Torn Between Two

Seven

My heart lodges so deep in my throat that I feel like I might just vomit the organ out. The sight of him after not seeing him for three years was more intense than I thought. He looks better than I could have ever imagined. Tall, lean, muscles straining his t-shirt, but not in the overly exposed kind of way. He shaved his head so his hair doesn't fall into his eyes now but the look suits him. What doesn't suit him is the scowl on his face and the hatred in his eyes that he has for me. I was prepared for that much at least.

Somewhat.

After giving myself the ultimate pep talk to come and register for classes here at Hamilton High the other day, after unpacking the few boxes I had brought with me to my little studio apartment I managed to find, I surely thought that since it was such a huge school, I wouldn't have seen him for a while. What a stupid thought that was. It's like fate has decided to throw me my karma and f**k with me beginning with day one.

No.

I can't think about it like that.

Me leaving him and Cole was completely out of my control.

"On that note...." I believe he said his name was Cody, says to me. I look at him and will myself to breathe normally again.

"Yeah so, ugh, bad history between us. Umm...guess thanks for the save from the incoming football. I'll see you around I suppose?" I say giving the tiniest of smiles as I begin to walk away needing to head to my locker and first class ASAP. Cody decides to continue our conversation by walking side by side with me.

"I don't listen to any of them on the baseball team. You'd think the football players were more egotistical, but for some reason, turns out the future MLB'ers are the worst of them all here at Hamilton High. So I was right. You are new here." He says and I turn my head slightly as we come to stand in front of my locker.

"Yeah, guilty. I'm the new girl." I say as he leans against the locker next to mine.

"Wow, don't refrain from the intense enthusiasm you got going on." He says with a smirk and I refrain from rolling my eyes. The guy is trying to be nice. I should try too.

"Sorry. Things aren't going too great already for me. I have to get to class. It was nice meeting you Cody." I say to him closing my locker.

"Yeah, same. Whoa wait. What's your name? Doubt you'd want me to call you newbie from here on out." He says before I get further away.

"It's Hannah." I say with a smile and wave, finally walking away. I make it to my first class with a minute to spare and find myself once again in the middle of the room. I get glances here and there but nothing like it was back in JHS. My main focus is to acquire a diploma and try to get into a good college, along with another agenda, which will most likely fail spectacularly.

So far thankfully I haven't had any run ins with either Justin or Cole and for that I am relieved. I already know how Justin feels about me being back here. Don't want to know how Cole feels about it. I head to lunch pretty much starving when I gasp at how huge it is as soon as I walk inside. I really feel out of my element being here to be honest.

I grab lunch, pizza and a water, keeping my head down and come to find a table that has nobody sitting at it. Thinking about eating in solitude calms me but before I make it, I find myself once again face to face with Justin. He surely popped out of nowhere. I feel a sense of deja vu coming on. However, this time he isn't alone. He has an entourage with him and a girl literally connected to his hip who just has to be his girlfriend.

I swallow the bile rising into my mouth and school my appearance. I have no right to be jealous. What we had is in the past. All I am hoping for is to try and fix things. I don't want him hating me. At least try and have us be civil to one another.

"Let's sit here today." He says with such venom as he watches me eye the table that I was going to sit at. I give him the only what the f**k look and he just shrugs like an entitled jerk at me. It was literally the only empty table that was left for me to occupy.

"But everyone is waiting for us over there babe." The girl attached to him says.

"Well I'm choosing to sit here. It's empty and could fit all of us." He gives me a sinister grin as he slides into the seat, pulling the girl onto his lap, and I feel how palpable the anger radiating from him is.

Yep, this is going to be harder than I thought.

The girl perched on his lap must see something pass between him and I because she decides to enter herself into the equation.

"Uh, hello? Could you like move out of our way. Your kind isn't welcome here, and while you're at it, stop eye f*****g my boyfriend." She spits while her voice goes straight through my ears and garners up the beginnings of a headache.

Great.

What is up with him finding the girls with the screechy voices?

I side step past them it but squeaky girl decides to stretch her foot out so my a*s is lucky enough to trip right over her. I land on the floor with my pizza slice sticking to the front of my shirt. I rise and peel it off myself and look at them eyeing me as the freak show of the cafeteria. They are laughing hysterically and I can feel the water forming behind my eyes.

I won't dare cry though.

The Justin I knew would never have been a part of this. He used to have a heart. Now, I watch as he laughs along with his entourage. Well, now it is a collective laugh with the whole damn lunchroom. I don't even bother remaining there and bolt for the nearest bathroom. Once I duck inside, I feel my restraint from crying fail and the tears start coming down. I don't allow myself to ugly cry, but my face can still read that I was a basket case.

"Got your a*s handed to you from the Devil incarnate?" A girl that I didn't even see sitting on her backpack at the far end of the bathroom says to me.

"You can say that." I say as I wipe my face with a napkin.

"Here. I always keep an extra set of clothing with me. We should be about the same size." She says pulling out an extra shirt and tossing it to me.

"Thank you." I tell her and immediately shed my pizza stained shirt and replace it with the gym shirt she gave me.

Perfect fit.

"I'm Hannah." I say turning to look at her better without the tears filling my eyes.

"Alex." She says as she stands up and puts her backpack back on.

"Guessing you try and stay away from them out there by staying in here?" She just nods and I can tell it is a touchy subject for her.

"Believe it or not but I was once a part of that group back in the day. Rumors spread around and then they all turned their backs on me and began humiliating me every way possible. I see they found a new target this year. I'm sorry it had to be you though. You seem nice." Her voice becomes shaky and I can see her trying to keep herself grounded.

"I'm sorry too. Maybe we can look out for one another? Wallow in our self pity together?" I say as a gesture of good faith and the smallest smile graces her face. She's a very pretty girl. Blue eyes, blonde hair down to her shoulders. She seems simple and nice to say the least. I wonder what happened for her to fall out of that groups grasp. Story for another day I suppose.

"I'm down for that. Would be nice to have someone besides myself to talk to." She says with sincerity and we both compose ourselves before leaving our safety bubble. We walk out of the bathroom together and back past the lunchroom and head straight outside to sit for a few minutes before the bell rings for our next class. We sit under a tree and bullshit with one another. We share class schedules and come to find that we finish the day together, which is great.

Alex, I come to know, is an only child and survived a nasty divorce battle between her parents. She now lives with her mom and her dad moved out of state to live a brand new life with a brand new wife and kids. She loves all kinds of music and happens to work at the local coffee shop which is literally around the corner from where I live. She loves animals and hopes to become a veterinarian one day.

I can see us being best friends and I could use at least one of those. I haven't told her too much about myself yet because honestly, my past isn't something I want to elaborate on. It's been tough surviving so even thinking about what I had gone through will pull me under and I'd rather not drown.

The bell rings and we head back inside for our final two classes of the day, Science and English. Science drags on so very slowly that I have to will myself to stay awake. Unfortunately for the both of us, along with our classmates, our teacher speaks in complete monotone. I see Alex doing the exact same thing next to me. Once the bell signaling the end of class rings, Alex and I jump out of our seats, scared by how loud the bell is, and rush out of the room. We head for English class and come to find Justin and his groupies hanging out right by the door.

Please don't have this class.

His back is turned so he doesn't see either of us walking inside so that is a plus for me. We slide into our seats and the class becomes fuller until I hear the other brothers voice. s**t.

Cole.

"Yeah yeah okay man. Will you shut up about it? I'll get it done." He says walking into the class while simultaneously talking to his brother making him walk backwards into the room. I try and not stare but the forces that be instantly have Justin's gaze find mine and his jaw ticks. The fire and fury in his eyes burns a hole straight into my chest. Cole sees his brothers expression and immediately turns to see what is making his brother so damn mad.

I gulp down my nervousness and honestly feel like fleeing when Cole's eyes eventually find mine. His eyes widen and his entire body becomes tense. His hands ball into fists and I prepare to brace myself for incoming hatred but it never comes. His body loosens up as he walks to his seat not once looking away from me. I can feel his eyes remain on me for the entirety of the class and it makes me nervous as hell.

"Cole's still staring at you." Alex whispers beside me and I slowly turn my head and come to see that his eyes are glued to where I am sitting. His face is emotionless. I can't tell how is feeling or what he is thinking. He was always a wild card. Always had a pretty good way of hiding his true feelings.

The bell finally rings and when it does, Alex and I stand and begin to head out of class. I watch as Cole just leaves without saying a word. Guess I have my answer as to whether or not he hates me like his brother does. Alex has a shift after school at the coffee shop so we walk together. After exchanging numbers, we say our goodbyes and I head back to my little humble abode.

It isn't anything fancy but it is something I can call my own. Leaving dad was something I didn't want to do but I know I had to because he would just bring me further down with the way he has been acting. The drinking has maybe slowed down a smidge but he is still off his damn rocker sometimes. He sure as s**t was mad that I had decided to gain my independence from him but there was nothing he could say to me to make me regret my decision. I needed to live my life the way I wanted and not succumb to winding up all alone, miserable.

I make my way upstairs to my apartment which happens to be on the top floor and it serves as my cardio workout for the day. The stairs are killer and I instantly regret not finding something with an elevator. I walk inside dropping my back pack to the floor and head straight for my less than packed refrigerator. I need to try and save the rest of what my mom had saved for me and get myself a damn job in order to afford this place and bills.

Adulting is sure as s**t harder than I expected but I wouldn't have it any other way. I grab my phone and type out a text to Alex wondering if maybe her boss is looking for any help. I don't mind washing dishes if it meant getting a weekly paycheck. I await her response when it finally comes through not even five minutes later.

Alex: That would be awesome because she is always looking for workers. Think you could swing by now?

Me: Thank you! Give me five minutes.

I quickly check my appearance in the mirror and forget that I am sporting a school gym t-shirt, thanks to Justin and his merry g**g of asshole friends, and immediately change into a simple black t-shirt. I grab my phone, wallet and keys and rush downstairs to get to the coffee shop. I walk in and the smell of coffee has my soul flying up into the sky.

"Damn you must really need the job." Alex says with humor and I smile.

"Desperately." I say sighing as a middle aged woman walks up to me.

"I take it you're Hannah?" She says sweetly and I extend my hand for her to shake.

"Yes, I'm Hannah. It is so nice to meet you. Thank you for allowing me to interview for whatever position you are offering. It's just me so I need the paycheck. I'll scrub dishes if I have to." I say quickly garnering Alex's attention when I said it was just me.

"Come with me." She says and I follow her to the back where there is a small office opposite from where the bathroom is.

"Sit. Please. I'm Giselle, owner of this small establishment. Alex vetted you and I trust Alex with everything I have. She's a quiet kid, a good kid, and from what she has told me about you which is nothing but positive, I will gladly give you a job here. Besides, you live literally around the corner which is even better for me. You can make coffee right?" She asks and I nod.

"I mean I can't make the fancy design in your coffee things but I do know how to work an espresso machine and make lattes. I am a fast learner and I promise I won't let you down." I say rather rushed and all I can see is sincerity in her eyes with a hint of curiosity.

"Let me ask you something Hannah. When you said it was just you, what did you mean?" She asks rather cautiously and I sigh.

"I recently emancipated myself. My dad has gotten way in over his head with his drinking ever since my mom was killed in a car crash a few years ago. He basically kept me isolated from the world thinking the same thing could or would happen to me. His anxiety and paranoia got the better of him and let's just say it hasn't been the easiest three years since living with him. Now that I am on my own, I can finally breathe. My mom left me money but it was supposed to go towards college. The rate I am going I'd use every single penny by the end of the year. I hope this can stay between you and I." I say softly and she nods her head.

"Of course sweetie. I never divulge information that is not my story to tell to anyone. I will devise a schedule and maybe you can start working tomorrow after school? I only have one rule. Never give up on schooling. It is the most important thing. If you need to do your homework, then be my guest. Other than that, I think everything will work out. Does that sound like a good idea?" She says and I breathe a sigh of relief.

"It sounds perfect. Thank you." I rise from the chair and say goodbye. As I walk out, I see that the place has become a little more hectic than when I first came in. I slide over to where Alex is behind the counter.

"I'll see you later okay?" I tell her and she nods and waves. I exit the coffee house and immediately feel like I am being watched. I look around but see nobody. I shrug off the feeling and make my way back to my apartment.

Once I step inside, I make myself a Ramen dinner and take a much needed shower. I lie down in my bed with the tv quietly playing in the background and drift off to sleep dreaming of none other than the two boys that meant so much to me back in the day.