Irrevocably HERS

Chapter Fourteen

Amber

I lie in one of the guest beds that I was offered once we got to Reeve's parents house, closing myself in with the blanket in order to keep me grounded. Hiding for the rest of the days we spent there was for the best. I didn't want anyone to ask me' "How are you feeling?", "Are you okay?" or "What happened?". Lastly, most importantly, I didn't want to even be eyed with a hint of pity or sympathy. I am once again back to the days where instead of everyone around me seeing a person, I am but a broken doll that they need to be wary of because I am just that fragile. Does it look like I have a FRAGILE sign on my head?

I hate this feeling.

I hate what people see.

I just hate it all.

Guess I am at the angry stage now. I've been through the hurt stage, the denial stage, the self wallowing stage, the depressed stage, and now, I feel as if I can watch the world burn to ash and be okay with it. Okay, maybe anger isn't the word for this stage. Maybe psycho rising stage is more accurate. I can give a damn about that asshole and how all the time he manages to snake his way back into my heart that I surely barricaded with what I thought was barbed wire but here we are I suppose. Stupid traitorous heart of mine. Stupid traitorous lady parts. I hate her too. She got me into this mess again. You think I could swap hearts and lady parts with someone else?

Classes resume the day after tomorrow so today we finally head back to campus. I am grateful to have had the chance to come back and celebrate the holidays with Reeve, Chrissy and his family but if I could erase it all from my memory, I think I just might. It was also nice getting to know Tyler's fiancé, Tina. She's about ready to pop now. She is the nicest girl and I am going to definitely keep in touch with her.

Having seen Hunter once again made everything I had managed to accomplish and come to terms with wash away within an instant. Hearing how he could possibly be getting married from Mrs. Mills, then winding up on his garage steps only to be brought inside his dwelling was something I hadn't expected to happen. One minute I was running, the next minute I was in front of his garage. What are the odds right? Having him bring me upstairs, making sure I was warm since I had been freezing, our conversation soaring to extreme heights where once again having my heart and body at war with one another only to have my barricades dropped the moment he boxed me in, everything between us felt like it was finally coming full circle. I know I was stupid to think that maybe, just maybe, there was a smidge of truth in his speech. I thought I could see the sincerity in his eyes but it was all just a game, another ploy to get me to forget how bad he hurt me.

We tore away at each other both verbally and then sexually. His body, since the last time I saw him, has been sculpted into one of a Greek God, and it was amazing to have him roam my body. He has always known how to caress me, make me soar to new heights, lap at all the desire coursing through me. The guy knows my body by heart yet he doesn't give a s**t about my actual heart. The only thing good that came out of our embrace was the fact that he made me shatter harder than ever before. He has gone and ruined me for all other men now.

The fog of his essence was what had me not thinking straight, nor clearly, but before I could berate myself for being such an i***t, he was there scooping me into his arms and settling me on the couch only to make me feel secured, loved, safe even. I woke up the next morning feeling refreshed, cleansed, even though I had put myself out there again for him, it only led to my downfall once I seen her. I wasn't set on leaving him alone but I was hungry and needed coffee ASAP, but I didn't have the heart to wake him since he looked so peaceful. At that point, I was starting to feel happy. I was starting to consider his words from the previous night.

How wrong was I.

"Who the f**k are you?" The girl says with such anger in her eyes as I descend the stairs from his office.

"I'm..." I begin to respond but she holds her hand up to silence me.

"What you are is his past. Hope you got what you needed because that is the last time I will ever see you near my fiancé. I am his future. Actually, we, are his future. Get the f**k out of my town and never come back." She says while rubbing her stomach and it takes me a moment to realize exactly what she is saying.

"Cat got your tongue b***h? As you can see, Hunter has everything he'll ever need from me. You are the disposable one here. Now, f**k off." She seethes and I just feel my heart cracking in every direction. If it were glass, it would have been shattered all over the floor beneath my feet, making her smile with glee. I cast one last look at the office above and side step Hunter's fiancée and future mother of his child, and leave.

Tears spring in my eyes and I try so hard not to let them escape but I fail miserably. By the time I return to Reeve's house, my eyes are bloodshot, my face red as an apple, my nose leaking snot which I am not proud of, and my heart gone from my chest. The moment Reeve and Chrissy see me, they knew the inevitable had happened and led me back to my room, watching over me like a hawk, making sure I ate and drank, which I had done neither of, just wanting to fall into the dark never ending abyss.

Knock, knock.

"Come in." I say, feeling refreshed after taking a shower and dressing in jeans and t-shirt. I am folding my clothes, stuffing them into the duffel I had brought so I would be ready to escape this place for the remainder of my life. Chrissy comes in, eyeing me with caution but I shake my head for her to stop.

"I'll be fine Chrissy." I say to which she opens her mouth to say something but I give her a look that says not a word. Reeve stalks in behind her, looks to Chrissy, then to me, and already knows not to broach the subject.

"You girls ready? Want to hit the road before traffic." He says and I zip up my duffel and sling it over my shoulder. We say our goodbyes and I thank Mrs. Mills for being the ever loving host even though I was a total basket case for pretty much the remainder of our stay, yet she doesn't judge me one bit. She has come to care for both Chrissy and I like we are her daughters and pledges to be there for me whenever needed. I give her the tightest hug knowing every word she has said is the truth and finally put Pike County behind me once and for all.

I slept through the whole journey, and once we were back in NY and on the NYU campus, I felt a huge ton of relief. I will never set foot in that town again. Reeve is more than able to handle holidays without me needing to be there. He has Chrissy. I am more than capable of making a date with my television.

The first couple of weeks back roll along as usual, classes getting the better of me with all the work being given but I don't allow myself to falter. My goal is to graduate. My anxiety might be through the roof but I dive right into studying in my dorm or at the library. It is Friday night, yet again, and I haven't really done anything lately but be the robot I have become since returning. I wake up, shower, eat, head to class, do my work, study, come home, eat, study some more and sleep.

Wash rinse repeat.

The slogan that is now my life.

"Come on. We are going out tonight." Chrissy says breaking me from my studying.

"Chrissy." I say trying to make her see reason but she isn't falling for it. Not this time.

"You have been doing nothing but being the picture perfect student, basically one upping me when it comes to being the studious crazy person on campus, but, I need you to get out. I need my Amber back. The one that lives life and not dwells in the past. The past doesn't shape who you are meant to be Amber. Let the past go. You need to let it go. I am extremely worried about you." She says coming to sit on my bed, her eyes showing me that all they hold is worry, for me.

"I told you I am fine Chrissy. I am not dwelling on the past but looking to the future. Once we graduate, I need to make sure I find a job, an apartment, everything." I say because I know for certain she will be moving on with her life with Reeve which I am so happy about. She deserves all the happiness she can get.

"For the millionth time, stop acting as if I am going to leave you high and dry. Remember the pact we made? Wherever you go, I go and vice versa. No man, girl, woman, left behind. Reeve already knows the deal and if he thinks he can persuade me to think otherwise, then he better sleep with one eye open every night. You are my sister and my sister will be coming with me." She says and I can't help but tear.

"I can't be with you forever Chrissy. You are going to eventually get married, have children, need more space for the big family I know Reeve wants." I say and she just dismisses all I said with a shake of her hand.

"I am not leaving you. If by any reason you come across an apartment for yourself and can manage then fine whatever, but if you don't, just know that we are here for you. Always." She says and I pull her into a hug. She pulls away and wipes underneath her eyes and glares at me.

"If you made me mess up my makeup then we are going to have a problem." She says and we both start hysterically laughing. She jumps off my bed and makes her way to my closet to seek out an outfit for me to squeeze into. She throws a black dress that doesn't leave much to the imagination, a pair of knee high boots, and a leather jacket at me and pins me with a glare that reads dress up and show the f*****g world just how f*****g hot you are. I immediately do and by the time I am done, Chrissy is whistling at me.

"Well s**t Amber. I'd definitely do you." She looks at her phone and smiles.

"Reeve is outside. Let's go." She says and I take one last look in the mirror and brace myself. I do look hot, but, there is one downside. I am extremely hungry and feel highly emotional. Must be that time of the month approaching. Yuck.

Reeve orders an Uber that drops us off at a local up and coming club, Club Sinful. The name does its justice when we walk in, Reeve knowing the bouncer who allowed us to skip the around the block line, and the way it is designed has my jaw dropping. The music blasts around us, the ambiance mesmerizing, as we are led up to the VIP section. There is a bottle waiting for us on the table but I decline it because, well, I'm too damn hungry to drink. I just take a seat and soak in my surroundings. The music playing makes me sway back and forth and for what has been the longest time, I feel, free. It is like coming here has washed away every negative feeling within me and has made me breath in clean oxygen. It is weird, I know, but it feels so good.

Chrissy and I head back down to dance and let loose. We dance for what feels like forever while I can feel eyes on us. From one direction is Reeve who is making damn sure nobody confronts Chrissy, and from the other is a guy who looks way too familiar. I narrow my eyes, practically squinting to see who exactly he is when he stalks towards me. He is dressed to the nines and looks very appealing. Tall, hair slicked back, chiseled jaw on a considerably handsome face. Let me see. He is a cross between Eric from True Blood and Jax from Sons of Anarchy. He might not wreak bad boy but his demeanor shouts it out to the world. I know I have seen him before, just where is mind boggling to me. He stands in front of me and gives me an all out shiny white smile that is soft and endearing.

"Amber, right?" He says against my ear, having snaked one arm around my waist pulling me to him, beginning to sway with the beat of the music.

"And you would be?" I say as I continue to dance while staring into his eyes.

"Mason. The only reason why I know who you are is because we had American Literature together last year." He says and that's when it hits me.

"Mason Grey! I knew you looked familiar." I say as he smiles yet again.

"I'm flattered you recognized me or even remembered my name. I never imagined I would see you here of all places. I've only ever seen you in the library." He says and I laugh.

"Courtesy of my friend over there getting hot and heavy with what I want to say is her boyfriend but I don't even know what they are labeling themselves as nowadays. They're both stubborn as hell." I admit to which he laughs a deep laugh.

"I can tell. He hasn't stopped watching her since the moment you guys walked in. Sorry, but when I see someone as beautiful as you, I tend to just watch. I have tried so many times to attempt to talk to you during the years we have been going to NYU, but my nerves always got the better of me. At least tonight I can blame the liquid courage." He says with a shrug. I can see the hesitancy in his eyes and I get where he is coming from.

"Want to get out of here?" He says and I raise an eyebrow. Already trying to lock me down huh? He seems to have realized how or what he said and becomes nervous. I inwardly laugh at his cuteness.

"No, no. Not like that. I mean to go out for maybe a bite to eat? I'm not into this scene too much as of right now, especially now that I have had the chance to actually speak to you and not just in my head." He says and I laugh.

"Sounds good because I am actually starving to death. Let me just tell Chrissy and Reeve." I say and pull him with me to get to them.

"Hey guys, I'm going to head out with Mason. You two okay if I go?" I say and they both stiffen with wary looks being sent towards the guy behind me.

"You guys are more than welcome to join us. More the merrier." Mason says and I offer a small smile at his gesture towards my friends.

"Sounds good to me." Chrissy says and Reeve nods his acceptance.

We all walk out of the club and make our way to the closest diner there is and plop down into a booth, all ordering burgers fries and shakes galore. We talk like we have all been friends for years and by the time we get the check, we are all full and extremely tired. It is Mason who orders an Uber to drive us back to campus with Reeve and Mason continuing their discussion about sports while Chrissy and I walk behind them.

"He seems like a good egg Amber." Chrissy says low and I just eye Mason from behind. Good egg with a nice ass. Jesus, down girl.

"He is." I say the moment we stop at our building, both being given kisses on the cheek by our suitors.

"Goodnight ladies. It was a pleasure." Masons says as he comes to stand closer to me.

"Here. Call anytime. I really had a good time with you tonight." He says sliding a piece of paper into my hand. Reeve and Chrissy decide now is the best time to make out like horny rambunctious teenagers and Mason and I just cough when we get to the point where we feel utterly uncomfortable. They finally split apart and Chrissy and I make our way inside and into our dorm.

"You going to call him?" She says once we are in our pj's, hunkering down in our beds for the night.

"I don't know but, maybe I should." I say to which she just smiles and wishes me a good night. I find myself smiling too and finally drown into a deep, peaceful sleep.

Within the matter of a few more weeks, I have solidified a bond with Mason. His cheery disposition has me smiling more and more lately. He'll stop by some mornings with coffees for all of us and then escort me to class. He'll pack lunches for us when he knows our schedules sync up and we wind up eating together outside on the roof. So far I have learned just about everything there is to know about Mason Grey, but I can't help but be excited to find out more.

He comes from a line of surgeons on his father's side and of course, he is down the path of becoming another world renowned surgeon. His mother is a philanthropist and goes about her days at fundraisers to help the veterans, sick, or low income families of our nation. Right now, Mason is currently shadowing at the NYU Langone hospital site near campus. It doesn't matter how exhausted or drained he might look or be, yet still manages to get up and bring me coffee or breakfast or even dinner after a long shift. He makes it his mission to find out how my day has been and how I am feeling or what I am doing. I can be doing the most boring thing in the world and he is totally enthralled. We text, talk, hang out almost all the time.

Being around him makes me feel all these feelings I thought I'd never share with another man other than him. No point in saying or using his name anymore because our relationship is so far in the past now. He is settling down, having a child, most likely getting married and what would be even more pathetic than a girl pining over a married man? My heart may have broken but little by little, I think Mason is almost done repairing it. He is a patient man who isn't looking to declare me his trophy girlfriend or wife and content on us being us. He loves literature, classic literature to be exact and that is why we shared American Lit together.

He loves action movies while I love horror and rom coms, yet he doesn't chastise me about any movie I choose. He is always kind, considerate and has definitely won over both Chrissy and Reeve. Reeve and Mason have even created a fantasy baseball league and when it comes time to getting ready for game time, they are both extremely game oriented, neither of them ready to declare defeat or back down. Chrissy and I just sit and watch, eating popcorn while they act like deranged cave men.

It is very amusing and highly entertaining. No matter how deep they are into their game, Mason always manages to look my way and give me a warm smile to let him know that he is there for me also. I always return it with a flutter in my chest. Have we gotten intimate? No, never, well, not yet. We haven't even kissed but I have been dying to, to be honest. I told him what had happened with him, my dismal past with my parents and how they died, where I wound up because of it, and everything I had said he took with thoughtful consideration and never once gave me the pitying look. He simply took my hand in his and brought it up to his lips to leave a gentle kiss. He eyed me with such enamor that I literally got lost in his gaze. It was at that point my heart instantly melted.

"You are such a brave, beautiful, awe inspiring girl Amber. What you have battled, braved through, weathered, I don't know how you did it but you did. You survived everything that had been thrown your way and you rose above it all. I admire you. You have captivated me. Mind, body, and soul." He says imitating Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice and my mind simply blows. Pride & Prejudice is one of my favorite books.

"I will not pressure you into anything Amber but just know that I am here, and I won't be leaving. I'll wait for however long you need to heal from your previous love. He may always have a place in your heart, and I will never shame you for it or even replace it, but hopefully one day, I can have a place in here as well." He says, pointing to my heart, and I just lean my head against his shoulder and cradle myself closer to his body. He embraces me and grabs the remote and searches for a movie to put on.

We both must've fallen asleep because when I awaken, I feel his arms wrapped around me, securing me to him, making sure to never lose his grip on my body. I manage to wiggle out of his embrace, becoming slightly nauseous and needing to use the bathroom all at once. I rush into the bathroom and once I hit the toilet bowl, I start gagging up bile. It's a disgusting way to wake up in the morning and I cringe. Once I feel better, I rise and brush my teeth and rinse my mouth out with Listerine. I look at my reflection and seem to look pale.

Great. Just what I need. To be sick.

I fix my hair and adjust myself and head back out to find Mason still sleeping. He looks so damn peaceful. I make my way to the small Keurig I have and pop in a pod. Chrissy's bed is empty so I am assuming she spent the night with Reeve again. A knock on my door gains my attention and I think to myself maybe Chrissy forgot her key. I go to open it only to come to find him standing outside of it. It takes me a minute to formulate words and when I do, all out annoyance has filled my voice.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I spit before shoving him out of the door.

"God I f*****g missed you." He says before wrapping his arms around me. His touch makes me queasy and I fight the bile rising up my throat again. I don't return the gesture to which he drops his arms and looks at me questioningly.

"Still doesn't answer my question Hunter. What the hell are you doing here? How the hell did you know where I was? I can't do this now Hunter. You need to go." I say with a bit more annoyance and his face falls.

"I came for you Amber. I mean, I'm not going to whisk you away from here but I wanted to come and tell you, more like explain, everything that has happened. It was all a mistake. A giant f****d up mistake. I want you back. I want us to start over." He says and I just cross my arms against my chest and raise an eyebrow.

"Look, Hunter, whatever you think I am going to say or do to what it is that you want to say, save it. Why you are here and not with your fiancée is beyond me. What we had? It's over. I am not chasing after a married father. Please. You don't belong here. Go home and don't come back." I say and he just shakes his head.

"I'm not leaving without telling you everything. I need you to hear the truth Amber. I need you in my life because without you in it for these past long ass weeks, I felt like I was going to die." He says with such conviction.

"Wow you must be delusional. Hunter. You are about to have a baby with a girl you moved on with. Why the hell are you here? Are you trying to rub it in my face?! Are you trying to hurt me more when I had just healed again from your s**t?! Go away Hunter! Just go!" I yell at this point, balling my fists in anger. My chest is rising rapidly and I feel lightheaded, like I could faint at any moment. The hall is becoming thinner but I refuse to be drowned any longer by this man.

"Is everything okay out here?" Mason says with the door to my dorm open, his look of concern evident.

"Who the f**k is this and why is he in your room?" Hunter shouts and I try to step in between them seeing Mason step closer and stand taller. I try my hardest to keep them apart but everything feels like it is closing in on me and before I can say or do anything, I feel myself dropping, however, strong arms grip me tightly before I can c***k my head like an egg on the floor, and my vision goes black.