted to ask her why. But then again, they were mere co-workers and only had short conversations. But he hoped that the night they spent together trapped in the café changed something in their relationship.

Emerson’s eyebrows rose. “You’re only allowed to sit if you give me something in exchange.”

Ivan slid in beside Hannah and she tensed for a moment before schooling her features back into a calmer one. “What would that be?”

“An explanation why you’re not sitting with your peers and girlfriend.”

“Ex-girlfriend,” It wasn’t Ivan who responded but Hazel, sliding next to Emerson. She looked at Ivan in amusement. “I didn’t think you’d actually go forth with the breakup.”

Emerson looked at him and then not so subtly glanced at Hannah, a slow smirk painting her features. Hannah turned away, almost guiltily, and went back to eating her food. Hazel snorted and Ivan simply rolled his eyes.

“My relationships- or lack thereof- are none of your business. Now, does that garner me a seat in your holy table?” Ivan asked Emerson pointedly.

She snickered and nodded and then turned to Hazel. “Hannah bought me lunch. Ivan answered my question. And you’re going to have to give me your dessert to secure your seat in my table.”

Ivan couldn’t help but smile at Hannah when he heard that she bought Emerson lunch. So he wasn’t the only one who noticed the red-head didn’t eat on lunch time. He didn’t realize she was observant as he was and her kindness warmed his heart.

Hazel scoffed and begrudgingly handed Emerson a cupcake. She always had one or two after every meal. She was addicted to the sugary sweets and Ivan noticed she had a box stocked in the refrigerator of both the Daniels household and at the café with her name on it.

“You get paid the same amount as us at the café but you can’t afford to buy yourself lunch?” Hazel asked, turning to Emerson.

Ivan expected Emerson to shy away from Hazel. She always did so at the café, always resulting to short remarks and yes and no’s when Hazel asked her or talked to her. Hazel was always rude to Emerson and that was probably because she thought that in their school’s ridiculous stereotypical ladder, she was a few steps above the latter.

But both Ivan and Hannah were amazed when Emerson answered her the way she talked to them. Snarky and sarcastic. And honest. “Because the salary I get is only enough to buy my grandmother’s medicine. The nursing home I got her in can only give her vitamins and other basic meds but not the ones for her Alzheimer’s. And I also have to pay monthly for the home.”

“What about your Mom?” Hannah asked curiously.

Emerson sighed. “She pays the house bills.”

“You still live in that shed the cemetery offers the workers to stay right? How come you have bills?”

Ivan was surprised at that. So maybe seeing her at times at Andre’s grave wasn’t just her visiting the dead. It was because she lived near the dead. Emerson shrugged at Hazel. “It doesn’t include electricity so Mom has to pay for that and also to provide food for the two of us.”

Ivan wanted to ask about her Dad but thought better of it. Hannah turned to Emerson and touched her hand. “I have something to ask. About the nursing home your grandma is at.”

Emerson looked at her with creased eyebrows. “What about? There’s nothing much to it.”

“It’s the only one in Blue Valley right?”

“The only one near Blue Valley. The rest are so far away. It’s annoying how isolated this town seems.” Hazel commented, licking the icing off of her cupcake.

But Hannah ignored the comment and looked at Emerson. “Well, I’m researching about someone. It’s something about my brother.”

Ivan immediately turned to her. “Is he hurting you?”

His question was frantic and he felt a rush of protectiveness. There was always something about Hannah that attracted him and made him feel things. Things he never felt for Grace even when he tried. With Hannah, the feelings just surfaced without any trigger. It was like he had a connection with her that ran deeper than just a simple love at first sight.

Hannah shook her head quickly. “No! It’s just. He’s…he’s adopted.”

Three pairs of eyes looked at her in surprise. “Your brother? You two are actually not related?!”

It was Hazel who spoke and her incredulity was shared by everyone. Ivan didn’t get a good look at her brother but the blonde hair was enough to deem them as related. Hannah sighed and shook her head. “I just found out about it too. I’ve been trying to contact his birth mother and last night, I successfully had. She begged me not to say something to Dominic until she settles everything with her husband.”

“I take it she’s his son with another man,” Emerson stated, shaking her head. “That drama is used up but still, it’s a pity for the parties involve.”

The fact that her brother was adopted didn’t sit well with Ivan. His mind flashed to the hug they shared, at the concern her ‘brother’ had for her and how tight they clung to each other. But he shook the feeling off, not wanting the thoughts that came to his mind that accompanied that feeling.

“What about his birth father?” He asked instead.

Hannah sighed. “I found out that he used to live here. Camilla told me that they met at my old hometown and then he brought her here to experience the small town feels.”

“Is he still here?”

Hannah shook her head. “I’m not sure. But maybe one of his parents is at that nursing home your grandmother is at. I’d like to go with you there if you’re coming after school.”

Emerson nodded without hesitation. “Sure. I’ll introduce you to my grandma. She’d love to know that I finally made a friend in school. Well, if she remembers anyway.”

“I’ll come with,” Ivan suddenly said, looking at Hannah. “If you’d let me. I’d like to help.”

Hannah looked unsure for a moment and the few seconds that she was thinking, Ivan was holding his breath. He did want to help her even if he had a bad feeling about her brother. Helping her also meant it was a chance to get to know her. He’d like that.

Finally, she nodded. “Okay.”

In front of them, Hazel clucked her tongue. “I would love to help out too but I’m stuck at the café. I’m the one with the shift today.”

Hannah shot her a smile, kinder and warm. “It’s okay, Hazel. The three of us could break this case.”

Ivan liked the fact that she considered them a trio and he couldn’t help but feel the excitement sing in his veins. He would be spending the remainder of the day with her. She agreed to it. And even when it would only be for an hour or two, maybe he could think of a way to extend it.

He liked her; that much was true. Aside from having memories of her that he couldn’t explain why he had, he felt a connection with her that with those memories aside, he knew he would just simply have. So maybe it was love at first sight or maybe it wasn’t, but whatever it was, it felt too real to just simply shrug off.

When the bell rang and the four of them went their separate ways for different classes, Emerson stayed with him. They had the same class and were headed the same direction. She nudged him and he looked at her and she had a knowing smirk plastered on her face.

“Less than a week of you off the market and you’re already jumping on your next prey,” Emerson stated, shaking her head, “I didn’t think you’d be one of those guys. Well, you were before Grace and pre-accident, but I thought you were a completely different man when you got discharged out of the hospital.”

He didn’t know how to explain to her that she was right. He was a different man but he couldn’t give her the explanation she should be hearing without letting her believe he had gone thoroughly insane. “What makes you think I’m only preying on her?”

Emerson raised an eyebrow, the corner of her lips twitching upward. “She’s a sweet girl, Daniels. We might not be best of friends but don’t you dare break her heart.”

“Do I hear a threat following that, Emmy?” Ivan asked, stopping and looking at the short red-headed girl.

Emerson rolled her eyes and simply shrugged her shoulders. “She’s not sharing much about her life before she came here in Blue Valley but I feel like she’s had her heart broken too many times already. I don’t think she needs another heartbreak and that’s what you are, Ivan Daniels, a walking heartbreaker.”

Ivan wasn’t sure if her words rang true because he didn’t even know who he was before the accident. His memory couldn’t remember anything about this lifetime yet it remembered memories from a previous one. But there was something cold and harsh about Emmy’s words and for a moment, for a fleeting moment, he was angry at her for saying those things, for thinking that he was only meant to break Hannah’s heart.

Because he didn’t want to hurt Hannah in way possible. He wasn’t sure of what he felt for her, it was too early to name what it was, but he was sure that he didn’t want to hurt her.

That’s why it made him angry that Emerson could say such things. But the red-headed short girl in front of him didn’t seem fazed by the sudden change in his demeanor. Emmy tilted her head and her eyes turned soft as she patted Ivan on the shoulder.

“Used to be. You used to be a heartbreaker, Ivan but then maybe you’ve changed. Andre had.”

The mention of his late ‘best friend’ made him halt. He turned back to her again. “What went on with you and Andre?”

A sad smile filled Emerson’s lips and she simply shrugged. “None. Something almost happened but then he died.”

The guilt crept onto Ivan and clung to his heart. He was the one who was behind the wheel that day. He was the one who brought the car in the first place. No matter how many times his father told him it was an accident, he still felt like he killed Andre.

“I remember what he told me once,” Emerson said, not caring about the warning bell that was ringing, “He told me that sometimes, the people we like don’t choose us because there’s a better choice. There’s an option they prefer. Or sometimes the choice is made for us. Some things we just have to choose.”

“I didn’t choose Andre that night because I chose my grandmother. And then he died,” Emerson continued sadly, “And it broke my heart.”