Break Me

Love Can't Be Judged

Emilia was soaking her sorrows at a pub. She couldn't believe she had gone off on her father like she had. She damn sure couldn't believe she had told him about cutting herself. It had been her shameful little secret she had swore she'd take to the grave. But low and behold it was out and now her family would always think of it when they looked at her.

Sighing Emilia waved the bartender down for another cosmo. When she was nursing her fourth she sighed when her three older brothers came and sat with her. "Oh god, please go away. I've had enough drama to last me a lifetime." Julian looked at his baby sister and sighed, "I'm sorry sis. I truly am, we never....I never thought on how leaving you alone with him could make this happen. I never once thought you were harming yourself and if I did I would have done more."

Emilia nodded, "I know. It's not your fault. Any of yours." Roberto shook his head, "We knew how our father could be. Domineering and a f*****g asshole, we didn't even step up when he kept forcing Javier down your throat. It was obvious he saw himself in the kid in a better, more successful life. We should have stopped him from trying to marry you off. We just...we had gotten out and thought we were done."

Ricardo shook his head, "But we weren't. We had abandoned someone who needed our protection. And you had. I'm sorry sis." Emilia nodded and the four of them were quite until Roberto had to ask, "Why did you harm yourself sis? Why not talk to mom or us? Hell even Marisol was there."

Emilia laughed breathless, "I tried. But like always I felt unimportant, I mean you guys were hardly around. Marisol had her own family, I was just the weird shut in daughter of the people she worked for. And mom, well you know she'd do anything to please papa. It'd be like talking to a wall."

Julian nodded, "When did it start?" Emilia hummed, "When I was sixteen. I always being over talked, everything being planned for me and me not getting a choice in the matter. I finally couldn't do anything but...cut."

Roberto winced, "I hate to think you were harming yourself and we just kept letting you suffer." Emilia sighed, "You didn't know bro, I'm okay really. More ashamed I think." Julian looked at his sister, "Don't be. You're a survivor, never be ashamed of that."

Ricardo nodded, "You did what you had to do to cope, we all did f****d up s**t to handle Ernesto Topaz. And I can assure none of us have stood up to him like you." Emilia smiled and Roberto nudged her, "How are you though sis? Are you good here?" Emilia nervously took a sip of her drink,"I am. I have friends and I'm good in school, it's just..."

Roberto looked at his baby sister, "What? Hey we promise no overly protective brother tactics." Emilia smiled, "Well there's this guy..." Immediately all three brothers stood abruptly, "What's his name and how do we find him?" Julian demanded angrily. Emilia sat there giggling as she sipped her drink and her brothers realized they were doing what they promised not to do.

All three apologized awkwardly and Emilia laughed. She pulled her brother's out and took them to her favorite place to get dinner. Besides at the O'Miley bar, which she couldn't step foot in there without getting epic flashbacks of her and Carter's entire relationship.

So as the four siblings sat and talked, they circled back to her and she filled them in. "I was dating someone, he was my first boyfriend and I cared about him. But now he's into something and I can't even...I'm scared if I continue being with him I'll be proving papa right."

Julian looked down, "I don't know if you know this or not, but I started dating someone I wasn't supposed to. In the back of my mind, I kept thinking of how badly papa would rip on me if he knew. So I just kept denying how I felt for her." Julian looked at his sister seriously, "I know as your older brother, how special you are sis. If this guy knows a diamond from a gemstone, then he'll know his life will not be complete without you. Don't deny how you feel for him, if you love him, be with him. Because you're not going to make Ernesto happy by making yourself miserable."

Emilia thought on that for the rest of dinner. Her brothers, were still jet lagged and went to the hotel to sleep, but she walked around the shopping center trying to think. Looking as she passed by the jewelry store her mind went back to months before...

Carter had been kissing her neck as they were walking through the shopping center. She had been giggling like crazy trying to get him to stop. When she looked up, she found herself admiring a gorgeous necklace. It was a beautiful silver chain that dangled a pendant that had her birthstone in the loop holding it to the chain. "Wow."

Emilia gasped moving closer. Carter looked at her and saw the way her eyes lit up seeing the necklace. "It's gorgeous." Emilia gushed. Carter grinned, "We could go in and see how much it is." Emilia shook her head and whispered, "I couldn't afford it. I really need to be looking for a job instead of a necklace."

Carter frowned at her, "Baby you don't need to do that, I-." Emilia looked at Carter lovingly, "I love you want to take care of me, but I can't do that to you." Carter scowled even more, "You wouldn't be doing anything. If you moved in with me, your refund check would be double without dorm fees." Emilia shook her head, "I'd love to wake up to you, go to bed with you, eat breakfast with you, sleep in with you...but-." Carter huffed before glumbly saying, "You don't think we're ready."

Emilia blushed and walked away from the window. Looking at the necklace one last time, Carter rushed to go find his woman.

Emilia pulled from her thoughts quickly feeling her heart breaking all over again. She couldn't walk around Ireland and not think of Carter. He had been her happiness and now she had this huge hole in her heart.

Later that night, Emilia had walked back to her dorm and found her mother waiting for her. Pamela looked at her daughter nervously, but Emilia immediately noticed the wet cheeks and puffy eyes. "Momma? What's wrong?"

Emilia sat beside her mother who grabbed her glass of something strong. "Um...I left your father." Emilia looked at her shocked, "Whoa."

Pamela nodded, "Yeah I left him, I think I'm more shocked than anyone that I had the spine to." Emilia stroked her mother's hair back. "I'm sorry momma, why did you?" Pamela sighed and looked down ashamed, "I'm sorry mija. You were right, I did nothing when your father trapped you in that house. I should have done more, because I know how it is to live how you did." Emilia looked at her mother with new eyes. "You?"

Pamela smiled sadly as her mind went to the past, "My father, your grandfather, he was a good man. But he was rough when I needed gentle and mean when I needed kindness. My mother was passive towards his way of raising me, disciplining me. She did nothing as he kept me from going to school, going out with family, hell doing anything really." Pamela shook her head as the memories sent her back to that horrible place, "When I was eighteen he pushed me on Ernesto, and while handsome he hadn't been exactly wooing. He expected us to be together because my father wanted me to marry a hard working honest man. So he chose the electricton for my husband."

Emilia looked at her mother sadly, "Momma." Pamela sniffled and patted her daughter's hands, "I'm okay. I did fall in love with your father, I did love him. But he crippled and helped break a really big part of who I am. I've been his wife, cook, maid, but I was never his equal. He was always in charge and at large with me. I didn't get the choice of being with him, it was forced on me. And ever since I've been too scared to leave."

Pamela looked down at her hands, "I don't know how to be...alone. I always had my father or Ernesto doing everything for me. And seeing him do the same thing to you, trying to force you to marry Javier, I knew I had to just say what I always wanted to say," Emilia turned to her mother who smiled, " "You're wrong Ernesto Topaz, and I'm done." " Pamela sighed happily as she recounted her words with fondness.

"I finally told him he was wrong instead of nodding like a bobble head." Pamela turned to her daughter and grabbed her hands, "Emilia, I am so proud of you for so many reasons. You are so smart, beautiful and strong. Stronger than what I raised you to be, something you found on your own. I saw clearly how...happy you were here. How you'd found your home with this place. With it's people. I was jealous because I had let my life be domineered and controlled. You snatched yours back and ran with it to another country!" Pamela smiled fondly before wiping her cheeks, "You have inspired me Emilia, you will continue to inspire me, my daughter."

Embracing both held each other tight.

When they calmed down and got themselves together, both of them got a drink and rested back on the couch. Pamela looked at her daughter curiously as they were talking and asked, "What's his name?" Emilia blushed wildly and whispered, "Ho-." Pamela giggled, "I may be old, but not that old!" Emilia giggled and admitted to the truth, "There was this guy, but then he got involved in something that...I don't think I should."

Pamela frowned a little, "Do you love him? This isn't just a tinder hook up right?" Emilia bursted into laughter out of shock, "Whoa mom! How do you know about tinder?" Pamela waved a delicate hand, "One of Ricardo's psycho's came to the house hooping and hollering about how he swiped right on her only to swipe left on her after. I couldn't figure out what the hell she was whining about so I poured cold water on her."

Emilia gasped, "Momma!" Pamela shrugged, pink in the cheeks, "I wanted to see after all that cackling if she was a witch and would melt." Emilia smirked at her mother playfully, "Did she?" Pamela snorted, "No, but a s**t ton of makeup left her face. She looked a hell of lot better without it to. But after getting her dried off and into some dry clothes she finally told me about this app. Which I find appalling to be frank dear!"

Emilia giggled as her mother kept going, "No seriously! This is where someone is selecting if they want to just potentially hook up in a public restroom or in their cars. All of which is based on looks. I find that unsanitary and disturbing." Pamela shook her head baffled at the actions of younger people. "I just don't get it. But if you love this boy, genuinely love this boy, like truly, don't let your father get in the way of it. He is old fashioned and stuck in his ways, but it's your life, not his."

Pamela sighed in regret taking a swig of her drink, "I hate I let him put so much on you. On all of you, but you're the only one who I can make this right with. The only one I caught in time to save. Go be happy Emilia, you deserve it."

Emilia looked at her mother worried, "What about you momma? Without him, what will you do?"

Pamela had debated on that since her fight with her husband. He had been so cocky and sure she'd be back because she need him. But he had thought that about their daughter, and she was fine. And she would be to.

Because after years of being in a one sided, draining, relationship with Egor, she still hadn't seen or done anything with her life. Pamela decided then, no more.

"Live my life," Emilia smiled at her mother who beamed at her radiating, "To the fullest."