Torn Between Two

Eight

Justin's wrath seems to come at me in intervals lately. We are just a couple of months into school, November to be exact, and his anger is like whiplash. He is like a roller coaster and it is mind boggling how one person could hate another so much. I get that I hurt him but to publicly humiliate me whenever he deems fit is totally uncalled for. He either does it himself or sends a swarm of his minions to bully me. It is exhausting and I am just about through with all this emotional torment. It is getting the better of me and I keep swearing every day that he wouldn't

His latest insult, which happened just the other day, hit like a ton of bricks, and it was then that I chose to cut my losses.

I walk into the lunchroom, rushing for the food because they are serving my favorite, chicken sticks with fries, when Jackie and Justin, along with their loyal subjects, come barreling into me, nearly knocking me to the ground.

"For s**t sakes get out of our way." Jackie says and I feel the need to punch her in the face becoming more of a reality every day. Haven't punched someone in the face since JHS.

Cole. Haha. Good times.

I wonder if I still have the ability to throw a decent right hook anymore I think to myself. I am thrown back into reality when she smacks the food out of my grasp. I watch as my food falls straight to the floor and a surge of rage courses through my veins. Luckily, this time, the food doesn't mess with my clothes.

"What happened? Daddy Warbucks not giving you your allowance? Is daddy's little princess stuck eating this filth? Yeah. I know exactly who you are. Heiress to a multimillion dollar company and here you are eating kiddie food. Grow the f**k up. Maybe I should replace you as daddy's little girl. s**t knows I can spend his money better than you. I wonder how your mom spends her money. Is she a gold digging w***e or just a plain w***e like her daughter?" She says giggling and I look to her and then to Justin who stands there with a smirk on his face.

Are you f*****g kidding me right now?

This is how he wants to play?

He can go f**k himself.

"Aww look I'm making the princess cry!" She points and laughs along with everyone else. Yeah sure I can feel the formation of tears in my eyes but I will myself to not cry a single one of them. I am not the weak girl they all think me to be. I'm done keeping my head down. I'm done suffering with their a***e and torment. I got other s**t to deal with in my life and if they want to act like little children then so be it.

I watch as Alex comes over to me to stand beside me during all this and she grabs my hand and squeezes tightly letting me know she has my back if need be.

"Alex, I suggest you pick your fights wisely. You don't want to be on the receiving end again. We've been taking it easy on you because of little miss priss over here. Don't make us regret that." Jackie says and that's when I feel like I'm losing the battle for my sanity. I close my eyes and count to three before my mind just simply snaps out of control and I launch my palm slapping it right across the bitchs' perfect face. The look of horror and shock she is sporting is priceless. Her cheek reddens immediately. The whole lunchroom grows quiet and Justin decides to step forward and place his little girlfriend behind him, protecting her.

Her.

Of all people.

"f*****g hell Hannah. Was that f*****g necessary?" He says glaring daggers at me. His face conveys anger and it reaches his eyes and I know this was a slap to his face more than it was to hers.

"f*****g necessary? Are you f*****g kidding me right now? How dare you allow her to talk to me like that Justin! I get you f*****g hate me and s**t but enough is f*****g enough already. Do me a favor. Act as if you don't know me. Act as if I never f*****g existed in your little world. Forget me. I sure as s**t don't even know who the hell you are anymore. Think you could manage to do that tough guy?" I seethe and turn to walk away. I don't run. I don't do anything to show anybody that I have been effected by the likes of that girl, or him. Ridding him from my life is just what I need to keep my sanity in tact. Whatever Justin this is that he has turned into is nothing but a monster, and I hate him.

"Earth to Hannah." Alex says while we walk to the coffee shop together. I shake my head, trying to stop myself from what happened a few days ago from replaying in my head.

"Sorry Alex. A lot on my mind." I say in such an exhausted tone that I can literally fall asleep standing up right now. Nights have been the hardest lately because of the holidays coming up. I miss my mom so much that it hurts. It hurts so bad that sometimes I wonder why I remain living in this cruel world. Holidays are never the same anymore and it just brings me into complete darkness.

"Look, go get some rest and I'll cover your shift." She says and I shake my head.

"No. I'll be okay. I'll have an espresso shot. I need the money. Bills, rent, food. Everything costs money so if I can make it, I'm going to make it." Alex shakes her head at me, most likely worrying about me, but doesn't elaborate any further about me missing a days pay.

Time at the coffee shop drags and drags but luckily I am able to finish my homework and do some quick refilling of the sugar and napkins and by the time that is done, our shift is over. Alex walks me to my apartment and promises to come shopping for some Thanksgiving stuff for me over the weekend. She has invited me to celebrate Thanksgiving with her mom but I refused. The way I am feeling will only make her day crappy and I don't need that on my conscience. She deserves to have Thanksgiving remain a happy holiday with family.

I walk inside my building but before I can open the second door, there is a knock on the first door. I figure Alex forgot to tell me something so when I turn, my eyes bug out of my head. I open the door for Cole who is standing there looking conflicted.

"Cole? What are you even doing here? How'd you even know where I lived?" I ask as he walks in.

"Where were you?" He asks as his eyes hold so much emotion that it shatters my heart. I sigh.

"I can't do this now Cole. I'm sorry. You should go." I say holding the door open for him to exit. He pulls the door from my grasp and we watch it click closed. I throw my head back and close my eyes not wanting to deal with him right now. I ended everything with Justin. I should do the same with Cole. I don't want to be caught in the middle. I drop my head and pinch the bridge of my nose.

"Cole, I've had enough from your brother so far. It's been nothing but torment from him. You've been silent the past few months and I figured it would stay like that. I am just so damn f*****g tired of all this. I shouldn't have come back. I should've stayed away. s**t. Justin wouldn't be too happy if he knew you were here, so if I were you, I'd leave. If you are only here to unleash all your pent up anger towards me then you can save your breath. I get you both hate me but I can no longer deal with any of you. It's too much and it hurts too damn much. I can't function anymore. I thought coming back would maybe hopefully allow me to say how sorry I am but that isn't going to happen. I can see that now. So, please, just go." He stands there and blinks but doesn't say anything. I am beginning to get aggravated until he opens the door and lets himself out. I release the breath I didn't know I was holding and open the second door and make my way upstairs.

I open my door and the incessant ringing of my doorbell makes me cover my ears.

"This is bullshit!" I mumble to myself and launch myself back downstairs angry as hell. I watch as Cole continuously presses on my doorbell and I open the door ready to unleash hell on him until he barrels into me and swoops me into his arms. He hugs me tightly and buries his face into the top of my head.

I can't really complain because his scent brings me back to the good old days when we used to hang out with one another, Netflix and chilling. All the tension that was within my body evaporates with this one single hug. A hug that I so desperately needed.

After a few moments, we pull away from each other and I walk back into my building with him right behind me. We walk upstairs in silence until we get to my apartment.

"Make yourself at home." I say as he walks in just eyeing the place.

"Thanks." He says while walking around, looking at everything, which is mainly nothing. I don't have much around. A table, a couch, bookshelf, and that's about it. I can't spend my money frivolously if I am trying my best to save. I watch as he sits down on the couch and leans his elbows on his knees with his head down.

"You want anything to drink? Eat?" I ask trying to be hospitable. Really don't have much to offer except for a soda and cookies or crackers.

"Please tell me where you were." He says and I guess no time like the present right? I'm not even able to answer him because he jets off the couch and walk towards me.

"Why did you leave? Why was there not even a f*****g goodbye? Justin was going out of his f*****g mind Hannah. I was going out of my f*****g mind. We went to your apartment. It was completely empty. You could have just told us you were leaving to be with your dad. Guess needing to live the fancy life made you forget about where your loyalties lied. Guess we were just too beneath you to care about us anymore right?" He says, his face hardening, his eyes never leaving mine.

"Is that what you really think of me Cole? Is that how little you know me? That I would leave both of you without giving an explanation? I tried to come back. I tried so f*****g hard but he wouldn't let me go to you. His paranoia made him volatile. You think I was living the rich fancy life? I wasn't! I spent three years in seclusion, locked away from the world Cole. I didn't have a single person to talk to. I had no one to confide in. I lived three years in a miserable reality that I wanted to die from. Having to take care of, who do you think he was, Daddy Warbucks wasn't sunshine and f*****g rainbows Cole. He was a drunk day in and day out. I was alone. All f*****g alone!" I belt out making him wince and take a step back.

"The f**k do you mean alone Hannah? Where's your mom Hannah?" He says and the words sting immensely.

"She...." I look away because the tears are now free falling down my face. I wrap my arms around myself. I'm not going to survive this conversation.

"She died Cole. She died the last day you saw me. She was in a head on collision which is why she never came home. Dad whisked me away that day and he made so that I would never look back." I say and feel like collapsing when strong arms hold on to me for dear life.

"f*****g hell Hannah." He says but I can't stop myself from crying.

"I missed you guys so much. I missed your brother. I love...loved your brother. I loved you. I would've never hurt him or you on purpose. I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry!" I scream into his chest. We must collapse onto the floor where he just holds me rocking me.

"Shh Hannah. I got you. I got you." He says to me while I continue to cry until I can't anymore and I feel myself getting sleepier and sleepier. I feel Cole rising up from the floor with me in his arms and walking me to my bed and placing me softly on it. He tucks me in and kisses me on the head.

"No Cole. Don't go. Please." I say softly reaching my hand out for him to take.

"This s**t ends now sweet cheeks. I won't allow him to hurt you any more." He says and slips away.

I want to say something, try and stop him but it is useless. Sleep overtakes me instantly. I just wish Cole could have stayed with me. Maybe he could have kept the nightmares away. I just needed him to be with me for a little while longer because come tomorrow, lines will be drawn, leaving the brothers at odds against one another, between believing me and what they chose or still choose to believe, whether it be the truth or not.