Moonlight Kiss

37. Conflict Within.

[Jade]

When I got back to the pack from my old home, it was already pretty late and I went straight to bed, everything that I had seen today just reminded me of the girl I used to be, and sadly it was glaring that I wasn't that same girl anymore and I probably would not be able to achieve the goals she had set.

I came back with the notebook and the journal though, I hid them inside the drawer where my pills were and I made plans to put a lock the following day.

Three knocks to the door jolted me and I got out of bed.

"Come in," I said dryly and the door opened.

A maid carrying a tray of food entered the room and walked inside to the inner room where I was lying on the bed.

"Luna," she bowed slightly. "The Alpha sent you this food." She said and dropped it on the nightstand when I made no move to collect it from her.

"Thanks, you may leave," I ordered her coldly when she just stood there after dropping the food.

"Yes, Luna." She bowed again and left the room hurriedly.

I stared at the ceiling thinking, but the smell of the food beside me was so distracting that I got up and dragged the tray to me.

I smiled when I saw the contents of the tray and I dug in immediately.

This was one of the reasons why I loved Mason, he was terribly perceptive and he was caring.

As I kept on eating, I decided that I was going to tell Mason about the child tonight and all the other things I wanted to achieve would come after that.

If he could agree on not having a child for now, then it would mean that he cared about my opinions and I wasn't just living my life for him and maybe, just maybe my dream to go to NYU would become a reality and even if I couldn't go to Newyork because of the distance then maybe I could compromise and attend college close to home.

***

"Hey." I greeted Mason when he entered the room.

"Hi, babe, what's up?" He beamed at me.

"I enjoyed the food, thank you very much." I smiled at him.

"It's nothing, I knew you would be tired and hungry when you got back," He smiled back. "Find what you were looking for?" He asked.

"Yes, yes." I looked away from him as I spoke.

"That's great, I'll just take a shower and be out in a bit." He walked to the bathroom door then he turned to me and peeled his shirt off his body slowly. "Care to join me?" He asked.

It was a tempting offer but I knew that if I took a shower with him, we would end up making love all night and there would be no time to talk so I refused his offer.

"No thanks." I smiled. "But I'm really tired."

"Your loss." He chuckled and entered the bathroom, a few minutes later I heard the shower running and my anxiety level shot up.

I did not know how to even approach the subject with him and I also didn't know how the talk would turn out but I knew that I couldn't keep ignoring the topic, sooner rather than later he might see the birth control pills and things would get really ugly then.

After a few more minutes, the shower turned off and I knew that it was only a matter of seconds before Mason would come out of the bathroom.

"If you want to take a solo shower, I'm done." Mason came out of the bathroom in his shorts and nightshirt.

"Mason, can we t-talk?" My eyes watered and my voice trembled as I spoke.

"Is there something wrong, Jade?" He was by my side in a split second. "Of course we can talk, you can tell me anything."

"It's just, I know how much you want a child and I've not been able to give you one and I just want to say that it's all my fault, It's because I'm not ready and I've been using the bir—"

"It's not your fault, Jade, it's not your fault, how can you say that it's not your fault that we don't yet have a child, I'm sorry if it felt like I was pressuring you but that's not the case." He interrupted me.

Okay, he should have really let me finish my speech.

"No, Mason, that's not what—"

"Jade, don't stress over that, we'll have a child in time, I'm sure of it, I know that you're eager to be a mother but you—"

It was my turn to interrupt, the conversation wasn't going in the direction I had planned and it was starting to annoy me.

"Please let me finish," I told him and he stopped talking.

"Okay, I'm listening."

"I'm not ready to have a child yet, Mace."

There was a long silence and Mason gave me a very puzzled look.

"What do you mean, I thought you wanted to have children?" He asked.

"Yes, I do want to have children, but just not now, I don't think I'm ready to be a mother and that's why I've been—"

"Jade I get it, it can feel very scary because it is a very important step but I'm here for you, and we'll take that step together."

I almost rolled my eyes at his speech.

"No that's not it, I'm not scared I'm just not ready, I don't want to have a child yet," I said again, raising my voice a little.

"Where is this coming from Jade, we've talked about having children many times and you've never objected to it, not once before." He frowned at me.

"I'm sorry Mace but I've always felt this way, I just didn't want to hurt your feelings," I told him truthfully.

"I honestly don't know what to say." He said truthfully. "I'm really speechless, I didn't expect this from you."

"Oh, really, what did you expect from me then, to obey your every word and follow your every command, to give up my life for you and become your child birthing machine." I blurted out angrily.

He looked at me with so much hurt and shock, I felt bad for saying all those things because I wasn't really thinking when I blurted them out

"I'm sorry, I didn't really mean—"

"Is that truly how you feel?" His voice was laced with hurt. "I'll sleep in my office." He said and headed towards the door.

"No, Mason, I'm sorry, please come back." Tears poured out of my eyes unchecked as he walked out of the room.

.

.

[Mason]

It felt like a knife had been plunged into an open wound, Jade's words hurt me more than she would ever know.

I didn't want her to see how badly she hurt me though so I just had to leave the room.

I couldn't believe that she didn't want to have my child, that she was just pretending and playing along all this while, I couldn't believe that she felt like she had to give up her life for me.

"I would sacrifice my life for you, damnit," I growled as I threw a chair against the wall.

I knew that by morning my office would be a mess but I didn't care.

After breaking a few more things, I sat on the floor and held my hair in my hands, I could fight anything, I could take on the world but the one thing I feared was fighting with Jade and it was happening.

"The guards think you're about to break down the walls." The door opened and Sirius spoke from outside.

"Go away," I growled at him but he ignored me and came inside.

"I brought vodka." He said and sat on the floor beside me.

Wolves needed a higher percentage of alcohol to get tipsy and I knew that I would need more than that since I was an Alpha but I was willing to try.

I took the bottle from his hand and chugged half of it down my throat immediately.

It burned my throat but no pain could compare to the one I was feeling right now.

"What did she do?" Sirius asked me when I calmed down a bit.

"How did you know that she did something?" I asked him.

"Simple, because she is the only person that can make an Alpha lose control like this and live." He said.

"She doesn't want to have children and she says she feels like I am controlling her life." I smiled sadly and chugged down the remaining content of the bottle.

"Slow down, you'll hurt yourself." He said but I ignored him.

"It doesn't matter," I said and lay on the floor.

"So she doesn't want to have your child, huh?" He asked and I nodded.

"Like mother, like daughter." He muttered.

"What?" I asked him.

"Why doesn't she want to have children?" He asked.

"I don't know, should you even be asking me that, I just told you that your Luna doesn't want to give me an heir." I sat up and glared at him angrily, my claws were elongated and so were my canines

"Hey chill and put those away." He pointed at my claws and teeth. "My Luna is not a wolf and maybe you somehow don't understand that." He said.

"What has that got to do with anything?"

"She doesn't think like us, you have to understand that before she came here she was a young human girl with goals and dreams, who knows if she wanted to go to college and become a doctor."

"I didn't force her to come with me."

"And what would you have done if she had decided to reject the bond, would you have let her, oh, I bet you she didn't even know that it was ever an option."

"What are you saying?" I asked him, my eyes closing lazily.

"I'm saying that you need to have a long talk with your Luna, it's normal that she's feeling this way, first love is blind and you feel like you can't live without it but after a while, you start to see clearly and you need to have other things in your life to feel happy other than love."

"She has her family," I argued stubbornly.

"Think over it tonight." He sighed and got up to his feet. "I will have the men replace everything tomorrow but first, try to have some rest." He said and tapped me by the shoulder.

I wasn't really listening anymore because the alcohol was already starting to mix with my blood.