Irrevocably HERS

Chapter Twelve

I stand there with what feels like a knife wound to the chest. I look down to see if there is indeed a knife sticking out of my chest but there isn't. My heart aches for everything I had put her through, for everything I had done during a moment of weakness. I ruined her, I ruined us. There's no coming back from that. Feeling defeated, I walk back to the garage and begin working on Reeve's truck, knowing the faster it is done, the faster she'll be on her way out of my life again because what I had done is unforgivable. The anger and hurt within her eyes had my chest caving in.

"Bossman, that s**t was crazy. I mean you can't make this stuff up. My eyes nearly bugged out of my head when I heard Amber's name and then seen her face and I'm like, what?!." Tyler says not even the least bit concerned at the fact that I may be staring at him as if I were about to pounce on him and shut his damn mouth. I simply grunt out a response, yet he still yammers away while I release a long sigh gripping the wrench in my hands tightly.

"Go ahead home Tyler. I got it from here." I say, trying so hard to dismiss him but he won't budge.

"Look, bossman, I know you are conflicted right now. I mean everything happening with Vicky, and now your first girl showing up again." He says and that comment right there makes me see red.

"There is nothing going on with Vicky alright?! She was there. That's it. There is no love between us and if she thinks there is then she has another thing coming. There are other men out there for the taking. I am not settling down with her. Never thought about it. Never considered it. Got it?" I spit, my tone downright murderous. Tyler takes a step back, nodding his understanding. I don't mean to take my anger out on him but when that name is said, I want to punch someone or something. Yet again I succumbed to carnal needs and now I am basically screwed because the girl is a type A classic clinger.

"Ok, then, I'll just get going. Sorry if I pissed you off. Many no disrespect man. If you need help just give me a ring. Merry Christmas bossman." He says and I release the breath I didn't even realize I was holding and instantly feel guilty.

"Wait, hold on." I say as I take an envelope out of my back pocket. I hand it to him watching his face now full of curiosity.

"You may not know when to shut the hell up but you are a pretty damn good worker. You earned it Tyler. Merry Christmas." I say as he opens the envelope and a look of shock plasters on his face. He looks to me and nods, unable to speak. Tyler is a good guy. Came to work for Sam and I after high school. Has been the best since. Always ready for a challenge. He's got his hands full right now with his fiancé and a baby on the way. Even so, he always comes to work early, gets everything done for our customers in record time, and is a good friend. A friend in my corner since I have no one else.

So what if he doesn't know how to bite his tongue?

He smiles at me before leaving to go home and once he is gone, the full weight of Amber being here once again falls down on me where for a moment, I find it hard to breathe. She's gotten even more gorgeous with time. Her beauty was once mine and I had to ruin it all. My phone starts blasting my ringtone and when I look at the caller ID, I cringe.

Vicky.

Not wanting to speak to her, I let it go to voicemail, along with the four other times she has called me. I ignore all her texts too. A couple of times we were together and yet she has created some illusion in her head that we are meant to be. I clearly stated from the beginning nobody was to catch feelings. I know I haven't, even if it makes me sound like a jackass.

I continue working on the truck until my eyes won't remain open any longer. The exhaustion creeps up and I decide to call it a night. I place my tools back where they belong and lock up, heading home to get my bearings and to hopefully fall into a deep, deep sleep. However, with all the thoughts jumbled up in my head, I barely sleep a wink.

The next day drags on with me being in the garage working on the last of the kinks in Reeve's truck, and working on another car that was left a few days prior. I manage to get everything in order for both customers and feel pretty damn proud of myself. With me being frustrated and all with the current position I am in, I pretty much focused everything on the work that was needed to be done, which allowed me to think clearer. It gave me time to reevaluate my life. Knowing now what needs to be done in order for my life to have meaning once again, I grab the keys to Reeve's truck and drive to his parents house. Only reason why I know where they live is because Mr. Mills, Reeve's dad, is a customer of mine. His dad is the number one vintage car enthusiast, and has brought me many prized possessions to be looked at or helped to have fixed.

I am not even sure what the hell he does with all of them once they leave my garage. The most prized possession of his is his 1967 Pontiac Firebird. I know for certain no amount of money in the world would have made him ever part with that. That car must be under lock and key.

I park outside their house and figure this is the only way to see her, since she is spending the holidays with them. I climb up the steps and ring the bell, my heart pretty much on my sleeve, and the nerves getting the better of me where I forget what the hell I will say. Mr. Mills opens the door for me and his eyes widen.

"Good evening Mr. Mills. Your son brought his car over for some work and I just wanted to personally deliver it to him. I know he has to head back to campus after the holidays so I wanted to make sure everything was done in a timely manner." I say as I watch as he looks over my shoulder at his sons car.

"Honey, who's at the door?" Mrs. Mills calls out as she makes her way to the door to see for herself.

"Hunter! My goodness! It is freezing outside! Come in come in. We are just sitting down for dinner. Please do join us." She says as I try to back out to make it seem like I do not want to impose even though it is exactly what I want to do. She dismisses my attempt and practically pulls me inside.

"Reeve, dear, please set out another plate. We have company." She says cheerily as she pulls me towards the dining room and I watch everyone's face fall, but realize Amber isn't at the dinner table yet. I hear the steps creaking and when I turn around to look, she is descending, now slowly once her eyes fall on me. She gets down and makes her way past me to sit at the table, clearly fuming on the inside. I can feel her irritability.

"Go ahead Hunter, go sit. Food will be out in a jiffy." She says and I do as I am told. I take my seat next to Reeve, across from Amber. She doesn't even attempt to make eye contact with me. Chrissy is beside herself, glaring daggers at Reeve thinking he had something to do with this and I can see his anxiety heighten. He glares at me for the imposition I put him and his family in. Oh well. Not scared of you buddy.

Dinner is served and we all make small talk, yet Amber still decides to never look in my direction. It is as if I am not even here. My heart flutters at just looking at her, but sinks knowing she hates me this much.

"So, I hear wedding bells are in the air." Mrs. Mills says as Chrissy begins to choke on her food while Amber pats her back. Reeve looks like a deer caught in headlights as he looks from his mom to Chrissy then to his dad.

"No no. Not you silly." Mrs. Mills says and I appear to be confused.

"A little birdie told me Vicky is in the midst of wedding plans to a certain somebody at this table." She looks to me and winks and I swear all the delicious food I had just eaten is starting to make its way back up my throat.

"Mom. No." Reeve says, wiping his hair with his hand and shaking his head, and she just dismisses him.

"So when are you going to put that poor girl out of her misery and make an honest woman out of her Hunter?" She says and I want to fade away at this point. Amber now decides to look at me and once again I am hit by hurt eyes.

Why can't anything ever go right for me?

"If you'll excuse me." She says as the chair scratches along the floor, fleeing from the room like her life depended on it. I hear the sound of her running up the stairs and I want to chase after her but remain frozen in place.

"Why did you have to say anything mom?" Reeve says exasperatedly as she just looks at her son confused.

"What? You know me. I like to help love find it's way. What's so wrong with that?" She says. I deflate in my seat as Reeve just stares at her with a blank face.

"What's wrong with that is the fact that Amber was Hunter's first love mom. She doesn't need to hear his relationship status while trying to enjoy a home cooked meal." Reeve states and the woman's eyes grow big as saucers as she looks to me and then to the empty seat left by Amber.

"Oh my. I am so sorry Hunter. I didn't know. Oh my poor Amber." She says as her husband just places a hand on her shoulder and squeezes to say I've got you. I peel back my chair in an attempt to go to her but I hear the front door close. I immediately run for my jacket and rush out the door only to find the street empty. Reeve comes barreling behind me just as worried. It is nighttime and she hasn't been here for a good four years. Where the hell is she going to go?

"Do you know where she would go Reeve?" I ask, half expecting for him to have an answer but he remains quiet because he knows there wouldn't be anywhere to go. I curse under my breath and make my way out.

"Bring her back!" Chrissy yells from behind Reeve to me and I look back and nod my head. Chrissy loves Amber and would do anything for her. I am just happy she has had them all this time. I walk around pretty much the whole damn neighborhood, looking inside the coffee shop, in the small park, even down some seedy unlit corners but she is nowhere to be found. It's getting colder outside and I can barely feel my hands. I am about to admit defeat until I see a small body sitting in front of the garage and my heart stops beating. All I can see is her small frame holding herself while rocking back and forth.

She's freezing to death.

I run to her and pull her to me as I dig for my keys to open the door. Once inside, I guide her up to the office and immediately turn up the heat. She sits down on the couch as I watch and wait for her to begin feeling the warmth, as I take a seat at the desk. It takes a while but we sit in silence until I don't hear her teeth chattering anymore.

"Would you like anything to drink?" I say as her gaze whips to me. It's like the sound of my voice ignited a raging inferno inside her and made her come back to me yet I sit here terrified, as her eyes bore through me with a high intensity.

Me. A grown ass man, terrified of her.

She peels off the jacket she has on and rises off the couch. The couch that I slept on when I couldn't bear to go back to her all those years ago. She paces back and forth, her face unreadable.

"Why?" Her voice blankets me but I don't understand the question.

"Why what?" I ask and once I do, I berate myself because now I understand. She narrows her eyes at me, storming over to slam her hands onto my desk.

"Don't act like a dipshit for once Hunter. I need to know why you never came back. I need to know why my heart could never feel an ounce of feeling toward any other guy I thought I wanted more from. I need to know the answer to the question that has haunted me from that day. Relieve my pain Hunter, once and for all so I can have some semblance of closure and move on with my life." She says with such fire in her eyes that soon evaporate as she removes her hands and closes in on herself as she wraps her arms around her body.

"I'm happy you have moved on and are starting a family. I really am." She says and that just knocks the breath right out me.

"The hell are you talking about Amber? I am not or nowhere capable of moving on, especially marrying someone that isn't the other half of my soul." I respond, feeling my insides flame, my hands balling into fists beside me.

"Drop the act Hunter. You don't need to spare my feelings. I'm a big girl." She says as she just looks around the small office. Her beauty is breathtaking and all I want is to walk around this desk, grab her, kiss her, and never let her go.

"I messed up that night. s**t Amber, I messed up countless nights. I was a stupid teenager then. I kept assuming everything that went on around me was done just to hurt me. You going off to college, somehow, in my f****d up head, made me believe that it would end us. I was envisioning a life together while you were desperate to live a life without me and it hurt. I didn't know how to navigate my feelings so I did the only thing I knew how to do and ran. I always ran when s**t hit the fan. I wanted a life with you and I couldn't wrap my head around why you wanted to leave me but then by the time I realized how selfish I sounded, I found myself spiraling. I drank way too much that night and how I ever made it back there is still a blur to this day. I would have never done that if I had been right in the head. I f****d up so bad. I never would have even considered sleeping with someone else, let alone a newbie to the household." I say and she just laughs.

"You know I would have gone to the local community college because that is how much I wanted us to have a future. I had seen the letter when I got home and figured, you know what? At least I attempted to apply to college. I got in to two different places and knowing how much I loved you, I wanted to stay with you. I was so proud of the fact that I had done something for me for once instead of remaining in a ball of misery and despair over my parents death. I would have been just fine majoring in English Lit over here and that would have been the news that I would have told you if you had ever come home to at least talk to me. I loved you Hunter and I wanted a life for us too. I saw us with a house, yard, kids, making happy memories. I never told you that because the thought of being remotely happy made me feel like I was being selfish also, but then I thought, maybe my parents brought me to you because they knew you would piece me back together. It was a hopeful thought. As soon as I had seen you in bed with her, I knew my hopeful thought was just my imagination. There was never going to be a happy ending for us. You made damn sure of that." She says with such venom that it feels like more stabbing to my heart.

"You know my parents left me a trust fund? Yeah, I couldn't believe it myself. Sophie told me the day of my graduation. I smiled, graciously accepted everything that was offered to me once I officially graduated, but the smile never met my eyes she said. She knew what had happened and told me she told you off but I didn't even c***k a smile. With the money I had, I thought distance would help me heal because I now had the money to support myself. Don't get me wrong, it did, slowly. I managed to go out on a couple of dates. Found myself laughing again. Found myself even considering a serious relationship only to let him down after the third date because my head was all in but this stupid organ right here wasn't. My heart was never in it because you still held it. After all the hurt, all the pain, all the countless numbers of hours crying over you and for you, my heart still declared it was yours. Now, I see that your heart was never mine. You kept living your best life. You moved on. You are proposing to someone. I guess that's that then. I'm going to go. I just wanted to finalize this." She says and grabs her jacket but I literally pounce out of my seat and barricade the door. There was no hesitation. I leaped like a damn frog to get to her.

"You aren't going anywhere Amber. You are back. You are within reaching distance. I never thought I would have you back here or did I ever think you would come back. You aren't leaving me. I could handle one time. I don't think I'd survive a second time." I say, more like plead. I reach for her arms but she pulls away. I move forward only for her to keep walking backward, right into my desk. I close the space between us and reach my hand out to grasp the back of her neck and tilt her head up to meet my eyes.

"You are the other half to my soul. You are the only one I want to live my life with. What do I have to do to make you believe that? I'll walk on hot coals to prove to you that I have changed and that version of me who was always selfish is long dead and gone. You need to go back to school and graduate and I am okay with that because I will be here waiting for you. I've seen the errors of my ways and if it takes me a lifetime to apologize then so be it because you will be here with me, at least, that is what I am hoping. s**t Amber I love you. It's that plain and simple. I love everything about you. Always have and always will. Just please, please tell me you will consider my undying love for you." I say as I lower my head to softly press my lips to hers. She is apprehensive at first but her resolve quickly dies when the kiss becomes more heated.

Our tongues duel for dominance as we both tear at our clothing, as if we were both working based on pure animal instinct. She is now perched on my desk wearing nothing but panties and a shiver runs down my spine with her beauty. She's definitely changed over the course of the years. Breasts bigger, hips wider, legs more toned. Her hair is still the same. Black straight down to her chest. I can't contain the tent in my pants that wants nothing more to dive right into her, but this is amount her seeing that I need her just as much as she needs me and I am here at her beck and call to deliver on the promise that I made.

I will treat her like the queen that she is, which is what I do as I drop to my knees, totally disregarding the iron bar down below, and take in her essence. I lap at her core before tearing her panties to shreds before feasting on her like a man starved. Her heads falls back as I rest her legs on my shoulders. She grips me, positioning my face where she needs it to be and I suck, gnaw, flick against her until her legs enclose me with her o****m. I continue lapping at everything she has to offer until her breathing slows. Her eyes are hooded when I stand up and release my length only to drive into her without remorse. There is no slow and sensual right now. Hopefully we have the rest of our lives for that. Right now, I need her like I need oxygen to breath.

She drops onto the table and cries out her pleasure that I absorb while impaling her. I don't want this to end yet so I tentatively slow my pace and just watch as I glide in and out of her. She writhes beneath me and I can sense she is close but I want us to come undone together. I lift her up, her legs immediately wrapping around me, her arms around my neck, with myself still fully seated within her, and I back her against the wall, pull out and immediately drive back into her. She claws at my back and I just watch her as she watches me. With both of us close, so close to the edge, she grabs my head and smashes her lips to mine, fusing together as one entity, and when we are at the precipice, the point of no return, we fall off together, each of us shattering harder than ever before. I unload everything I have into her while she completely detonates onto me. We remain there for a beat, coming down from our high, both tired as hell, but so completely filled.

I move us to the couch, not minding that it can barely fit my large body anymore and scoop her into me, relishing in the fact that her scent is wafting through my nose once again, and her taste is still on my lips. I snuggle her into me and we both drift off to sleep, not ushering a word to each other because what we did right there was everything we could say in words if we wanted.

Too bad happy times never last for me.

I awaken the next morning by myself, the room void of the woman who has the power to bring me to my knees. I surely thought she would stay. I surely thought this was the beginning of a true happily ever after. What the hell did I do wrong this time? Did I misinterpret everything? Was that our final embrace? She wanted closure. That may as well have been closure for her, but not for me. I groan, get dressed, and make my way downstairs only to come to a stop when I see none other than Vicky standing with her arms crossed against her body, her face filled with anger.

"Mind telling me why the f**k some other girl ran out of your office like someone lit a match under her ass?" She says as I wipe my face with my hand not wanting to deal with her.

"If that wasn't hint enough that we are over, then I don't know what will cut it. I told you from the start that what we did was purely s*x. Nothing more." I say as I bypass her and open the door to show her out. She doesn't seem phased by what I had just said and just gives me a smirk like she is up to something.

"Don't worry Hunter. I told her exactly how much you love me, how much we need each other, considering you are going to be a father now." She says and once again, my world gets knocked to its core, leaving me gut wrenched.