The Pixie's Warrior Wolf (Completed)

Confronting Pain

Getting home and finding her mom was waiting, Katherine awkwardly walked into the cottage and blushed as her mom guessed, “Henry doing swell?” Nodding, Katherine was encouraged to sit on the couch with her and as their hands naturally fell into a cradle, her mother whispered happily, “I’m happy you’ve found your mate darling. Excited for you. It’s a beautiful time for a young woman to be starting her family.”

Only Eloise wasn’t giving excited. Crying as she rubbed her face, Katherine whispered, “Oh mom,” Eloise sighed out shakily, “You know I wanted a child, a daughter, so badly? I prayed for one, and what did I do when I was blessed with the sweet, amazing, strong woman in front of me?”

Katherine breathed out and gave her the credit, “Your best mom. You did your best.” Eloise looked at the participation trophy with disgust, ‘I shouldn’t have thrown in the towel the older you got. I…I got shy having to defend things that I should have loudly said was of no concern of anyone else.”

Grinning, Katheirne teased, “It’s very cute mama is still a young lady at heart.” Pinching her cheek, Eloise chirped, “Don’t tease.”

Making Katherine giggle as her mom looked at her and sighed shaking her head guilty, “In our time the most scandalous thing you heard about happened in the older generation. Them cheating was catching their partners daydreaming about their ex-flings. In our day, we were steady. We stayed as children, we graduated, came of age, and mated. Humping like bunnies came later.”

Spluttering on a laugh, Katherine blushed as did Eloise who shrugged, “It’s true! And it’s not to say I didn’t understand the concept of a mate came later or never understood why someone would choose a mate, but this younger generation has baffled me.”

Eloise had seen the shorter shorts, the tighter clothes, and the way some of the American tourist girls behaved, and Eloise hadn’t been ready. Especially for the situation with Tommy and Josie.

“You were my daughter; I should have defended you. I’m sorry that I didn’t.”

Nodding, Katherine whispered, “I forgive you. I shouldn’t have been blowing up and then running whenever you asked.” Eloise knew it had made it look one way, but she reiterated, “Right, well I shouldn’t have been asking you when I knew how you felt about the matter and hadn’t even thought about Tommy after your daddy told you not to be around him. It was unfair how we and everyone made it seem when it wasn’t the case.”

Katherine looked at her mom and then down, “So you’re not going to ask then?” Eloise looked at her confused until she asked, “If my stances changed in the time when I was gone? If I saved myself for my mate like I was supposed to?”

Eloise shushed her gently stroking her hair, “Well for starters, there’s no supposed to darling. And the only reason why I encouraged you to was because…to be frank? I knew from experience as a young girl having s*x for the first time how seamless it came being with your mate. I was with the man I loved and knew he valued and had no one that compared or had him in the ways I would.”

Patting her daughter’s cheeks, Eloise looked at her lovingly, “Your first time with your mate is a special experience. It’s an experience that leaves an impression no other love making could. You’re free from embarrassment and doubt of worrying about others. Comparing yourself to a stranger. Seeing yourself in your mate’s eye when they’re at the height of pleasure should be only seen by the person who’s actually going to nurture it.”

Katherine was surprised when Eloise broke down, “Virginity, the concept of innocence when given to your mate, has long been misconstrued. Innocent heart, innocent love, innocent intentions? Those are all equally important and don’t fall flat compared to what’s in between your legs Katherine. And it’s not all I believe you are worthy of giving your mate. And I if ever made you feel that was what I was saying? I am so genuinely sorry.”

Swallowing hard, Katherine whispered, “Just…from how you acted, I thought you hated me because you thought I had-.” Eloise looked at her child seriously, “I would not have judged you for falling in love or for making a decision in a moment of passion and being swept up in it, Katherine. I never did. I was stupidly conflicted in loyalty on how to defend something, that I felt if I was in Josie Carlin’s shoes? I would have felt the same because one thing that is so icky about being mated is the unending barrel of jealousy. And then I was just lost, especially when you left.”

But never did Eloise think awful things about her daughter. “I wasn’t running around screaming, “ah, my awful harlot daughter, how dare you shame us you scandalous coquette.” Or at least I don’t remember that.” No, but she had something else that stuck with Katherine. And if there was any time to talk about it? It was now.

“In one of our last fights, you told me I should keep my night activities private and my business discreet. Were you talking about me playing volleyball mama?” Of course not, but as Eloise remembered the fight she admitted, “I was hitting below the belt but only because you were defying me, and I knew you were doing it on purpose. Rebelling. And while fair, at the time it wasn’t needed and with the rumors and stares, I was just uncomfortable and upset so I lashed out at you.”

Looking at her daughter now, Eloise felt embarrassed confessing, “I saw you sneak out and followed you to Serpent’s Pass. I saw you go into Hade’s Den and while I should have been your mother that night and dragged you out of there, I just turned and left. I was so…angry you were in a place like that. I couldn’t understand why you would be. The little girl I had raised hadn’t seemed the type.”

Only for rumors and half lies to come like raindrops in a storm, and Eloise to feel caught in the middle of it with nothing shielding her face. Blinding by the pelting water, she’d stupidly hit like lightning and struck the wrong person.

“I was scared and angry about the decisions you were making, and I didn’t handle the talk in figuring out why you were making them, right. I was too focused on trying to get you out of the rebellious faze, I didn’t even bother to ask you why you were in it.”

Katherine tugging on her hair was surprised when her mom stopped her gently, “So no, I’m not going to ask that.” Katherine met her eyes and was surprised when the aqua marine eyes turned away from hers, “I know you might not trust me to tell me those details of your life. I understand if you hold things close as you learn to trust me again. I can wait.”

Katherine couldn’t though. And if her mother wouldn’t judge her? She’d be honest.

“I wasn’t sneaking out to meet boys…wait scratch that. I was. I just don’t count Nostradamus and Dorian in the way anyone would think I’d sneak out to meet them.” Nostradamus was an odd one. “When I first met him, I didn’t pity him for being odd. In fact, I liked he was, he was different. I just, hated seeing him so uncomfortable about it. Everyone avoiding him and staring at him like he was this weird thing. I hated it because they were nice to me, but in realizing they only were because I was being this sugary perky version of myself, I just…hated it.”

Hated herself.

For being fake like them, being fake to herself. “I would rant to him for hours and hours about people, how I hated being around them. How I didn’t like any of them.” And after she’d talked his ear numb with the same s**t, he’d finally asked, “Why don’t you stop hanging around them? It’s not like anyone but yourself makes you.”

Realizing that night he’d been right, Katherine had been embarrassed.

Embarrassed because he was right, she was being just as fake as them, and was thinking she had to hang out with people because she’d grown up together, she’d been deep in thought. For a long time.

“I didn’t want to be fake to people. So, in dropping this facade of always being perfect and okay, I was able to see who wasn’t.” Seeing Nostradamus not as her therapist to b***h to but her friend, topic of conversation became deeper. Less shallow and not just focused on her.

Thinking of how she’d been lucky to get to know Nostradamus before anyone else had, she thought of her other friend, “I wasn’t sneaking out to hook up with Dorian either.” For obvious reasons other than the fact that their relationship was never on that level.

It never could have been.

“He’s always been like family to me. But during that time, he was the only one still there. He didn’t care about rumors or if people would think we were together or having s*x just because we were laughing together.” Instead he’d glare, growl, and be ready to damn near fight out of irritation they were being disrespectful to his friend.

“I went to Hade’s Den to get him sometimes after he’d get…low.” His dad, pressures from the pack, desires he didn’t know what do with…they all weighed on the beta more than anyone knew. And he’d found dangerous coping mechanisms.

“I was worried about him. I didn’t want him to lose his title if I told Elijah, or worse his dad.” Knowing Phoenix Gray was not a forgiving or understanding man, and she kind of had more than a few words with him in the past? Katherine had long stopped seeing him as a father to her friend.

“I was keeping him out of Hade’s Den by the time I left. And I really hope…he hasn’t been back since.” Not after the last time. Chills on her arms just remembering it, Katherine looked at her mom who smiled at her lovingly, “Of course you were being a good friend. That’s the young woman you were. A loving one. Who wanted to keep people she loved safe. Even if it was outside of her comfort zone.”

Blushing since Hade’s Den was completely out of her comfort zone, she looked at her mom. “I spent the rest of the summer and most of August with them hiding in the woods. Listening to them, being listened to, and yet I still felt…young. Like I didn’t know anything about real life. Outside of thinking about what everyone else thought of me, I didn’t know who I was still and with everyone trying to make up a story about the party between my legs, it got so scary not to know who that person was.”

In the mirror, laughing with Dorian, or even just sitting alone with her own thoughts. Still wondering if they were someone else’s, her parents, or her own, Katherine had felt she’d been going crazy. Until she couldn’t take it.