Torn Between Two

Four

It being the weekend and all, I wake up later than usual, thankfully not having to chuck my alarm clock across the room for interrupting my beauty sleep, and slowly make my way downstairs. My head is killing me and my eyes feel like they are still burning. I don't dare look at myself in the mirror because I might look like the spitting image of a zombie from the Walking Dead.

Pretty sure I cried the equivalent of an ocean last night and I feel completely drained. The only thing that can save me now is coffee. I walk straight to the coffee maker, more like my Keurig, and make myself a cup of liquid gold. As I am standing and watching as my cup rises with caffeine goodness, my mom comes walking in after I am assuming was her morning workout.

"Ah, good morning sweetheart. I tried to wake you up last night for dinner but you were sound asleep. Are you okay?" She says while walking to the refrigerator and grabbing a bottle of water. The look I must be giving her immediately has her removing the water bottle from her mouth and closing it.

"I can tell something is wrong. Spill." She says taking a seat at the island and I sigh. I take my coffee and pour sugar and creamer in it and sit down next to her ready to reveal everything she could see coming true. I brace myself and before I know it, I have confessed everything. After telling her everything that has happened between Cole, Justin and I, I feel as if a weight has been momentarily lifted from my chest.

"I am definitely not going to tell you that I knew something like this was bound to happen but, I will anyway. I could see it in both of their eyes but more in Justin's. I don't understand why he did what he did and I will not sit here and sugar coat anything for you coming up with excuses you and I both know are a crock of s**t. Boys will be boys, and that means they will be morons 99.9% of the time. If he doesn't see just how fantastic of a person you are then let him grovel in his misery. He should have done better by you. I am very disappointed in him." She says and I go to reply but she just gives me the "let me finish young lady" look and I shut my mouth.

"However, this does not mean you get to wallow in self pity. You are young, too young, to have this break your heart any further. Pull up your big girl boy shorts and let it go. No daughter of mine will be reduced to nothing at this age or ever. If the boy doesn't have any common sense as to how they should treat you then they don't deserve you at all." My mother says with all intensity in her eyes and I know that this stems from what dad did to her. I get it. I do. She is only trying to protect me. Thats's what moms are for right?

"You make valid points there mom but it still doesn't dwell the ache I feel. Cole remains true to his words and doesn't want to lose me as a friend but how do I remain friends with him all the while watching Justin be with someone else? I don't think I can do that, at least not now." I say taking another sip of coffee.

"I never said it would be easy and I love Cole for defending your honor but this is your life. If you don't want to deal with Justin then don't but don't push Cole away. He's a good kid. Bat s**t crazy but a good kid." She says humorously and I c***k a smile.

"Okay. Now, enough with the sad talk. We are going out today and having a girls day. Hair, nails, some shopping to go along with our new looks. We deserve to spoil ourselves once in a while and we are so getting you a dress for your Senior Dance." She tells me and I nearly spit out my coffee.

"But mom..." I say but she places her finger on my mouth.

"You are going and you are going to make all the guys in your senior class wish they had the chance to get to know you. You are going to wow the crowd and you will not be losing out on life experiences just because of a dumbass boy. Now, go get ready because I need to shower. My morning workout made me feel rejuvenated, yet utterly disgusting." She bops my nose and leaves the kitchen leaving me to wonder what the hell kind of multiverse I have woken up in.

After a fun filled day of pampering and shopping, we come home and stuff our faces with the Chinese takeout mom has ordered and wind up crashing on the living room couch watching reruns of One Tree Hill. Mom introduced me to it and said it was like the Bible to her. Whatever the hell that means. I guess in a way, Nathan, Haley, Peyton, Lucas, and Brooke are the perfect combination for TV drama, especially when it comes to the dramas of high school.

They just don't make shows the same way anymore. Nowadays the shows on tv depicting high school are literally cast with people in their twenties. I mean like come on. A little originality please. As I listen to the episode, I browse the music from the soundtracks of the show when I see a text from Cole.

Cole: What you doing sweet cheeks?

Me: Being rudely interrupted from adding new music to my phone by you the ultimate pain in my a*s.

Cole: You love me though.

Me: Still wondering why.

Cole: Because I am awesome. lol. Hang out with me tomorrow?

Me: Hmmm...

Cole: Come on sweet cheeks. We can grab some food and you can come with me to pick out my suit for the dance. Need your professional opinion.

Me: You had me at food.

Cole: That's my girl. Pick you up tomorrow at 10.

Me: G'nite C.

Cole: G'nite sweet cheeks.

I lock my phone, clean up our take out mess, and make my way up to my room leaving mom to sleep on the couch. She seems so peaceful and I know better to wake her up from a deep slumber. Learned that the hard way when I was younger. I stare at the dress that I have picked out for the dance but immediately close my closet door. I don't think I will be going. I am not the girl in She's All That who comes walking down the stairs and wows everyone around them. I am....just not that.

Time flies by once again and today is the day of the senior dance. Everyone is the cheeriest I have ever seen them and I for one am not the slightest bit excited. I have officially decided not to go. There will be other dances in my life. Who needs the 8th grade senior dance as a memory? Not me.

The final bell of the day rings and as I am leaving the school, not one but both brothers come to walk home with me.

"Hey Hannah." Justin says and I just give him a small smile as if everything is just peachy between us.

"Sweet cheeks! Ready for tonight?" Cole says while popping gum into his mouth and looks from me to his brother.

"Uh, I am uh..." I say before Mandy slides up and kisses Justin on the cheek. I snap out of the moment and remind myself that this is now the new norm for our group. Justin and Mandy. Yuck.

"Oh Haley. Didn't know you were going to be joining us walking home." Mandy says snidely and I just give her a straight glare. My hands curl into fists but I try to calm myself.

"Sorry Manly. It is you prying your way into what was once our group." I say which makes her gasp and feign hurt.

"Really Hannah?" Justin says and it is my turn to glare at someone other than the plastic girl.

"Just dishing out a taste of your girlfriends own medicine. Don't like it? Leave. Cole can walk me home." I grab Cole's hand and lead him away from the lovebirds. I immediately drop his hand and stop throwing my head back.

Look at what I have become.

This is insane.

"No. I shouldn't have done that. That was low and petty of me. Go back to your brother Cole. I'm fine by myself. Please. I need you to go back to him and Mandy. It is where you belong. I am not causing a rift between you two. I hate it. I hate who I have become all because of a stupid little crush. He's your brother. I...I just need to go." I don't allow Cole a chance to argue because I just bolt from where we are standing.

I run home and devise a plan to hide from the world tonight. Tomorrow is a new day. Tomorrow I will brace the outcome of everything that had happened at the dance and then next week I will graduate and the summer I will plan for something. Maybe mom and I could go somewhere. Anywhere but here.

The afternoon slowly ticks away and by the time I know it, it is fifteen minutes into the dance. Soon it becomes thirty minutes. I sigh of relief escapes from me and I continue on my night of wearing my pjs and eating my pint of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and watching more of OTH when my doorbell suddenly buzzes.

Mom won't be home from work till 9 and everyone is at the dance so I am not sure who could be ringing my bell now. I decide to ignore it but soon there is a knock at my door.

Nope. Not answering that s**t.

I tiptoe into the kitchen and see my phone flashing with incoming messages.

Cole: I'm at the dance. Where are you?

Cole: Don't do this to yourself Hannah.

Cole: I'm leaving to come and get you.

Cole: I'm knocking on your door. Open up.

Did he just call me by my name?

I put my phone down and head for the door. I open it up and holy s**t. Cole is dressed to impress. His hair is slicked back and the suit we chose together makes him look so very, very different. Very appealing actually. Told you he's a Hardin heartthrob. He would definitely be a close second to Hardin if they were to ever recast him from After.

"What are you doing here?" I say as he just looks at me and sees that I am in my pj's.

"What am I doing here? Are you kidding me? What are you doing home? Your mom told me you might bail tonight and I promised her I would come and bring you to the party. We are graduating and this is our final hoorah. Get your a*s into your room and get dressed. I am bringing you and taking a shitload of pictures for your mom and you are going to have a fuckload of fun. You deserve it Hannah. Now move." He says and I can't even argue with him because this here has my mom written all over it. If I deny him, I am basically denying my mom. Son of a biscuit.

"Anybody ever tell you that you are an irritating jerk?" I say as I walk away from him and he smirks.

"I've been called worse sweet cheeks. Now go. I'll be waiting." He says before I go into my room and close the door. I open my closet door and bring the dress that I had picked out and place it on my bed. I touch the fabric and immediately smile. I do deserve to be there. I shimmy out of my pj's and slip the dress on. I rush to fix my hair and put minimal makeup on. Mom bought me contacts and I think now is the best time to beat my fear and razzle dazzle myself. By the time I am done, I stare at myself in the mirror and it is like someone else is staring back at me. Maybe I can be the girl from She's All That.

You got this Hannah.

I walk out of my room and Cole is sitting on the couch watching tv when he turns and the moment his eyes land on me, his eyes widen with disbelief. He clears his throat and turns the tv off, rising from the couch to get a better look at me. The dress I picked out is a sapphire blue with a v neck and comes down to mid thigh level. I paired it with my black leather jacket and my knee high leather boots and have my hair swept to the side in a loose braid.

"Well. s**t. You...you look....breathtaking. You clean up well Hannah." Cole says to break the tension and I feel my cheeks redden from the compliment.

"You clean up well yourself Cole." He gulps and puts his hand out for me to take. I take his hand and he pulls out a corsage. It matches perfectly with my dress and I am in awe.

"How'd you? Mom." I say and he chuckles.

"She knew you wanted to go but also knew why you would bail. I care about you Hannah. I might be a jerk at times and call you sweet cheeks even though I know you hate it but I do it because I feel different when I am around you and I'd rather annoy you and have you close then ignore you and not have you in my life at all. You are the best thing to happen to me and to my douchebag brother even though he is too thickheaded to realize it. I got you. No matter what. You'll always be important to me." He says and it makes my heart melt.

"s**t Cole. Who knew you had the sincerity aspect to you. Thank you. Thank you for being my friend." I say and kiss his cheek.

"Let's do this shit." He says and I c***k up opening the door and locking it behind us. We take off to the school and once we are outside, I can hear the loud as hell music being blasted from the gymnasium.

"Holy hell. I'll be deaf by tomorrow." I say and he just pulls me into him and leads the way inside. Everyone does a double take and eyes us closely unwilling to believe their eyes at my appearance. I feel out of my element but Cole just holds my hand as we make our way into the gym. It is quiet and the head of the PTA is gearing up to reveal the new King and Queen.

"I am pleased to announce to you that this years King and Queen are Justin Perry and Mandy Lewis!" Everyone cheers and we watch as they walk up the stage to be crowned. Cole and I remain in the back and softly clap. It is what it is right? The music begins to play and they both make their way to the middle of the dance floor and wrap their arms around each other and sway to the music which of course is one of my favorite songs "Just the Way You Are". I gulp down my jealousy and Cole pulls me to where the drinks are and pours me a drink.

"Wait here." He says before slipping away. I watch as he speaks to the DJ and then comes back to where I am but something is off. Can't quite put my nose on it but what the hell. The DJ gives the King and Queen a few more minutes to dance until the music begins to change. I hear the words and it is yet another favorite of mine. It is the story I see for myself and Justin to a T.

You know I want you

It's not a secret I try to hide

I know you want me

So don't keep saying our hands are tied

You claim it's not in the cards

And fate is pulling you miles away

And out of reach from me

But you're here in my heart

So who can stop me if I decide that you're my destiny?

Cole makes his way to me and takes my hand and brings me to the dance floor and starts spinning me around like I was a doll. I feel so light on my feet right now and I can feel myself smile while he twirls me around. I have no idea where he learned how to dance but holy s**t. This moment is amazing. I can feel everyone's eyes on me but I don't care. For right now it is just me and Cole, and I am okay with that.

We go around and around and he twirls me at certain times and I easily fall back into his arms. I just follow him and it is like my body knows exactly what to do. It is like we are just one person right here in this room.

All I want it to fly with you

All I want is to fall with you

So just give all of you

It feels impossible

Is it impossible?

Say that it is possible

Then the final moment of the song is the most heartbreaking to me and we slow down and just stand there looking at each other, but what I haven't noticed during all of this is that Cole somehow switched places with Justin, and it is Justin that is staring right back at me. I gasp in shock but he softly sings the final verse and I feel like breaking all over again. Why do this to me? Why do this now? I shouldn't have come.

You know I want you

It's not a secret I try to hide

But I can't have you

We're bound to break and my hands are tied.

Justin releases me and steps away, turning away from me and we both see Mandy seemingly in tears. I immediately know that he will choose her over me and leave me there to look the fool, but what I don't expect is for him to mumble to himself. He looks to Mandy and then back to me and my heart is racing a thousand beats per minute.

"f**k it." He comes crashing towards me and kisses me like I was the oxygen he needed to breath in order to survive. Our kiss has every emotion swirled within it and it takes everything inside of me not to collapse. His strong arms wrap around me and I feel completely safe and exactly where I belong. We finally break away and there are gasps here and there but the music continues and the festivities continue, leaving us to continue on without prying eyes.

I see from the corner of my eye Mandy charging for me but Justin pulls me behind him and she stops short.

"You seriously are protecting that skank?!" She yells and her entourage behind her glares at me.

"I'm sorry Mandy but I can't do this anymore. It isn't fair to you or me. There is no connection between us and there never was. I tried to convince myself to do whatever I had to to stop feeling what I felt for Hannah but I couldn't stop. She's who I want." Mandy slaps his face and I want to lunge for her but one of the parent chaperones pulls Mandy away from us and just gives us the ultimate "had to cause this s**t here didn't you" look. Mandy is escorted away and Justin pulls me through the gym and out the door. I find Cole with his friends and he raises his glass of punch and winks at me. I mouth "thank you" before we are out the door.

Justin pulls me into his chest and I inhale his scent. I look up at him and see that he is smiling wide and there is a twinkle in his eye. He brings his mouth to mine and kisses me again which takes my breath away.

"Told you Hannah. It's always been you."