Claimed by the Dark Souls of VHA

Chapter Fifteen

AVA

Life likes to f!ck with me. I was adopted by a woman that could give two sh!ts about my wellbeing, suffered for seventeen years of my life, only to come to find out that the woman who has brought music more meaning to my life this year so far, and a daughter who has been the yin to my yang since the day I had arrived here, is actually my mother and sister. What are the odds right?

I swear I am living a life where it wants me to break more and more. I'm not sure I can handle any more surprises. Ha! That's an understatement because the man that wants to call me his own is after me. I'm sure to wake up one day with his hands around my neck, choking the life out of me until I black out and he carries me off to his hide out and I'll be his prisoner for eternity.

I think it is safe to say that maybe I actually don't belong in this world. Everything would possibly be better if I hadn't existed. I try to push the dark ominous thoughts to the side but they won't leave. I instead head for the music room, wondering if Ms. Townsend, my mother, yeah still too early for me to be calling her that, is even there, with Alex right by my side. He is truly living to his word of never letting me go. His breakdown before in the room tore my insides. I have never felt that much emotion from a person in my life. He, along with his brothers, need to realize that I have been alone my whole entire life. Unlike them, I had nobody. Yeah sure I had people to hang out with once I was in school, but they didn't know me. They didn't know the exact strife I was enduring day in and day out. My life has always been a closed book, until they showed up.

Maybe our moment in his room was a way for me to say goodbye. It has become too much when three human beings with souls as dark as the night are so headstrong about their feelings for me, and I can't help but to remain secluded by the barriers I had built to protect the one organ that nobody should have privy to. They had someone to help carry their burden of pain as children. They might not have succumb to the knowledge that they were never alone battling the demons but I was.

Ryder laying his heart out on his sleeve, Christian ever more determined to show me that they are all here for me regardless if I accept them or not, and Alex's beast within him baring his possessiveness of me when he thought I was bailing. I never asked for their undivided attention. I never asked for them to automatically be all in. They can't rope themselves to me. It's impossible. I'm impossible.

I'm damaged.

Broken.

Unable to love or be loved.

Yet, so are they but when push comes to shove, they need to let me be because I cannot give them what they crave, other than s*x. They need more. They deserve more.

This sh!t is going to drive me f!cking insane!

They've wormed their way into my system worse than any kind of d**g.

F!CK!

"Ava, where are you going?" Alex calls out to me while I am still walking, failing to realize that I had passed the music room.

"Sh!t." I mumble, earning a curious stare from him.

"Um, you mind waiting outside for me? Think I need to do this on my own." I can see as hurt flashes across his face. He needs to be there for me, I get it. I need him to stop and fully think things through.

"Uh, yeah. Sure." He moves to the side where there is a bench and sits down, pulling out his phone, scrolling through it. I manage to peel my eyes from him and look at the door in front of me. I take a deep breath in and release it. I open the door to see Ms. Townsend riffling through sheets of music, trying to organize the disfunction on her desk. She looks up and jumps.

"Oh, Ava. You startled me! Oh no, Emma! Is she okay?" Concern mars her face and I nod my head and watch as she visibly relaxes. She loves my sister, that much is known. I stand before a mother that would move Heaven and Earth to protect her daughter and in some ways I envy Emma. If she could be like that to her then what happened with me?

Was I just a mistake?

Was I unworthy of being loved at my time of birth?

"Oh, good. I need to thank you once again for helping my girl. I still can't understand why she was attacked. I know the girls here are righteous and pompous but to go to such extremes to physically harm her is beyond me. Maybe I made a mistake bringing her here. I always seem to make the wrong decisions thinking it would benefit my children." Her eyes widen at the mention of children and she tries to hide the slip up.

"I mean child. Sorry. Anyway, looks like my mouth is running away from me again. Uh, did you need some time alone here? Or do you need me for something?" Her eyes meet mine and it hits me knowing that I always felt a connection to her. It never dawned on me that she could be blood related. Now I know why music means so much to me. It's a trait I had inherited from her.

A manage to smile at her and sit down at the piano and faintly touch the keys. I begin to play, anything really, to get out of my head and to find the courage to find the answers I am looking for. I momentarily stop playing and look at her.

"You said children before. Do you have more than one child?" I am back pressing on the keys, feeling the tension remove from my body into the various notes coming out of my fingers. I raise my head to see the expression on her face and it guts me to see the sadness seeping through.

"You caught that didn't you?" I merely nod and she sighs.

"I've never told this story before, but, I feel like I can trust you with it." She sighs again.

"I was slightly older than you when I had found out that I was pregnant. Pure fear and dread filled my body when I took test after test to confirm what I already knew to be the truth. I never told a soul about it, always able to hide it from my parents by wearing stretch leggings and big hoodies. They were strict and if they found out that I had given my virginity to a person that I didn't love, all hell would break lose. Thankfully, I was away at camp for the summer, and I had met a woman in the nearby town when we all had a free day, who had found out that she was unable to have a child. I knew very well that I couldn't come home with a baby unless I wanted to live on the streets and what kind of life would that be for a baby? I barely could take care of myself let alone a child. The woman and I spoke and I decided that maybe meeting her was a sign from the heavens above that my baby would have a fighting chance. We arranged everything and I signed a closed adoption form. A couple of weeks later, I gave birth to a little girl but asked to not see her and she automatically was given to the lady I gave her too. I had no idea what she looked like and it broke my heart in two, but all I knew was that she was going to be okay." I watch as her eyes become filled with tears and she rushes to grab a tissue to wipe them away.

"The most tragic turn of events was when the doctor was belching out for the nurses to be on the ready for baby number two. I was more in shock then anything when I heard those words come out of his mouth. I had no idea it was two babies I was carrying, probably because I was too afraid to see a doctor and I never had any problems during the pregnancy to warrant a visit to the doctor. They would have just told my parents the truth so I avoided everything. I had given birth to two girls that night and had given one away and I cried my eyes out. I hated myself. I hated what I had done not only to me but to my daughters, to have them grow up not knowing one another. That night I had made the decision that I would not fail my daughter and did everything I could to give her a good life. My parents disowned me but I found ways to have a roof over our head, even if it was at the local women's shelter. I tried and tried and eventually things started to get better." She looks down and plays with the bracelet on her wrist.

"Years went on, Emma's birthdays where I would cry myself to sleep knowing my other little girl was out there somewhere, celebrating a birthday, and I prayed that she was okay, happy, and healthy. Here we are today, Emma nearly on her way to graduating and off to venture out on her own journey. I like to think that I did something right in my life, but it doesn't ever take away from the fact that I could have been a better mother, and person, to my other little girl. Wherever she is, I hope to one day find her and explain everything to her and maybe, just maybe, she could forgive me. Who am I kidding? I haven't even forgiven myself." She blows her nose and her face is beet red. I feel for her, honestly I do. To be placed into such a situation is heartbreaking to say the least.

Hearing how she struggled with one child, but persevered through it to make sure she had everything in the world makes me angry inside for the person who adopted me and did everything in her power to make my life a living hell. I will forever loathe that person. May she rot for all that she has done to me. I slam down on keys, the sound coming out as flat and frightening, making Ms. Townsend jump at it.

"Is everything okay? I know that story was a lot to take in." She eyes me warily and I look at her. I look down at my fingers. I close my eyes, trying so hard not to break into a thousand pieces.

"I prayed every night for you to come and save me." I say quietly but the words float to her and I hear her let out a gasp.

"W...what?" She says almost unable to comprehend the words that had come out of my mouth.

"I cried every night. I hurt every day. I wanted to end my life on numerous occasions, especially when the drugs ran through my system when I was in high school. I had hoped one night that I would overdose and never wake up to the nightmare that I was living." I look at her, feeling the hot tears crawling down my face.

"Ava, what exactly are you telling me?" She inches closer, sitting beside me on the piano bench but I instantly stand to make distance between us.

"I....I can't do this." I open the door and run for my life, all the while Alex is yelling for me to stop.

I don't stop.

I can't stop.

I need out of here.

Out of this life.

I need to be gone and forgotten.

Everything I touch goes to sh!t. Everything in my life manages to pull me down into a never ending abyss. I can't swim to the surface. I try. I try so f!cking hard. I can see the people that want to save me but I don't reach for them. I'd rather drown than be saved.

I run, until the throbbing in my legs makes me slow down. I have no idea where I am but all I know is that I am nowhere near there anymore. I begin to walk slowly and hug myself, freezing. My body feels numb. My chest feels like it is about to cave in. I turn to see a mesmerizing view of the mountains and trees. I walk towards it, contemplating on saying goodbye to this f!cked up world.

I am more broken than I had initially thought.

******************************************************

As I sit and stare out into the night sky, the cold air making me shiver, I go to lie down and curl up in a ball. My phone dings and dings and dings, but I toss it far away from me. Nobody will find me here. Maybe that's a good thing. My teeth chatter and I can feel the life drain out of me little by little.

If I am gone, he can't take me.

If I am gone, they can find someone to love and who will love them better than me.

If I am gone, my mother and my sister can remain a happy family.

If I am gone......my eyes close and I swear I can here voices in the distance calling my name.

"Ava! Ava!!!"

I feel like I should try to rise but my body doesn't move, or doesn't want me to move. I try to speak but nothing comes out. I am the official opposite of Rose from the movie The Titanic. She says that she'll "never let go" and here I am welcoming the chance to let go.

"AVA!!!!"

The screams of my name become louder and louder. I want to scream for them to go away. For them to turn right the f!ck around and forget about me. I don't deserve to be here. They don't need my darkness in their lives. They don't need my f!cked up mind to bury itself in their lives. They don't need to constantly battle me to open my heart up to them. What they need is to find someone else, someone that will make their lives brighter, happier, have more meaning than just anger and bitterness.

Just go away.

My eyes begin to shutter closed.

This is it.

I can feel it.

"F!ck! Ava! She's over here!!" I hear my name escape from Alex's lips but I don't open my eyes.

"Baby, please, please, oh god! Her breathing is labored and her pulse is barely there! Baby! Come on! Wake up! Wake the f!ck up!!" I hear him yelling at me but it is all just a lost cause.

"Her skin is turning blue. We need to get her to the car. We need to wrap her up in a blanket. Let's go!" Screams Ryder. I don't have to be a rocket scientist to figure out that the three dark souls are the one's here to come and save me. Someone must be carrying me because the next thing I know, I can slowly feel something being wrapped around me.

"Keep her covered! I'm going as fast as I can! If I don't want her dying then I have to keep us alive asshole so shut the f!ck up." Yet Christian, the other dominant voice barrels into the conversation.

I allow myself to succumb to the darkness and drift off wherever it is I am going whether it be the dreaming world or death. Either one will suffice at this point.

**************************************************

I wake up, slowly opening my eyes to bits of sunshine peaking through the curtains. My mouth feels like the Sahara Desert and I try to move but I just feel so drained, and held down by a massive weight. When I do manage to move, I see an arm draped over my waist. I look to the side of me and see brown hair covering the face of one of the guys.

Alex.

I want to move the strands of hair away from his face but my other hand is being held by someone else.

Ryder.

My eyes roam around the room, falling onto the final dark soul, slumped in a chair with his face hitting his chest.

Christian.

I try to slither away from their embraces but it only causes them to all jolt out of their sleep in perfect unison.

"Ava, you're awake!" Alex pulls me into him and I automatically love his warmth blanketing my body. Ryder hovers over me, breaking the embrace I am in with Alex and kisses the top of my forehead. Christian eyes everything before him and stalks over to us, casting a sinister glare our way. I gulp down the impending doom he is about to unleash. He hides his feelings and emotions amazingly well. He might seem like he is serene, but he isn't. He is a dark raging storm ready to tear apart anyone that comes in his way. I always thought Ryder, with his f!ck off attitude was the one battling to keep his composure. It was always Christian.

"C...can I h..have s..some w..water?" I choke out and Alex immediately darts off the bed to get me some. Ryder slides himself beside me and wraps his arms around me, his face falling onto my chest, breathing me in.

"Out." Christian says in a low tone when Alex comes back to bring me water. They both eye their brother with angst and uncertainty along with me.

"Are you f!cking serious?" Ryder says, Alex fuming, hand shaking as he passes me the water bottle he had brought me.

"Does it look like I am f!cking joking around? I said get the f!ck out." He asserts himself with his arms crossed against his chest. Ryder and Alex do not move only furthering Christian's anger.

"Let me say this again. Get. The. F!ck. Out. Now." He growls and I move to stand.

They cannot fight because of me.

"I said them not you." He grits out and I narrow my eyes at him, slowly making my way towards him.

"You don't get to call the shots Christian. Those are your brothers. There will be no fighting with them because of me. I'm going to go back...." I say but before I know it, he is forming fists and punching at the wall behind him.

"F!cking fine! You want to know why I wanted them to leave? It's because I didn't want them to see just how much pain I am in because of what you did! You f!cked Alex as a way of saying goodbye, told Ryder that you couldn't see it in yourself to open you heart to us, and nearly f!cking died before I could ever lay my heart out on the line to you! You nearly took that away from me and I f!cking hate you for it! You don't f!cking get to check out of this life without knowing how much I, we, f!cking love you! Till you get it through your thick f!cking skull that I love you, count me out. I can't watch as you drift away and welcome death. My heart cannot handle losing you from this world." He yells, his eyes darkened with tears filling them. I go to touch him but he steps back, not wanting to even feel my touch. He casts one more look at me before he storms out, slamming the door behind him. I stand there feeling my heart cracking. I turn to see the slack jawed expression on Ryder and Alex's faces.

"He's hurt but he'll come around. He wasn't being serious." Alex hesitantly says and I look to Ryder.

"Guess he was always schooling the way he felt about you. That sh!t was intense. Here I thought I was the possessive psychopath." Ryder says with a hint of humor but it doesn't feel remotely right to even laugh after what I put them through.

"He's right." I choke out. They both begin to shake their heads and I hold my hand up.

"I'm no good for any of you. I'm a lost cause. That wasn't the first time I have wanted to end things and it won't be the last. There is something seriously wrong with me and I won't allow myself to bring any of you down with me. It's okay to count yourselves out. It's what I deserve." I make my way to the door but both rush towards it standing before it closed, and barricade me inside the room.

"It's going to take more than that to keep us away." Ryder says and Alex nods in agreement.

"You don't think we felt the same way back then? You don't think life just wanted us to call it quits? We've been there, but we have had each other to pull us off the ledge. We understand that you had nobody but now you do. You feel like going under and never rising, then we are here to bring you back to the surface. Just, let us be there for you. Please Ava." Alex says with pleading hope. I leap into his arms and break down, falling limp in his arms. We slide to the floor and I feel as Ryder hugs me from behind while I take every ounce of my pain and release it through non stop tears, soaking Alex's shirt in the process.

This is what it feels like to be wanted,

needed,

loved.

If that is what they are willing to give me, then I fully intend to embrace it.