My Bad Alpha Mate (Book 1)

Chapter 8: Living With Pain

It's been a month since Christina told me my pack was destroyed. I've been holed up in our bedroom. I've tried to move out of this room, but he won't let me. He orders me as Alpha and my mate. I hate him. I've got nothing left to live for. Christina tries to comfort me but I just slip deeper into darkness. My home is gone, my parents are dead, and my mate is disgusted by me. I want to leave, but I know I wouldn't get far before Keaton drags me back. I'm in hell.

The door to my bedroom bangs open and a slut wearing a corset and garters walks in like she owns the place. Keaton has so many girls parading around that all the faces are a blur. The pain doesn't hurt so much anymore. I've learned to channel the pain into other activities like exercising or getting to know the pack. Keaton may not need me as Luna, but I'm positive the pack does. He thinks that the pack won't fall without a Luna, but I know it will. I'll just have to establish a strong hold so that the pack can survive if I leave.

"Umm, excuse me! I'm in here!" I snap at the w***e, sitting up in bed.

"Get out! I'm waiting for Keaton," she orders casually, picking her nails.

"This is my room!" I shout standing up, ready to drag her out by her hair.

"It's mine too and I invited her," masculine voice interrupts.

I shiver. I may hate him but we're still mates and the bond stands. For now.

I cross my arms in an attempt to look fierce, "I was here first."

"Well I'm Alpha, so I outrank you. Get out," he growls, his voice rough and cold.

"f**k you!" I scream back.

I tromp down the stairs until I reach the first floor. Rose is cooking in the kitchen. When she sees me she gives me a sympathetic look. I throw myself into one of the barstools facing the kitchen.

"He's unbelievable!" I groan rubbing my temples.

"Did he kick you out of your room again?" she asks rubbing my hand.

"Oh ya, like I wasn't even there. I'm getting tired of this. I'm going to move out of that room whether or not he says I can. I'll use what little authority I have, to get me one of the cottages down the road," I say.

"It's worth a try but if it doesn't work don't be surprised. That boy has the pack under his thumb."

"Not for long," I growl, standing up and walking out the packhorse door.

I know who can get me that cottage. I walk past the training rings and sparing areas until I find who I'm looking for.

"Josh!" I yell.

He looks up from a training match he's in and waves. I sarcastically wave back before rolling my eyes. He finishes the match with little effort and jogs up to me.

"Hey Lo, what's up?" he asks, cautiously.

"Oh I don't know, my 'mate' kicks me out of our room on a daily basis to f**k his whores, he treats me like trash, and won't let me do anything for the benefit of the pack. Not to mention the fact my pack was killed and now I'm stuck here for the rest of my life," I growl at him.

He puts his hands up in surrender, "Okay, sorry. But what can I do? I'm only the Beta. He outranks me."

"You're the Beta and in this f****d up balance of power in this pack, he gives you more power than me. The only people who I have authority over and who still respect me are the pack pups and they listen to everyone! So please use your authority to get me a cottage," I demand, desperate at this point.

He scratches his neck, "I don't know Lola, I could get into some pretty big trouble."

"Please, Josh. I can't live this way for much longer. It kills me almost as much as seeing the person who's supposed to love me unconditionally, f*****g every w***e in this pack. Please," I beg, surprised tears well up in my eyes.

He looks into my eyes and I see his sympathy. He sees what Keaton does and how it affects me.

"Okay, there's one at the edge of the territory. It was used for pup's homeschooling, but now all the pups go to school with humans, so it's empty. Pack up your stuff and meet me out front in an hour," he says before going back to training.

Thank god. I'm finally beginning to distance myself from that jerk I call my mate.

❦❧

"As you can see, the place needs some work, but otherwise it's kinda perfect," Josh remarks, watching my face for approval.

"Well, Lo? Do you think it's good for just starting out," Christina asks kissing Josh's cheek.

I pretend to ponder the idea for a few minutes but I've already made my decision.

"Well...." I turn to face them, "It's more than perfect. Thank you guys so much for doing this." I hug them both tightly.

After I left Josh, I went back to my room to find that Keaton and his slut moved to f**k in another room. I've learned that Keaton don't like to f**k in just one place. I caught him last week f*****g in our walk in closet. And the week before that Rose and I caught him and another slut going at it on the kitchen counter. Rose slapped him upside the head and dragged the slut by the hair and threw her in the pool.

So basically I got all my stuff packed in an hour and met Josh and Christina out front. Sure, the cottage is small, it has no indoor heating, and it only has one room but its secluded and private. It’s a fair distance from the packhouse and has a beautiful view of the sunset and I can shift and run since the woods are right behind the cottage.

"I'm glad you like it," Josh smiles.

"And you won't tell Keaton?" I quiz him.

He rolls his eyes, "I don't tell Keaton and if I do, you get to kick me in the balls and steal Christina from me for a week."

"And..." I urge.

"Ugh, and she's to withhold s*x from me for a month," he groans, looking appalled by the thought.

I highfive Christina, "You've got a sharp one here, Chris."

"Well I wouldn't say all the time. I had to explain to him what a tampon was yesterday," she reveals, bursting out laughing.

We laugh so hard, our stomachs hurt. It’s the first time I’ve laughed in weeks, it feels good. Josh just stands there scowling.

"I never had any sisters! How was I supposed to know!" he defends himself.

"It's called s*x-ed!" I laugh harder.

"Aww it’s okay baby. I still love you even though you don't know what a tampon is or if you don't know how to remove a bra properly," Chris chides, patting his cheeks.

"Why did you have to tell her! She's never gonna let me live that down!" Josh yells, causing me to laugh so hard I begin to cry.

"Y-you h-hurt his pride," I gasp out.

"I know, but I'll make it up to him tonight," Chris winks. I gag.

Josh pouts, "Can you do that move you read about."

I go wide eyed. Oh god no.

"Mmmm maybe...If you be good boy we can go as many rounds as you want," she says biting her lip causing him to moan.

I shake my head furiously, "Get out! Oh god, please no!"

They both laugh and begin to head towards the door. I breathe a sigh of relief. Christina gives me a hug and blows me a kiss.

"I'll swing by tomorrow okay? I can give you the play by play of the moves I use tonight," she winks.

"No! Leave!" I shout pointing at the door.

She laughs once more before closing the door and leaving me in my new haven.

I open my boxes and begin to put things away and decorate the walls with pictures. The ceilings are low, almost like a child's toy house, but as long as some skyscraper of a person doesn't come in, then nothing will hit the ceiling.

It's a quarter to eleven when I finish unpacking. I've set up my bed with fluffy pillows and stocked the kitchen with food and utensils. Since it’s not too late, I decide to go for a run. My wolf is still wounded from what Keaton did to us and running has seemed to be her go to therapy the last few weeks.

I walk to my closet and undress. Since my cottage is secluded, I don't need to walk out in clothes before I shift. A few minutes later I go out the back door and get in position to shift. I look into the woods. It looks so liberating and calm. I feel the familiar pop of my bones as they reposition. Dark brown fur begins to prickle from my arms and legs, my eyes shift to a dark violet, and my paws form.

Once I'm done, I'm off like a shot. My paws around onto the ground as I bolt through the forest, freeing my wolf. I chase bats and a few raccoons as I run. A little while later, I stop to rest at a nearby river. I lap the water happily and howl to the moon.

It's one in the morning when I arrive back home. I shift back to human form and head to the backdoor of my new cottage. Just as I make it to the door, I'm slammed against it and lifted up. I struggle trying to get a good view at my attacker, but my eyes meet with an all too familiar pair of green ones. He pulls my thighs around his waist, and pushes me against the door harder, and looks at me.

"What the hell do you want, Keaton?" I snap, still struggling.

He says nothing. He just stares at me. I see something in his eyes but I don't know what it is. His eyes begin to move as he takes in my vulnerable body. That's when I remember I'm naked.

I thrash, but he holds me still. His fingers trace the side of my torso, gently, seductively. No. I will not succumb to his tricks.

"Lola," he whispers quietly. I feel his erection on my thigh. I will myself not to close my eyes that would show him I'm enjoying this little game of his.

"What do you want?" I demand, trying my hardest to not let the hurt in my voice seep through.

My words seem to shake him out of his trance because he smirks.

"I wish you were one of my whores because then I could f**k this body of yours, but your mouth would ruin the whole thing," he sneers at me, cruel.

"Get the f**k off me," I dig my nails into his arm.

"Gladly," he says before dropping me to the ground.

I hit the ground in a heap, not expecting it. I feel that familiar pain in my heart. I close my eyes and tell myself he'll leave soon and then I'll be in peace.

"You know you should really shut your mindlink off when you're around me. You forget I can hear your thoughts. And you're wrong, you're aren't going to get any peace because you're coming back with me," he snaps, looking down at me.

I sit up and cover my breasts from his eyes, "The hell I am! This is where I live now. You should be happy that you've got a free bed to f**k in day and night now."

He smirks, "Where's the fun in that? I enjoy watching your face tear up in pain."

I scoff standing up ready to go into the cottage, "You're a worthless piece of shit."

"Umm I think you have it backwards. You my dear, are the worthless piece of s**t that I have to keep around because you have nowhere to go. Tell me, did you cry when you found out your parents were ripped to shreds by rogues?" he makes.

"Go to hell. I'm not going back with you. I don't care what you do to me, but I'm never living there ever again. I hate you. You make me sick just by being around you. I can't believe I ever let you mark me least of all mate with me. I just want to be as far away from you as possible. I've never done anything to you. I was willing to love you unconditionally when we met. I was happy that I found my mate, but now I see that was the worst thing I could have hoped for. I hate myself for following my dad here that day. If I stayed at my pack I would've died and that'd be better than living here with you. So do something nice for once in you goddamn life, and leave me alone!" I get up and slam the door in his face.

I close the window curtain and slide down the door crying. Why is he doing this? Why can't he just break our bond and let me go? Why does he insist that I stay here and let him hurt me like this? I just want to leave and never come back.

❦❧

*Keaton's POV*

I stare at the closed cottage door. I hear her sobs of sadness, the sadness I caused. What scared me the most is that she said she wished she was dead instead of living here with me. Just picturing her dead, makes my heart ache. I don't know why I'm feeling this way. I had no problems breaking her in the beginning. I used her purely to gain power and now I have it, so why do I still want her around. Somehow, I can't bring myself to break our bond. Just seeing her living somewhere else on my land, is enough to come here demanding her to return. I need to have her close. My wolf won't let me sleep if she's not next to me. I can't be going soft, it's not in my nature to be this caring. I don't want her.

'Sure you don't,' my wolf growls.

'Shut up mutt!' I yell back.

'You may not want her, but you need her. You her and she you,' he shoots back.

I stare into space wide eyed. Do I need Lola?