The Second Hand Luna

8.Budding

IRIS

I found Ronan in the kitchen, pulling a tray of something from the oven. The smell of roasted vegetables hit my nose and made my stomach growl before I could stop it. He glanced up before he looked away quickly, busying himself with the tray. I felt another wave of calming pheromones wash over me.

He was nervous too, I realized and was using the pheromones to calm us both. Normally, that was the omega's work, to calm her alpha, but our situation was far from normal.

"The table is set," he said, gesturing vaguely. "Have a seat. I'll bring this over."

I hovered awkwardly, watching him move around the kitchen. He was careful not to come too close as he passed, giving me a wide berth even in the relatively small room. He set the table and I sat in the chair across from his, maintaining maximum distance. He brought over the tray and served me from across the table, reaching carefully to place food on my plate without letting his arm cross into my space.

"This is..." I searched for the right word. "A lot. The breakfast… the flowers, the letters. Now lunch. I don't know how to…" I felt like so much was happening and I was falling behind with processing it.

"You don't have to do anything." He said, settling into his chair. "Eat. Or don't. I would prefer you ate though. Talk or not, I don’t mind. There's no agenda, Iris. Just food."

I stared at him. "Why are you doing all this?"

He picked up his fork. "I don't want to make this harder than it already is. You're here because your body won't let you leave, not because you chose to be. The least I can do is not make it worse."

The consideration was so unexpected that I didn't know what to do with it. "Thank you," I managed. "For... understanding. And not…"

"Taking advantage?" He cut in his voice dry, but not angry. "I'm an Alpha, Iris, not a monster. There's a difference."

We then ate in silence for a few minutes. It was not tense but not comfortable either. I racked my brain for a common interest that we probably shared but found none. The only thing we had in common was Elara.

"So," he said eventually, setting down his fork, "tell me about your music."

I blinked. "What?"

"Your songs. What do you write about?"

From his question I could tell he had never listened to any of my songs. I did not know whether to feel relieved or disappointed but I filed the feeling away.

"Feelings, mostly." I shrugged. "Things I can't say out loud. I put them in songs so they have somewhere to go."

"That sounds lonely."

I looked up, startled by the comment. "What?"

"Feelings going into songs instead of... I don't know. Into people." He held my gaze briefly, then looked away. "That sounds lonely."

No one had ever said that to me.

"It's safer," I heard myself say. "Songs don't abandon you, judge you or charge you. Cheap therapy if you ask me." I laughed hoping he would catch the joke but he did not even smile. He just kept looking at his plate.

"You're doing it again," I said softly.

"What?"

"Releasing pheromones. To keep me calm."

He had the grace to look slightly embarrassed. "Sorry. It's... instinct. When you're upset, I want to fix it. That's the closest I can get without touching you."

"It's not…" I paused, searching for the right words. "It's not unwelcome. Just new to me."

He nodded, accepting the observation. "I'll try to rein it in. Let me know if it's too much."

"It's not." I replied, the admission surprising even me. "It's actually... nice. Knowing you're trying, even with our situation at the moment," I replied.

We sat with that for a moment, but those pheromones were probably laced with a truth serum.

"I used to write about you," I heard myself say. The words hung in the air between us and I couldn't believe I had said them.

Ronan on the other hand went very still. "What?"

"Poems. Stupid teenage poems." I stared at my plate, face burning. "Elara found my diary once. She knew about the crush. She wrote about it in the letters."

My confession was met with complete silence and I risked a glance up.

Ronan was looking at me with an expression I couldn't read. He was surprised but there was something else underneath. Something that made my heart flutter. He was looking at me like he was seeing me for the first time.

"I didn't know," he said quietly. "I swear to you, Iris, I had no idea."

"I know. That was kind of the point." I laughed, but it came out hollow. "The invisible twin pining for the Alpha. Very original, very tragic, some good material though."

"Don't." His voice was firm but gentle. "Don't make it small. You felt something. That matters."

"Did it? You were mated to my sister. You were happy. My feelings were just... something in the background."

"They weren't insignificant." He said leaning forward slightly, then he caught himself and leaned back.

"They were real. And I'm sorry I was too blind to see you. You deserved to be seen, Iris. By all of us."

My response was at the tip of my tongue but I held myself back from asking the one question.

Had he known about my feelings then, what would have exactly changed?

I did not ask though, because I knew the answer and it would only hurt me if he confirmed it.

.

.

.

We cleared the dishes together, he washed, I dried, passing plates back and forth with exaggerated care to avoid brushing fingers. Afterwards, he asked if I wanted to see the gardens. I said yes before I could talk myself out of it. I was beginning to enjoy his company but if anyone asked me, I would blame the pheromones.

The gardens were behind the house, extending toward the tree line. There were rows of vegetables, patches of herbs and so many flowers.

"Elara's," Ronan said, gesturing at the flower beds. "She started most of these."

I stopped at a patch of sunflowers, "She always loved these. She always said if she got reincarnated as a flower, then it would definitely be this." I said recalling the memory from our childhood.

"She was the sun of the pack. Bright and warm." He said his voice soft and sad. "Different from you, though. You're..." He trailed off, seeming to catch himself.

"I'm what?" I prompted, curious despite myself.

"Practical." He said, almost smiling. "She was a dreamer but you, you would build that dream into reality."

"How do you know that?" I asked. "We both know you don’t know much about me."

"I'm learning." He shrugged, a little sheepish. "Watching actually. You organized my spice rack this morning. By category and frequency of use. Elara would have just... enjoyed that there were spices."

I felt my face heat. "That's…you noticed that?"

"I'm an Alpha. I notice everything." He paused, his grey eyes holding mine for just a moment before looking away.

The words landed somewhere deep in my chest and I tried to hide my giddy smile. He had barely complimented me and I was already reverting to my teenage love sick days. We walked in silence after that, down the garden paths to a small bench overlooking the valley. He gestured for me to sit first, then settled at the opposite end, maintaining a careful distance between us.

The view was stunning. The pack territory stretched as far as I could see.

"It's beautiful," I admitted.

"It is." He replied, but he wasn't looking at the view.

I pretended not to notice. But my wolf noticed. My wolf noticed everything.

I could feel it inside me. Something was changing. This was why I wanted to run the very first day because unlike Ronan, I had everything to lose. I was completely defenseless against him. I felt scared.

"I don't know how to do this," I confessed. “I have spent the last six years building a life where I didn't need anyone. Where I felt in control of my life. And now—"

"Now you're stuck with me." He cut me off with a ghost of a smile. "For five more days, at least."

"Five," I confirmed. "I slept through one."

"Five days is plenty of time." He replied.

"Time for what?"

He held my gaze and for a moment I forgot why I was supposed to be resisting this.

"Time for walks," he said finally. "And conversations. And maybe, if we're lucky, we'll figure out the rest as we go."

Ronan was not going to push. He was waiting and letting me come to him on my own terms. And it was the most disarming thing he could have done.

We sat on that bench for a long time, most of the time in silence, but something had shifted.

When it was almost nighttime, we walked back to the house while trading stories. He heated some of the stocked meals in his fridge while we still talked.

By the time we were finishing dinner, I had learned that he hated mornings. He couldn’t cook and the pack kitchen delivered most of his meals. He once had a pet rabbit and after they died he never took another pet.

He had also learned that I wrote my best songs at 2 in the morning, I had a sweet tooth, and had a secret weakness for terrible reality TV.

Don't, I kept telling myself throughout our conversations. Every time he laughed or smiled my way.

Don't fall for this. Don't fall for him. Not again.

But my heart wasn't listening. And neither, apparently, was my wolf.

As we washed the last plate, readying ourselves to call it a night, Ronan turned to me.

"Thank you," he said quietly. "For today. For staying. For... giving me a chance."

"I didn't…." I started to deflect, then stopped.

I took a breath. "You're welcome."

His smile was small but did it make me feel warm inside.

"Same time tomorrow?" he asked, making sure to meet my eyes.

I should have said no. Should have put up my walls, remembered that I needed to protect myself. Instead, I heard myself say, "Same time tomorrow."

My wolf howled with joy and my heart did a little dance. And somewhere, in the back of my mind, Elara's voice whispered from her letter. If there is another chance for you, take it.

As I walked to my room, I felt another wave of calming pheromones. I didn't turn around. But I smiled.

And then I reached my room, closed the door, and the guilt hit the minute I saw my phone lighting up on my bed.

What was I doing?

Leo was out there trusting me. Loving me. Believing I was finding inspiration, counting the days until I came home. He had no idea I had spent an entire afternoon laughing with another man and he had not crossed my mind not even once.

I was a terrible person. I was a liar and a cheat and everything I had sworn I would never be. My phone was in my hand before I could think about it.

I typed quickly, before I could stop myself.

Hey. I miss you. This place is beautiful but it's not home. You are my home. Thinking of you.

Three dots appeared almost immediately.

Miss you too, babe. Can't wait to have you back. Love you.

Love you, I typed back.

I set the phone down and stared at the ceiling, my wolf confused and unhappy in my chest. Why sad? Mate is good. Mate is..

He is not my mate, I told her fiercely. Leo is my... Leo is...

I couldn't even finish the sentence. And for the first time in years, I cried myself to sleep that night.