Forbidden Affair

Chapter 8

It's already Saturday night, isang linggo na lang before the night of the Christmas party.

But for now, nasa kwarto lang ako trying to busy myself so I wouldn't have to think about my teacher all day and all night long.

The other day was nothing but madness. I was so sad. I even became so desperate. But despite all of that, nothing ever happened. I wasn't even able to sleep that night. I couldn't do anything but think about him when I didn't even know if he's doing the same. Then yesterday, it was just the same, bhez even asked me if I was sick again. I just shrugged then continued being miserable.

Luckily this morning, I woke up feeling a little bit more awake.

Nagising ako na hindi lang literally. Pero nagising din ako emotionally.

Bakit kailangan kong i-drag yung sarili ko sa sobrang kalungkutan when I don't even know the real score of why he's been absent since that day.

So for now? I just want to do my own thing.

Nag-movie marathon ako maghapon, The Notebook, The Vow, 50 first dates, pati Friends with Benefits, pinatos ko na din. Para ngang sinasadya ko pang gatungan yung sarili ko kasi puro pang-in love pinanood ko e. But who cares? Malay mo naman, just like those movies, magkaroon din ako ng sarili kong love life. And who knows? It might even have a happy ending.

Papunta na sana ako sa CR when I heard a knock on my door then came in my mum.

"Sweetie?" she called.

"Yes mum?" sagot ko sa kanya then I faced her, smiling. Thank all the good spirits that came upon me kasi nakakangiti na ako na hindi halatang fake. Ayoko din kasing mahalata nya na may alalahanin ako, at about sa heart problems pa ha?

Mum reached out for me then hinawakan ako sa braso.

"Well, I texted Alice para kumustahin ka sa kanya and she filled me in with your upcoming Christmas party." she said habang nakangiti.

Yeah. Malapit na nga yun and up to now, wala pa rin akong outfit. But wait, kinumusta ako ni mum kay Alice? Hala, e baka naman pati yung pagkalutang ko, ibinalita na din nya. Naku e wag naman sana.

Pinilit ko nalang magpaka-casual. Sana lang di nya mahalata, sana lang din hindi gumana yung mother's instinct ni mommy ngayon.

"Ahh yes mum, next week na po yun. Bakit po?"

"Baka kasi gusto mo nang bumili ng dress mo for that event. Besides, para na din makita ko yung itsura. You know how much I love to see you wearing dress." sabi ni mum na medyo may kinang yung mga mata. Medyo may pagka-fashionista din kasi si mum kaya pagdating sa pagsa-shopping, game na game talaga sya.

"Maybe this week mum, I'll ask you to come with me shop for a dress."

Tumango sya. "Sure sweetie."

"Ahh, mum?"

"Hmm?"

"Yun lang po ba yung binalita sa inyo ni bhez?" tanong ko. Baka mamaya kasi meron pang iba, diba?

Tumaas yung dalawang kilay ni mum. "Yes. Why sweetie? Should there be anything more I should know?"

Mabilis naman akong sumagot kasabay ng sunod-sunod na pag-iling. "No mum. Wala na po. Yun lang."

Parang nagduda sya at tiningnan ako ng mabuti so I started to become a little bit uneasy.

"Are you sure? It seems like there's more. What is it?"

"Uhm. w-wala po talaga mum. Actually I was just about to shower. So...?" sabi ko. Silently wishing na lumabas na sya at i-drop na yung subject. She eyed me suspiciously and I gave her my biggest smile to make her see na okay naman ako. Then finally she sighed.

"Okay then." she said giving up. Yes! Buti na lang. Haha. "Pero kung may gusto kang sabihin, you know you can always come to me." sabi pa nya. Tumango na lang ako saka sinundan sya hanggang sa makalabas sya ng room ko.

After ko maisarado yung pinto saka lang ako nakahinga ng maluwag. Dumiretso na din ako sa shower para maligo then wore my comfortable pair of pajamas after.

I was just on my bed, while combing my hair when I remembered checking my f*******: account. Hindi naman ako ganun ka-adik magpost ng kung ano ano about sa buhay ko kaya minsan lang talaga ako magsign-in don. Plus it's not in my nature to stalk other people's lives, so yeah. Minsan lang talaga. I don't even have twitter or i********: for crying out loud.

Maybe I value my privacy a little bit too much. But whatever.

So I grabbed my laptop, went to f*******: then signed in. There were a few friend requests na ini-accept ko na lang without even looking at their names. Then I checked the notifications after. I frowned. E puro naman kasi game requests tong noti ko, o kaya naman, nai-tag na picture sakin na wala naman akong kinalaman. Ugh! Walang kakwenta-kwenta.

Tiningnan ko naman muna yung account ni bhez. And as expected, ang dami-dami nyang posts. Pictures na ang daming nag-comment at nag-like. Nakita ko din yung hayagan nilang paga-i love you-han ni Alex pati mga pictures na ang sweet sweet nila. Ugh! Talk about PDA people. Eto kasing si bhez, kahit na medyo maton, basta pagdating kay Alex nagiging pusong mamon. Para syang damsel in distress pag kasama si Alex. Minsan tuloy, ngani ngani ko na syang batukan para medyo umayos naman.

Pero ano pa bang magagawa ko? In love e.

Tumingin-tingin pa ako ng ibang posts dun when I thought about someone. And as if on cue, awtomatikong nag-type ang mga daliri ko sa search box and searched for the name...

Dylan Mendoza.

I wasn't breathing for a few seconds while the search was loading. Then when I saw his picture on one of the search results. My shaking hand then clicked his name.

Picture of him welcomed me. He was so damn hot in his dp. I think it was just a stolen photo which is more than good enough to make his DP so he went for it.

Then I looked at his cover photo which is only a picture of a distant horizon with a sunset on it. Then words are written on it that says:

"Waiting for you."

And just by that, my heart thumped inside my chest so fast that it almost gave me a hard time to breathe.

I inhaled and exhaled a couple more times to balance up my breathing.

"Okay Josette. Don't assume, okay? Don't. Assume. " I said to myself.

Baka kasi mamaya, isipin ko na ako yung hinihintay nya. Pero hindi naman pala. Edi ang sakit lang.

So I just took my time checking his account. Hindi naman din sya mahilig mag-post. Pero maraming nagko-comment sa kanya na hindi kataka-taka. Sa gwapo ba naman ng teacher ko na yon, ewan ko na lang pag hindi ka pa na-attract. So yeah, I'll describe those comments na pino-post sa kanya ng mga unknown chakabells, in ONE word.

Papansin.

Ahuh, that's more like it!

I couldn't help but grin like an idiot when suddenly, I saw a picture of him...with someone.

And he was smiling.

God, it hurts. They looked so... sweet. They seem like a perfect couple.

And for seconds. I felt like my heart crashed. Parang naninikip yung dibdib ko, pero hindi ko magawang alisin ang mga mata ko sa picture nila na magkasama.

I looked at the caption. And by reading every word quickly caused tears in my eyes.

'Temporary leave for a dinner date with me? Not bad mister Mendoza.'

Well, I just guessed they were so happy together huh? Why not. It brutally and completely shows in the picture.

I even figured it was a tagged photo by a certain girl named 'Krista Alegre.' And the photo was dated only yesterday.

So that was what he was doing yesterday huh? Habang ako, nagpapakatanga. Nagpapakabaliw sa pag-iisip kung ano na bang nangyari sa kanya. Eto pala ang pinagkakaabalahan nya.

Wow. Great. Just great.

I even thought na ako yung dahilan kaya sya nag-leave, para iwasan ako. Pero hindi pala.

Now I figured my existence doesn't mean anything to him. He left so he could spend time with his beautiful, model-like, perfect girlfriend.

Bagay na bagay sila. Too bad for me. Dahil kahit pala naibigay ko na sa kanya yung pinaka-importanteng bagay sakin. Kulang pa pala.

I clicked the girl's name, went to her Photo Album, and there I saw bunch of pictures of her with Dylan. One of the albums was also uploaded yesterday. Dun din nanggaling yung picture na nakita ko kanina.

So yeah. I just proved na magkasama nga sila. There was a picture na nagda-drive pa si Dylan at yung Krista naman yung kumukuha ng picture. Meron yung magkatabi sila. At kung ano ano pa na lalo lang ikinasikip ng dibdib ko.

Shit ang sakit na...

Ang sakit sakit na ng isip ko. Lalo na ng puso ko.

Pinahid ko ang luhang walang sawa na tumutulo mula sa mga mata ko.

"Okay Josette. That's enough." awat ko sa sarili ko. Pero ayaw sumunod ng luha ko. Pinikit ko pa ng mariin ang mga mata ko pero mahina at pigil na hagulgol lang ang lumabas sa bibig ko.

So I closed my laptop and lay down my bed. I tucked myself inside the covers. And cried myself to sleep.

...to be continued