Torn Between Two

Fifteen

Cole

"Oh my god Justin, you are too much!" Jackie squeals and it goes right through my brain. I cringe knowing that this is what Justin chooses to do instead of helping me to fix up some presents for Hannah, like we once did when we were younger.

"The f**k bro? Weren't you supposed to be helping me wrap?" I say as I descend the stairs. Jackie is literally superglued under my brothers arm and she looks up to him and then back at me.

"Ohhh gift wrapping? I hope there's a gift for me in there." She says and I roll my eyes.

"You'll get your gift and it will be wrapped but I'm going SNL style with you." Justin says with a stupid a*s smirk with his eyebrows rising and falling.

Seriously?

Seriously????????

"Yeah, I'm going back upstairs. Don't need to know the deets of your escapades with Jackie. Your loss bro." I say as I make my way back upstairs only for Justin to follow. I'm amazed he actually left Clueless downstairs by herself. God forbid her master goes too far. I go to close my door but he stops it.

"I know what this looks like but I've been thinking. It is pointless for me to try and do anything to redeem myself. She's given up on me. She hates me. I don't know man but if you were her, would you ever forgive me? Think about it. I f****d up. May as well continue f*****g up right?" He says and shrugs at what he just said like he is a person of such great wisdom.

"You do you bro. I am done trying here. I mean I even put aside the fact that we both wanted to win her over. This wasn't supposed to be a competition. This was about bringing her out of the darkness she is in right now this time of year. She's alone on Christmas. Alone Justin. Thought you had just a bit of your conscience left in you but I guess you don't. You'd rather nut with the likes of Jackie than do anything remotely kind and decent. Whatever. I got s**t to do. So do you." I seethe shaking my head trying to understand the person my brother has turned into. He used to be this rational, for the people kind of guy. I was the asshole. Now it is like I don't even know him anymore.

I swear my brother pisses me off to no extent. I shove him towards the hallway, out my door, and slam it in his face. I'll make damn sure to wear my noise cancelling headphones when I go to sleep tonight. Parents are out for the night at their company Christmas party so Justin is free to be the manwhore he has always been.

Just great.

The night goes by fast and I wake to the delicious smell of coffee. I make my way out of my bed and head downstairs to see Justin at the kitchen island eating cereal. Mom and dad are sitting with him chit chatting away.

"Merry Christmas Eve sweetheart. Any plans for the day?" My mom asks all cheerily. I make my way to the coffee and pour myself a cup and sit down next to Justin. I take a sip and the warmth soothes my insides.

"Have a few things planned." I say, watching and expecting some kind of response from Justin but he doesn't even acknowledge my response. He really is adamant about not being there for Hannah, even at a bare minimal friend capacity.

"Oh, very good. Your brother said something about taking Jackie out for the day. I am glad you boys have something to do. Let me go get things started as far as cooking." My mom stands and kisses my dad on the top of his head.

"Yeah let me get ready. Supposed to pick Jackie up at nine. See you later." Justin drinks the remainder of the milk and places his dish in the dishwasher.

"Uh, yeah. Enjoy." I say sarcastically while finishing the rest of my coffee.

"You too." He replies and makes his way back up to his room. Dad looks to where Justin is heading up the stairs and back to me.

"What's going on with you two? Ever since Hannah returned, you both have been at odds. Don't let a girl come between you two. You both need one another." He says with a knowing look and I shrug.

"Differences in opinion I suppose. This doesn't just stem with Hannah. It's everything all combined. Don't worry dad. We'll be in sync come baseball season. We know the rules. What goes on in our private life and baseball are to never mix. We need to keep our heads in the game in order to accomplish our mission." I say as dad nods his head in agreement with a smile.

"And that would be?" He says and I sigh.

"Full ride scholarship to the college we want and then pave our way towards MLB futures." This being the millionth time I have said this. He has engraved this plan in our heads ever since we joined the youth little league team when we were children.

"That's my boy. Go start your day. I can see you have something special planned." He says as he continues to read the newspaper.

"Thanks dad. See you later." I rinse my cup in the sink and place it in the dishwasher while also grabbing Justin's bowl and rinsing it. I don't want mom having any added stress when it comes to working in the kitchen today. She has insane OCD so one thing off course will cause her to malfunction and freak out.

I rush upstairs to quickly take a shower and get dressed ready to brace myself for the day ahead of me. I get dressed casually in black sweats with a red t-shirt, my DC kicks, and my black hoodie. I decide to take my time getting ready because I am not going to just go there straight away. I'll give her some time because I honestly don't know what she will be doing today. I stuff the Santa suit in my duffel bag along with the few gifts I managed to wrap and by the time the afternoon comes is when I begin to make my way to Hannah's apartment.

Once I get there, I ring her bell. My hands are cold but it could be worse outside. It could be below zero with fourteen inches of snow. I count my blessings as I whip out the gloves I had brought and put them on my hands.

There we go.

For right now it is bearable. As I look around and wait, I notice that there hasn't been an answer. I ring the bell again and still nothing. I sit down on the front steps and continue to just wait. Maybe she went to the store. Maybe she went to Alex's. Maybe she.....

Oh no.

I quickly pull my phone out and order an Uber. I know exactly where she is. It is where she was before coming home on Thanksgiving.

Why didn't I remember that?

Shit.

The car pulls up about five minutes later and I give him the address to the local cemetery. I leap out of the car when we get there and immediately make my way inside. The place is big but it isn't massive. I walk around like a chicken without a head, watching other mourners paying their respects, when I come to find Hannah crumbled up in a ball on the ground, definitely having cried non stop. I walk up to her cautiously as to not scare her and bend down next to her.

"Hannah, baby girl?" I say in a soft tone, running my fingers through her hair as I watch her eyes open, completely blood shot, blinking away the image of me possibly being there.

"Cole? Is it really you?" She says as she pulls herself up into a sitting position, wiping her nose with the back of her hand.

"It's me sweet cheeks. Come on. You're shivering. Let's get you home." I say as I pull her up into my chest and begin rubbing my hands up and down her arms to provide her with some warmth.

"I.....I can't. I.... I don't....it hurts so much. It hurts so much to come. It hurts so much to go. I'm not strong enough. I don't think I can do this anymore." She says with her voice cracking and it breaks my heart into pieces. I pull her into me and wrap my arms around her. She welcomes the embrace and wraps her arms around me and snuggles into my chest.

"You are the strongest person I know Hannah. Never underestimate yourself. You will be okay. I'm here for you. Always." I say as I kiss the top of her head and hear her sobbing into my chest.

"Take me home Cole." She says and I let her go and take her by her hand while taking my phone out and reordering an Uber. We wait and once the car arrives, we hop in and she rests her head on my shoulder the entire way back to her place. It is quiet, the silence both killing me and comforting me if that isn't the weirdest combination. We finally reach her place and make our way upstairs. She unlocks her door and tosses her keys onto the table right by it. I place my duffel down and watch as she walks towards her bedroom.

I stand there frozen in place contemplating my options right now. I can be a friend she needs and cook for her and be a shoulder to cry on or I can be selfish and storm into that room and do what I should have done a long time ago. This is a damned if you do, damned if you don't kind of moment and it is eating me alive.

I finally say f**k it and choose to be selfish, making my way to her room to find her clothes thrown onto the floor and now only dressed in a long t-shirt. I gulp down my nerves and lean my body against the door just watching her. She turns around releasing a slight gasp.

"Cole?" She says softly and I don't answer. I stand up straight and slowly make my way towards her. I can see her chest rising and falling more rapidly and I can feel my heart trying to tear right through my chest. My palm cups her cheek and she leans right into it. My other hand grips her waist and before I know it, I am pulling her into me with my lips latching onto hers. I beg for entry into her mouth with my tongue and she opens willingly, and we deepen the kiss. The hand that was on her waist goes to grip her a*s and she moans. I pull my hand away from her cheek and bring it down to her other a*s cheek and grip it eliciting another moan and her jumping and wrapping her legs around my waist. I feel her core rubbing against my aching d**k and a roar rumbles through my chest. She smiles against my kiss and I believe that I am seconds away from combusting. I carry her to her bed and place her down gently noticing that she is only wearing the t-shirt.

No b*a.

No panties.

Completely commando.

This girl will be the death of me.

I stand there motionless making her nervous. She goes to move away but I pin her down with my body hovering over her with my arms on both sides of her.

"I froze because you are beautiful Hannah. You deserve everything good in this world. I don't deserve you but I am a selfish bastard that needs you now and forever. I'm not stopping this. I can't. I did it once. I am not going to do it again." I say staring right into her gorgeous eyes. I watch as her chest rises and falls and I run my hands down her stomach and straight to her thighs. One hand goes up to raise the shirt to expose her breasts while the other skims by her core and I immediately feel the wetness emanating down there. I lick my lips needing to devour every inch of her before I come in my pants.

My d**k is straining my sweatpants and you can obviously see the tent it is producing but this isn't about me right now. I need to make sure she is satisfied. Her needs trump my own. I slowly enter her wetness with one finger making her hips buck up off the bed.

"C...Colleee." She says panting as I begin to insert another finger. I continue to f**k her with my fingers and work my thumb against her throbbing clit all the while my d**k is begging for a release. I feel her walls tightening around my fingers and watch as she fists the comforter. Her eyes are closed and I can feel my own heart rate accelerating with her pending o****m.

"I'm close C...Cole. Fuck."

"Go ahead baby. Come for me. Let me watch you come and then I am going to lick it all up and make you come again on my face and tongue."

"Oh god!" She screams as she clamps around my fingers. I dive between her legs and begin to lick all of her until she is shaking uncontrollably again and her release coats my tongue and lips. She is a mess but I am not done. I jump off the bed and undress myself, sliding a c****m on myself and watch her eyes widen in shock. I smirk and crawl on top of her sliding my length up and down her wetness. I watch as she trembles at the feeling. It feels so f*****g good.

"Cole. I'm..." She says sheepishly but I cup her face gently.

"Me too baby. I've waited for you. Only you." I slowly enter her as she gasps. I pull out only to enter her some more. The sensation is mind blowing as I see a lone tear travel down her face. I lick it up and pepper kisses down her face and take her hand in mine and interlock our fingers. I am seated inside her and we both don't move for a beat.

"You okay babygirl?" She nods and I begin to move slowly and her hips move to match my pace. Eventually we find a rhythm and are becoming crazier with our movements and it feels phenomenal. She squeezes me so tight that my eyes roll back into my head and I find my release right after her. I come so hard as does she that we are both spent. I roll the c****m off of me and toss it into the garbage can and pull the comforter back and wrap our bodies underneath it with her body against my chest.

"You are mine Hannah. Mine to love. Mine to take care of. Mine to protect. I am yours. Always." I say praying to god that this wasn't a one time thing because it meant the world to me.

"I think I've always loved you Cole." She says so quietly and soon drifts off to sleep. My heart jumps in my chest and I can feel myself holding back the tears that are trying to form. I blink them away and snuggle closer to her and just listen to her breath until my eyes close and sleep overtakes me, knowing there is no going back now.