How Deep is Your Love?

18 - Natalie

I heard some distant yelling from Brian’s study when I was about to go down. It was Wednesday, past 9 in the morning, and my face creased as to what’s going on. I’m very much sure it’s Tita Lorie.

Could it be Brian and Tita Lorie?

Brian and I have been civil ever since our conversation in the balcony that day. He tried to reach out like normal, send me text messages and acted like the friend that he is for the past weeks that I stayed here. However, it was me who had a change of heart. I was afraid to get hurt deeper and so I’d reply shortly to his messages and dismiss it abruptly. And when he’s home, I’d keep myself busy with my designs in my room and avoid him at all cost. I know we talked about remaining as we are and I really thought I can. But my fragile heart can’t. I would be flying back in LA this Friday and involving myself more to him would hurt me more once I leave.

Another yelling broke me out of my trance and sighed.

But why would Tita Lorie be this angry so early in the morning?

My heart automatically worried for her, her health is unstable and getting angry while yelling like that is not good for her at all. I debated for a while if I’d go there and implicate myself or ignore it and go get the water that I planned to get in the first place. I know that it’s really not good to involve myself but I just can’t help it. Tita Lorie’s blood pressure has been high for the past few days. I also noticed that she’s quite moody lately and so I just tried my best to cheer her up. Something’s been bothering her and I was waiting for her to tell me. Without letting another minute pass, I found myself walking towards the study.

Knocking twice, I opened the door and saw Brian on the couch, his hands on his head like he’s pulling his hair out while looking down. And Tita Lorie was standing across him, her hands on her chest, panting. She really looked so pissed. Both didn’t even notice my presence.

“I know what I’m doing mom.” It’s Brian’s raspy voice.

“Really? Getting drunk every day and you tell me you know what you’re doing?!” Tita Lorie exclaimed. “This is exactly what she does to you. That girl is back again and now you’re like this! Stop ruining your life for her!”

“She has nothing to do with this, mom.” Brian reasoned, but still looking down. “She has nothing to do with all of this, okay?”

“Open your eyes, iho! Look at yourself! Can’t you see how she’s pulling you down?!” She even added and held unto her chest more, then she began to cry.

That’s when cleared my throat and Brian’s gaze automatically met my nervous eyes.

“Sorry for the interruption.” I said softly. Then I immediately walked towards Tita Lorie and gave her a comforting hug. “Please, Tita. It’s not good for you to be upset. You have to calm down, okay? You can talk to Brian once you’re calmer.”

“How can I calm down when I see that my son is drinking everyday just because of that girl again!” Tita Lorie blurted out angrily as she pulled away.

He’s been drinking again?

“Please, Tita. We can talk about this when you’re feeling better okay.” I cooed and embraced her. “Come with me. You have to rest first and calm down.”

Tita Lorie was about to say something again but I interrupted.

“Tita, I will talk to Brian. I will talk to him, okay?” I said and she sighed before nodding. Then she sharply looked at her son.

“Yes, you talk to him and convince him to stop ruining his life.” She blurted out with frustration.

“Let’s go, Tita, I’ll bring you to your room first, okay?” I cooed once more and she nodded as I guided her out of the study to her room.

Trinity came to assist us right away and gave Tita a glass of water before we help her get rested on her bed.

“I don’t know what to do with my son anymore.” She said sadly, wiping her tears away. “I don’t know where did I go wrong in raising him. I just wanted the best for him. Maybe, I did something wrong and it’s my fault that he’s doing this to himself now.”

“Tita, don’t say that.” I said and she sighed.

“That girl Joanna is back again. Terry informed me when I asked if there are any problems in the company because Brian started drinking again.” She then said and smiled sadly. “I just don’t get what he sees in that woman.”

Joanna.

So, it’s her. The reason why he’s been drinking.

“He almost lost himself 4 years ago, Natalie. And I’m afraid that he’ll go through all that again.” Tita Lorie added. “I tried my best to understand him but I can’t stand what he’s doing to himself. That girl doesn’t deserve my son.”

“Tita, calm down.” I cooed and brushed her hand.

“I just can’t help it. I was mad about what he did that night, announcing his engagement to another woman instead of you. And I was also heartbroken when you left, iha. But as his mother, I know I had to support his decision. Then came their supposed wedding and that girl even marched on the aisle, only to run away as soon as she reached the altar.” She said and painfully closed her eyes.

I dumbfounded. This was the first time I heard about it. We stayed in contact for the last 4 years but I avoided any topic regarding Brian as much as possible. And Tita Lorie understood because she knew that I was hurt and was trying to move on. I didn’t know that the way Joanna left Brian was this harsh.

“I thought that things will get better with him soon but it just got worse. Brian started his drinking problems from then onwards. And never did he miss going home drunk. Most of the time he’d come home with bruises on his face because he’d end up fighting at the bars he’s been to. He was just so angry and frustrated all the time.” Tita Lorie continued. I can only imagine the pain she’s going through as a mother seeing her son broke down like that.

I was speechless and didn’t know how to comfort her.

“Maybe I was too hard on him. Maybe I wasn’t a good mom.” She said and wiped her tears. She turned to me and smiled sadly.

“You’re a wonderful mom to Brian and I saw how much you love him.” I replied immediately as I fixed the blanket on her. “He’s maybe…just undergoing rough times but I’m sure he’ll get over it. You raised him well, Tita. And I’m sure he loves you so much too. He’ll get through this.”

Tita Lorie smiled weakly and her hands captured one of mine. “How I really wish he’d loved you more instead.”

“Tita.” I said and she nodded with a knowing look.

“I know. I know. I just wish things were different.” She said and forced a smile. “If only, then I would not worry about anything if ever this will be my last day.”

“Tita, don’t speak like that. You will still live a long long life. You will still see Brian happily married and settled with the right girl, see your future grandchildren. I’m sure they will love you.” I said softly and warmly smiled at her. I can’t imagine this world without Tita Lorie.

The void that was left in me when my mother left this world was filled by her. And I don’t think I can bear the pain of losing a mother twice.

“I hope and pray so.” She smiled sadly.

“Rest now, tita. Don’t worry too much. Everything will be okay.” I said softly.

***

I knocked at the door softly before slowly entering the study. There I saw Brian, still on the same position, sitting on the couch. As I walked towards him, I can really smell the alcohol all over. He must have been drinking a lot.

“Is she okay now?” He asked as soon as I reached him, still looking down.

Sighing, I slowly knelt down to face him. I totally hate myself for being too weak when it comes to him. My brain says I shouldn’t have come here and I shouldn’t be doing this right now but my heart says otherwise. Seeing him this vulnerable hurts me too and I can’t just stand there watching him do this to himself all over again. And I’ve decided that I would still talk to him even if chances are, he won’t listen to me.

“She’s taking a rest now.” I answered, searching for his face, I pulled up his chin so he’s facing me. “Brian, you’re not alright.”

His eyes held mine as those words left my lips. And it’s true, he’s beard have grown too long and the bags underneath his eyes were dark. I wonder if he even had a proper sleep during the past few days. He totally looked miserable.

“When did you last sleep?” I asked worriedly and he looked away.

“As if you really care.” He murmured but I heard it clearly.

“I do care.” I commented and cupped his face, wanting him to look at me. “I do.”

“Then why were you avoiding me?” He suddenly asked upon meeting my gaze. “You said we’ll remain as we are but you just suddenly shut me off and avoided me.”

“There are reasons for everything. And there are things that are better untold, Brian.” I replied and sighed.

“Right.” He said and removed my hands from his face. Then he brushed his hair with his hand and leaned back on the couch.

“Brian, you have to stop doing this to yourself.” I said as I went to seat across him. “This thing that you’re doing, it’s not just you that is affected.”

“I know. Damn it!” He hissed with annoyance and covered his face.

“Then if you know, please don’t do these things anymore. Your mom loves you so much that it hurts her to see you this way.” I said out loud.

“I just want things off my mind.” He reasoned out but his voice was more like trying to convince himself more than me.

“By drinking? Really?” I blurted out. “Drinking moderately can be but this kind of drinking that you’re doing is too much. It will eventually ruin your health. And God knows what other stuff it will do to you.”

He dropped his hands to the side and closed his eyes painfully. Then a pang of pain swirled inside me when I saw a tear drop coming from his closed eyes. His vulnerable side really breaks me. I wanted so bad to reach out and embrace him and wipe his tears away but I just can’t. Then there was a period of silence.

“Promise me, Brian. Promise me that if you have problems, you would try your best to not resort on drinking ever again.” I finally said, breaking the silence.

“And why would I promise you that?” He asked, finally opening his eyes, sitting straight and looking straight back to me.

“Because it’s the only thing that I’ll hold on to after I leave.” I replied, meeting his eyes. “If you promise me then I can leave in peace knowing that you’re going to be okay, and Tita will be okay, Tito Philip will be okay.”

“When are you leaving?” He asked out of blue after sometime, changing the topic.

“Dad rescheduled my flight and set it this Friday.” I replied.

“Friday.” He blurted out and I nodded.

“So please stop being like this okay?” I asked once more and tried to catch his eyes. “Whatever it is you’re going through, I’m sure you will get through it. You’re a strong person. You can do it, Brian. Not by drinking nor fighting nor anything like that. Those things will never help. But I know, you can get through this.”

I offered him a hesitant smile afterwards and made my way to the door, hoping that somehow, he will listen and think of what I said.

I wish you all the best, Brian.

***