The Lifetimes I Remembered

Chapter Ten: Ivan

Ivan woke up hearing the whir of the chainsaw. It startled him awake, causing him to jerk and it was only then that he realized Hannah was clinging tightly to him, still asleep. Instinctively, he wrapped a protective arm around her, clutching her close, making sure she wouldn’t fall off the sofa they were both nestled in.

Through bleary eyes, he tried to see the commotion going on outside. He saw the sheriff’s hat and realized it was his father searing through the fallen tree that trapped the two of them. He was a taller guy that Ivan didn’t know- then again, with his amnesia, he barely knew anyone in town nowadays- and both of them had grim determination plastered on their faces.

Hannah stirred awake in his arms and slowly, he was met by those gorgeous pools of golden eyes he had been dreaming about. She slowly blinked and a lazy smile made its way on her face, as she snuggled closer to him. The action made him freeze. The intimacy it held was familiar but the knowledge that they weren’t supposed to be that close nagged on him.

And in a snap, Hannah realized what was going on and she jerked away from Ivan hastily, falling flat on her back on the hardwood floor. Ivan peered at her in worry. “Are you okay?”

She sat up and groaned but gave him a nod for an answer. She looked at him again, and he saw the worry that flashed in her eyes. He remembered he hadn’t been feeling well last night, shivering and clammy because of the cold.

“Are you okay?” Hannah asked him, standing up and dusting herself. Hazel’s clothes didn’t look as ridiculous on her as it did to his step-sister. Ivan smiled at her and nodded.

“I knew the body heat would work,” he said and then launched into a coughing fit. Hannah touched his skin and made a ‘tsking’ noise.

“I guess it worked too well.” She mused and it was only then that the sawing sound registered to her. She rushed to the door and let out a sigh of relief. “The sheriff and my brother are here to help us.”

It was Ivan’s turn to let out a sigh of relief. The other guy was her brother. For a moment, a thought occurred to her that the guy could either be one of his father’s friends or Hannah boyfriend. But then again, she was new in town. She couldn’t be anyone’s girlfriend at the moment. She had only been in town for roughly two weeks.

“They’ve managed to make it through!” Hannah announced, opening the door and launching herself into her brother’s arms.

“I was worried about you,” her brother said, clutching her tight.

There was something about their hug that made Ivan’s stomach churn. But maybe it was because he wasn’t feeling too good. Joe headed straight to him and held him at arm’s length, inspecting him for any injury. “We were all worried about you at home. I wanted to rush here to rescue you but the storm wouldn’t let me. Why didn’t you close early?”

“We did,” Ivan answered, eyeing Hannah and her brother. His arm was around her, protective. Something gleamed in Hannah’s eyes as if her brother’s protectiveness warmed her heart.

“But just as we were about to head home, the rain fell in sleets and the tree fell down. We were trapped.”

“What about the back exit?” Her brother asked.

Ivan shrugged. “The door’s been jammed all week. We’ve been trying to have it repaired but no one still came in to fix it.”

Joe nodded in understanding. “Well, at least the two of you are okay. The storm’s raging. This is only the calm before it hits again. We need to get going.”

Before they parted ways, Hannah called out his father. Ivan was seated in the front seat of his Dad’s cruiser, curious to what she had to say. She looked worried, glancing at him. He realized she must’ve been telling his father that he wasn’t feeling too good and that he needed rest.

He couldn’t help but smile at her worry.

Ivan lay in bed, staring blankly at the ceiling. Cheryl flocked him like a mother hen when she knew that he wasn’t feeling too good. She was also nagging at Hazel why she didn’t just take Ivan’s shift when she knew that he wasn’t feeling well. It was the only time Ivan swept in and saved her from all the nagging.

“I didn’t want her to,” Ivan said, looking at his step-mother and trying to dodge the wet towel she was trying to put on his head. He looked at Cheryl, “I’m fine, Cheryl. It’s just a fever. A good sleep will do me good.”

The flash of worry in Cheryl’s eyes warmed him. As awkward as it seemed, it felt nice to have a mother flock to you in worry. It seemed like he hadn’t had one in such a long time. Ivan touched Cheryl’s hand, and he saw the surprise in her eyes. So maybe he’s been distant, both pre and post-accident. But it didn’t mean he shouldn’t show her that he’s grateful for her concern.

“Thanks for the chicken soup. But I think a nap’s coming on,” he told her earnestly. Cheryl nodded and smiled, leaving him alone in his room. Hazel lingered on the doorway for a moment, before leaving. Finally, he was alone and Ivan stared at the ceiling again, remembering how perfectly Hannah fit in his arms.

He closed his eyes, allowing sleep to consume him even when his entire body was wired with the electric chemistry he shared with the girl in his dreams. For the first time in a while, he looked forward to dreaming again; perhaps she’ll be in his arms again.

But he didn’t even have the chance to dream. About 30 minutes later, someone barreled into his room and rushed to his side. Hands touched his skin and he could hear the worry in her voice. He sighed and rolled to his side, opening his eyes and seeing Grace’s face creasing with concern.

“I’ve been calling you all night,” she said, rummaging through her bag for God knows what. She pulled out a thermos and opened it, pouring the contents of the cup. It smells amazing but Ivan wasn’t hungry. He just had his step-mother’s chicken soup.

He pushed the soup away when Grace held it close to him. He sat up in annoyance. He just wanted to sleep. “I already ate. Didn’t they tell you I’ve asked to rest?”

The hurt in Grace’s eyes was evident. She turned away. “Hazel did. You can rest. I’ll just stay here.”

“I thought there was still a storm.”

“I rushed here before it worsened. The drive’s not too far,” Grace explained, turning to look at him. Her green eyes displayed the pain her heartfelt and as much as Ivan hated to see it, he couldn’t pretend any longer.

He had been patient with her as she had been with his memories. But his heart never remembered how to love her, not like how it remembered the feelings it harbored for the girl he just met, feelings he had in every lifetime they shared.

“How long are you going to continue to push me away, Ivan?” Grace asked, her voice on the verge of cracking with the sob she was trying to shove away.

Ivan gritted his teeth. “Until it stays that way.”

The tears fell down her face slowly, the pain ebbing from her heart and coursing through her entire body. That much, Ivan could see. Grace sat beside him and tried to reach for him but he dodged away from her hands. He looked at her, trying to keep a stoic expression as possible.

He saw the way she loved him, saw it in how she always cared for him, in her actions, in her words, in her body language, and in her eyes. It wasn’t fair that she wouldn’t receive that kind of love in return. If his heart just didn’t feel like it already belonged to someone else, he would’ve allowed himself to fall for her.

But he couldn’t. Not even when she showed him how. He just simply couldn’t. It was as if his heart simply belonged to one person and one person alone. And it wasn’t Grace.

“Grace,” he said, looking at her, trying to make it as gently as he could. He knew the blow she would receive but he couldn’t help but try to make it as tender as he possibly could, “I’m sorry. I tried. I honestly did because then it would’ve been easier. But my mind barely remembered the relationship and my heart has no clue how to love you.”

He could feel the pain that stabbed her with his words. “You loved me before. What changed?”

Ivan desperately wanted to confess to her everything that had been messing up in his head since the accident. Even when he didn’t love her romantically, he cared for her as a friend and he always felt like he could trust her. But then, she would think that he had hit his head harder than everyone thought he had, that the accident caused his brain to rewire.

No, the truth needed to remain hidden or else everyone would think the accident had made him go crazy.

“I just woke up without having any feelings for you anymore,” he whispered, looking down. He didn’t dare look up at her. He waited for her to throw the soup she had made for him at his face but she didn’t. Quietly, she packed her things up.

“If a miracle just somehow happens and you end up realizing your feelings for me again, I’ll wait for you to come back to me, Ivan,” Grace said, her voice ringing with the feelings she had for him. With that, she rushed out of his room and into the storm.

“Grace!” Ivan called out, remembering the brewing storm but she was already backing out of their driveway when he arrived downstairs.

Hazel looked up at him from her seat on the couch. She was perched on the sofa with a book in her lap, her ridiculous glasses worn. “I take it you just broke up with dear Grace and she rushed out of our house with a broken heart and into the awaiting storm.”

Ivan closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead. “Could you call someone in their house and ask if she got home safe?”

Hazel’s eyebrows rose. “I’ll do that but you need to answer my question first.”

He sighed and nodded. “What is it?”

“Did you tell her it’s because you’re harboring feelings for Hannah Pearce?”

Ivan looked at her alarmed. He knew he was having feelings for her and he couldn’t understand where it was coming from, he was only sure that he had loved her in a previous lifetime. But was it that obvious?

“What?”

“Oh come on, Ivan. I see the way you look at her when she’s around. I’m sure you’re not even aware that you stare at her from a distance. I see you, Ivan. And dude, it’s thoroughly creepy,” Hazel said, turning on her phone and sending someone a text. A minute later, her phone pinged. “Grace got home safe.”

“How did you?”

“How did I what? Know that she’s home or know that you’ve been secretly crushing on the new girl?”

“About Hannah,” Ivan said, running a hand through his dark hair.

Hazel turned to him with bright eyes. She smirked and put down her book. “Would you buy it if I said I’m a keen observer?”

He narrowed her eyes at her and shook his head. “Just tell me how you found out, Hazel.”

“Ooh, then you don’t deny it. You do like Hannah,” Hazel said in triumph. Her eyes glistened with interest, “It’s obvious, Ivan. You have this look on your face as if she’s the only girl you’ve ever known.”

But that was true. Hannah was the only girl he knew. She was the only one he remembered and he didn’t understand why. He wanted to argue with Hazel but the softness in her gaze made whatever words in his mouth stop.

“Let’s just hope that you’re actually meant for her,” she said and he couldn’t help but wonder if her words held another meaning.

Because he felt like it did.