Irrevocably HERS

Chapter Seven

Amber

Moving my stuff back to my old room, which was conveniently still available, was something I didn't want to do, but, more like had to do. If I allowed myself to stay there, knowing he wasn't going to ever be 100% committed to wanting to try and be with me, constantly having to wonder if he regrets our time together since he was so willing and able to push me away, why should I allow myself to further go down his rabbit hole?

I love him. I have fallen in love with the moody asshole and I may be young and stupid for it but you cannot deny what your heart is screaming to your mind. I know this with undeniable certainty but I won't allow myself to sit there and act like everything is normal when it isn't. Sure we may have had s*x to end the tension building around us but from what I can gather, that's all it was. Just s*x. Just a way to fill ourselves of the void within us. Hunter needs to understand that he has no right to decide who I do and do not deserve. The only person that can decide that is me, and me alone. I get he is this proud wall of not wanting his emotions to be seen but it doesn't mean he can use me and then discard me because the other available fish in the sea might make me happier. I mean, come on, what kind of an excuse is that? If he felt anything remotely compared to what I feel for him, then that excuse is beyond pathetic. He has the capability of making me happier, making himself happier, yet, he chooses to make both of us suffer. I'm done suffering. I want to somehow live. I want the happily ever after. I want the joy. I want light instead of dark.

I remember the distinct warning I gave to him about people snaking their way through to my heart only to leave me crashing down to Earth when they felt it was better to leave me high and dry because they felt undeserving. I've been through enough with growing up wanting a hopeful future, wanting a life filled with happiness much like my parents, and within the blink of an eye, it was all taken away from me. The only time I have loved as fiercely as I do now is when my parents were alive. The minute they were taken away is the moment I locked my heart away, never wanting to feel again. I was better off allowing myself not to feel because now that that emotion is back, it's like my chest is caving in. Like I said, I am stupid.

Telling Hunter to find himself before he finds someone else to love him burnt like acid all over my tongue, and the mere mention of someone else loving him made me want to projectile vomit. He acted as if he hadn't broken my heart last night just popping up at my door, thinking our problem was instantly fixed. He broke me. He broke us. I know it was only just one week where we fell into each others arms, but it was more like since the first day I came to live here, or if I am going to be a romcom sap of a person, it was like he was made for me. He captivated my every thought even though he acted like he didn't know I existed. He saved me from the bullies, grabbed my stuff that he didn't even know meant the world to me that day, and brought me to safety in his own hiding space.

He was always there, lurking in the shadows even when he thought I didn't notice. I always know when he is around. The small hairs behind my neck stand immediately when he is in proximity to me. I know he loves me. I know he does because I found the pictures he carefully put back together like brand new when he left me a blubbering mess. He knew how precious those few papers were to me and how much I held them dear to my heart and memory and he pieced together each page which must have taken him hours if not days to do. He did all that for me yet decided for the both of us that I was better off without him. If that doesn't prove his love for me then I don't know what will, but he is too damn stubborn to allow himself a semblance of happiness. I don't know anymore. He himself has to accept it because I already have and if that's all I get to walk away with, then I will hold it near and dear to my heart. Why the need to push me away I will never know but it is up to him to find his way back. To me. His home, because he is sure as hell mine. Even if he never comes to his senses, he will always be my home, regardless if I have moved on or not.

Days trudge on as usual. Days turns into nights which turn into weeks. School, home, shower, sleep. All on constant Groundhog Day routine. Since moving back in to my old room, I've come to befriend my new roommate, Chrissy, short for Christina. She's my age and surprisingly in some of my classes. I wouldn't have ever gotten to know her if I hadn't found my way to him. She's been through more s**t than anything. Parents both alcoholics that decided booze was more important that caring for a child. She, like the rest of us, has been shipped from foster home to foster home. She doesn't know stability or what it is like to have a real family. The moment we met, it was an automatic click for us. I don't just have Reeve to hang out with anymore at school, even though he is great. Now I have both of them. Don't even get me started on the fact that one look at Chrissy had Reeve captivated instantly. He's a bigger dumbass than Hunter when it comes to stepping up. He's more of the immature, make her jealous, kind of dumbass.

"You do know he is lurking in the shadows on the side of the school." Chrissy says as I take a bite out of my peanut butter and jelly sandwich, not even wanting to turn around and check out my stalker. He can stand there watching like a creep for as long as he wants. I really should have gotten a chocolate milk because the peanut butter is sticking to the top of my mouth. I finally reluctantly look the way she is referring to and see the hulking shadow just looming there. If he is trying to be incognito, he is failing miserably because I see the cloud of smoke in front of him. Sadly enough, even though he is always around, I haven't noticed him at the house. Not even at dinner time. I don't know whether he is there or if he left. All I know is that his room is always closed.

"He can lurk and creep around as much as he likes. I will not run into his arms. He did this. Not me. He chose to push me aside for my own benefit. Blah blah blah. I swear do I have a sign pasted to my forehead that says you don't deserve me?" I say to which Chrissy's eyes widen and then become two balls of pity aimed at me, and damnit, I really need a drink.

"Chocolate milk for Ms. Amber." Reeve says placing a Yoo-Hoo juice box down in front of me. I smile brightly and pull him into a hug once he sits down next to me.

"You are a life saver and also a mind reader. How'd you know I needed a chocolate milk?" I ask before spearing the top with a straw and chugging like my life depended on it.

"Friends know what friends like to eat, drink, watch, you know. Aren't we the braid our hair kind of friends? I mean we can always go ahead and name our group." He says while shrugging like it doesn't matter, thinking he is the greatest comedian in the world. We all start cracking up hysterically.

"You, Amber, are my friend, just like Chrissy is. I just want to see you both happy and if I can make you two just a smidge bit happier, I am more than delighted to." He says and Chrissy and I both swoon over his statement.

"Now what's my favorite drink and color Mr. Keen Observer?" Chrissy asks and I snort, like truly snort. I cover my mouth and we all c***k up hysterically once again.

"Hmm. You like any type of Gatorade except for the sugar free versions and your favorite color is sapphire because it is the color of your birthstone." Reeve answers matter of factly and Chrissy's jaw falls to the ground. I reach out and lift it back up for her to close and she just eyes Reeve with a whole crap load of want. Just great. I will be becoming the third wheel eventually, but I don't mind. She deserves happiness.

The bell rings and I gather up my garbage and head to the trash bin to throw it away, turning around to only be dragged behind a tree, knowing just who has me pinned to him. I can feel his chest rising and falling. I can smell his damn cologne and it begins to drive me crazy. Proximity is not ideal for me right now, especially at school.

"You really need to stay away from Reeve. Knowing he is getter closer to you is making the cave man in me want to bash him in the skull and watch the light go out in his eyes." Hunter grits out, his breath hitting my neck and making me shiver. Of course my body reacts to his closeness and my chest is now rising and falling rapidly too. He looks down to see the ample cleavage staring back at him and I listen as he groans. Does the indication from down below poking my ass tempt me? Unfortunately, it does.

"Everything okay over here?" Reeve says to the side of us as I manage to release myself from the Hunter grip I was clearly encapsulated within. Hunter growls, like rabid dog growls at Reeve for interrupting us. Even though I managed to shimmy out of his embrace and walk to stand beside Reeve, I can still feel his touch linger on my skin. I deck the burning feeling deep down and come to stand in front of Reeve now to keep him safe from Hunter's wrath, because the look in his eyes is deadly.

"You protecting Reeve from me baby?" Hunter says so low that it creates a flood of tingles to swarm throughout my body but I don't let it show. However, Reeve decides to take the opportunity to wrap his arm around my waist and pull me closer to him. Do I feel a slight bulge? Oh boy, I do. No, no, no. You and Chrissy asshole. You and Chrissy. Hopefully my eyes didn't widen with that knowledge. Hunter must see that they have and his nostrils flare while his hands clench together. I pull away from Reeve quickly.

"Hunter. Stop. From what I have heard, you don't even go here any more. You are considered a graduate to this school which by the way, I congratulate you. I, however, need to continue going here so I can get one of those pieces of paper too and then move on with my life. If you don't mind, please go home, if you even call home your home any more. I haven't seen you at all in quite a long time and you can't just come over and stake a claim on someone that isn't yours. Come on Reeve, let's go." I take Reeve by the hand and begin to walk away with him only to have Hunter slap our hands apart.

"Really bro? Do we have a problem here because from what I can gather from Ambers statement that she just said, is that she doesn't want you here. Go back to the hole you crawled out of and leave her alone. If you wanted her you would have been a man and begged her for a second chance yet here you are being a total stalker creep. Amber has a right to have friends. She has a right to be happy. She has a right to move on." Reeve says with such determination that I am left speechless. Reeve is a really good guy and would make any girl happy. He knows how to hold his own when protecting the people he cares about most. I want that at some point in my life, but not while I am trying to pick the pieces of my broken heart up now.

"So you want what is mine, is that what you are trying to say Reeve? Don't think for a second that I will ever allow you to touch what is mine or even think about touching my what is mine. I might not go here any more but do not think I am not always watching. I messed up. I messed up badly but remember that she will never choose you. She has me." Hunter says without taking a breath and now I am speechless with his tirade. I really need to escape the male species. It just gives me way too many headaches. Where the hell did Chrissy go?

"You had me." I state with sorrow in my tone. I watch as he cringes from that comment but I have no time to care about his feelings. I sigh and continue on needing away from him as soon as possible.

"As captivating as this all is, I'm going. Neither one of you follow me." I say before storming off back towards the school and running to my class that I am very late for. Once there, I pull the teacher aside and tell her that I had a time of the month accident and thankfully it is only gym class so she allows me to sit down and relax for the remainder of the period. Chrissy slides up to where I am and I scowl at her.

"What? It was looking too intense between you, the bad boy and the teenage heartthrob. My romance self couldn't take it. I can only handle my k****e books. Not real life. I was about to fan myself." She says with such drama that I push her and we start to laugh.

"Get your head out of your ass already and make a move on Reeve." I say and she just sighs.

"I'm afraid he'll reject me. I don't want to feel vulnerable." She says and I just nod my head and squeeze her hand. I'm here for whatever she chooses to do or not to do.

By the time school ends, Chrissy and I are exhausted. Teachers are demanding more and more of us before graduating. I don't think my mind can handle too many more details involving anything other than moving my legs and arms.

"What do you want to do tonight? It is a Friday night and we are nearly eighteen. Can I suggest that we do something rebellious for once in our lives and go to the party down at the lake?" Chrissy says and I raise an eyebrow at her because she is usually miss goodie two shoes.

"Who are you and what have you done to my innocent Chrissy?" I say and she just shrugs like what she said was nothing shocking.

"We are weeks away from graduating, couple of weeks away from our birthdays where we will be turning eighteen and officially nobody's burden any more. I just feel that everything has gone way too fast, so I am scared that if I don't embrace the fun now, I might never because who knows where we will be come after graduation? Will we still be together or will we drift apart and never see each other again? You're my best friend Amber. I'm scared that this is it for me. Nobody has ever given me the time of day before you. I don't trust easily but somehow I knew I could trust you." Chrissy says and I leap out of my chair to hug her. She is such a good friend, best friend, sister, and I would never leave her alone.

"You and me are friends till the end. No. Scratch that. Sisters to the end. You are my family and I am never going to leave you behind. Wherever I go, you will be coming with me or vice versa. So what if we are soon aging out? We will finally be free to be whoever the hell we want to be. If we want to manage a global woman's empire then we will and we will have each other. No matter what happens, we are each others person. Yeah, I am going all Grey's Anatomy on you. You Chrissy are the Christina to my Meredith, you are my person. You have been there since Hunter left me. You allowed me to cry on your shoulder, never judging me for being a total dumbass. Repeat after me. Always and forever." I say to which she smiles and sniffles.

"Always and forever." She says softly and I grip her tightly in another rib breaking hug.

"Now, let's call Reeve and make this a night we will never forget shall we?" I say to which she squeals and runs to the house phone and punches in his number that she memorized as soon as it was given to us. She is severely hooked.

"You girls having a good time?" Reeve yells over the music blasting and we just give him a thumbs up. He passes us another round of drinks and we slowly drink them since it is what, umm, our third, maybe fourth? Can't even keep track any more. Chrissy is busy dancing her heart away beside me while I just sit back and relax watching the sun set above the lake.

"Want to dance?" Reeve asks whispering in my ear and I want to say yes, but then again, I know my friend is crushing, hard. He's got to stop using me as a pawn to make her jealous. Doesn't he get it by now? He's got her. Hook, line, and sinker.

"How about you go ask Chrissy and stop using me a jealousy bait. It would make her night Reeve. Don't even deny that you have some sort of feelings towards her. I know I have been the only way to get her attention. Don't worry, it's okay. I'm not mad. I can appreciate the effort it takes to want someone to notice you." I whisper back into his ear and from someone else's perspective, Chrissy's even, it probably looks like we are in a deep conversation of nothing but flirting. I watch as Chrissy spots us and her whole face falls. She walks towards us looking down before I pinch Reeve on the thigh to which he gets the point to make a damn move already.

"Care to dance Chrissy?" He asks and I swear her whole face lights up like a child on Christmas morning. About damn time dumbass, I think to myself. I swear she may have even shrieked. I laugh and wave them off while I continue to enjoy the sunset, sipping my drink, feeling a slight buzz coming on. I need to let loose and stop overthinking everything that has happened.

"Good thing you sent him away because I was two seconds away from enacting his demise." A low growly voice says beside me. I don't even have to turn to him to confirm it is Hunter. My neck hairs continuously stand up because of him always being around. Needing to feel something other than foolish, I chug my drink and rise to get myself another one. I brush past the enormous amounts of people in order to get to my destination.

"What will you have sweet thing?" A douchy looking guy by the keg asks and I just aim my cup right at him and watch as he dispenses the beer from straight out of it. Can never be too careful nowadays. He hands me back a filled cup and I give him a flirty smile and wink at him, licking my lips.

"What's your name beautiful?" He asks, completely ignoring his guy friends now, thinking he can score a chance with me but before I say anything, I am thrown behind Hunter's massive form.

"She's with me, so, if you value your life, I would look for some other girl to attract your attention." Hunter spits with such venom that it literally gets on my nerves how he can claim me now, but when I wanted him to claim me weeks ago, with my damn heart out in the open, he thought I didn't deserve him or was it the other way around? Damn alcohol. I already feel even more buzzed. More than buzzed actually. I feel, brave, ready to face anything head on. Ready to make bad decisions. Reckless decisions. Dirty decisions.

I side step him and walk to the douche canoe and do something that I will entirely blame on the buzz I have going on since I downed the beer filled cup while Hunter was staking his claim on me, yet again, about three seconds ago. I hate to use the douche as a pawn in my need to enact revenge against the person who harbors my damn heart, but I need this. I move closer and immediately wrap my arms around his neck and smash my lips to his. His tongue immediately enters my mouth and it is a battle of tongues the way we are going until I am forcefully pulled from the guys embrace from someone who is definitely on the verge of burning the whole entire world down because of my action.

"Seriously Amber? Do you even have any standards?" He yells at me before walking away. I eye the guy who I just latched on to and mouth I'm sorry but he just eyes me with lust. I shake my head and disappear back into the crowd. I wanted Hunter to see he no longer has a right to just automatically decide, once again, for the both of us, that I am his. I make my way back to where I was before and watch as Reeve makes out with Chrissy and it makes my heart swell and also makes me irrationally jealous. I am not jealous of them per se, just the fact that they found each other while I have been sucked away from mine. I leave them to it not needing to be the third wheel and make my way out of the commotion and towards home which is not too far of a distance. I wrap my arms around myself and begin to shiver a little bit. How the hell did I wind up at such a crossroads as this? I need a distraction. I need something to not remind me of the hurt I have within my heart.

"Hey sweet thing. Want to finish what we started?" The douche canoe from before asks, still looking like he wants to devour me, while sliding up beside me and wrapping his arm around me. I turn to look at him and see that he is actually a tad bit cute. This will be a Coyote Ugly moment for me. I know I will most likely regret this is the morning but what the hell. What do I really have to lose? Absolutely nothing.

"Got a car?" I ask as he takes my hand in his and leads the way. He presses a button on his key fob and it unlocks. He slides in the back and I slide in after him. Before I lose my nerve, I straddle him and start moving against him painfully slowly, loving and feeding off his reaction. He groans his approval and I continue to rock into him while he caresses my ass with his hands. Kneading it, pinching it, grinding it further into his bulge. He grips it tightly and I moan. His big hands soon move up against my back, unclasping my bra in record time. My shirt gets pulled up swiftly up and over my head, immediately latching his mouth to one of my breasts as he squeezes the other one.

"Oh f**k, I'm so close." I whimper while continuing grinding on him, the friction heightening my impending o****m, the feeling being so good, when a thunderous pounding is heard on the window.

"Go away!" The douche yells immediately continuing his assault on my breast. I am so close to the edge that I moan even louder, gripping the guys neck, but, whoever was banging tears open the door and pulls me out, immediately shoving his shirt at me, leaving him sans shirt.

"Stay in the f*****g car or I will end you." He yells. The guy has a raging boner and remains there uttering curse words, looking from him to me. Before I can even fathom unleashing fury, Hunter grabs me by my hand and pulls me all the way back to the house. I can barely keep up but I somehow manage. I am scared to say a word because right now, he is too far gone with rage. He bursts through the door, pulling me through, bypassing all the looks coming from every direction. He spears me through the house, up the stairs, and immediately shoves me into the bathroom, locking the door and turning on the water to the shower. I stand by the sink just watching him. He inspects the temperature and when he deems it perfect, he tears apart my clothes, not caring if he tears anything, watching as they scatter across the floor, lifting me in his arms and throwing me down into the shower. He takes the loofah in his hand, pouring soap onto it, and scrubbing me from head to toe, grunting like a man on a mission. He scrubs ferociously but I still don't say a word. I have no room to protest. His angry gaze with black orbs for eyes has me silent. Once I am completely soapless, he turns the shower off, not even caring he is wet himself, practically drenched from scrubbing me clean, grabs a towel wrapping it around my body and lifting me to take me out of the bathroom and straight into his room.

He kicks the door closed, locks it, and places me down, stripping the towel from my body. I stand there shivering while I watch his rage fueled eyes look me up and down while he strips out of his own wet clothes, standing there completely naked along with me. His hand wraps around my throat and I can see the inner turmoil swirling in his eyes. He either wants to literally choke me with his bare hand or is on the verge of igniting hell. He just continues to hold me by the throat but he doesn't squeeze. He holds me there until he finds the power to speak.

"You shouldn't have done that."

Yep, I'm a goner.