Escaping and Finding My Salvation

Changing

Ann Marie

Three days later, Martha told Brody and me to follow her when he came to pick me up for a walk.

“I talked to Dale. He had a few available cabins. I picked the one close to the woodshop so it wouldn’t be too much of a walk for you, Ann Marie, especially as you get farther along.”

She took us to a cabin that was near the garden and the woodshop. It had two rooms plus a living area. One room had a queen-size bed, a dresser, and a chest at the end of the bed. The other room was empty. The living area had an open kitchen with it. It had a couch and a coffee table, plus a kitchen table and a butcher block with an L-shaped counter. There was an oven, a hot plate, and a small fridge.

“To congratulate you on the baby, Carl and Dale got you a generator out back,” Martha said with a grin.

Brody and I looked at each other, and we smiled.

“This is great, Martha, thank you,” I said.

“Yes, Martha, I appreciate it,” Brody said.

We went our separate ways. He went to the men's space, and I went to the women’s to pack our stuff. I didn’t have much. I had a few more clothes than when I first got here, my personal tools, and an extra pair of boots.

The first weeks were good. I cooked when he came home. We made love at night before going to bed. I worked, he worked. Sometimes at night, he would rub my back when it ached. He would hold me, and we would talk about baby names. He wanted a boy.

“But what if we have a girl? Will you be disappointed?”

“No, but it’ll be a boy. I want to name him Caleb. That’s a good, strong name.”

I liked it.

“When will we be getting married. I want to be married before I get too big,” I said.

He said soon, that there wasn’t really any rush. I already had his ring on my finger.

“We can do it after the baby is born. That way you won’t be under too much stress. It isn’t a big deal if we do it after. The baby is mine, you’re mine.”

I wanted to get married before the baby was born, but I just nodded and didn’t push.

A month went by before I broached the subject again. I was a few days from being three months pregnant.

“Soon.” That’s all he said.

“I just want to know when.”

He sighed heavily. “I told you, soon. It’ll happen when I say. Stop asking.”

I did as he asked.

Days went by. New people showed up at the commune. An older couple arrived with their daughter, who looked about my age. She had long red hair and freckles. She stayed close to her mother the first week. Sammy helped them settle into a cabin. She told me the girl’s name was Riley. Sammy said that they were staying through the winter. Riley wasn’t very social. She helped in the garden and the community kitchen.

“They came from a town two hours south of here. Her father lost his job. They heard about the commune from someone on the road. Riley is 21. She just graduated college when her father lost his job,” Mitzy said as she ate with me at the woodshop.

I saw Riley around. I would smile at her. She would not smile at me. It was almost like she was wary of me.

Brody started coming home later, a few weeks after Riley and her family showed up. He said he was working extra shifts to save up money. I wanted to believe him.

One evening, after we ate dinner, I asked if he wanted to go for a walk. He said he was too tired, and he went to bed early. I put my hand on my stomach. It was only slightly rounded. I looked more bloated than anything. But putting my hand on my stomach soothed me.

Mitzy came by the woodshop and sat next to me as I was sanding a table.

“Hey,” I said.

“Hey.”

“You okay?” I asked.

“I have something to tell you, but I don’t know how you will take it.”

I put my sander down and sat.

“Riley’s been asking about Brody. She asked Sammy, who does the night walks. Sammy told her. Then Riley asked if he was seeing anyone. She said he was seeing you. I saw them talking at the gate yesterday. It makes me wonder why she asked Sammy that question. Wouldn’t he have told?”

I didn’t know how to answer. She hugged me and then left.

That night, Brody came home well after his shift. I set a plate of food on the table as he sat down. He started eating without saying anything.

“Mitzy said she saw you talking to the new girl,” I said.

“I talk to a lot of people. It’s my job.”

“The new girl asked Sammy if you were seeing anyone. She told her you were seeing me. Why didn’t you tell her that if you were already talking to her?”

“Ann. She didn’t ask me that question. She was asking about security. She was being nosy, like everyone else in the commune. Drop it.”

He went to the bedroom. I heard our bed creak. The cabin went quiet. I cleaned up his dishes and then sat on the couch. His behavior hurt me. What happened to my sweet fiancé?

The next morning, he left for work without saying anything. I didn’t see him at all in the community kitchen for lunch. I ate with the girls, and we all went for a walk after. I didn’t see him at the gate or on the wall line. I said goodbye to the girls and headed back to the workshop. I ran into Marcus.

“Hey Marcus, have you seen Brody?”

“Yeah, he went to town with some of the new people. He asked to switch with me.”

“Oh, okay, thanks.” He smiled and walked off.

My stomach cramped and I inhaled sharply. I walked to the workshop and sat down. My body was shaking, and I started sweating. Carl found me that way.

“Ann Marie, what’s happened?”

“I think my blood sugar dropped,” I whispered. He got me some juice, and I drank it slowly.

“Better?” he asked. I nodded. It was a lie. I did not feel better. “ Go home. I don’t have anything for you to work on. Rest.”

“Thanks,” I said.

I gave him the glass and left.

Brody came home late. He kissed my cheek and said he had a long day. I didn’t ask about it. I just watched him go into the room. I waited a long time before going to bed. He was already asleep when I lay down. I curled onto my side and put my hand on my stomach. I needed to keep my stress level down. I had a baby to protect. The next morning, I went to work before Brody got up. I didn’t want to talk to him. I was afraid of what he would say. I was afraid of how I would react. My baby needed me to stay calm.

At the end of my shift, I went to the women’s place to eat with the girls.

“You good?” Mitzy asked.

“Yeah,” I said.

“You sure?”

“No,” I whispered. She put her hand over mine. Sammy scooted closer to me and pressed her leg against mine.

The others didn’t know Riley had asked about Brody, and none of them knew he went to town with her and her parents yesterday. I needed to figure out what was going on and if I could live with whatever version I found.