What if?

Chapter 69: Misconception

Nick

“We are here.” The driver said as he broke the silence inside the car. 

I have been wanting to cry and I have been trying to hold my tears too. I hate this kind of feeling. I know that it is my fault because I expected something in return when time comes. How can he have such a rude mouth? He is so careless that he doesn’t know that the people around him are already hurting because of his words?

“He might be smarter than me at school but at least I know how to mind other people’s feelings.” I said to myself.

Michael opened the door of the car and as soon as he did I immediately went out and walked really fast.

“Oh!” Janice said as I got out of the car first. I heard her but I am not in the mood to reply back to her so I continued walking fast. At the same time, I was also looking down while walking because I don’t want others to see my teary eyes. 

I know that anytime soon, these tears that I have been holding for some time will finally drop. I don’t want others to see me in that situation. I am too shy.

I have the thought in my mind that Michael and Janice might be talking about me but I don’t care right now. They are not the ones who will tell other people though.

I opened the front door and saw Maria, Leonora and Theresa on their way to greet me so I did my greetings before they came over to me and greet. 

“Good afternoon, I will be upstairs.” I said as I stopped while continuously looking on the floor and did not wait for them to reply and walked straight upstairs. 

“I just hope that they did not see my eyes.” I said as I continued walking upstairs.

I finally opened the door of our bedroom and I quickly went in and closed the door. I was not able to lock it because my feet are really tired. I don’t have the strength to walk anymore and just want to sit down for quite some time. 

I directly walked and sat down on my chair and cried on my desk. “s**t! Why am I crying?” I said as I questioned myself about my actions. 

The worst thing is I don’t know why the hell I am crying to this extent. “If he doesn’t want me to be his friend, I just let it go and stop like what I do with other people. But why am I even acting this way?” I asked myself another question. 

“He is not even a good person.” I said to myself without making any sound. 

I am talking to myself using my mind only and did not even bother to let out a sound , not even a whisper because I am too shy that other people might hear me.

I am crying in a quiet way. Some people might be crying really loud now if they are feeling what I am feeling but not me. I should not even if I want to since I am not the only person who lives here.

“Nick.” I heard someone call out my name. After hearing that, I tried my best to wipe the tears secretly and cleared my throat a bit and turned to his direction. “This voice is Michael’s.” I said as I finally turned my head. 

“Yes?” I answered as soon as I secretly finished wiping my tears out. 

“s**t!” I heard Michael cussed. I don’t know why but that cuss was soft.

I was surprised by Michael's next actions because he hugged me tightly. This is the first for how many months we have been in the same house. 

“I missed this kind of comfort. No need for words.” I said to myself while I am on his shoulders burying my face on it.   

I thought Michael was mad at me because I was being disrespectful. But it turned out he came here to comfort me. 

He has always been by my side every time I am in this kind of situation. He knows me well when I am happy and sad. 

“Don’t. Please don’t.” Michael said out of the blue while hugging me. He is hugging me so tight that I can feel his warm body on mine. I didn’t know that I would like such warmth coming from him. 

I don’t quite understand the meaning of his words but one thing I know he is doing this because he knows that I am in pain and really sad. 

“He might be the kind of person who teases me around every day, I know deep inside he cares for me a lot.” I said to myself while trying to read Michael’s actions towards me. 

“Sorry. I was being rude a while ago. You must have wanted to be in the foundation a bit longer.” I said to Michael. 

Telling him that he might be mad at me but actually I know well the reason why he is here with me.

“It is not your fault to say what you wanted him to hear, you know?” Michael said as if he is trying to make me feel even better. 

He is agreeing because he cares. I think this is the reason why. 

“It is still. I should know from the start that Jake has a problem communicating with other people. Do you think I am mad at him?” I asked Michael as I pulled myself out of his arms. 

This question. The reason why I wanted to ask this question is because I want to know what they think about my actions a while ago. I want to know if they think that I am mad at Jake and his words.

“What do you mean? I don’t seem to get what you want to say.” Michael replied immediately but he doesn’t seem to understand the question as well as he said.

At this point telling Michael the answer to my question a while ago would be better.

“I am not mad at Jake. I am actually mad at myself because I was so naïve and stupid to think that there will be a where Jake and I become friends like us and John.” I explained to Michael.

I hope he gets it this time. He is not that stupid. He is even way smarter than me so he must really understand what I just said to him.

It is true that I am not mad at Jake because it is his life. If he wants to be friends with other people or not is not my business. Not all of these things are Jake’s fault. They are all mine because I expected a lot. 

“I should have followed the saying that says ‘no expectation, no disappointment’.”  I said to myself trying to reflect. 

“I think he is important to you now.” Michael asked. His question shocked me so I was literally out of words because of that. 

“What do you mean by that?” I asked Michael with a stuttering voice. 

“I know you know what I mean.” Michael said which made my body weak all of a sudden.

“What the hell is he talking about?” I said to myself as I stared at his eyes closely.

After a few seconds, Michael moved back and exhaled a heavy breath. 

His actions even make me waver. 

After doing so, he counted to three. “One, two, three.” 

While Michael was counting to three, he was looking down and directly in my eyes. 

“What the hell is he doing?” I asked myself. “Why am I even worrying a lot? I know that Michael is not going to eat me though.” I continued to talk to myself.

“I am asking if you like him.” I was speechless after hearing Michael’s question. He also said it in a monotone voice. 

He is also freaking serious now. So serious that I can’t even dare to joke around at the moment. 

“s**t! Why is he even asking me this question? Has he lost his mind?” I said to myself trying to look away from his eyes that were staring straight at me. 

I looked down after looking to every side of the room just to ease the seriousness that I am feeling inside this bedroom.

“Why are you not answering?” Michael asked me another question. “I haven’t even answered the first yet he is so excited to ask me another one? Whaa!” I said to myself.

“Why is the topic like this? And are you even serious?” I asked Michael as an answer to his questions a while ago.

“Yes or no. You can answer Nick easily. Why are you trying to block the questions? Even a grade one student can answer my questions easily.” Michael said in a serious voice with no matching expression.

“Now my moment a while ago is done. I cannot take this anymore.” I said to myself and stood on my chair. 

“As of the moment, I have to get out of this room.” I said to myself as I tried to walk away from Michael’s presence.

“Nick.” Michael said as he called out my name softly and grabbed my hand. It was not forced. I couldn’t even feel him pressing his hand on mine. I can only feel the warmth coming from his hand on mine.

“What? Are you really asking me that question? Are you serious or have you just lost your mind out of nowhere? Where is it?” I asked a lot of questions to Michael. 

I am no longer sad and can’t even think about what happened a while ago between me and Jake because of Michael’s doing. 

I don’t know if I should thank him but he is really making me lose my left brain cells. 

“What do you mean? My question was clear, all you have to answer is yes or no.” Michael said to me in a bit loud voice.

He is now making me look at his superiority. 

“What the hell? Let’s not talk about it.” I said and tried to walk again as I planned a while ago.

“So you like him.” Michael said as soon as I stepped my foot.

“What are you saying? Are you stupid?” I asked him again because he is making me lose my mind as of the moment. 

“I am not.” Michael said with his chin up. 

“Exactly! You are not stupid. What makes you think I like Michael? I know that your question of like is something like LIKE LIKE… Well sorry to burst your bubble but I don’t! I just want to become friends with him because I can see myself in him. Other than that I don’t. Where did you hide your brain? You have to bring it back to its place.” I explained as I totally lost my patience with him.

“Does he really think I like him like that?” I asked myself while waiting for his response.

“What did you just say?” Michael said, trying to process his thought. 

“I don’t like him as much as you think of that LIKE. Listen Michael, I am a guy and Jake is too. Have you lost it?” I said to Michael again to make it clear with him. 

What made him think that way? He is overthinking a lot. 

I don’t like this side of Michael. I hate the stupid side of him.

“But…” Michael was trying to say something but I covered his mouth using my hand. 

“ShHhH! Stop it. Case is closed already okay? And don’t tell anyone about what happened here. Erase! Erase! Okay?” I said to Michael as I made him shut his mouth out.