Home of my Heart

Chapter Two

“Adrienne actually agreed to put on the stupid mascot suit and run around the school chanting the school cheer during class hours,” Georgina’s snorting as she tells this story. I know this is one of her favorites. She wouldn’t let me live it down, “Our school mascot’s a toad, Edmund! A freaking toad, and she wore it the entire day!”

“I was burning in that costume,” I quip, shaking my head and allowing the memory to elicit a chuckle out of me. I’ve been on edge most of the time during lunch and the car ride to the restaurant. But Georgina’s really trying not to drop Troy’s name again.

Georgina grins. “I remember when you pulled out the headpiece, everyone was shocked to see it was you. No one expected that display to come from Adrienne Willis. The entire hallway was silent when they realized who was behind all the shenanigans. Even Principal Whithers didn’t see it coming.”

The memory’s fresh in my mind. With every word that Georgina tells, it feels like someone found a hidden treasure in my brain and started digging to recover it, memory unearth about a life that we’ve shared. For some reason, it feels like it didn’t happen to me, but to someone else. Someone complacent and happy with life, young and carefree. Oddly enough, that’s not the same person who left Callisburg.

Edmund’s shaking his head with an amazing smile on his face. He looks at me, and I can feel the wonder going on in his head. It’s like he’s seeing me in a different light. It makes me feel…bare. Like he’s stripping down the walls I’ve built around my heart and can peer right through it.

I’ve only allowed one person to do just that in the past, and it broke me.

Suddenly, my walls are back up, and the smile drops from my face. All these stories about my childhood and teenage years will lead to questions. It’ll only make Edmund want to see Callisburg for himself, to meet my mother, to see the place I grew up in, and try to imagine the world in the eyes of someone he’s never met.

Because I’m not the same person. Time can change you. Circumstances can change you. A choice could do just the same thing too.

Edmund’s phone ringing is my saving grace, and he excuses himself from our table to answer the call. Georgina turns to me and smiles. “Nice catch you got there.”

I try to decipher a hidden meaning in her words, but find none. I’m not sure if there’s judgment on her part toward me because I found someone new. I’m sure she’s aware that Troy and I didn’t end our relationship properly. A few more seconds pass until Georgina shakes her head and rolls her eyes at me.

“I don’t see anything wrong with him, Aide. I tried to. But he seems like the guy that’s Miyoshi approved.”

I crack a smile at the mention of my mother’s real name. My mother’s Japanese, moved to America with her immigrant parents when she was ten, and then met my father when she was twenty. They never talked about how they met, but I know that they loved each other with all the passion that two people could muster. They didn’t agree on a lot of things, but at the end of the day, they still slept on the same bed and still loved each other the same.

It was the kind of relationship I aspired to have. My mother and I may not see eye to eye - she was a traditional Asian mother who wanted me to become a doctor - but she had the kind of love that I envied. For a while there, I thought Troy and I had it, until we didn’t.

Maybe with Edmund, this time it’ll be different.

“You’re so tensed, Aide. I won’t bite,” Georgina suddenly says, and it grabs my attention. She sighs, and then sips her iced tea. “You’re acting like you don’t want me to be here. I’m only here because I wanted to personally invite my best friend to my wedding. Is that so bad?”

I suddenly feel bad. More than once, I’ve put my guard up because I was too afraid that Georgina will say the wrong thing and let the things I’ve hidden from Edmund slip. She hasn’t. She’s only told him stories about me during our childhood and when we were in high school. She hasn’t said anything particularly embarrassing. She even made sure to leave Troy out in the stories.

But I feel like I’m walking on eggshells at the moment. I’m not even sure why I want my past to be completely hidden from Edmund. The worst I had done was leave home without an explanation. I didn’t give birth to a child out of wedlock nor was I an alcoholic or a drug addict. I guess it never occurred to me that I could always just leave Troy out of my backstory.

Sometimes fear makes us stupid.

“No. It’s not that, George. I really am happy to see you. I’ve missed you, and you have no idea how much I wanted to call you in the past eight years, but didn’t have the guts to face your anger.” I reach for Georgina’s hand and squeeze it in mine.

Still, I didn’t know how to apologize properly. It’s like my heart’s so hardened that even I can’t thaw it.

Edmund comes back to our table and waves the waiter over to get the bill. Georgina tries to pay for lunch, but Edmund assures her that he’s got it. She turns to me and wink, and I know she made sure that Edmund saw it. I think she wants him to know that he’s best friend approved.

“So where are you staying?” Edmund asks the moment we’re in his car. He’s driving Georgina and me to our apartment. He’s still needed at the studio. I’m not. Work is done for the day for me.

Through the rearview mirror, I see Georgina bite at her bottom lip, and I narrow my eyes at her. She smiles shyly at me, and then looks down. “I didn’t book myself a room to stay for the night.”

Edmund’s eyebrows rise in surprise. “I know I’ve not asked. I don’t want to pry, but is there a reason for this visit?”

Georgina nods just as we stop in front of our apartment building. Edmund turns so he can look at her. She glances at me, and then shrugs lightly. “I’m getting married in a month. I’ve lost touch with Aide for a few years because we were both busy, but I still want her to be my maid-of-honor.”

It touched me that she didn’t mention that the reason we’ve lost touch was that I didn’t bother to keep in touch. The tears are prickling against my eyes again, and I try my best to compose myself. “I’m honored, George. But I can’t leave work.”

As much as I love both Leon and Georgina, I can’t find the courage to go back to the place I’ve run away from.

“What?” Both of them look at me in surprise, and I turn away.

“WUD needs me,” I say quietly and an awkward silence fills the car.

Edmund clears his throat. “Well, you can stay here for a while if you’d like. Or I can drive you to the airport. Whatever you’d like, Georgina.”

I can feel Georgina’s gaze burning at the side of my head. “If it’s not a bother, I’d like to stay the night, Edmund, if that’s okay with you. I have a few clothes I’ve packed in my bag that are good for a night.”

That explains the canvas bag she has brought with her. I’m sure she expected a rejection from me, but she isn’t backing down. I want to butt in, and tell her that I did mind. The apartment only has one room. But Edmund beats me to the punch.

“It’s fine with me. Anyway, I’m needed at Mackinac Island for a meeting. They just informed me.” Edmund looks at me apologetically. But I’m already used to him traveling on his business trips. I like the alone time I get. He doesn’t though. He doesn’t like leaving me alone. “You can keep Adrienne company for the night.”

I want to interject, but both of them are already out of the car before my thoughts can be put into words. Edmund unlocks the door, and Georgina walks in. Edmund points her to the bathroom, and she heads in that direction. I turn to Edmund with furrowed eyebrows, and made sure my annoyance shows.

“I know she’s my best friend but I don’t need a babysitter, Ed.”

“Did something happen between the two of you? You’re keeping her at arm’s length, Aide.”

I’m afraid Georgia might tell him a part of my past that I don’t want him to know. Because I don’t want him to know that I left the man I was in love with, the man who needed me to be his crutch when the world around him broke apart. And I left because I wanted to reach my dreams. I don’t want Edmund to think that when the time comes - God forbid - when I need to choose between him and my career, I would choose the latter.

I’ve done it once, but I’m not sure if I’m capable of doing it again.

“No. I’m still reeling in surprise that she’s here. It’s been years since we last talked,” I say, and then glance in the direction that Georgina has gone. “It’s a lot to take in, Ed.”

Edmund nods like he understands, and then he kisses me on the forehead. “You’ll have fun. I know you will. I’ve never seen you laugh so hard than you did with her at the restaurant when her comments seem to have caught you off-guard.”

He gives me a reassuring hug, and heads to our bedroom to pack himself a bag for his trip. I head to the kitchen to get myself a glass of water. Georgina comes into the room cautiously, and I can see it in the way she walks. She knows I’m not happy that she has forced a sleepover, but we both know there are things that need to be discussed, and Edmund’s trip is a blessing in disguise.

It’s just that, this is the kind of discussion I’ve avoided for eight years.

We’re both waiting for Edmund to leave so we can talk. We busy ourselves so he doesn’t notice the tension in the atmosphere. I know that Georgina’s upset that I’ve rejected the invitation. I know that once Edmund leaves, she’s a simmering kettle waiting to blow up.

Once the door clicks, I turn to face my best friend whom I’ve left for eight years.

“What the f**k, Adrienne?”

“An explanation as to why you’re staying here would be nice, George,” I deadpan, and then plop on our huge couch. Edmund always has guests over so we bought a huge couch that almost covers our entire living room. I don’t mind. It’s kind of nice to have a huge one.

Georgina sits beside me, and then pulls her legs up on the couch. She faces me. “Because you don’t want to be my maid-of-honor, and in order for my wedding to work, I need my maid-of-honor, Adrienne.”

“You have two older sisters, and one younger, George. Why would you possibly need me?”

“Because when I was six years old, and I was planning my wedding, you promised me that you were going to be my maid-of-honor, and you even told me that even if I hated you at the time, you would still play the part.” Georgina stares at me with a hard look on her face, but her eyes are glistening with unshed tears. “I’ve hated you for a while, Aide. And every time that I thought about marrying Leon and the wedding, I hated you even more because you weren’t in Callisburg to talk it through with me.”

Georgina clenches her fist, and then closes her eyes for a moment, and I’m familiar with these actions. She’s trying to gather her thoughts because she’s thinking of the right words to say. “I didn’t know you’d left Callisburg until I came home for my Dad’s birthday, Aide. I was so excited to see you that day that I drove straight to the house you and Troy had rented, only to find him crying on the ground with cuts in his palms.”

“You’d left three days ago, and I didn’t want to believe him. I thought that maybe you went back to your mother’s house to stay for a few days because you had a fight with Troy.” Georgina’s eyes are glassy and almost blank as she retrieves the memories of the past. Her lips are quivering slightly as she talks, and it’s then that I realize that remembering those times must hurt her still. “I was so angry that you left, but I blamed it all on Troy.”

Georgina looks at me, and it’s the pain in her eyes that slowly thaws my hardened heart. “I blamed a heartbroken guy, Aide. I should’ve called you. I should’ve figured out a way. I should’ve gone to Wayne, and had you explain everything. I didn’t talk to Troy for a while, even when I know deep in my heart that it must’ve been your choice to leave the way you did.”

“And then Leon told me about Troy’s situation. He was inconsolable for a while, Aide, drinking night after night after night. Someone has to be with him to make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid. When Troy was sober, Leon told me that he would just cry hysterically for the loss of every single thing he had held dear. Especially you.”

Georgina looks down and picks at the stray thread on her ripped jeans, rolling it between her fingers. “He came to my house one time, asking if Leon was there. He thought that since it was spring break, Leon would be over at my house. But Leon had an internship during spring break, and didn’t make it home. I told Troy so, and then I can still remember the dejection on his face when he realized that Leon wasn’t there.”

When she pauses, I know that I need to prepare myself for what she’s going to say next. I never asked Dean about Troy because I know that I can’t bear it. Georgina exhales loudly, and then looks at me.

“He was really sad, Aide. It was the kind of sadness that you could just feel, like it surrounded him. That was the moment that I started to resent you, Adrienne.” Georgina bites her bottom lip and continues to clench her fist tight. “I get that you wanted a chance at your future, but you could’ve done it the right way. You didn’t have to leave without telling anyone other than Dean. You could’ve broken up with Troy properly. You could’ve had even just an ounce of sympathy for a man who lost everything he dreamed about, but you decided to push him down even more . I didn’t think you could’ve been that selfish.”

A tear rolls down Georgina’s cheek and she wipes it away. I suspect that there’s a lot more to her story, but I’m not sure if she’s willing to share more about Troy’s situation to me. It’s only now when I realize that my face is damp with my own tears that I hastily wipe them away.

“If you resented me then, why do you still want me to be your maid-of-honor now?”

Georgina unclenches her hand, and then reaches for mine. She touches my wrist where a friendship bracelet used to rest. The friendship bracelet she gave me when we were 13. “Because the world’s been cruel and harsh, and I’ve had a hard time surviving it without you. I can’t hate you no matter how hard I try. I wish you feel the same way.”

The last sentence breaks me, and I realize that Georgina must’ve thought that she had done something wrong for me to reject her invitation. This thaws my heart even more, and I squeeze her hand that’s holding mine.

“I don’t hate you, George. I don’t have any right to. I’m the one who left. I should’ve called you. I should’ve told you everything, but I didn’t know how. I sounded so selfish, even to myself then, and I couldn’t bear your judgment.”

I wipe away the tears that continue to flow. The decision I made wasn’t a mistake, but it did have consequences. I didn’t just break one heart; I broke a few more as well without even realizing, and thinking about it. I was too focused on myself and didn’t think things through, and now, here is my best friend, telling me how hurt she was by what I did, but she forgave me nonetheless.

“I don’t deserve to be your maid-of-honor after what I’ve done.”

“That’s not your decision to make,” she murmurs to me, and then takes both of my hands in hers. “See me walk down that aisle, Aide. Come back to Callisburg with me. For what our friendship is worth to you, please, let me have my best friend back, even just for one day.”

It’s the begging in her tone that unravels me. She has every right to hate me for what I’ve done. She has every right to be angry. But she chose to forgive me. I don’t deserve this. I’m suddenly crying in her arms as I cling tightly to her. “I’m so sorry for leaving, George.”

I feel her lips brush the side of my head. “I’ve forgiven you a long time ago.”

I’m not sure how long I’ve been crying and rambling to her about why I did what I did, but by the time that I exhaust my energy to cry, the sun’s almost set. Georgina chuckles as she stares out at the window, and then turns to me. Her own face is streaked with mascara stains.

“Now will you come to my wedding?”

It scares me to go back. It truly does. But I can’t hide from my past forever. At some point, the universe will lead me back to Callisburg.

“On one condition,” I tell her with a teasing smile, “you also have to be my maid-of-honor.”