Irrevocably HERS

Chapter Sixteen

Amber

Do I like the situation I am in right now? Not particularly. The fog I was in when I was with Hunter last, caused this. I knew I should have never let my guard down. I should have kept my barriers up and reminded myself that Hunter should remain in my past. Unfortunately, my lady parts and body didn't get the memo and here we are. Knocked up with a soon to be married man's baby, who, let's not forget, has another baby on the way. I watch as he gently sits next to me, as if I were some damn baby deer ready to scurry away. Don't get me wrong, I wish I were able to run away from him. I don't need this added stress in my life. I don't want to be someone's mistake and I sure as s**t don't want to be the other woman. Hasn't life thrown me enough curve balls?

"I may as well just rip the band aid off and not linger on about why I am actually here." Hunter says while trying to get me to look him in the face but my eyes won't allow me to. I am perfectly fine looking at my fingers.

"Amber, please, just look at me. I need you to look at me." He says in a pleading tone and I reluctantly do as he asks. One look at him has my heart fluttering. Why can't my damn organs listen to my mind?

"Thank you." He says and I just give him a slight nod. He rakes his fingers through his hair and looks as nervous as ever. That doesn't sit well with me at all.

"Whatever you have to tell me just tell me so we can be done with this whole thing." I say becoming slightly, more like increasingly agitated.

"The reason why I am here is because I want you back. I know I have a lot to make up for and I promise to do just that. I don't deserve your forgiveness nor should I expect it willingly or immediately. I've put you through utter s**t. I am a damn fool for letting you go. My life had no meaning to it these past many weeks and all because of that damn psycho you met the morning after our reunion. She ruined the beginning of us and I hate it. " He says and I raise an eyebrow. He takes a deep breath in and slowly exhales. I'm all wound up.

"Vicky's baby isn't my baby Amber. She played me as a fool and broke us apart only to try and have me fall for her vicious plan of me becoming the dutiful husband and father to her baby since the actual father doesn't want anything to do with her." He says and I swear I believe I have stopped breathing. I shuffle out of the bed and begin to pace around. I can feel my blood pressure going through the roof. I need to calm myself down. Stress isn't good for me let alone the baby growing inside of me.

"Whoa, hey, calm down." Hunter says as he stands and immediately pulls me into his chest. Not going to lie, but his scent calms me almost instantly. He grips me as if I were to disappear and I do the same thing as well, yet every time, he does disappear from my life. Who's to say he won't disappear again? I can't risk my heart again. I just can't. I pull away abruptly and sit down at my desk, needing a lot of space from him.

"So you're not going to be a father? Not going to be marrying that god awful woman? I mean, not like it's any of my business in the first place." I say to which he drops to his knees in front of me, taking my hands in his.

"I'm not going to lie to you Amber. I was going to be the good guy and help her even if the chance of that baby being mine was slim to none. I wouldn't allow myself to abandon my child, but, it wouldn't have led me down the road to marrying her. I told her I'd support her, that I would take responsibility and care for the child but I would never marry her. How could I ever marry a woman who did not captivate my very existence? I'd never be able to live with myself knowing that I am in a marriage solely for the purpose of my child. That child would be surrounded by parents who were lying to one another and I would never put a child through that. That's even worse than abandoning a child." He says while still gripping my hands tightly.

"Amber, this baby, our baby, it's a sign that we are inevitable. I'd be your devoted loving husband. I'd continuously be the father of the year to this child. It has me and it has you and that's all I have ever wanted for us. To be a family." He says. I shimmy my hands out of his hands and move them to rake through his hair that has drooped down to his face. I move it back to see his eyes and of course they are as mesmerizing as ever. The only thing worse than knowing he is all in for an us, is the fact that I am no longer in that space. I would have been when we had initially found our way back to each other but now? Everything has changed.

"I know you will be a great father. You'd give this child everything they could ever want. Teach them everything from riding a bike to fixing a car engine. You have the capability of being everything your parents should have been with you. I would never deny you a relationship with your child, you know that. However, with that being said, the relationship you desire would only be between you and this baby. I wouldn't factor myself into that equation any more." I say to which he stills. He rises up, looking at me as if I had lost my damn mind. Maybe I have but I choose to protect myself from him this time around, regardless if I am carrying his child or not.

"Why wouldn't you factor yourself into the equation Amber?" He says in a pained tone and I rise out of the chair to stand before him. I need to be brave. I need to put me and the baby before the feelings that come when I am near him.

"Did you really think I would hold out for a chance at love and a happily ever after with you, knowing that you were or had possibly created a family of your own? Did you think I would be that despicable to allow myself to continue to love you and have my heart suffer over and over again knowing that the one person who I loved more than anything was going to give that love to another woman and child? Come on now Hunter. Be reasonable. You had me. You chose to let me go. You could have very well come down here from the start and told me all that. I would have listened. I would have eventually accepted the fact that you weren't truly mine any more and I would have shared you because that baby is you. I would never have you choose between me and your child. You didn't though. You chose to stay and be a doting father and husband to a woman that you had no love for, while I was here broken hearted and shattered beyond repair." I say as he just takes a step back, looking like I had just slapped him in the face with my comment, but, it is my truth to him.

"This is because of him isn't it?" He says while clenching and unclenching his hands. Of course he has to assume everything I am saying is because of Mason. Can he never take any responsibility for his own damn actions? I haven't done anything wrong befriending someone who pulled me about of darkness and despair.

"Do you love him Amber?" He asks and the question surprises me because I have never ever considered the L word with Mason. I take it my silence makes him panic. His eyes turn black as night and his face contorts into anger.

"Do you love him Amber?" He seethes and I just look at him with a forlorn face. I won't lie to him and I won't diminish the bond I have with Mason. I may love him but I am not in love with him if that it was he is thinking.

"He makes me feel things Hunter. I won't lie. He's given me a chance to find myself, laugh once again, live for myself without always being sad and depressed over someone who was potentially a taken man. I don't know but he's been there while you've been, well, you know, being the good guy and helping a pregnant woman with a baby that turns out isn't yours." I say to which he dismisses me. He begins to shake his head.

"I told you that night that Vicky meant nothing to me. She was just there. Just as a person to be with when I felt lonely. I never allowed her to have my heart. I never even considered it to be an option with her or any other girl. You have always held it Amber." He spits looking two seconds from completely detonating. I slowly walk towards him but he just shakes his head and steps to the side of me, not even wanting to look at me.

"Did you f**k him?" He grits out and by way of his jaw clenching, I know he hates even having to ask the question or wonder the possible answer. He has no right to even ask me it because he didn't seem to become celibate the past four years. I haven't been intimate with anybody. How is it that a girl can refrain from being intimate but when a guy loses his love, he immediately smashes anything with a pulse? It's bullshit plain and simple.

"No. I've never gotten physical with him." I say truthfully. The look he casts my way shows that he doesn't believe me.

"What was he doing in this room when I came yesterday morning then? Don't act as if you were braiding each others hair and having a friendly sleepover." He spits.

"We had spent the afternoon together and started a movie but we must have passed out. Like I said, he has been a friend to me but lately, he has been seeping through my barricades that have kept my heart protected. I've told him about my heartbreak. I've confessed more to him than to anyone before, and it felt good to talk to someone besides Reeve and Chrissy. They have enough going on between each other and I wasn't going to dump my problems continuously onto them. I needed someone else to be in my corner Hunter. Mason is someone very near and dear to me and I will not apologize for it." I say and that comment doesn't go over well seeing Hunters jaw clench again.

"Even me? So you mean to tell me that Mason is the one you run to when you are hurt, upset, or even when you have had the greatest day and you want to share it with someone, and he is the first one that pops up in your mind?" He says and I just shrug his question off because he doesn't get to stand here accusing me of slowly giving myself the opportunity to let someone else in. He wasn't here. He wasn't around. He had more pressing matters than wondering how I was doing. I can feel anger blooming within me. No. He doesn't get to make me feel like s**t for letting someone else in.

"What the hell do you want me to say Hunter? You." I point at him.

"You are the one that was moving on and I won't dare hold that against you because I wasn't there. I wasn't expecting you to hold out for our love. There is a stark difference between imagining you with someone else and seeing it with my own two eyes. When I came back, it was like a kick to the stomach knowing that you were in a relationship, possible marriage, and on top of that possible baby daddy. It literally tore me in two. I came back here a shell of the person I used to be and I had to keep myself afloat because I no longer wanted to drown in the pain. Meeting Mason allowed me to heal myself and I'll be damned before you belittle my friendship with someone that cares for me. Yes. I care deeply about Mason and if you want this co parenting thing to work then you will need to come to terms with that." I say with a harshness in my tone.

"I will not come to terms with that because you are supposed to be mine." He roars back.

"Don't act like an Alpha cave man Hunter. You lost the reason to call me yours years ago when you managed to break my heart the very first time." I yell back.

"So you expect me to just accept the fact that you might have moved on and what? Raise this baby with you while watching you move on with him? No. You can't expect me to accept that. It is you and me Amber. You, me, and our child. No other man will ever factor into our family. No other man will be able to love you because your heart will always be mine." He says and I just want to teleport myself away from him.

"No. It's just me for now. Contribute to our child however you want but I am not about to worry about my relationship with you or Mason or anyone for that matter. This is about me and my child and what is best for my child and for myself is to figure out what I am going to be doing, where I am going to be living, how I will be making a living once I graduate." I say with finality.

"I graduate in a few months. I need to get my head in the game and make sure that I have everything I need before this baby comes. You want to be father of the year? Great. You want to co parent? Fine by me. What I choose to do beyond that is no longer your concern. Do you understand?" I say, making my way over to my bed to fix it, needing to do something with my hands instead of wanting to throttle him because of his stubbornness.

"I'll agree with whatever you want to happen once graduation comes but when it comes to us, we aren't even remotely done. You will see that it is supposed to be me and you. I know I f****d up. I know how I f****d up our future but I am back to fix it. I won't allow you to push me away. We are tethered to one another whether you like it or not." He says and I just bite my tongue because I don't have the energy to keep fighting. He holds out a bag for me which I slowly take and open, to find prenatal gummy vitamins, bath bombs, and eucalyptus candles.

"Just promise me you'll take the vitamin once a day. I know you won't take the actual pill version. I will never make that mistake again." He says before turning around and reaching for the door handle.

"I'll be back to check up on you." He says before leaving my room as I gently release the breath I was holding. I place the bag down on my nightstand and crawl into bed just needing to close my eyes for a few. I feel exhausted once again. Sleep kicks in almost instantly until I soon wake up to the aroma of food wafting in the air. I open my eyes to see Chrissy carefully dispensing the food onto her desk.

"The smell of food beckons me." I say, stretching, feeling and also hearing my stomach rumbling at the same time. Chrissy turns around and smiles from ear to ear.

"There's the mommy to be. Okay, so, I ordered a little bit of everything from the diner a few blocks away. We got cheeseburgers with french fries, chicken sticks, the soup of the day, and last but not least, soft baked cookies and milkshakes galore." She says gleefully and my jaw must hang wide open because she starts laughing hysterically. I actually leap out of bed to collect the food and begin to stuff my mouth. I moan in utter contentment.

"Damn girl. You must have been hungry. Wait. No. My little niece or nephew must have been hungry." She says as she eyes my barely even there stomach. It is still so weird to think there is an actual living being inside of me.

"You can say that again. Thought I'd sleep for a couple of minutes but, damn, I've been sleeping for hours." I say looking at the clock.

"Take it things went chaotic with Hunter. Do I need to remove him from your life, permanently?" She says and I almost choke on my food with the way she said it.

"Permanently? What are you, the mafia?" I say while chewing and she simply shrugs with a wink. Chrissy is beyond crazy if you ask me.

"You know. The usual. Came to tell me everything he has always told me since we first got together. We are inevitable. He loves me. He knows how much he f****d up. Blah blah blah. At this point, he is a broken record. I love him but sometimes, love isn't enough ya know?" I say, taking a sip of my milkshake, feeling like I have died and gone to heaven from food bliss.

"Look. You do you girl and tell anyone who doesn't agree with you to f**k off. This is about what is good for you and your baby. We don't need to incorporate feelings into this. He wants you back, he has to prove himself worthy. You want Mason then cheers to you. I am with you one hundred percent no matter what you decide. Hunter is a good guy but has always managed to lose his way and run when s**t gets tough. Mason is a good guy who shows you just how much you mean to him in the simplest of gestures. Just some advice though. I'd give Mason a spin just to see if their are even any fireworks between you two." She says and I throw a fry at her for being so forward.

"I can't even begin to tell you how wrong that is right about now. I am not going to be that kind of girl." I say to which she shrugs.

"Just saying. Not like you could get any more pregnant." She says nonchalantly and I just shake my head at her antics and laugh.

Laughing.

Ten million times better than crying.

You know, I think everything will be okay.