Torn Between Two

Seventeen

Spring is finally upon us and having survived the holidays, New Years, and the brutal cold that came with it, I feel as if I have been reborn.

I know, it sounds weird.

I don't know what it is, but I feel as if nothing or no one can bring me down. Maybe it's because I have Cole and Alex as a support system, or maybe it's because I have come to face my demons along the way with their help. I have never felt so loved and cared for, well, not since my mother was alive.

Alex has become like a sister to me. We do everything together. Our new rounds of courses have us in basically every class together which is awesome. The year is drawing to a close soon and it is now that we are deciding where to go for college. I for one know that not having her near will be a major downer once we graduate. She has her sights set on one of the prestigious colleges such as Harvard, Brown, or Yale. My sights unfortunately are not as high but somehow, someway, we will manage to stay close to one another.

Cole has his sights on a college with a brilliant athletic department so that he could focus his career on baseball and hoping to become drafted to a MLB team. Which one he wants to be drafted into is still up for debate. I don't follow the MLB scene so the only major teams I know are LA Dodgers, NY Yankees and NY Mets.

Don't judge me.

I am not an athletic fan, even though the work that it puts on his body is mind blowing. That, I do not mind in the slightest. The more abs, the better. Don't even get me started on all the extracurricular activities we do once we are alone. We are both insatiable and I for one love every second of it. I've come to realize that tomorrow is never a guarantee. I need to live in the here and now and make sure that the two most important people in my life know how much I love them, because one day, all I have can be snatched away.

I've learned that the hard way.

Since it being Spring and all, Cole and his brother, who mind you, is still set on hating the both of us, start baseball practice this afternoon. This means that instead of spending my afternoons and evenings with my doting boyfriend after my shifts at the coffee house, I will be solo. Of course I have Alex but I will miss my times with Cole.

I don't mind whatsoever because he is working towards a dream and who am I to stand in his way? However, ever since committing ourselves to one another, I am just so used to being around him like all the time. It's ok though. I will be cheering him on sitting up in the bleachers pretending to do homework but secretly ogling my handsome boyfriend. I have never seen him practice or be in his element so this will definitely be a joy to watch.

"Hey bestie." Alex says while placing her tray of food down while munching on a celery stick.

"Hey. How was your meeting with your guidance counselor?" I ask because my meeting is tomorrow. This is all about discussing our future and nagging us about how to write our college essays.

"Exhausting. All I want is to apply and that's it. Guess it isn't going to be that easy. I need to keep my GPA where it is or else my dreams of any of the Ivy League schools is out the window. Aren't guidance counselors here to try and cheer you up or something? Not mine. She's a damn Debbie Downer." She says while sighing and looking miserable.

Great. Is this what I am going to have to look forward to?

"You are doing fine. Don't let her get into your head. You'd think they'd want us all to leave this school so they could welcome the other million numbskulls. I wouldn't fret. You got this." I say immediately feeling a warm hand on my shoulder knowing full well who it is.

"Got what?" Cole says sitting down beside me, arm pulling me into him and placing a kiss in the crook of my neck that tickles.

"Alex's dream of an Ivy League School." I say while grabbing a fry and popping it into my mouth.

"You're doing great Alex. You sure as hell are getting into the school you want. Don't let anybody make you think differently." He says and my heart swells with how much confidence he has in my best friend.

"Thanks you two. Now, if you don't mind, can you tell me where I could find Mr. Right who not only cares about me but my best friend as well?" Alex says making me c***k up.

"Hmmm..." I say earning a raised eyebrow from Cole while searching the cafeteria for a worthy target.

"Better not be checking out any other guys here but me sweet cheeks." He whispers into my ear making me shiver. He chuckles at my reaction and I roll my eyes.

"For Alex. Not me you big brute." I say kissing him on the cheek which he automatically changes into a kiss on the lips that makes me float. Alex clears her throat and we pull away from each other. We smile and apologize to my bestie and continue to eat until the bell rings.

By the end of the day, I make my way to the field knowing baseball practice is about to commence. Knowing it is my first time seeing how skilled my Cole is on the field is exciting.

I watch as the team begins their exercises and break out into groups all over the field. My moment of bliss is interrupted when Sarah Dawson comes sliding up to where I am sitting.

"Handsome specimens down there right?" She says and I just remain quiet. Sarah is the girl that swoons over any guy who is an athlete. She doesn't care what team you are on or what game you play. If you are an athlete, you are her exact type.

"Guessing you are eyeing the Perry boys. I mean I know you are Cole's girlfriend and all, but I hope you didn't think he was a saint before he got with you. Guys got some skills with his tongue if you know what I mean. You were just an easy lay, I hope you know that. Cole's monster has been around and when I say around, I mean all around and taking deep dives into areas in a lot of girls at this school. If he made you believe you were special then that is his game. He played you good, just like he did me, and every other girl around here. Too bad he is anchored down now. He really did have some massive skills." She says and sighs looking out into the field. I find Cole, wearing number 17, and just watch as he throws the ball back and forth to his teammate. He looks so carefree.

As I look at him, I sit next to Sarah looking like a moron trying to comprehend everything that she has just said. Cole wouldn't have lied to me about being a virgin, would he have? I mean I get that he's a guy and guys have needs but to lie about that is just wrong. I shake my head while she stands and watch as she saunters off, waving towards the boys on the field, catching the attention of not just one Perry brother, but both.

Justin gives a smirk while Cole looks like a nervous wreck. He sees me then looks to Sarah and then back to me. I can see the wheels turning in his brain and I know he wants to know what just transpired between me and her but I just give a fake smile and stand and leave them to continue their practice. Unfortunately for me, I am not quick enough to escape and come to here my name being called.

"Hannah!" Justin says and I turn to see him running towards me.

"You sure you're calling the right person? Don't you mean Sarah?" I say earning another stupid smirk from him.

"Nah. She was a one and done. Just like with my brother. I'm sure you know what that means. You know he didn't save himself for you. You're nothing special. Never have been. Never will be. Just by you being here and stirring s**t is wrong. You do know that right? You've come between me and my brother and I am not allowing that to continue to happen. He's my family. He's my brother. You're nothing. Nobody. Get it through your thick head and move on. Let him go." He seethes and I just stare into the eyes of a guy who could have been my whole entire world at one point in my life, and yet is standing before me just a stranger.

"After all this time, why now? Why confront me now? We were both kids back then. We didn't realize what forever meant to us. Life happens. s**t happens and you still hold it against me." I spit back but he scoffs. He comes closer to me and I try to back up but just manage to knock my leg into the corner of the bleacher and I wince.

"I'm holding everything against you because you were the one I wanted for the rest of my life even though I was just a kid. I knew in my heart what I wanted yet listening to my heart only caused me heartache. I don't blame you for your life falling to s**t. I blame you for coming back and wrecking my life again. I blame you for choosing my brother over me. I blame you for everything that has ever gone wrong for me. I blame you for every f*****g thing. The sooner you realize that, the sooner you can leave and never come back." I just look into his eyes that are void of any emotion. Scratch that. They hold so much rage and anger that it aches my heart.

"What the hell happened to you Justin? You used to be this kind, caring, charismatic person but here you are doing everything in your power to knock me down. Your brother means everything to me. Hate to break it to you but your brother has meant everything to me since meeting him. He was the one to cheer me up when I was down. He was the one to be my friend while you were looking for more ways to hurt me. You know what? Maybe this is who you have been the whole entire time and I was too blinded to see it. You always hurt me. You always made me cry. If things didn't go your way you made me out to be the one to blame. Get over yourself Justin. Life isn't about blaming others for your own mistakes. Nobody put a g*n to your head and demanded that you give me a chance back when we were younger. You did that all on your own. You m, Justin, were my mistake." I turn around not giving him a chance to retaliate and make a beeline for the exit.

I now realize that my past with Justin is nothing but a massive regret. He always hurt me in one way or another. My heart always hurt because of him and his ways.

Not anymore.

He doesn't get to ruin what I hold dear to my heart.

I love Cole.

I've always loved Cole.

Fuck anybody who thinks they can rip him away from me or make me feel guilty.

Fuck Justin.