Irrevocably HERS

Chapter Four

I remain stock still as I barricade Amber in the room.

"No." Is all I can say to her wanting to leave.

She is everything I can't have, yet here I am keeping her from leaving me. I should push her out the door and tell her to never approach me again, to learn to stand up to the bully assholes that live here. I should tell her to never look in my direction. To never breathe the same air as me because if she does, and she gets any closer than she already has, not just physically, but emotionally, burying herself inside me, into the depths of my soul, I will ruin her innocence. I will devour every part of her being and not regret a damn thing about doing it. I will relish in the fact that she is mine, and mine alone. I can't, I won't do that to her, so why is it that I won't move to allow her to leave and go back to the room she was assigned?

"What do you mean no?" She says and then sighs.

"For what it's worth, I appreciate what you did for me but you don't need to do this Hunter. I know you don't want to. This is your room and your room alone. I don't want to invade your space. Just let me go. We can forget that any of this happened." She says softly to me, without even looking at me. I know she feels the same pull I feel for her. If she didn't, she would have done more than just punch my arm when she realized where she was. She would have bolted immediately and never looked back. You don't think I know all the rumors floating on about me? I know she has heard stories yet none of them have seemed to make her aware of how dangerous I am.

I was up already. I just left my eyes to remain closed so I didn't have to witness the torment in her beautiful broken ones. I know she was having a nightmare. I was dying to reach inside her mind and erase all the memories of what she was dreaming about, the moment her life forever changed. I heard the whimpers coming out of her mouth. "Daddy? Daddy where are you? Mommy? Why did you leave me?"

"Be gentle with her Hunter. She didn't ask for this life. She was dealt a shitty hand when she was younger. Her parents loved her more than life itself and that was shown when her father pulled her out of the overturned car and held her till his last breathe." Sophie said to me before I bolted out of the house by the time dinner was to be served. I stood there frozen for a minute remembering the words I had said to her outside. I was further breaking her already fractured soul and I wanted to kick myself in the ass. I didn't reply or anything but left without a glance back. I needed to escape. Once I came back scaling the side of the house, I knew that I couldn't allow myself to break her anymore. I needed to let her go. That was until I saw her entering my room. Truth of the matter is, I can't let her go. Her essence seems to fit in my space.

"Your room is here now, with me. I won't tell you again." I say before I step beside her and head over to my bed where I collapse onto it and pretend to want to be alone and go to sleep. I close my eyes and just wait to hear the opening and closing of the door but to my astonishment, it never does as I hear her move to her side and simply lies down. I lie there for what seems like an eternity before I look to where she is and watch as she sleeps, wanting more than anything to protect her at all costs, regardless of whether she is in her dream or out in the living world. I make a solemn oath to watch over her from here on out. Whether she hates me or not, I will be looking out for her.

Days and nights go by through the same routine between the both of us. It's been almost two months of having her this close to me. I continue to wake up to her still there, go to school, come home from school to find her walking in right after me, doing homework, eating, and then heading to bed. We don't usher a word to each other, just find ourselves sneaking quick glances at one another. She is captivated just as much as I am and I have no idea what to do with that information. Do I take a leap of faith and hope to god she feels what I feel for her or do I continue to just tolerate her being in my zone?

She appreciates my need to keep things to myself. She understands that I will not share an ounce of myself with her, besides giving up a piece of my territory in order for her to feel safe. She must know that she is safe no matter where she goes because I continue to watch over her. I follow her at a safe distance and lurk in the shadows to make sure she is okay. It might be unhealthy for me to be doing this since I want nothing to do with her and for her to keep thinking I am nothing more than an asshole, but the possessive side of me wants to shield her from anything that might cause her harm. Especially from the assholes who look down at us foster kids.

Kids at the school think they are far superior to us. They know we all come from the foster home which is just short of a mile away, and think they have a right to make us feel like dirt beneath their shoes. They've tried to have the upper hand with me but it didn't take well when one of them wound up bruised all over his face. I took care of him and figured I will continue to take care of the others I know they pick on. I've seen them attempt to bully Amber. The moment I stepped behind her, they knew to run away. She turned to see me, probably witnessed my eyes black as night and veins protruding from my skull. She didn't flinch or back away. She took it all in and slowly walked past me without a word. I wanted to reach for her hand and squeeze it but that was only done in my mind. I want so bad to touch her. Her lips beckon me to attach them to mine. Her body is more than enticing, but that is more than enough to know why I need to remind myself that I can't. To touch her is to claim her and ruin her by the hands and soul of a lost cause.

It is now December, with the holidays upon us, nobody here, except for the younger kids are even remotely enthused about it. Sophie does as she always does from what the others have discussed, and brings out the tree and busies all the little ones with decorating. The little kids are filled with wonder when they see the beautiful decorations. I watch as they jump up and down with glee when everything is done and it looks like Santa vomited everywhere. It is a true winter wonderland that makes me think about one day being able to do all this for my own kid. Would I even be a good father? Can I live up to the expectation of parenthood when mine was so rudely taken away from me? I cringe at the thought and slam the whole notion back to the recesses of my mind.

"Would you like to help decorate the tree Amber? You are more than welcome to. You are part of our family now." Sophie says to the girl I know is right behind me. I can sense her and it is just another thing that makes me want more. Sophie's hopeful look slowly dies when I am assuming Amber declines. She gives me a small smile before she heads back inside to keep the kids busy. I hear Amber head back towards the room and close the door. I tell myself not to follow, but my feet move on their own accord, obviously thinking differently and before I know it, I am slipping into the room, watching her put her headphones in and blocking everything around her out, like she always does when she wants to be alone. She closes her eyes and rests her head against the wall.

Don't do it Hunter. Don't show you care.

I slowly move towards her and sit beside her, reaching out for one side to place in my ear to finally hear what she is listening to.

Time After Time by Cyndi Lauper plays and the words register as being something that both holds her together and breaks her apart. Her eyes remain closed but I can tell she is trying so hard to keep herself from shattering. I move my hand to cover hers and that's when her eyes shoot open, wide like saucers, aiming her sight at my hand on hers. She quickly pulls away and I immediately miss her warmth.

"Don't Hunter. You are the one person here that doesn't eye me with pity. That doesn't care that I am a broken mess inside and continues to act as if I am not there. I can't take the damn looks from everyone downstairs any more. You are the only one to not do all that and here you are grabbing my hand to squeeze, thinking I need consoling, saving? Why? Why now? Why ruin the nothingness we had between us. I remained here to sate your need to keep me here. I stayed here to keep myself protected from everyone's thoughts about me out there. If you start holding my hand and thinking you know when I need someone to lean on, then I don't know what I'll do if you leave because everyone leaves me. Everyone that I love leaves so just don't start anything. Don't do anything. Don't say anything. Protect yourself from me because once I allow myself to let you in, it'll be damning us both forever." She says with such certainty that my mind short circuits.

These are the exact words that I have been wanting to hear her spit at me. The exact response I have wanted her to have, knowing it is the only viable option for us. The words coming out of her mouth that knows better to let a guy like me in. Words that should tell me to not move forward on these feelings I have simmering within my chest. This is my way out of her orbit because the pull I have towards her is too damn strong. This is what I have wanted this whole time, for her to know I am no good for her and that she doesn't need me. By her saying all that I have wanted to hear, why does it feel like I was sliced from top to bottom with my insides falling straight to the floor?

I rise off the bed and head towards the door and lock it without even second guessing what I am about to do. I know what I am about to do is wrong on so many levels and it will eventually break the both of us, yet I am determined to follow through. I turn around and see that she is now lying down on her bed with both headphones back in her ears thinking I am just going to heed her warning and back down, probably thinking I am running when I am doing the exact opposite. I may have before knowing her, but now, I am more than ready to screw myself over and fall off the cliff, and very well take her with me.

I kick off my shoes and climb her bed to straddle her. Seeing her underneath me runs chills up and down my spine. Even feeling this has the capability of demolishing me ten fold. I know she can feel me over her, yet she refuses to look at me. I pull the headphones out of her ears and move them out of my way. I grip her face with my hands and slowly move towards her, my lips lightly brushing against hers. I lean further to speak softly in her ear and her whole body shivers against me which makes me revel in the feeling of knowing that I am the one to be doing this to her.

"I need to feel something other than hate for the life I was given, and you need to feel something other than pity. One time is all we need to feel something other than pure agony. Let me be your escape as you will be mine." I whisper into her ear before I nibble on her lobe. She gasps as my nose travels down her neck where I latch myself to her pulse point and suck on it. I bite down as she jumps under me. She cries out softly as she grabs onto me but I latch onto her arms and raise them above her head.

"Hunter. Please. Don't stop." She says with bated breath. My eyes seer into hers and it is everything within them that allows me to continue my assault on her innocence, her purity. She smells like vanilla yet tastes like my new favorite flavor, forbidden. What happens after kissing her till her lips are swollen is every guys dream. The slow realization that she has the body of a goddess after stripping her of her shirt, bra, pants and panties. The sounds she makes when I dive in with my tongue lapping at her core, swirling my tongue around her lips, lathering up her essence dripping out of her and taking exactly what I want and need. I claim her as my own, slowly entering her heat after she has come undone on my tongue, seemingly to be her first time when I hit that spot where we both tense and I stop, allowing her to take me all in without any pain. I watch her every move, the way her eyes take me in. No hint of pain can be seen, just lust for me, for what I can offer us both. Once is all we need. Yeah right. What a crock of s**t that is that I am telling myself. Once will never be enough. She is an addiction.

"Are you okay?" I say before I make any more movements until she is ready for me to pull out and back in again.

"Yes. Keep going. I need you. I need you so damn much." She says before I devour everything about her until she is a quivering mess beneath me. We both fall into oblivion together and I know I am a goner. She is my first and I will make damn sure she is my last because I know without a doubt that there will never be anyone to ever compare to her. Her body was made for me. Someone in this world was made for me and only me and that is one scary feeling to have. I should be nothing. Considered nothing. Knowing she is the other half of my soul is terrifying.

Lying in the bed with our naked bodies entwined feels more foreign to me than the actual feeling of having emotions running rampant throughout my body right now. Having one taste of her has just ruined me. To think I was ruining her is the understatement of the century. That job was successfully completed and has gone to kick me in the ass because once will never be enough. I need her more than I need air to breathe, food to eat, water to drink. I'd be a fool to ever let her go, but I never said I wasn't the ultimate moron of the century.